This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

They say history is written by the victors....

But I've never seen an emu write before.

If my name was Victor, I’d become a historian.

Because history is written by the victors.

My friend Victor is a historian

He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
“This is Victor, he’s a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he’s a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mes...

Who are all these guys named Victor?

And why are we trusting them to write history?

Bullies at school make fun of me and call me a terrorist because my name is Victor...

Tomorrow, I'll bring big brother Vector! He will teach them...

Dad, why did you name me Victor?

Someone in this whole family of yours needs to be one.

Who is Victor?

Why is he allowed to write history books when he's so unreliable?

Me and my brother, Victor, competed in a food eating contest....

He was declared Victor.

Why do people give rotten food to Victor?

Because to the victor go the spoils.

Victor liked to reminisce of his high school days and asked his neighbors to call him The Victor

The Victor was also a gardener and wanted to stop buying fertilizer because it costed him too much money. He decided to start composting instead, but he lived alone so he didn’t make enough waste for his compost. Finally he decided to go door to door asking his neighbors for their spoiled food to a...

I made a list on how to do an impersonation of Victor Meldrew

a) Don't

b) Leave it

A pirate with a peg leg, eye patch, and a hook hand walks into a bar and sits down beside a curious patron

They begin a conversation and the patron asks

"How did you get the peg leg?"

Pirate says "several years ago me first mate led a mutiny against me! Me whole crew threw me overboard and a shark came and tore me leg right off. Several hours later I got lucky and found a passing vessel to ...

Dr. Frankenstein finally became popular enough in his own right to gain unlimited access to cemeteries and morgues for his creations.

I guess to the Victor goes the spoils.

I went to my old barber that I used to see years ago.

I sat in the chair and asked him if he could cut my hair a little shorter on the left side and a little longer on the right side.

“And would you be kind enough to make three or four holes in my hair on top? And little things sticking out all over?” I asked him. “And in the back I would lik...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

I know Victoria's Secret...

She used to be Victor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Veteran Survives Torture

After many years in captivity in enemy territory, Lt. Victor Danforth returns to home to much fanfare. After his return he is interviewed by journalists on national tv.


"Lt. Victor. You were endlessly tortured by the enemy, but you held out. How did you do it?"

"I'm sure there wa...

A flight dispatcher

Watches a plane somehow manage to spin on the tarmac and land tail end forwards. Fight tango victor foxtrot, what the hell is going on? He shouts into the microphone, let me speak to the captain!

The c....c.... captain is drunk, comes the reply.

Then give me the second pilot.

He...

You know who my favorite bodybuilder is?

Dr. Victor Frankenstein

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family First (original joke)

Mr. Scott Lood was a poor little farmer from Illinois who paid the bills by churning butter all day and all night. He came from a family of dairy farmers: his father was a cream maker, and his father before him a cheese maker. There was little money to be made in this line of work- so little in fact...

Three Men are Arrested...

Three men are arrested on suspicion of bank robbery. The Chief of Police is waiting for the file, which a young Sergeant brings him. "So, who are the perps?" The Chief asks, as the Sergeant looks at the files. "Victor Hammon, Timothy Rogers, and Lesley Arrane." The Sergeant replies.

The Chie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three construction workers are building a brick wall in the middle of a swamp.

During a break, the first man, Joe, says, "Let's have a brick throwing competition. Whoever can throw his brick the highest wins!"

"That sounds like fun; I'm in!" Replied the second man, Tom.

"But how will we measure who's goes the highest?" inquired Jim, the third man.

"Simple,...

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

There was once three kingdoms.

Now the first kingdom was full of people saying "Ehh!" all the time, so without being superbly creative, they called themselves the Kingdom of Ehh. The second kingdom, which farmed bees and their honey as the main form of currency and food, called themselves the Kingdom of Bee. And the third and fin...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.