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Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.

They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about...

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

I hate Russian dolls

They’re so full of themselves.

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner, she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced ...

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The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bi...

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I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

He said, "Aisle B, back."

What do you call a line up of dolls?

A Barbie Queue

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What do you get if you buy an iron sex doll?

Titanus

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Yesterday, I got one of those extremely authentic, hyper-realistic sex dolls- and she’s so life-like it’s almost eerie!

For instance, as soon as I got her home last night she told me we should just be friends...

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

Did you hear about the new Barbie doll they are releasing?

"Divorced" Barbie it's called. Comes with all Ken's accessories

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[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

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I bought a blow up sex doll yesterday

But had to return it because she turned out to be a lesbian

What does every Tickle Me Elmo doll receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles...

My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me.

I think he's pulling my leg.

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Bought myself one of those blow up sex dolls the other day..

I bit her and she went down on me.

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box

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I recent purchased a sex doll.

It really took a load off my wifes back.

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

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A wife gets drunk one night and thinking it would be a bit of fun, buys a voodoo doll of her husband.

She staggers home, drops the doll on the floor and falls in to bed. The next morning she wakes up, oblivious to what she had done the previous night.

Over the course of the next few days the husband experiences some very weird occurrences. He randomly develops cuts and bruises all over his b...

My girfriends a blow up doll

She takes my breath away

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Isis sent me a sex doll today

It's great! It blows it self up.

How do you fix a doll with a broken face?

Plastic surgery.

I have bought myself a very realistic inflatable doll...

...she was so realistic, that she told me we will be just friends.

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Blow Up Dolls.

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat\-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.

So she used "blow\-up" dolls instead....

Have you seen the new #metoo doll for sale?

Pull her string and 10 years later she talks.

A muscular man walks into the bar with a tiny ragged doll

"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
“A whiskey, neat, keep it coming” orders the muscular man.
One drinks after another, the bartender finally gathers the courage to ask.
"Why did you carry that tiny ragged doll around?
No offence sir, but one would normally assume it’s not yours...

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."

the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' ...

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in another box.

I saw a talking muslim doll in the toy store

I asked the shop owner what it was supposed to say.

"Dunno" he said. "Nobody dared to pull the cord so far."

I was at a voodoo store looking to buy an Afrikan juju doll. I couldn't decide which one I wanted, so I stuffed them down my pants, one by one until I got to one that aroused me. It was at this point I knew...

That's my fetish.

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Sex doll

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'
Customer says , 'Female.'
Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?
Customer says , 'White.'
Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'
Customer says , 'What the hell does religi...

I've fallen head over heels in love with a ventriloquists doll.

But unfortunately,she's already spoken for.

Sitting on a voodoo doll of yourself

Have fun getting back up

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Did you know ISIS has its own sex toy factory?

There specialise in blow up dolls

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[NSFW] My friend thought his sex doll had a cold because its nose was running...

Turns out it was just full.

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Two old guys decide to go out for drinks before they die.

Before Marty and Sam die they decide to go out for old times sake and just get properly gone showed at the bar. About 8 or 9 pints in Marty gets an idea. "Hey Sam, what do you say we get laid one more time before we clock out." Excited and drunk out of their minds they decide to go to the local whor...

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Blow-up dolls

I went to my local sex shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help? 


I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female? 


I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette? 


I said blonde. The...

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A businessman is getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knows his wife is always horny, so he decides to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He ...

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What's the best part about Islamic sex dolls?

They blow themselves up

What do you call a group of people in line for a plastic doll?

A barbie-queue!

There was a long line at the doll factory the other day.

They were having a barbecue.

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When a woman gets a vibrator

It's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.

What do you call a life sized miss piggy doll?

Amy Schumer on a good day

Why do blow up dolls cost so damn much?

Inflation.

I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version..

It blows itself up..

Do you ever get a shooting pain through your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it?

No?


How about now?


Now?

Did you hear about the new TV adaptation of Fiddler on the Roof, sponsored by Real Doll?

"Snatchmaker, Snatchmaker, make me a snatch."

My Donald J. Trump doll finally arrived.

It was manufactured in China, then shipped to Russia for special handling.

Did you hear about that guy who got killed in a rice field by a hitman with a porcelain doll?

Police are saying it's the first known case of a knick-knack-paddy-wack.

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I've decided on a name for my new Real Doll(sex-bot).

eClaire.

"Why?"

Because she'll be electronic and cream filled.

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There's something sinister about the woman who stands next to me at the male sex doll factory

She gives me the willies

What's the worst thing about Babushka Dolls?

They're full of themselves..

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[NSFW] What's the difference between a sex doll and a store mannequin?

Persistence.

A mobster killed an Irishman with a porcelain doll

He was accused of knick-knack paddy whack

Did you hear about the 3 new types of Barbie dolls?

There's tall, short, and great personality

What is so brilliant with a Arabian blow-up doll?

They blow themselves up.