Joan Jokes

Joan Rivers died doing what she loved to do best. Surgery.

Burning steaks.

One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans.

Emily happily raises her hand and say : "Daddy's a mechanic and Mommy is a teacher like you !"

Jason then replies : "Well, my dad is a chef and my mom is her accountant"

And so on, every child answers to their best until it is little Billy's turn, who suddenly bursts into tears.
... read more

She could really cook.

French Roast

Joan: "Can he share it with Jimmy?" Joe sighed and said: "Honey, who's dying - - you or me?"

The funeral director has had to make a formal apology as he could have sworn she was dead.

"Well done."

Because she knew they'd roast her

Scratching at the inside of her coffin.

Courtesy of my dad.

No matter who digs her up in a thousand years time, she'll always look surprised to see them.

her soul

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

She used to be a National Historical Landmark before all of the modifications.

Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

They're all girls on fire.

Joan Rivers' embalmer.

One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. H... read more

St. Peter met them at the Pearly Gates and welcomed them to heaven. "Welcome, my dear sisters. We are glad to have you here, but unfortunately, we are having some issues with restructuring at the moment, so all souls that come here for the next week will be allowed to live a week in the life of a pe... read more

When they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter says to them that heaven is too full at the moment and needs expanding. While they wait to get in, for all their good work St. Peter let’s them spend one day on earth as a person of their own choice.

The first nun picks mother Theresa because of th... read more

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on ... read more

Just a reminder........
Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he o... read more

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe... read more

As she sprints blissfully across a road, a massive truck ploughs into her.

The next thing she's aware of is she's standing in a shiny, beautiful place and inately realises, this must be Heaven.

Sure enough, an angel approaches her and tells her, yes she's now in Heaven and gives her a ... read more

...but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. - Joan Rivers

He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter, and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted.When she was finally revived... read more