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Boyfriends Jokes

My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday.

I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me,

because she calls me her sixty-second lover.

My first three boyfriends all turned out to be pyromaniacs, and now I'm struggling to trust men.

I've just been burned too many times.

What did the Sheriff yell to the Deputy after Barbie payed the bail for her boyfriends drug possession charges?

>!"RELEASE THE CRACK-KEN!"!<

A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends’ dandruff problems

The brunette says, “my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days”

The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, “how do you give shoulders?”

Three friends are sitting around talking about their boyfriends

The first girl says to the other two, “let’s play a game and say a drink that we like that our boyfriends remind us of. I’ll go first. My boyfriend is like sprite; he’s light and bubbly and sooo refreshing after my last couple relationships.”

The second girl says “ok, umm… mine would be a che...

What did the female reindeers do when their boyfriends were off of Santa delivering presents on Christmas Eve?

They went to the nearest pub and blew a few bucks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl reaches into the glove compartment of her boyfriends car for a condom...

and finds one missing. They had bought that box together, and it was now open and missing one. Furious, she asked him what the deal was.
"Oh, I masturbated with one on, just to see what it would feel like."
Satisfied with this answer, but still curious, they went on with their business. She wa...

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I have poisoned each of my ex-boyfriends with a whole bottle of Viagra, and I’m going to do it again when this guy breaks up with me

I wish I could stop, but old habits die hard.

Soda Pop Boyfriends

At their ten year high school reunion, Mary is seated with her old friend Jane.  Mary tells Jane about her husband who she has been with since high school.  Jane tells Mary that she never did marry but had plenty of boy friends and that she always named the boy friends after soda pops.  Really a...

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Tracy is invited to her new boyfriends house for dinner.

She is very nervous because this will be her first time meeting his family. She enters the house and meets the family, however she is still
very uneasy about the whole experience. She really likes her new boyfriend and wants to make a great first impression. 

They all sit at the table wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!

I'll fuck their boyfriends

I think my girlfriend has had 61 boyfriends before me...

She keeps calling me the 62nd man when we're in bed together

Why do pandas make awful boyfriends?

Because he only eats shoots and leaves.

A girl says to her roommate, "Dirty dishes are like boyfriends."

"How so?" asked the roommate.

"I shouldn't have to do yours."

What did all of Medusa’s boyfriends have in common?

They were all rock hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom told me that her and her boyfriends sex life wasn't that good...

Guess hes a bad mother fucker

The Farmer and his Daughters

Now once there was a farmer, and daughters he had five,
And each of them was waiting for their first date to arrive.
Their boyfriends all would tell him how they would have their fun.
If the farmer didn't like it, he'd shoot them with his gun.

So the first guy knocked on the do...

A Farmer and His Daughter's Boyfriends

A farmer insists on vetting his daughters' boyfriends before they're allowed out on dates. One night, a young man appears at the front door, and says to the farmer, "Hello, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" and the farmer lets them go. A second young man comes ...

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A girlfriend goes to her boyfriends house for the first time...

and she is obviously really nervous about meeting his parents. So they are about to begin eating dinner and her stomach is starting to feel more and more queasy; and sure enough the boyfriends mom cooked bean casserole. Several minutes pass and the girlfriend can no longer hold the pressure in her...

A father has 3 daughters and they each got boyfriends without the father knowing,

He finds out when all 3 daughters have dates the same night for the same time. He decides he’ll meet them at the door and see if they’re acceptable. The first boyfriend shows up on time, he’s greeted by the father and says “Hi I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo, and we’re gonna go see a show.” The fat...

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A Boyfriends Revenge

Two high school sweethearts who dated for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the ...

My Last 3 Boyfriends gossip

Two female co-workers are chatting it up, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year.


One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one I called 7 Up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up.


The se...

Why do robots make bad boyfriends?

They just screw, nut, then bolt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife just found out two of her Spanish ex boyfriends are actually brothers!

Turns out, she was wondering why the sex felt familia!

Why did the female asteroid deny her boyfriends marriage proposal?

Because she was scared of comet-ment

Husband and wife are in a bar when the wife sees her ex boyfriend

She says to her husband, ‘see that drunk, I turned down his proposal 10 years ago.
Husband looks at his wife, looks at the guy and sighs, ‘that explains why he is still celebrating’

Noses and Boyfriends

Boyfriends are like noses...

People get disgusted when you blow them in public.

Especially if you're caught without a tissue

I've spent the past few months looking for my ex-boyfriends' killer

but no one will do it.

Drug companies are like high school boyfriends

They're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they get in there.


- Credit to John Oliver

I didn’t think I had a type.

Turns out it’s called ‘women who already have boyfriends’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four men walk into . . .

Four men walk into a **<social establishment>**. Inside the **<social establishment>**, they have a conversation about **<topic>**. Eventually one of them leaves the group and goes to the bathroom. After he left, the conversation shifts from **<topic>** to the well-being of t...

A woman wants to test her boyfriend

She thinks he may be unfaithful, so she asks her sister to help her with something.

As the boyfriend pulls up to the house and enters to find a trail of roses leading up to a closed door. He opens the door to find his girlfriends sister, laying on the bed.

"So, do you fancy it? You kn...

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