A boy sees an alligator in the zoo

A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts

"Hey are you a caiman?"



"I'm alright, thanks kid!" He replies

If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile

There's a good chance he's in da-nile!

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.

The alligator was low on potassium

So I ran to the gatorade

A cowboy walks into a bar and brings his pet alligator with him.

He places the alligator on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

“You are about to see something amazing,” the cowboy announced. “This alligator is specially trained. I’m going to take out my junk and he will bite down on it and still leave it completely unscathed. In return for this s...

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.

She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.

Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.

She took aim and shot the creatu...

What did the alligator get after sleeping with a hooker

Gatoraids

I was going to cook alligator for dinner

But then I realized I only have a croc pot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

A guy walks into a bar, notices a "free beer for life challenge" on the front door.

He goes inside, and asks the bartender what he needs to do to receive free beer for life. The bartender reaches under the bar and pulls out a bottle of vodka, " First, drink this whole bottle in one go, no cry...

Alligator Boots

One day A Ranger decided he wanted to get himself some gator boots, and being a Ranger he wasn't about to go to a store for some. Instead he goes out to the bayou to find a gator to make himself some shoes.
So he comes across a local man and asks him where he can find a gator. The man gives him ...

What do you call a alligator without any legs

Anything you want, it can't run after you

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a blond woman was at a shoe store arguing about the price of alligator boots

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go give...

Alligators can live up to 100 years...

Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.

Dog Fight

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alligator walks into a bar.

The bartender looks at the alligator and says "We don't serve alligators here!".
The alligator replies "You see that woman over there? If you don't give me a beer I'm going to walk over there and eat her."
The bartender says again "We don't serve alligators here!"
The alligator walks over ...

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?

Most only have 4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alligators and condoms....

...two things I don't fuck with.

What does an alligator drink when hurt?

Gator-Aid.

What is it called when an alligator cannot get hard?

Ereptile dysfunction

A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.

The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.

After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!

The shopkeeper replied why don't you just try young lady with a smirk.
...

Earlier today I read that an alligator can grow up to 15 feet...

...but I've never seen one with more than 4.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator.

It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar carrying an alligator

He plops the alligator onto the bar counter and punches it in the back of the head.

The gator opens his mouth, hissing, and the guy takes his dick out and waves it in the alligator's mouth.


"I'll give $1000 to anyone who dares to try." He shouts.



A guy stands up "I'...

If someone says “see you later alligator” you must respond with “in a while crocodile”

It’s in the bye laws

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

“Are there any gators around here?!”

“No,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe,...

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

Alligators can grow up to 15 metres...

The joke doesn’t work with the metric system...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do call an alligator that's really good with directions?

~~A navigator.~~ Fucking terrifying

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was bit in the ass by an alligator just the other day.

Last month, I sat on a hot grill.
In June I fell through me toilet and got wet.
In January, I accidentally sat on my laptop and broke it.
I really should have looked where I was going.
This being said, I guessed I lacked hindsight in 2020.

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

What do you call an alligator addicted to drugs?

A crackhead-ile

Sam and Bessie have been married for 50 years and Sam always wanted an expensive pair of alligator boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?"

"What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants. What's different?"

Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots.

Again, he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different about me now?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

He has his dog with him. It's an ugly little yellow dog. He sits down at the bar next to a Marine.

The Marine has his dog with him. It's a German Shepherd, and it bristles at the ugly little yellow dog.

The Marine says "Son, you need to get your ugly little yellow dog out of here, or m...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons.

"If I open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside, leave them there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"

The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator's open mouth....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a scale of Alligator to Gorilla....

How shitty of a parent are you?

CUL8R alligator, with lawyers...

Lawyer I: I'll sue you later, litigator.

Lawyer II: In a while, after the trial.

Lawyer III: Safe journeys, fellow attorneys.

According to latest news the current Governor of Florida used to own and run his own alligator farm. So not only does he have experience with horrible scaly reptiles

he's also worked with alligators too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] I met a pirate...

At least, I think he was a pirate. I never asked, but he had an eye patch over one eye, a wooden leg, a hook where his hand should be, and a parrot on his shoulder. So I was pretty sure he was a pirate. Also, we were on the boardwalk by the beach, so I figured that's as likely a place as any for a p...

How do you fit an alligator in a Safeway bag?

You take the ‘s’ out of ‘safe’, and you take the ‘f’ out of ‘way’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler’s alligator pine for his right hand man

He'd had the left one for breakfast

Just a Little too Much, I'd say....

An iguana is walking through the jungle and stops when he smells weed being smoked. He looks up and sees a monkey smoking a joint. Iguana says, "Hey monkey can I join you? I'm having a bad day."

Monkey tells him yes and he climbed up and joined the monkey. Halfway through the monkey asks the...

A monkey and a chameleon are smoking a joint in a tree

The chameleon says to the monkey “man I’m thirsty” to which the monkey replies “go down to the river and get a drink of water”.

So the chameleon crawls down the tree and wobbles over to the river bank. He leans down to take a sip and falls in.

