UPJOKE
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People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.

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Did you know it’s considered incest if you fuck time?

That’s cause time is relative

Is "I don't remember" considered a legitimate legal response?

Because it sure as heck doesn't work with my wife.

What is considered the polite way to end an orgy?

Thank everyone for coming!

PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.

Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it considered..."

"...manslaughter?!"

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Democrats are sexier than Republicans

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?" he asks the bartender. "Well, have you every heard of a hot piece of elephant?" the bartender responds.

If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection?

I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.

Are pickup lines considered "Dad Jokes"?

If they're successful...yes.

My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”

What’s considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market

Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter?

They call it electric car battery!

What tastes funny and is considered a cannibal's version of sardines?

A full clown car.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth. 6 respected 9, even though ...

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.

David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good...

In the French Navy, it's considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship's name...

Because all of the ships with that number in their name... cinq

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Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered

masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

A survey revealed that People who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.

Unless that language is Klingon

I once considered going vegetarian

But then I realized it would be a huge missed steak

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73

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A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered.

She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to...

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

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A Jew went to the Rabbi to ask for advice.

"Oh Rabbi, my Sarah and I and our children are all living together in our small little house. It is so cramped and I can't afford a new one! What shall I do Rabbi?" Rabbi considered it and said. "Go and hire a live-in servant." "What?" "Do as I say." And so the Jew hired a live-in servant. After...

OJ Simpson was being interviewed the other day. The reporter asked if he'd considered getting married again.

OJ said he had thought about taking another stab at it.

If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?

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Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days

People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle?

It only fogs up half as much.

Why are bassists considered cowardly?

Because they disappear at the first sign of treble.

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

Apparently screaming 5 second rule

Apparently screaming 5 second rule when eating out your girlfriend isn’t considered romantic when she falls off the bed.

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OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet.

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.


The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and ...

Is it still considered Fisting if they have no fingers?

Really had me stumped the other day.

My husband was out of town for work and I was left to tend to myself...

He asked me not to call during working hours unless it was an emergency, but I wasn't sure what car trouble would be considered. I took a chance and when he picked up he sounded very worried. I told him it was the car, and that I believed there was water in the carburetor. His tone changed to sarcas...

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

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An obituary

Sad news: It is with great sadness that we report the passing of the Pillsbury Doughboy. The cause of his death was from a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in his belly.
Doughboy was buried in a greased coffin, with the gravesite piled high with flours.
Dozens of celebrit...

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked the man how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "things are great, and I've never felt better! I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that, doc?"
The doctor considered the question for a minute, and then began to tell a story...

Why are communists considered left?

Because they can't do anything right

What is considered the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has so many stories

I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal

Condoms cannot be considered safe

A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a car.

I always considered fishing to be boring.

But then I got hooked.

We all know that 6 was afraid of 7. But have you ever considered WHY 7 “8” 9?

It’s because you’re supposed to eat 3² meals a day.

My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life’s savings on this one Filly.

...

I also considered putting money on the derby.

I’ve always loved farming, and farmers are some of the most loving people.

There has always been an innate desire in me, and I believe in all humans, to begin farming at some level. From being outside to doing labor where your mind can wander into different places, I love it.

I have never considered myself a big animal person, but I’ve fallen in love with horses, s...

Why are Pokemon considered manly in Peru?

It all dates back to the time of Macho-Pikachu

Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...

You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."

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When the Rock has an orgasm...

would it be considered a landslide or a geyser?

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So my wife was complaining to me about how little men listen to women.

I told her that I could prove even random men listened to her better than women. Sure that her opinion would prevail, she happily went with me to the mall where we could find the most people.



After asking a question to 5 men and 5 women, all of the men answered immediately. All of th...

Charging $500 for a $5 case of water is considered price gouging. What is charging $500 for a $5 bag of saline called?

Healthcare.

Have scientists considered Queen Elizabeth's

Blood for covid-19 vaccine...??

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What is it that most women do in their daily lives but is considered a tragedy when Adolf Hitler did?

Remove Polish using chemicals.

Someone donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donate 5, and instantly the police has to get involved

If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

Or a beet down?

Back in the day 20 white men chasing a black guy was considered racist.

Now its called Formula 1.

This guy marched up to me and asked, "Excuse me, but have you considered becoming an organ donor?"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Father, I think this church should be able to afford its own!"

How big does a bird have to be in order to be considered an outcast?

Ostrichsized

Why is Chewbacca considered a pro?

Because he doesn't make wookie mistakes.

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Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist....

Pierre Dumonte Wiffade was a French explorer and biologist who was, in 1792, considered one of the country’s chief ornithologists. Credited with discovering and describing over 200 different bird species, he spent most of his life hopping from island to island, describing the wildlife, and moving to...

Why India is considered a peaceful country?

Because most of them don’t like beef.

Why aren't koalas considered bears?

They don't have the koalafications

When playing a game against a less skilled player, it’s considered fair to give them a handicap.

That’s why I always break my opponent’s kneecaps before a game of Monopoly

Why are drone pilots considered snobs?

Because they look down on everyone.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

If sharing a drink using a same straw is considered an indirect kiss

Then jacking off using your hand right after shaking a girl's hand is an indirect handjob

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If I masturbate with this marijuana infused lotion is it considered grassturbating?

Or maybe masturbaking?

Why is English considered the easiest language to learn?

Because even the Americans are decent at it!

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

I considered having a threesome, but I decided against it.

If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d just have dinner with my parents.

Dave and Betty.....

Dave and Betty were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while walking past the hospital swimming pool, Dave jumped into the deep end and starting drowning.

Betty promptly jumped in to save him, swam to the bottom and pulled Dave out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Betty'...

"Have you considered using an alternative name for hell?"

"I heaven't."

Yes, boss, I know I'm considered essential..

But so are those pyramid scheme oils, and they don't work, either.

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