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Augustus Jokes

Completed in 1856, Big Ben was designed by architects Charles Barry and Augustus Welby Pugin and took 13 years to build.

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.

What does Augustus Caesar and a straight stick used for measuring inches have in common?

They're both imperial rulers

Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust...

Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming:

"I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"

Who came after Augustus?

Septembrus

Augustus was touring his empire.

In the crowd, he noticed a man who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked:

“Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?”

“No your Highness,” the man replied, “but my father was.”

Downloading Tik Tok but never opening it is like how Augustus Waters always carries a cigarette in his mouth.

As soon as you use it, you will die of cancer.

The Emperor Augustus is out on a walkabout near the the Palace when he notices a man who bears a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued, the Emperor asks the man 'Did your mother ever work in service at the Palace?'

'No, your highness' replies the man 'but my father did'

Stevie Wonder has a bet with Tiger Woods on a game of golf, Stevie says I will beat you, so they agree to have a $500,000 bet on it, Stevie says you name the venue and I will name the time, Tiger says OK St Augustus, so what time we playing? Stevie replied.

Midnight.

A doctor was telling a colleague about a patient who had come in from a terrible car accident.

"They were losing a lot of blood and had to be operated on right away. The other passengers from the accident came in with them, but were mostly unharmed. As I saw to the patient, a nurse got information from the others involved in the accident, apparently a brother and sister, Augustus and Beatrice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate that SEPTember, OCTOber, NOVember, and DECember aren't the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months.

Whoever fucked this up should get stabbed.

However, if I recall, they did use to be the corresponding months. It was just that when Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Augustus came to power, the months of July(Julius) and August(Augustus) were added, thus throwing off the number on the calendar....

A fitness freak is out for a run one day. She's having a great run, tunes playing through her ear buds, sun shining.

As she sprints blissfully across a road, a massive truck ploughs into her.

The next thing she's aware of is she's standing in a shiny, beautiful place and inately realises, this must be Heaven.

Sure enough, an angel approaches her and tells her, yes she's now in Heaven and gives her a ...

A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome

Jokes of the Ancient Romans



Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...

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