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A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend

At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5 and 7?

Because they literally can't even

There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.

"As soon as your dates arrive," said the farmer, "I will talk to them personally. If I don't like them, I will shoot them."

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Who is this?"

"My name's Teddy," said the boy. "I'm going steady with Be...

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

‟Wow!,” said her father, ‟That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”

‟Wrong number,” replied the girl.

Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom...

....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo....

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What do a pregnant teenager and her baby have in common?

They’re both thinking “oh fuck, mom’s gonna kill me”

My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology

So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support

Father looks hard at his teenage son and says, “James, you’ve been adopted.”

James jumps up, “Adopted! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father laughs, “No no, James, we are your biological parents. But you need to get packing, your adoptive ones will be here in an hour.”

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

What was God's most embarrassing fear in his teenage year?

Premature immaculation

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers

Saint Peter and God are talking about today's teenagers.

God says "Today all teenagers use drugs"

"You're right" replies Peter "I will now go on earth to see if really all teenagers use them"

After a bit Peter returns and tells God that the teens are coming. Few seconds later so...

When I was a teenager, I had to learn how to drive a stick.

We couldn't afford a car.

A teenager got suck in well.

He calls 911.

Boy: 911?

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Boy: I'm stuck in a well.

Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?

Boy: im14andthisisdeep.

What do a pregnant teenager and her fetus think at the same time?

"My mom is going to kill me"

I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"

"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"

He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.

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What do you call a teenage boy who doesn't mustarbate?

A liar.

Edit: sorry for writing the word "masturbate" wrongly.
Once i failed to notice, now i can't correct the title.

Two teenage boys are walking down an alley

when they see a stray dog licking its crotch.

The one boy says, “Man, I really wish I could do that.”

His friend responds, “I don’t know, you’d better pet him and see if he’s friendly, first.”

It's hard being a teenager

If I could do things in my own way, I could do nothing in a more productive way

My wife and I caught our teenage son with weed so we decided to play good cop bad cop

I shot him in the back while she just looked the other way

Dating these days as a Karen is hard, all of my dates act like teenagers.

What I is need is a MANager!

What do depressed teenagers go through everyday?

Pain and Acne

A teenage girl gives birth to twins and puts them up for adoption...

She never hears from them again except for the news that one baby was adopted by a Mexican couple, and the other was adopted by a couple from the Middle East.

Years later she hires a private investigator to track down her two adopted children, just so she can find out how their lives have bee...

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

Just wanted to tell sad teenage Reddit to not lose hope yet.

It gets worse so lose hope later.

An arab teenager told his parents he wanted C4 for his birthday.

When the day came his parents gave him a neatly wrapped box...






The boy opened it hastily and was overjoyed to find inside the keys to a brand new Citroën. What did you expect?

I'm currently hiring teenagers with expertise in time travel.

20+ years of experience required.

How to know if someone is a teenager on Reddit:

Edit: OMG! This is my most up voted comment ever! Thank you so much!

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I just found out my teenage son had sex with his teacher, and I am furious.

I should have never agreed to home schooling.

After 18 years of raising our teenage daughter as a proud Republican she has decided that she wants to become a Communist.

Well if that's the way she wants to be, then Soviet.

(Apologies if this has been posted before, I either thought of it or remembered it this morning on the toilet.)

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What's the difference between an American and a Muslim teenage girl?

The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws somebody out of the saloon?

Yeet-haw!

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What do you call a teenage Korean prostitute?

Yung Ho.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment building. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvio...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

Teenage boy can't figure out how his friend gets laid all the time -- but he doesn't

He asks his friend how he does it. The friend whispers, "I'll tell you, but keep it a secret." The teenage boy excitedly agrees.

"All you have to do is, before you go to the beach, put a big potato down in your bathing suit. The girls will swarm you in no time."

The teenage boy does as...

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can’t even.

(Best delivered with sass and an eye roll).

You know what the teenager said to the man in the wheelchair?

"uh, lame."

One benefit of everyone staying at home is that teenage pregnancy is down

.





except in Alabama

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An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

There is a teenage kitchen basin at your front door selling water from the fountain of youth

Let that sink in

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”

Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at t...

