This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a doctor....

He says I don't know if my wife has TB or VD. The doctor says Chase her around the bed. If she coughs, fuck her.

—Gilbert Godfried

What do you get when you cross Gilbert Gottfried and Donald Trump?

A migraine.

Do you know why W. S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his Trans-Atlantic crossings?

Because he was quartered on the port side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lottery- Gilbert Gottfried

A man comes home to his wife and says "Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!" She says "What should I pack?" He says "I don't care just pack and get the fuck out!"

Traumatized son

A young boy, an only child no more than ten years old, wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

As he is walking to the restroom, he opens his parents' bedroom door and sees them copulating quite vigorously. The boy screams in horror. The mom throws the dad off and attempts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do pants fit on a man with 5 penises?

Like a glove


>-Gilbert Gottfried (shortened)

Did you hear about the standup comic who was just released from prison?

Yeah, Gilbert got freed.

(I apologize to Gilbert.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Urine Trouble

Three old men are sitting on a park bench. One of them begins complaining to the others about his problems in the bathroom.

"I can't take it. Every morning, 8am I try and I try to take a piss but no matter how long I stand there at the toilet I can't squeeze a drop!"

The old man sittin...

A man walks into a restaurant...

A man walks into a restaurant and sees a sign that reads:

CHEESEBURGER: $2.00 SALAD: $4.50 HAND JOB: $15.00

He decides to order and an exceptionally attractive blonde comes over. "What may I get you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand j...

A man rushes to the hospital after his wife gets in a severe car accident.

(one of my favorite jokes, I believe originally from Gilbert Gottfried)

Upon arrival the surgeon rushes out to see him.
**Surgeon:** Sir, I'm afraid I have terrible news. Your wife was in a severe accident and she is paralyzed from the neck down. From here on out, you'll have to do every...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Gilbert Melendez

Gilbert Melendez who?

Gilbert may lend deez nuts

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