What did God say about Saint Joan when she arrived in heaven?

Well done.

What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?

One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans.

Joan Collins forced to flee fire:

The funeral director has had to make a formal apology as he could have sworn she was dead.

No joke will ever be too soon for Joan Rivers thread.

Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.

what was Joan of Arc's hidden talent?

She could really cook.

How did Joan lose 240 pounds?

She got a divorce.

Three Nuns

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. H...

Why didn't Joan of Arc ever poke fun at her friends?

Because she knew they'd roast her

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A man walks into a bar and says “a round on me, I’m getting married”

“I had to make a difficult decision between 3 women”
The bartender asks “oh yeah, how so?”
“Well,” says the man “I had 3 potential brides so I decided to do an experiment. I gave each woman $1000 to see what they would do with it.”

The man goes on “the first was Lucy. She spent the mone...

What flavor of coffee is name for Joan of Arc?

French Roast

In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags.

Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.

What do Alicia Keys, Katniss Everdeen, and Joan of Arc all have in common?

They're all girls on fire.

What would Joan Rivers be doing if she was alive right now?!

Scratching at the inside of her coffin.

Courtesy of my dad.

Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

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Some of Joan Rivers' Best One-Liners

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I hate thin people: ‘Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?’

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

I wish I ...

If Joan Rivers rises from the ashes....

Will she be Rivers Phoenix?

Why was Joan of Arc never good in debates?

Because she could not take the heat.

The great thing about Joan Rivers is

No matter who digs her up in a thousand years time, she'll always look surprised to see them.

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

Farewell to the last original piece of Joan Rivers...

her soul

Joan Rivers is just like Soldier Field...

She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications.

Who has the easiest job in the world right now?

Joan Rivers' embalmer.

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A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff...

...they all die and go to Heaven. As they were approaching the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter comes out to greet them:
"My dear sisters, welcome to Heaven”, said the apostle. The nuns were thrilled to meet him, but he proceeded without delay: “Please form a line while I go back inside to get somethin...

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The Clitoris Licking Frog

A new exotic adults' toy shop opens in town and Joan, a middle-aged spinster decides to go and check out their wares in hopes to satisfy her usually unquenchable urges.
A poster in the shop window immediately catches Joan's eye. 'NEW Clitoris Licking Frog - Guaranteed satisfaction in minutes'. ...

why parents have gray hair ..

Just a reminder........
Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he o...

It sure is hot down here!

The Johnsons from Canada decide to head to Florida, staying at the same hotel they honeymooned at for their 20th anniversary. However, due to their last minute decision, both have too take separate flights. When the husband arrives, he immediately emails his wife (Joanne) but in his haste he mistype...

Mr. Steve Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana.

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived...

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Bad E-mail Addresses

Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6 characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson = mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the problems that may happen when...

People say that money is not the key to happiness...

...but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers

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