Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Back in the 1980s the soviets had their own version of the American toy Stretch Armstrong. They modeled it after their hero, Karl.

The toy was called Stretch Marx.

Karl: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask people if they are a horse, but I can't introduce myself in french.

Mark: Ask me if I'm a horse

Karl: Tu es un Cheval?

Mark: Nay.

Why did Karl Marx hate earl grey?

Because all proper tea is theft

Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery?

Because he was dead.

Karl Marx dies and is put in Hell

One day Karl Marx dies and God sends him to hell. But this doesn’t stop Karl Marx. Right away, he starts to stir up people in hell:
“Look comrades! We’re here burning and suffering, while others enjoy their after-life in heaven. This no divine justice, this is madness!” And the people in hell sta...

Little Karl was with his grandma in a supermarket

Little Karl yelled to his grandma: Granny, I need to pee!

Grandma replied: We are in a public place, don't say you need to pee, say something nice, say you need to sing.

Later, when grandma was sleeping, Little Karl went to grandmas room and woke her: Granny, I need to sing!

Gr...

A rich man visits Karl Marx as he's writing the Communist manifesto.

He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

Why did Karl Marx only write in lowercase?

Because he hated capitalism.

With all the systematic problems in the US, was Karl Marx right?

No, he was left.

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

I was in a cafe the other day...

And I saw an unusual item on the menu: a duck sandwich. And I thought, how sad...

Finally the duck is surrounded by bread, but in no position to enjoy it

(Credit to the one and only Karl Chandler)

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

Karl had the worst headache ever.

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th...

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

Santa Claus and Karl Marx are pretty similar when you think about it.

They both have long beards, re distribute items for free, and we all stop believing in them at a young age.

Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

Karl Marx as a student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the...

What’s Karl Marx’s favorite measurement of time?

Hours

Karl Marx dies and stands trial before St. Peter.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H...

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

Hear about the famous Philosopher Karl?

He died Jung

Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the Bù shuō!

Karl Marx passed away and went to hell...

After some days, Lucifer, caretaker of the hell met with Angel, who take care of Heaven. Yes, they meet sometimes in the corridors of heavenly worlds! Today Lucifer was gloomy. When Angel asked about his sadness, Lucifer replied. "There is a new guy in hell named Karl Marx. He created all kinds of t...

What do you call a communist dog?

Karl Barx

Shout-out to "Matt & Tom" for that 😊

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bit of history

In the Victorian era the rich people drank tea from bone china cups while the poorer classes had to use earthen-ware mugs. Bone china can stand the shock of having boiling water poured directly into it but earthen-ware can't. So the upper classes would pour their teas and then add the milk but the l...

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

Which kid?

Wife: Honey, i think you don't love our kids equally. It seems you have one that gets less love from you.

Husband: Really? Which kid do you mean? Karl, Tina or the fat one

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell.

There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell.

There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel. “Well,” the d...

Miley Cyrus's VMA preformance...

Was so classless Karl Marx came in his grave

German guy at the French border.

A German guy is at the French border.

The French customs officer asks him some questions.

-Name?

*-Karl Schmidt.*

-Place of Residence?

*-Munich.*

-Occupation?

*-Oh, no, no. I'm just visiting.*




(Translated from an /r/French comment: ...

Fidel Castro Dies on Black Friday

Adam Smith: 1
Karl Marx: 0

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Study Conducted by the German Scientist

Okay this isn't really a joke but it's kind of interesting, especially if you like dogs. In 1998 a German researcher by the name of Dr. Karl Wagner conducted a study on the agility of dogs. One hundred male dogs and one hundred females dogs each ran a series of increasingly difficult obstacle cours...

Two whales walk into a bar...

The first whale says oooOOOOoOooOOoOoooOOOOoOoOOOooooOo

The second whale says: "Karl you're drunk!"

In the 1950's ol' Joe died and approached the gates of heaven

Being his natural self, he brought his ol' trusty gun with him.
Saint Peter greets him and says:
"You cannot enter heaven with a gun, my son"

Obviously ol' Joe is pretty upset and walks in circles trying to figure out what to do and actually manages to catch a glimpse through the gate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Soviet Joke

After Stalin’s death, the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission.
The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery.
“Well,” replies the...

Austria, mid-1950s

Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be...

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