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I walked in on my teenage stepdaughter masturbating

She yelled "WTF dad! Do that in your own room!"

(It wasn't like this in the documentaries)

What did the Iraqi teenager say to his father when he came home?

I'm Baghdad

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A teenage girl came across an old man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane in time to a Lil Wayne song.

"Holy crap! I didn't know you'd like rap music?!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".

My wife just told me she has the body of a teenager.

I guess she found out about me and the babysitter.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

A teenager tells his father, “There’s water in my car’s carburetor.”

The father looks confused and says, “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

But the son insists, “I’m telling you, there’s water in the carburetor.”

His father is starting to get a little nervous. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is” he says, “I’ll check it out. Where’s the...

My teenage daughter is really acting odd..

She can’t even

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"

He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

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A mother looks at her teenage son and tells her husband this kid looks nothing like either of us.

The husband says; I know, remember in the maternity ward when he pooped and you asked me to change him?

I did.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

A Scottish teenage girl plays the guitar and writes a song

A Scottish teenage girl learns guitar and writes a song. When she performs it at the talent show, to her father's disapproval, she wears a crop top. During a guitar solo, her father walks up on stage and starts singing the song as if he's part of the act, and then he wraps her exposed belly with a t...

A teenager fails his math test

As a father was passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed, ‘Dad.’

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

“D...

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A joke for teenagers, so please don't judge hard

A camel and a elephant are meeting each other.

The elephant asks: So, why do got your t\*ts on your back?

The camel answers: Well, counter question. Why do u got your dick in your face?

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A beautiful woman is sitting next to a teenage boy on a plane.

There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nose dive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folks, but we might not walk away from this one.”

Everyone begins to panic except for the boy who sheepishly turns to the woman and says, ...

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What's it called when a teenager going through puberty, can't stop looking at breasts

An eye-dem-titty crisis

A bunch of teenagers TP'd my house last night

It's now appraised at $750,000.

[dad joke incoming] Why were the teenage melons sad?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why are teenagers so thick headed?

Because adolescent rhymes surprisingly well with “I don’t listen”.

How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. She holds the bulb up and the world revolves around her.

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A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother a question

"Is it true what Rita just told me?" "What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter. "Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. ...

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s...

“I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hot dogs to teenagers!”

“You’ve got both your legs, Frank”

“Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam.”

-Mitch Hedberg (That 70’s Show)

Once there was an inflatable boy who lived in an inflatable house with his inflatable parents.

Every morning when the inflatable alarm rang, he would leap out of his inflatable bed and into the inflatable shower, then when he was dressed he would go and sit at the inflatable table in the kitchen to eat his inflatable breakfast, and then run off and catch the inflatable bus to his inflatable s...

My dad told me this

Father looks at teenage son...”I have to tell you...you’ve been adopted.”

Son....”What?? I want to meet my biological parents.”

Father (bit embarrassed)...”Mixed message. Sorry. We are your biological parents. I mean, pack your bags. Your new parents are here.”.

I told my teenage daughter “There are two words you need to drop from your vocabulary. One is ‘awesome’ and the other is ‘gross’.”

“Okay,” she replies, “what are they?”

What do you call an introverted teenager?

A quaranteen

I told my friend my original movie concept: An ex-Secret Service agent's teenage daughter is abducted by human traffickers while on a trip to Paris.

He said "Sorry mate, I think that idea's taken"

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Englishman Irishman and Scotsman are sitting in a cafe discussing their teenage daughters

The Englishman turns to the group and says I'm so disappointed by my daughter I went in her room the other day and noticed a pack of cigarettes I had no idea she was smoking.
The scotsman turns and says that's not as bad as mine I found a bottle of whiskey hidden in her room I cant believe she's ...

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Late one night, a cop spots an older man in a car with a teenage girl. He tells the man to get out of the car.

"But officer, I'm Pastor Fluff! "

"I don't give a fuck if you're halfway up her ass, get out of the fucking car."

What is depressed teenagers least favorite room?

The living room

Having an undead teenage daughter is such a chore

All the time she rolls her eyes at me.