As soon as he does, an alligator scoops ...

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator

He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”



“Yes sir, we do.”



“Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a disease sexually transmitted through alligators?

Gatoraids

What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?

Please move, I need to get bayou.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator on a leash... (NSFW)

As he walks in, all the patrons of the bar gasp.

The man then says, "Relax. He is very trained. Here; watch!"
He plops his 5 foot long pet alligator on the bar counter and says, "Open!"
The alligator's mouth opens wide, then the man unzips his pants and proceeds to stick his d*ck in it....

The other day my friend and I saw a dehydrated alligator as we were walking through the zoo,

I said to my friend, “What should we do?”

To which he responded, “Call the vet so she can get it some *Gator-Aid*!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alligator decided to have unprotected sex...

Now he has Gatorades.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walked into a bar with a small alligator...

...and walked up to the bartender to ask for a drink.

The bartender notices him walking towards him and says, "Whoawhoawhoa, is that a crocodile?"

To which the guy responded, "Well, its an alligator, but yeah."

"That thing cannot be in here."

"Why not?"

"Well, its ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a bar.

He sits down, and orders a drink. After a little while he speaks up,
“Hey bartender, want to hear a blonde joke?”

A hush falls across the bar. The woman to his left responds,

“you’re blind, so it’s only far that you know this. The bartender is a 30 year old blonde woman. The woman...

A guy walks into a bar holding an alligator. He gently rests it on the counter, and takes a seat.

“You can’t bring that in here!” the bartender exclaimed, motioning for the man to leave.
“Aw, he’s completely harmless, won’t hurt a fly I promise!” replied the owner of the alligator.
The bartender was not amused and again insisted that the man leave.
“Alright,” said the man standing up...

Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet

But most of them only have 4!



How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One of them sees you later, the other sees you after a while!

What do wounded alligators drink?

Gatorade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He call for everyone's attention, orders a beer and proceeds to put his balls in the gator's open mouth.

The gator closes its mouth, the man drinks the beer and then takes the bottle and whacks the gator on the head with it real hard. The gator opens its mouth and the man shows off his unharmed balls.

He looks around the bar and says, "I'll give anyone here a 100 dollars to try this."

The...

Never underestimate an old man.

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer de...

A man walks into a restaurant with an alligator on a leash.

He asks the waiter, "Do you serve children here?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll have pasta and my alligator will have some children."

My family was on vacation in Florida when suddenly I heard someone scream that my mother in law fell into the alligator pool. Not thinking twice, I jumped in...

...to save the alligator.

So a man says to Steve Irwin “How often do alligators mate?”

Steve asked: “How often do they what?”
Man: “mate”
Steve: “what?”
Man: “HOW OFTEN DO THEY MATE?”
Steve: “HOW OFTEN DO THEY WHATTTTT????”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wizard and the monkey and the alligator.

A wizard is walking through the forest when he stumbles on to a monkey in a tree. The wizard asks what the monkey is doing and the monkey replies nothing just chilling smoking this joint. The monkey then asks if the wizard would like to join. The wizard does. After smoking the joint the wizard gets...

An Alligator sees you later, a Crocodile sees you in awhile. When does a Caiman see you?

This isn't a joke, I want answers. Please. I've never wanted to know anything more.

What happens when an alligator drives a boat?

He becomes a navigator

An Ethiopian fell into an alligator pen at San Diego zoo

He ate 5 before they could get him out.

What do you call a couple of alligators with problems in the bedroom?

A reptile dysfunction.

What do you call an Alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?

A dialogator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a strip club with an alligator.

He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin...

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

“How much for these shoes?” – she asked the store manager.

“$300” – he replied.

“That’s too expensive! Can’t you bring the price down?” – the blonde.

The store manager said h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fine, different alligator joke.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator, and the bartender says, "hey man you can't have that in here it's dangerous!" The man says, "No no! He's not, look I can prove it that he's not dangerous." The bartender says, "okay, if you can prove that your alligator isn't dangerous, you can keep it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things.

The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word." The second boy said, "Predator." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says,"That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator...

Bartender says "Sorry sir, no pets allowed..."

Guy says "But this is a well trained alligator. May i demonstrate first?"

Out of curiosity, "Sure" says the bartender.

The guy picks up his pet alligator, sets it on the bar, and the alligator slowly opens its mouth. The pet owner...

What is an alligator's preferred map projection?

Mergator Projection

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a alligator say to human walking away?

See you later masterbaiter...

It's not difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart

One will see you later whereas the other will see you in a while.

Guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, and the bartender tells him to leave

Guy says the alligator is trained, and puts his hand in its mouth

Bartender still tells him to leave. Guy then puts his head in the alligator’s mouth. Bartender says the alligator is dangerous and he needs to leave.

In a final display, the guy unzips, puts his pecker in the alligat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes into a bar with an alligator

Ofcourse the bartender says: you can't bring that alligator inside its not safe

To which the man says he doesn't harm annyone and to demonstrate this he does the only logical thing and pulls out his dong and puts it in the mouth of the alligator.

As the man said nothing happend and th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.