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Hen Jokes

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is ...

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A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too

Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head. Farmer yells , "You deserve it, you horny bastard!"

The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky and whispers , ...

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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster...

and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd b...

I had a hen who could count her own eggs..

She was a mathmachicken.

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Egg and hen.

The egg and the hen are sitting in the waiting room. The nurse comes out and asks, so who was first? The egg turns red and says, fuck you with this already.

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce?

A chicken caesar salad

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A guy and a hen enter a bar together

They sit down at the table. The hen has extraordinarily long legs.

The waiter asks the guy what he wants.

The guy, with a sad and tired expression asks for a black coffee and a slice of applepie.

The hen promptly says: "I'll have the same, thanks".

The waiter is amazed by...

When is a hen following the letter W

That’s it

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What did the horny hen say?

Any cock’ll doodle do!!

*courtesy of my 62 year old roommate*

If a mother chicken is called a hen, what is a father chicken called?

Henry

There are usually a hundred hens on a farm...

... and only one rooster. After all the rooster is just meant for mating, and useless apart from that.

One day, the farmer decided that the current rooster is getting old, and bought a new younger rooster in.

The old rooster, upon seeing the new, younger rooster, got angry.

"Wh...

how did the chicken take over the hen house?

in a coop d’etat

What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs?

A Mathmachicken.

My kid told me that and it made me chuckle.

A dyslexic cat broke into a hen house

It was an absolute fluster cluck

There was a hen that had fever

she laid boiled eggs

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What do you call a hen with a shield?

A cock blocker

Two farmers, One hen.

There once was a farmer who owned a hen, this hen would occasionally wander over to his neighbour's property.

One day the hen laid an egg along the property line and , right in front of the farmer, the neighbour walked over and picked up the egg. A battle of words ensues.

Farmer: why a...

What does an evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs!

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a Male Hen

It was Passover and the priest had lost his Rooster and didn't know where to find it. So at the sermon on Good Friday he asked, "Has anybody got the cock?" All the men stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen the cock?" All the women folk stood up. "No! no! I mean has anybody seen my cock?"
...

A hen lays a shockingly huge egg.

News reporters visit the hen for an interview. “This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of!

Do you have any goals for the future?”

“Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly.

“And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters app...

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The Hen Joke

Sorry if this is a retread, but I've always liked this one...

Dave comes home after a long night of drinking at his favorite bar. His wife is asleep, so he tiptoes into the dark bedroom, undresses, puts on his pajamas, and slips into bed beside her. Moments later, he becomes aware of a tall...

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Dedicated to Amber Heard

After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and ...

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Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately." ...

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What do you call a rooster watching his hen get fucked by another rooster?

A cluckold.

A hen walks into a library

Walks up to the librarian and says “book”, the librarian looks a little confused but gets a book and gives to the hen, who tucks it under her wing and then walks out.

The hen comes back in the next day, walks up to the librarian and goes “book book book” the librarian is amazed and hands over...

Why did the hen fall in the well?

she couldn't see that well

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Why did the hen share her crayons with the rooster?

So the cock could doodle too

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A hen and an egg had just had sex.

Afterwards when they were lying in bed when the hen said:
"Well, now we know the answer to that old question."

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3 mothers are talking: a hen, a cow, and a bitch

They’re bragging about how important they are to humanity.

The hen says “I give people eggs, the most popular breakfast ever, and when I die I can feed a family for a night.”

The cow says “that’s nothing, my milk gets drank at any meal, humans make it into yogurt and all sorts of bak...

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A farmer buys a cock to breed his hens...

The first day the cock fucks every hen of the farmer.
Needless to say the farmer is amazed.
The second day the cock fucks every hen plus the geese.
Needless to say the farmer is impressed and a bit worried about the cock...
Then, at the evening of the third day the cock is laying motio...

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A city slicker buys a farm…

…and walks to his neighbor to buy some farm animals. He tells his neighbor that he wants a rooster and a hen. The neighbor says, “Ok, but we don’t call them that around here, we call a rooster a cock and a hen a pullet.”

He then asks for a donkey but again the neighbor says, “Ok, but we call ...

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Caribbean hens are so rude

Damn jerk chickens

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Why don't hens have boobs

Because roosters don't have hands

How did the rooster meet the hen?

Chicken tinder....

Brother Hen!

A guy goes to the Doctors and he says "Doctor, I'm really worried about my brother, he thinks he's a Hen "
The Doctor says "well have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?", and the guy says "Don't be stupid, we need the eggs "

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A man goes to an animal market

He goes up to a rooster seller and buys a rooster.