I have to keep picking them up and giving them back to her.

What did the teenage cavemen and cavewomen love to do?

Go clubbing

What do you call an angsty teenage robot?

A sigh borg.

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A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

A teenage potato brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents. "So, what do you do for work?" asks the inquisitive father potato. “Oh, I work for a TV company as a sportscaster." The father potato is furious and tells the boyfriend to leave immediately.

“Why did you do that daddy?!” shrieks the distraught daughter, eyes wide.

The father shouts, “I’m not having *my* daughter hanging around with a commentator!"

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Do you have any to speak of?

So, there was once a man named Frank who lived in South Florida, and his life was virtually ideal. He had a beautiful wife and two kids, lived in a very nice home on the intracoastal waterway, and had a very successful yacht sales business. However, he had one problem that had plagued him his whole ...

I'm going to make a movie about a teenage boy and his journey to becoming an Olympic swimmer. I'm going to name it...

Wet Dreams

To teenage daughter:

“Learn from my mistakes. Use birth control.”

A teenage boy tells an old lady her fence is broken, and says he could fix it, for a small fee

The lady thinks its an honest job, and her fence did broke a few days ago.

"But wait, what are you going to do with the money?"

"Oh, ma'am, I intend to buy a car!" Answers the boy.

"That is wonderful! Good to see a young gent already thinking about his future, and doing some hon...

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A teenage girl was at a catholic confession booth...

Verry embarrased, she admitted that she had gotten a bit too frisky with her boyfriend the night before.

Now, the priest was relatively new to this position in the church, and didnt know how to correctly assign penance for her actions, so he told her he needed to pray for a minute to hear wha...

If bigfoot had a teenage daughter would she be classified as a...

Sass-quatch?

NNN is almost over....

A teenager, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

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[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history

It’s full of s&m porn.

Mom says: well what are we going to do?

Dad says: what do you mean?

Mom says: well.. we can’t *spank* him.

Why was the teenage crustacean upset?

He couldn't find a date for his high school prawn.

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What do you call a teenage boy who doesn't masterbate?

A liar.

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Man goes to see a doctor about a life-long affliction... (long)

Man (In a raspy, hoarse voice): Doctor, you have to help me, as you can hear, my voice is hoarse and I can barely speak because it hurts too much. It's been like this since I was a teenager. I can't find work, can't talk with friends, or meet a woman. It's ruining my life. Can you help me?
...

I walked past the YMCA yesterday

There was a teenage boy outside stroking some feathers.

I said "Young man, there's no need to feel down".

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A nun asks a class of teenage girls what they want to be when they grow up. An anxious girl stands straight up and proudly exclaims that she wants to be a prostitute.

The nun promptly fainted.

After the other sisters help the nun back to her feet, the nun asks, “What did you say?!?”.

With a bright smile smeared across her face, the girl replied, “When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!”.

The nun breathed an enormous sigh...”OH, THANK GOD! ...

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An entire dorm of teenage girls burns down, and tragically, 23 girls were killed in the fire.

Being young, they all go to heaven. In front of the pearly gates, St. Peter has them all line up. The first girl approaches and asks, "What do I have to do to get into heaven?"

"Well," Peter says, "have you ever touched a penis?"

"I did once. But I just poked it!" The girl replies....

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Two teenagers are on a date...

The date is going well, and after some making out towards the end of the evening, the guy asks if he can get a blowjob. "I'm sorry, but if I do that for you I feel like you won't respect me after" she says. After a year and a half of dating, they get married. On their wedding night, the new husband...

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A teenage girl goes to her dad and asks if she can borrow

his Porsche for the night. Her dad says:"no", but she begs and begs and he comes up with a solution. He says: "Tell you what, you give me a blow job and the car is yours for the night". She is taken aback but finally decides that she will look so cool and her friends will be so envious and agrees. S...

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A priest is preparing to close up the church and head home

A priest is preparing to close up the church and head home, when a man enters the church, looking for him. Failing to recognize the man, the priest says,


"You're not from around here. Do I know you?"


The man replies, "Yes father! Years ago, I was a wayward teenager and you caug...

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