UPJOKE
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Considered Jokes

My wife was upset that the dog was considered man's best friend. She maintains that a spouse should be considered my best friend.

So I locked them both in the trunk of my car and drove around for twenty minutes. Guess which one was happiest to see me when I let them out?
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If the number 666 is considered evil

..is 25.8069758 the root of all evil?
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What’s considered trashy if you’re poor but class if you’re rich?

Florida
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What is considered the polite way to end an orgy?

Thank everyone for coming!
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why Ms. Pac-man is considered the greatest prostitute of all time?

Because for 25 cents she'll eat balls until she dies!

After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name

Unfortunately Iran was already taken
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People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.
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Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
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Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

They don’t have the right koala-fications
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Any PDA at Olive Garden is considered incest

Because when you’re here, you’re family
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Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...

You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."
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You know why chickens are considered filthy animals?

Because they eat with their peckers.
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If a co worker is sick, is it considered a staff infection?

I really just came up with this joke all by myself, this is a big moment for me.
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Back in the day, excessive use of commas was considered a very serious crime.

It usually resulted in a long sentence.
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I honestly hate how a person who donates 1 kidney is considered a hero...

I donated 4 and I’m somehow a criminal
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What's considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market.
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Have you ever considered a career in shipbuilding?

I heard it's riveting.
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In Schrodinger's time, was it considered ethical to use live cats in physics experiments?

Well -- it was and it wasn't.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know it’s considered incest if you fuck time?

That’s cause time is relative

Is "I don't remember" considered a legitimate legal response?

Because it sure as heck doesn't work with my wife.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered

masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

Why is "why did the chicken cross the road?" considered the very first dad joke?

It was originally "why did the egg cross the road?" but it didn't have legs.
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Why are bassists considered cowardly?

Because they disappear at the first sign of treble.
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Masturbation should be considered a craft...

as it is 100% hand made.

why is it considered gross to drink a beverage made of steeped soil?

Because that's just dirt tea
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A survey revealed that People who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.

Unless that language is Klingon
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Why are communists considered left?

Because they can't do anything right
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Condoms cannot be considered safe

A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a car.
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I just found out it’s considered rude in Vietnam to eat noodles with a fork, since it’s how American GIs ate their food.

It’s a pho pas.
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Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!
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PSA: the term “Hipsters” is politically incorrect and is considered an offensive slur in many circles

Please use the medically-recommended term “conjoined twins” instead.
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Why is Chewbacca considered a pro?

Because he doesn't make wookie mistakes.
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Have scientists considered Queen Elizabeth's

Blood for covid-19 vaccine...??
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Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days

I always considered fishing to be boring.

But then I got hooked.
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Why are Pokemon considered manly in Peru?

It all dates back to the time of Macho-Pikachu
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What is considered the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has so many stories
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Why is English considered the easiest language to learn?

Because even the Americans are decent at it!
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Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded.

They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens.
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Nuclear power is like anal sex

If done cleanly and properly, it might be even better than conventional methods. But add a few messy mistakes and it's considered taboo.

Why are drone pilots considered snobs?

Because they look down on everyone.
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To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?
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Is it still considered Fisting if they have no fingers?

Really had me stumped the other day.
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OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet.

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.


The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'


The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker.

The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door.
When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!"
Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?"
"I'm yours for super sex," she answers.
So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I...

We all know that 6 was afraid of 7. But have you ever considered WHY 7 “8” 9?

It’s because you’re supposed to eat 3² meals a day.
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Why India is considered a peaceful country?

Because most of them don’t like beef.
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Why are Japanese people considered very smart?

Because of their haïku.

I considered having a threesome, but I decided against it.

If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I’d just have dinner with my parents.
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Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter?

They call it electric car battery!
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Sex before marriage is considered a sin

And after marriage a miracle

"Have you considered using an alternative name for hell?"

"I heaven't."
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Yes, boss, I know I'm considered essential..

But so are those pyramid scheme oils, and they don't work, either.
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We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
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Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.
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My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”
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I considered a career in fortune telling.

But, I couldn't see a future in it.
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If you could exterminate any race what would you pick?

Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

EDIT: Thanks for the silver, appreciated!
EDIT 2: Wow, thank you, kind stranger, for gold aswell!
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OJ Simpson was being interviewed the other day. The reporter asked if he'd considered getting married again.

OJ said he had thought about taking another stab at it.
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Why was the bathroom play set considered dangerous?

Because the toilet things on fire.
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Why are physicists still considered "not" cool...

When Thermodynamic entropy is getting cooler all the time?
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People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle?

It only fogs up half as much.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I considered eating my neighbor's obnoxious kid.

Then I realized he'd still be a little shit and a pain in the ass.

If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

Or a beet down?
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Have you considered pouring your alcohol into smaller glasses?

You should try, it’s worth a shot.
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My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it considered..."

"...manslaughter?!"
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Why is having sex with a lump of bronze considered incestuous?

Because you're still fucking a CuSn

A semi truck full of Ramen noodle caught fire today and the whole shipment was considered ruined

The total loss came out to be $73
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Why isn't Tumblr considered social media?

Because everyone on there is just talking to themselves.
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Why is René Descartes considered a thinker?

Because he is.
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CEO Brian Krzanich sold his stock, and it might be considered insider trading...

You could say he had certain Intel about the situation.

This could turn into a total Meltdown.
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If I masturbate with this marijuana infused lotion is it considered grassturbating?

Or maybe masturbaking?

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Who can still be considered a virgin even after getting nailed?

Jesus

Charging $500 for a $5 case of water is considered price gouging. What is charging $500 for a $5 bag of saline called?

Healthcare.
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If sharing a drink using a same straw is considered an indirect kiss

Then jacking off using your hand right after shaking a girl's hand is an indirect handjob
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Why was Pythagoras not considered a suspect in murder case?

No knew what his angle was.
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What was the Scooby-Gang considered after the Olympics?

Gold-Medllists
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