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Doll Jokes

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."

I responded, "How about now?"

I asked the toy store manager where's the Arnold Schwarzenegger doll

He said "Aisle B Back"

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Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

At a doll store

Man: "Do you work here?"

Lady: "Yes!"

"I need to buy a Barbie doll for my daughter. How much are they?"

"Which Barbie? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the ball for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes...

To whoever has my voodoo doll,

please hold its hand.

Why isn’t there a pregnant barbie doll?

Because Ken came in a different box

Divorced Barbie doll..

Comes with all Ken's stuff.

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Cabbage Patch Doll Diet

I’m losing weight but the little clothes are hard to pass.

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How do you tell when your sex doll is full?

Her eyes turn white.

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

Did you hear about the new Jewish Mother doll?

You pull the string and it says, "Again with the string?"

How to call a line of people waiting to buy the new Barbie doll at a toy store?

Barbecue

Buying a Barbie doll for my niece at a toy store

I asked the salesperson if Barbie came with Ken. She replied" Oh no. Barbie dates Ken. She comes with G.I. Joe."

A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won’t get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who’s lying?

The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.

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How do you know when you're using your sex doll too often?

It develops a runny nose.

I found my son playing with a voodoo doll.

He had already promised that he would stop. It really felt like I got stabbed in the back.

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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

“...

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I'm trying to write a joke about a chronic procrastinator and an inflatable doll.

Fuck it, I'll do it later.

I stuck pins in a voodoo doll of my arch enemy

I managed to cure his backache and help him quit smoking

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I have purchased a new realistic sex doll.

She is so realistic that she only wants to be friends with me.

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Isis sent me a sex doll today

It's great! It blows it self up.

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What do you get when you cross the cabbage patch doll and the pillsbury doe boy?

A ugly little bitch with a yeast infection

Russian dolls.

They are so full of themselves.

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The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bi...

The Russian doll that I got for my birthday has a terrible personality

It’s so full of itself

My buddy said he made a voodoo doll of me

I think he's pulling my leg

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My roommate claims that he caught me with a sex doll.

This is completely untrue and slanderous. He caught me with a sex action figure.

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Because Ken came in another box.

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I got a talking Dr. Oz doll!

You press the button and it goes *Quack Quack Quack.*

My blow up doll is ugly as sin

But she always manages to take my breath away

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People who buy sex dolls...

....are fucking dummies.

A little girl was in a store to buy a Barbie doll for her birthday.

The shop owner said to her as a special treat you can choose another doll as well, Little girl says, can I have a GI Joe, shop owner says I thought Barbie came with Ken?, Little girl says no she comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken.

[OC] Did you hear about that new Anatomically Correct Elmo doll they're working on?

Before they sell it to the kids, they're gonna give it two test tickles.

What did the German say after the golden living doll brought him his child back?

Edit: thanks for the Kind, gold stranger.

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll...

The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

The customer says, "Female"

The counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

The customer says, "White"

The counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
...

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town...

After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager: 'Go upto the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the differ...

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A wife gets drunk one night and thinking it would be a bit of fun, buys a voodoo doll of her husband.

She staggers home, drops the doll on the floor and falls in to bed. The next morning she wakes up, oblivious to what she had done the previous night.

Over the course of the next few days the husband experiences some very weird occurrences. He randomly develops cuts and bruises all over his b...

I lost $5 million dollars investing in a bogus company that claimed to be planning to produce life like/sized Henry Winkler dolls.

It was a Fonzie scheme.

I took my blow up doll back to the shop, and said

"I only had this blown up for half an hour and it went down on me!"

The guy was most unsympathetic and said that if he'd known that, he'd have charged me an extra $30.

Whats another name for a blowup doll.

Plastic bag

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I bought a lifelike blow up sex doll, it was so realistic it was like the real thing, I got carried away and gave it a love bite.

It farted and went down on me.

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[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll]

Enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch.

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The economy is like a bow up doll.

You inflate it as much as you can, and then fuck it until it pops!

Heard this at a wedding

A woman and her husband had been married for 60 years and had remained faithful and loving this entire time. However, the woman did have one secret; a shoebox in her closet. The shoebox itself was not a secret, but the wife had told the husband that he was never to open or ask about the box, so the...

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So I bought this sex doll online from an ex ISIS guy.

Really easy, these dolls blow themselves up!

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I thought a high quality sex doll would help with my erectile dysfunction.

But it turns out good plastic is hard to come by.

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I recent purchased a sex doll.

It really took a load off my wifes back.

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

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What do you get if you buy an iron sex doll?

Titanus

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These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

A muscular man walks into the bar with a tiny ragged doll

"What can I get you?" the bartender asks.
“A whiskey, neat, keep it coming” the muscular man orders.
Drink after drink, the bartender finally gathered the courage to ask;
"Why did you carry that tiny ragged doll around?
No offence sir, but one would normally assume it’s not your...

Saw a sketchy looking man outside Walmart begging for money so he could buy the new life size Wonder Woman doll.

I swear, these heroine addicts looking worse every year.

What is the difference between a normal blow up doll and an Arabian blow up doll?

Arabian ones blow themselves up.

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I was arrested for pushing the demo button on an Elmo doll.

He accused me of touching his test-tickles.

I had a realistic King Louie doll.

Then it's head fell off, making it even more realistic.

How do you fix a doll with a broken face?

Plastic surgery.

I've fallen head over heels in love with a ventriloquists doll.

But unfortunately,she's already spoken for.

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Sex Doll

Do muslim sex dolls blow themselves up?

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[NSFW] What's the difference between a sex doll and a store mannequin?

Persistence.

I told the bartender he could borrow my blowup doll any time he wanted. "Eugh! That's disgusting!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah..." I said. "But you were pretty quick to jump on my ex-girlfriend weren't you?"

I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version..

It blows itself up..

I was at a voodoo store looking to buy an Afrikan juju doll. I couldn't decide which one I wanted, so I stuffed them down my pants, one by one until I got to one that aroused me. It was at this point I knew...

That's my fetish.

What do you call a life sized miss piggy doll?

Amy Schumer on a good day

Did you hear about the new TV adaptation of Fiddler on the Roof, sponsored by Real Doll?

"Snatchmaker, Snatchmaker, make me a snatch."

A mobster killed an Irishman with a porcelain doll

He was accused of knick-knack paddy whack

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father on his way home suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the salesperson, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?'
The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shoppi...

So a wooden doll becomes sentient.

A wooden doll becomes sentient and goes about it's life. After some time of adjusting to life, he finds out that his creator had died of a heart attack. He promised to attend the funeral, which was going to start at 9am the next day. He wakes up, gets ready, and halfway through the ceremony, he real...

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What do you call a doll with a fiddle and a hatred of Jews?

A Doll Fiddler

Alright, man. We'll finish working on your voodoo doll tomorrow. But for now...

...let's just put a pin in it.

I need to buy a new inflatable love doll.

The one I have now is almost full.

A man was killed in a rice field by a small porcelain doll....

It was the very first knick-knack, patty whack

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I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect

It's coming tomorrow

In the interest of of trying to make the classic doll more realistic, and easier for children to identify with, a new version is about to be released called "Divorced Barbie"

She comes with all of Ken's stuff too.

Hey, look over there, is that a bobble head doll of Donald Trump?

No, that's Donald Trump

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What's the difference between a muslim sex-doll & a christian sex-doll?

The muslim sex-doll blows ITSELF up.

Elsa dolls outsell Anna dolls in every country in the world, except Italy

because when Italians ask their kids which doll they want, they say “You wanta Anna or Elsa!”

Joke my dad loved

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?


Two test tickles

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