Albert Einstein Jokes

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
... read more

His name was FrankEinstein

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. "Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"

Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen b... read more

I always thought he was a theoretical physicist

The bartender said, "Why the short face?"

MC Squared!

Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”.

Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”.

Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”

He finally arrived apologizing profusely.

Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."

Host: "It's about time."

Einstein: "And space!"

Even his marriage was relative.

He was a total monster.

What a stroke of genius.

His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

developed a theory about space. And, boy, it was about time, too!

His name was Frank.

Alabama, because relatives is everything.

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

MC squared

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ... read more

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and sa... read more

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could giv... read more

Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.

Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?

Ein... read more

He was talking to his car driver along the way.”You know, this gets boring after a while.” So the car driver responds with,” Then why don’t we trade places, you be the driver and I will be you!”

Einstein loved that idea, and immediately switched clothes with his driver.

As they pulled... read more

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

Einstein told him that he is a great scientists from Germany. Einstein tells him

"I’ll ask you a question and if you’re not able to answer it, you will give me 5$, then you’ll ask me a question and if I’m not able to answer then I will give you 500$.”

The man thinks 5$ : 500$ seems l... read more

An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is:

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet ... read more

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3....... read more

So I bought two of them

"But your name is Brian", he said.

"Yeah, I know - and I was named *after* Albert Einstein", you little prick.

I call it: The Theory of Relativity.

we'd all probably be wondering how he lived so long.

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua... read more

A stable genius.... (original)

Lying on his death bed at Princeton Hospital in New Jersey, Einstein starts to write letters to his family, friends and work colleagues.

The first letter writes: "To my children, know that I am ready to die. I have lived a good and meaningful life and I wish to fade into what comes next eleg... read more

A man and Albert Einstein are sitting next to each other on a plane. Einstein keeps turning to the man and talking about how smart he is. Saying stuff like “oh people say in the smartest man alive”, or “I’m just so incredibly smart.” The man just ignores all of this and just reads his book. Finally ... read more

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

"I hate these damn speeches," Albert says to his driver, who shares some similarities with him.

"Well, as your driver, I have to go to all of them. I don't know the science, but I can do the speech for you."

"Great idea!" Says Einstein."Let's switch places!" So, Albert and his driver s... read more

Saint Peter tells them that if they can prove that they really are who they say they are, they can go in. Picasso starts painting immediately, creating a master piece. Saint Peter thanks him and lets him in. He then turns to Einstein, who explains the theory of general relativity to him. Saint Peter... read more

What a stroke of genius!

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:... read more

Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!

and it was about time, too.

It was Einstein's turn to find them.

Pascal went and hide behind the bushes.

But Newton just stood on a 1M *1M tile..

Einstein came out and shouted "Newton, you are out!"

Newton replied " No, actually you are out, as I am Pascal"

Einstein: "Elaborate..."

"As... read more

Nobody would know

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."

Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

"What is the difference between stupidity and genius? Genius has its limits."
-- Albert Einstein

Then i must be Albert Einstein

Once in the bar, Eduard sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Einstein does too.
The English bartender sees Einstein and says 'Who're you? I haven't seen you here before."
Eduard, in broken English, responds "This is Albert Einstein. He is brother."
The bartender raises an eyebrow.... read more

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the ... read more

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu... read more

Albert Einstein says “If I can’t answer your question, i’ll give you a million dollars. If you can’t answer my question, you have to give me five dollars.”

Homer says “ok”

Albert Einstein says “I’ll start: What is the capital of France?”

Homer says “lol idk”

Homer gives E... read more

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu... read more

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Georg Ohm: "I'm resisting the idea."

Robert Boyle: "I'm under too much pressure."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Pierre and Marie Curie: "We're radiating enthusiasm."

Alessandro... read more

Bored, and thinking he could have some fun with her, the lawyer leans over and offers to play a game.
"We take turns asking each other questions. If you cannot answer my question correctly, you must give me $10. If I cannot answer a question of yours correctly, I will give you $100. Deal?"
The... read more

Was ALBERT EINSTEIN stupid?

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal were playing hide and seek. Albert was seeking, Newton and Pascal were hiding. When Albert goes out to seek he finds Isaac outside where he has drawn a square around himself. Albert asks Newton "What kind of hiding place is that Newton?" and Newton rep... read more

A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"


ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"


ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTH... read more