The seller hands it to him and says, "Oh, in this business, we call it a cock".

The man takes note and goes to buy a hen from a seller.

The seller hands it to him after paying and tells him "By the way, in this business, we call...

I once had a hen that could count her own eggs... (BPI)

She was a **mathema-chicken.**



\- Brought to you by the Bad Puns Initiative (BPI)

What does a hen wear to work.

A hen tie

Two women are on their way home smashed after a hen night

Stumbling around, as they wander home they become desperate for a wee. They pass a graveyard, and deciding its the only place they can be sure nobody will see them, they go in.

They go for a whizz, and woman one used her panties to clean up before discarding them behind a bush. Woman 2, worri...

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Between a hen and an egg, which came first?

Nonw, it was the cock

A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: ...

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When I walked into my kitchen in the middle of the night, I caught my pet hen masturbating in front of the open fridge.

I guess the chicken came before the eggs.

A hen walks into Subway

The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."

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A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

Asked a hen how many eggs it lays daily?

It said: two eggs

I said: Oh strange!

It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs?

I said: no, the fact that you talk

What do you call an abusive mother hen?

An egg beater

One day mother hen laid an orange.

When they saw it all the other chickens said, "Look what marmalade."

I bought some french hens recently, but it’s very frustrating that so far they’ve only laid a single egg

Un oeuf is enough.

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A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.

He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before set...

A farmer bought a rooster to service his hens.

So, this farmer went out and bought a new rooster as a stud rooster. Every day, the farmer watched the rooster go service all the hens, then the rooster would start in on the pigs, the sheep, the cows, it would mate with them all. The farmer always shook his head and said, "One of these days.. one o...

I buy chicks but not hens.

A chick's a little cheeper

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,” said the woman.

“What a coincidence!” sai...

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What do you call a hen that acts like an asshole?

Jerk chicken

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Kellyanne Conway walks into the Red Hen for dinner

She's about to butter her bread when she summons over the waiter. She asks, "Do you have any margarine?" The waiter replies, "Sorry, we don't serve alternative fats"

What do you call a hen that can add, subtract, and multiply?

A mathamachicken.

What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs?

Chicken tenders.

What happens when you cross a bull with a hen?

A dead hen.

Why are hens so good at fire drills?

They always know where to egg sit.

Why did the French Hen give up her job?

One day she'd just had un œuf.

Hens were often used in the Revolutionary War to identify colonists that were loyal to the Crown.

You never learned about chicken-catch-a-Tory?

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Did you hear about the man with a rooster, a hen and a donkey?

He asked a guy on the street, "Hey, can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

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What kind of porn do roosters watch?

Hen-tai

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“When the male genetalia is called cock, then why female genetalia is not called as hen ?”

“Sir, just one advice before you leave . Next time in interview , when they ask if you have any questions . It’s about the company or your potential role in it “

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What do you call it when two Japanese hens finish a race at the same time?

A hen-tie

A couple of hens were discussing the days events...

... One of the hens is flustered and worried, so she tells the other hen, "I think one of us is gonna get it! I heard Farmer Brown tell Neighbour Jones that he was gonna stay home and choke the chicken tonight!"

A hen walks into a library...

...and says, *"Book!"*. The librarian finds this odd, but gives the hen a book of their choice anyway, and the hen leaves.

The next day, the hen comes back and says, *"Bookbookbook!"*. The librarian, still dumbfounded, gives the hen three books and the hen leaves again.

The next day,...

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...

What sound does a French hen make when it lays an egg?

Oeuf.

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A farmer went to the market to buy a rooster to mate with his hens

Another farmer sold him one and warned him how horny the rooster was.

The farmer took the rooster home and as soon as he put it into the pen, it has sex with every chicken. 10 minutes later it then had sex with every chicken again. Out of fear for the health of his chickens, he put it in a se...

Why did the Hen make her Rooster cross the road?

Because he was using fowl language.

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A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

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Did you hear about the Rooster who walked into the hen-house on Easter morning?

He saw all the colored eggs, then went over and beat the hell out of the Peacock.

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A farmer who raised chickens had just bought a young rooster and put it in his coop...

Soon the young rooster struts up to the old one and says, "Okay you old fart, time for you to retire. I'm in charge of the hens, now."

"Are you sure?" the old rooster asks, "It's pretty challenging watching over all these hens and keeping them in line, especially for a youngster who doesn't h...

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A dirty Easter Joke,,,

A rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, ta...

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A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

A gaggle of geese, a brood of hens, what do you call a group of turkeys?

A corporation.

I used to run a dating service for chickens

but I was struggling to make hens meet.

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