UPJOKE
given namehenriweiyukramonold germanrayyiuwhitneyernieadrianwalshjoelshirleybecky

Raymond starts work at a zoo.

His first job is to clean out a tank of rare fish. However Raymond slips on a wet patch, smashes the fish tank and watches in horror as the fish flip-flop around on the floor. There are no other tanks nearby, so Raymond flings the dying fish into the lion enclosure, where a hungry lion soon snaps th...

Three Ducks Were Swimming & Playing Near The Shore Of A Lake

A man approaches, and asks the first duck what his name is and what he is doing. The duck replies "My name is Raymond, and I'm going underwater and blowing bubbles!" The man asks the same of the second duck, and gets the response "My name is Nandy and I'm going underwater and blowing bubbles!" He as...

A Young beautiful teacher was giving

her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows you are thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An ...

Did you know Raymond Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?

His name was Tim

Do you want some Raymond?

Guy 1 - do you want some Raymond?
Guy 2- do you mean ramen?
Guy 1- no, Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Mom and Dad

We are having a great time here at Camp CatchaCough. Our Scoutmaster is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.
Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain look...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two bums are walking down the street

Two bums are walking down the street when the 1st bum notices a foul smell. He turns to his buddy and asks “Whew, Raymond, did you shit your pants!?”

“Nah man, I didn’t.”

They walk a bit further when the 1st bum realizes something still really stinks. He asks again”Hey Raymond! You’re ...

If James Spader played a redditor in Blacklist, what would be the name of his character?

Raymond Redditon

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew runs over to the hospital

He has heard that his friend Raymond is in there, but doesn't know why. As soon as he finds his room in the hopsital, he goes to the doctor and asks,

Israel?

My friend drank a tin of wood varnish

In the beginning the death throes were terrible, but a lovely finish.

(This joke was invented and told to me by my uncle Raymond when I was a little kid)

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