My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

She yelled back, "How about now?"

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken Came in another box.

Three crocheted dolls

Herb was tidying up the attic when he came across a box that he didn’t recognise.

He opened it up and found three crocheted dolls in it, lying on what looks like several hundred dollars of cash in small bills.

He takes the box down and asks Ruby, his wife of 47 years, whether she knows...

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by Pinocchio dolls?

A Gepettophile.

It was going great with my girlfriend until she started putting her Sylvester Stallone dolls in the middle of the bed.

Things have been a little Rocky between us ever since.

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These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

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How do you know when you're using your sex doll too often?

It develops a runny nose.

To whoever has my voodoo doll,

please hold its hand.

I hate Russian dolls

They're so full of themselves.

Guy was giving away free marionette dolls.

No strings attached.

Elsa dolls outsell Anna dolls in every country in the world, except Italy

because when Italians ask their kids which doll they want, they say “You wanta Anna or Elsa!”

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Did you guys hear about the new taliban inflatable sex dolls?

They blow themselves up!!!!

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What do you get when you cross the cabbage patch doll and the pillsbury doe boy?

A ugly little bitch with a yeast infection

I went to the acupuncturist the other day

When I got home my voodoo doll was dead

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I got a talking Dr. Oz doll!

You press the button and it goes *Quack Quack Quack.*

A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won’t get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who’s lying?

The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.

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Two little girls play in a park with their dolls.

Two little girls play in a park with their dolls. One of the two little girls says to her friend: "Where did you buy your doll?"
The friend replies: "At Walmart, mom got it for 200 dollars; and you?"
The first responds: "Mum got it for 300 dollars at Target".
They then see a lady pass by wi...

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner, she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced ...

Lady GaGa and the GooGoo Dolls are coming out with a children's album.

It's called GooGooGaGa

What did the German say after the golden living doll brought him his child back?

Edit: thanks for the Kind, gold stranger.

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My roommate claims that he caught me with a sex doll.

This is completely untrue and slanderous. He caught me with a sex action figure.

My blow up doll is ugly as sin

But she always manages to take my breath away

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What is a terrorist's favorite sex toy?

A blow-up doll

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

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When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun.

But when i order 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, im called a pervert.

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I have purchased a new realistic sex doll.

She is so realistic that she only wants to be friends with me.

(real-life joke) My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing with her dolls...

Having a great time cooking a great meal in imagination-land (toy room) when things got real.

Daughter - "Hey Dad, Let's throw the old food in the field to feed the animals."

Me - "Good idea, that would be nice so they get some food too."

Daughter - *throws a few pieces of fake...

A little girl was in a store to buy a Barbie doll for her birthday.

The shop owner said to her as a special treat you can choose another doll as well, Little girl says, can I have a GI Joe, shop owner says I thought Barbie came with Ken?, Little girl says no she comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken.

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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

A happy marriage

A man and woman had been married for more than sixty years. They had shared everything They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her abou...

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The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bi...

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality

It’s so full of itself

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When I found out who invented the sex dolls

I definitely did nazi that coming.

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A man wants to buy an inflatable sex doll

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. The guy behind the counter says, “Male or female?” The customer says, “Female” The counter guy asks, “Black or white?” The customer says, “White” The counter guy asks, “Christian or Muslim?” The customer says, “What the hell does religion...

What do you call a dog that manipulates dolls?

A puppyteer

Old woman on her deathbed

An old woman lays dying in the hospital after a long illness as her husband sits beside her. She says, "Darling, I want you to go home and look in my closet and pull down the box on the top shelf. I've been keeping a secret all these years."

The man goes home, pulls down the box and finds tha...

I asked my doll if it was possessed

I'm glad it said no

A mafia hitman...

A mafia hitman did a hit in the middle of a rice field with a porcelain doll.



It was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

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The economy is like a bow up doll.

You inflate it as much as you can, and then fuck it until it pops!

John was returning from work when he remembered that today was his daughter's birthday...

There was still time so he decided to quickly drive and buy a gift for her.
He went to the local supermarket and headed straight to the toys section in search of a toy his daughter would cherish.

He found employee there and asked his advise on which Barbie doll would make the best gift. ...

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

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Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

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My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

Sure, they're popular, but I don't like Russian dolls.

They're always so full of themselves, which I think is a pretty unattractive trait.

Used one of the kids dolls to play snooker

It's now a Barbie-cue

I took my blow up doll back to the shop, and said

"I only had this blown up for half an hour and it went down on me!"

The guy was most unsympathetic and said that if he'd known that, he'd have charged me an extra $30.

I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

He said, "Aisle B, back."

Once I forgot to bring my ventriloquist dummy to a show and I had use a voodoo doll of myself,

It was a pain in the hole.

See the new "recently divorced" Barbie doll you can now get?

She comes with Ken's Corvette.

Toys R Us

Said the stuffed Yoda doll to its stuffed padawans.

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll.

I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

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Two wasted guys walk into a brothel...

The seasoned madam sees the wasted men and tells her girls, "These fellas are hammered! Put them in the rooms with blow-up dolls. They'll never notice the difference due to their intoxication."

The girls do as instructed and escort the men into their room. A few minutes pass, the men finish u...

What do you call...

...a lineup of dolls waiting to take turns being grilled over an open fire?



a Barbie queue

What is the difference between a normal blow up doll and an Arabian blow up doll?

Arabian ones blow themselves up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I bought this sex doll online from an ex ISIS guy.

Really easy, these dolls blow themselves up!

Whats another name for a blowup doll.

Plastic bag

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I was arrested for pushing the demo button on an Elmo doll.

He accused me of touching his test-tickles.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in another box.

wanna hear a story? once upon a time, a kid had a dolphin doll

fin.

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Yesterday, I got one of those extremely authentic, hyper-realistic sex dolls- and she’s so life-like it’s almost eerie!

For instance, as soon as I got her home last night she told me we should just be friends...

Did you hear the joke about the Russian Dolls?

You probably won't get it. It's an inside joke.

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A wife gets drunk one night and thinking it would be a bit of fun, buys a voodoo doll of her husband.

She staggers home, drops the doll on the floor and falls in to bed. The next morning she wakes up, oblivious to what she had done the previous night.

Over the course of the next few days the husband experiences some very weird occurrences. He randomly develops cuts and bruises all over his b...

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I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

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La Tonga (NSFW)

Once upon a time there were two explorers, John Smith and James errmm..Smith ,doing what they did best....exploring. After 2 weeks of sailing they came to shore on what looked like a deserted island.

Hopping off, they eagerly went on a trek through the beautiful tropical forest before them. ...

What do you call a line up of dolls?

A Barbie Queue

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I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me.

I think he's pulling my leg.

I told the bartender he could borrow my blowup doll any time he wanted. "Eugh! That's disgusting!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah..." I said. "But you were pretty quick to jump on my ex-girlfriend weren't you?"

Why aren’t Barbie dolls made of plastic anymore

Because the Kardashian’s took it all

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I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

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What do you get if you buy an iron sex doll?

Titanus

I had a realistic King Louie doll.

Then it's head fell off, making it even more realistic.

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I recent purchased a sex doll.

It really took a load off my wifes back.

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father on his way home suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the salesperson, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shoppi...

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Blow-up dolls

I went to my local sex shop last night to get a new blow-up doll. As I was looking at them the clerk came up to me and asked if I needed help? 


I said yes and he asked if I wanted a male or female? 


I said a female and he asked blonde or brunette? 


I said blonde. The...

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