Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

My Nan recently claimed that she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein...

What a stroke of genius.

Good job to whoever named it a 'Prince Albert'.

It has a nice ring to it.

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

One day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could giv...

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A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - easy, boy." Another outburst and she he...

An illiterate man and Albert Einstein are sitting together on the train.

Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.

Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?


Albert Einstein & an indian man sat next to each other on a plane.

Einstein told him that he is a great scientists from Germany. Einstein tells him

"I’ll ask you a question and if you’re not able to answer it, you will give me 5$, then you’ll ask me a question and if I’m not able to answer then I will give you 500$.”

The man thinks 5$ : 500$ seems l...

What is Albert Einstein's rapper name?

MC Squared!

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Albert is staying in a nice hotel goes to the bar on the roof.

As he pulls up his stool, he asks the man next to him what he's having.
"Oh, this?" says the man. "This is magic beer."
"Bullshit." says Albert. "No such thing.
"Oh, yeah?" the man says. "Watch this."
The man then downs his beer, gets up and jumps off the roof.
In disbelief Albert se...

Albert Einstein married his cousin Elsa

Even his marriage was relative.

Albert Einstein once published a paper about why he married his second wife.

I call it: The Theory of Relativity.

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If Prince Albert is when you pierce the head, what title does Albert get when the balls are pierced?


Albert Einstein once famously said...

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa...

Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

I told my son I was named after Albert Einstein

"But your name is Brian", he said.

"Yeah, I know - and I was named *after* Albert Einstein", you little prick.

What did Albert Fish like to get from McDonalds?

The kids meal.

A newly released document from the CIA reveals that except his sister - Maja Einstein, Albert Einstein had a younger brother from another father.

His name was revealed to be Barrett Zweistein.

An indian and Albert einstein make a bet, Albert einstein says for every question you say and I don't have an answer for I will give you $500 and when I have a question you can't answer you will give me $5. The indian agrees. Albert asks him what 96950x30857 is, then the indian gives him $5 then...

The indian asks him, what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with 4, albert is stumped and gives him $500 then curious albert asks the indian what does go up a mountain with 3 legs and come down with 4? Then the indian gives him $5

Albert Einstein gets tricked

A man and Albert Einstein are sitting next to each other on a plane. Einstein keeps turning to the man and talking about how smart he is. Saying stuff like “oh people say in the smartest man alive”, or “I’m just so incredibly smart.” The man just ignores all of this and just reads his book. Finally ...

I found a book on how to be 50% as smart as Albert Einstein.

So I bought two of them

One day, Albert Einstein was about to give a speech at a university.

"I hate these damn speeches," Albert says to his driver, who shares some similarities with him.

"Well, as your driver, I have to go to all of them. I don't know the science, but I can do the speech for you."

"Great idea!" Says Einstein."Let's switch places!" So, Albert and his driver s...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton decided to play a game of hide and seek.

Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting.

Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes a chalk and marks a 1m×1m square on the floor and stands in it.

"Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein exclaims while he opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing out in the open and says "Haha,...

Albert Einstein walked into a bar at 99 percent the speed of light.

The bartender said, "Why the short face?"

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A 10 year old and Albert Einstein play a game

Both of them will take turns to ask each other a question and if one can't answer the other's question, he has to pay the other a sum of money.

To make the game fair, if the boy fails to answer a question, he only has to pay Einstein 5 dollars, on the other hand, if Einstein fails, he has to...

What's the opposite of Albert Einstein?

Alabama, because relatives is everything.

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek in heaven..

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."


Albert's wife, Ruth died. The day of her funeral, he showed up with a hot 21yo blonde.

Albert was ruthless

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.

One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech-making.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times...

Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

Albert Einstein and Homer Simpson had a bet.

Albert Einstein says “If I can’t answer your question, i’ll give you a million dollars. If you can’t answer my question, you have to give me five dollars.”

Homer says “ok”

Albert Einstein says “I’ll start: What is the capital of France?”

Homer says “lol idk”

Homer gives E...

