To whoever has my voodoo doll,

please hold its hand.

I hate Russian dolls.

They're just so full of themselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have purchased a new realistic sex doll.

She is so realistic that she only wants to be friends with me.

My wife called me at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, I replied, "No..."

She responded, "How about now?"

What do you call a line-up of dolls?

A barbeque.

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A man wants to buy an inflatable sex doll

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?” The customer says, “Female” The counter guy asks, “Black or white?” The customer says, “White” The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?” The customer says, “What the hell does religion...

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality

It’s so full of itself

(real-life joke) My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing with her dolls...

Having a great time cooking a great meal in imagination-land (toy room) when things got real.

Daughter - "Hey Dad, Let's throw the old food in the field to feed the animals."

Me - "Good idea, that would be nice so they get some food too."

Daughter - *throws a few pieces of fake...

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

Sure, they're popular, but I don't like Russian dolls.

They're always so full of themselves, which I think is a pretty unattractive trait.

One of my art students made a voodoo doll of me after I SPECIFICALLY told her not to.

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back.

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Voodoo doll

When you're specially horny somedays, it's quite possible someone's licking the crotch of your Voodoo doll.

It's fairly normal if you talk to your dolls and toys.

It's totally not if they talk back.

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant: “How much is Barbie?”

“Well,” she says. “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”

“Hey, hang on,” the guy asks. “Why is Divorced Barbie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If your sex doll gets a runny nose, it's not because she's sick

Its because she's full

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Did you hear about the plan to use sex dolls to defeat ISIS?

They blow themselves up.

Used one of the kids dolls to play snooker

It's now a Barbie-cue

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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

I took my blow up doll back to the shop, and said

"I only had this blown up for half an hour and it went down on me!"

The guy was most unsympathetic and said that if he'd known that, he'd have charged me an extra $30.

Told my wife she reminds me of a Russian Doll

She said “because of my beautiful skin?”

I said “No, you’re full of yourself.”

A little girl was in a store to buy a Barbie doll for her birthday.

The shop owner said to her as a special treat you can choose another doll as well, Little girl says, can I have a GI Joe, shop owner says I thought Barbie came with Ken?, Little girl says no she comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken.

I asked my doll if it was possessed

I'm glad it said no

What did the Matryoshka dolls say to the bottle of Vodka when it gave it a kiss?

I feel like we are Russian things.

Once I forgot to bring my ventriloquist dummy to a show and I had use a voodoo doll of myself,

It was a pain in the hole.

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A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, all dolled-up, dog put out, etc.

The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog jumps back into the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's jus...

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The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bi...

911 - A Parody Of Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis


Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!


The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,


I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!


9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!


...

Did you hear the joke about the Russian Dolls?

You probably won't get it. It's an inside joke.

What do you get when you cross Barbie with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A doll with a yeast infection.

What is the difference between a normal blow up doll and an Arabian blow up doll?

Arabian ones blow themselves up.

See the new "recently divorced" Barbie doll you can now get?

She comes with Ken's Corvette.

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There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone...

because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I bought this sex doll online from an ex ISIS guy.

Really easy, these dolls blow themselves up!

Whats another name for a blowup doll.

Plastic bag

Waking up just in time for the election

William Holsfermeyer was frozen in 1990, waiting for a cure for his fatal condition. The doctors chose Independence Day to bring him back.

\-Mister Holfsermeyer, can you hear me?.

\-Mmmmfpppffff!.

\-Yes, yes!. That is good. Let me remove the tube from your mouth. Better now?....

Why did the Goo Goo Dolls cross the road?

To get to the other Slide. Sorry for my bad joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll.

I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

The test

Students in a design school were doing the final test. The assingment was to design some piece of furniture. They started. Someone was designing a couch, someone a bed, but one student was drawing a bunch of dolls in a strait line. The proffesor was surprised and he asked the student if he knew what...

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

He said, "Aisle B, back."

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I was arrested for pushing the demo button on an Elmo doll.

He accused me of touching his test-tickles.

Why aren’t Barbie dolls made of plastic anymore

Because the Kardashian’s took it all

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

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I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

wanna hear a story? once upon a time, a kid had a dolphin doll

fin.

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I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

I told the bartender he could borrow my blowup doll any time he wanted. "Eugh! That's disgusting!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah..." I said. "But you were pretty quick to jump on my ex-girlfriend weren't you?"

I had a realistic King Louie doll.

Then it's head fell off, making it even more realistic.

What do you call a bunch of dolls waiting in line?

A Barbie queue

What do you call a cabbage patch doll with a yeast infection?

Saurkrout

I guess it's time to get myself a new blow-up doll.

This one's nearly full.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday, I got one of those extremely authentic, hyper-realistic sex dolls- and she’s so life-like it’s almost eerie!

For instance, as soon as I got her home last night she told me we should just be friends...

I saw a talking muslim doll in the toy store

I asked the shop owner what it was supposed to say.

"Dunno" he said. "Nobody dared to pull the cord so far."

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father on his way home suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the salesperson, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shoppi...

Old Men

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager:
'Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you buy an iron sex doll?

Titanus

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When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun

BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife gets drunk one night and thinking it would be a bit of fun, buys a voodoo doll of her husband.

She staggers home, drops the doll on the floor and falls in to bed. The next morning she wakes up, oblivious to what she had done the previous night.

Over the course of the next few days the husband experiences some very weird occurrences. He randomly develops cuts and bruises all over his b...

My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me.

I think he's pulling my leg.

What does every Tickle Me Elmo doll receive before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recent purchased a sex doll.

It really took a load off my wifes back.

My girfriends a blow up doll

She takes my breath away

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in another box.

How do you fix a doll with a broken face?

Plastic surgery.

Why do barbie dolls have purple nips?

Because GI Joes have kung fu grips ...

Have you seen the new #metoo doll for sale?

Pull her string and 10 years later she talks.

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