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.......

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?

At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.

If Albert Einstein were alive today,

we'd all probably be wondering how he lived so long.

If Albert Finney and Christopher Walken had a kid, he'd have quite a strut.

Cuz he'd be Walken Finney.

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Niels Bohr: "So Let me get this straight. If I was having sex with my girlfriend and I thrust at the speed of light, would my penis gain infinite mass?"

Albert Einstein: "I suppose it would. One thing is for sure, you'd certainly create a black hole..."

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on.

His name was FrankEinstein

Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, and George W. Bush die and end up at heaven's gate...

Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. "Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"

Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen b...

It's Albert Einstein, not mine

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

A man named Albert Smith once wrote in a hotel visitors book his initials “A.S.”

Somebody wrote underneath “two-thirds the truth”

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

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I'm thinking to name my penis Albert

It has a nice ring to it.

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Jack and Albert go camping

They find a suitable place for the camp and settle things down.

Jack says:"Im going to take a shit real quick".

"Okay,then I'm going to hunt a deer for dinner." Albert replies.

An hour passes and Albert is back from hunting and Jack is nowhere to be seen.Albert looks around.for ...

As Albert Einstein ones said:

Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!

If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,

and it was about time, too.

“I before E except after C? That’s weird science.”

-Albert Einstein

Why are there so many Albertsons?

Because Albert didn’t know there was a Safeway.

Albert Einstein's final words

Lying on his death bed at Princeton Hospital in New Jersey, Einstein starts to write letters to his family, friends and work colleagues.

The first letter writes: "To my children, know that I am ready to die. I have lived a good and meaningful life and I wish to fade into what comes next eleg...

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Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin go camping.

They arrive at the campsite and set their tent up and get everything ready. Night time comes and they decide to go into the tent and go to sleep.

During the night Albert wakes up and can see the stars so he wakes up Benjamin and asks him "Hey we can see the stars what does this mean?' Benjam...

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Einstein's Catholic Friend (OC)

Einstein's Catholic friend was constantly pestering Einstein to attend church services with him.

"Albert, why can't you come this Sunday? You wouldn't want to miss mass."

Finally, Einstein agrees to attend service with his friend.

After the service, his friend asked what Einstei...

Einstein walks into an bar with his brother, Eduard, a frequenter of the bar.

Once in the bar, Eduard sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Einstein does too.
The English bartender sees Einstein and says 'Who're you? I haven't seen you here before."
Eduard, in broken English, responds "This is Albert Einstein. He is brother."
The bartender raises an eyebrow....

If you have semi good knowledge of science this might be funny to you.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek. Albert was seeking, Newton and Pascal were hiding. When Albert goes out to seek he finds Isaac outside where he has drawn a square around himself. Albert asks Newton "What kind of hiding place is that Newton?" and Newton rep...

What's Fat Albert's super villain alias?

Fatal Bert.

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day

I call him Ginger Al

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What does Albert Einstein say after sex?

To YOU that was fast.

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Albert the 75 year old was in a nursing home....

Every day he walked into the gardens and sat on a bench. Soon after he sat down Doris would come and sit next to him - he would take his penis out and she would hold it for about an hour. After a while they stood up and walked back to their respective rooms. The staff turned a blind eye to this - af...

What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde?

Nobody would know

What did Jesus say to Albert Einstein when Einstein died?

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."

Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

Pablo Picasso, Albert Einstein, and Donald trump arrive in heaven.

Saint Peter tells them that if they can prove that they really are who they say they are, they can go in. Picasso starts painting immediately, creating a master piece. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Einstein, who explains the theory of general relativity to him. Saint Peter...

My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a handjob...

What a stroke of genius!

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Grandma in Court

**Defense Attorney:**
Will you please state your age?

**Little Old Lady:**
I am **94** years old.

**Defense Attorney:**
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of **April 1st?**

**Little Old Lady:**
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my fr...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?

"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"

Who could've expected conservative party member Boris Johnson....

would end up getting a Prince Albert?

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