In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

Snow White and Prince Charming in Divorce Court

Judge: So, you want a divorce because your wife is too moody?

Prince: No, I said that last night I came home and she was feeling Happy, and then she was feeling Grumpy, then she was feeling Bashful, then she was feeling Sleepy…

Why couldn’t Prince Andrew be a cherry farmer?

He kept picking them before they were ripe.

What do Margaret Thatcher & Prince Andrew have in common?

...They both shafted miners!

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

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What do you call a prince fucking a princess ?

Princest



Yeah i'll leave

Ladies....Fcuk Prince Charming. Go for the wolf.

He can see you better . Hear you better and Eat you better.

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.”

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out...

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

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Golf Player and Saudi Prince

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family...

Poor Prince Phillip...

99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.

During A Battle, After the Death Of His Brother, A Prince from The Human Kingdom Screams to his Soldiers:

\- Kill the enemies, we must avenge my brother!!


then the elf archer, one of his most loyal allies says:


\- You got my bow at your side;


After that, the dwarf, a strong warrior says to the prince:


\- You got my hammer at your side;


At ...

A street near Buckingham palace is being renamed to “Prince Andrew’s Close”

It’s not honorary, it’s a warning.

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A man badly wanted to lick the princess' boobs.

He decided to ask his friend Johnny, who works in the palace. He promised 2,000 gold coins to Johnny, he agreed instantly with the deal.


A few days later, Johnny goes and sprinkles itching powder on the princess' bra while she was taking a bath. The plan worked successfully, when the pr...

DmX meets Prince Phillip at the pearly gates

DMX meets Prince Phillip at the Pearly Gates after DMX dies at 50 years old.

Prince Phillip scoffs at him. "50?!".

DMX says "Nah man, you got me confused with that other rapper."

Why did princess peach begin to choke?

Because Mario came down the wrong pipe

What's prince zukos favorite video game?

Dishonored

What do you call a prince who made a mistake?

A heirror

What is it called when the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air tells a lie?

Will's myth.

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Prince Philip meets Diana in heaven

So Prince Philip enters the pearly gates and one of the first people he sees is Diana - whom he notoriously didn't like.

"Hello my dear, what a lovely halo you have," he says.

"Fuck off Philip, you know it's a steering wheel."

The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Edinburgh

The recent death of the Duke of Edinburgh reminded me of the time that Prince Charles went to open a school in Brixton in London. The Prince's speech went well, but people were distracted by his headwear, which was a Davey Crockett-type hat made from fox fur, with the fox's tail hanging down at the ...

How come the Fresh Prince was able to craft a sword?

He's a black Smith.

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

An Acadian, a Newfie and a Quebec'er were walking down the beach when they they found a Genie's lamp

The Genie said that he would grant them each one wish. The Genie turned to the Acadian and asked "What will be your wish?"

The Acadian said "Well, I had to start working out West and they don't speak a lot of French there, so it would be nice if they would accept me for who I am."

Th...

If there is a king and queen size mattress, where does the prince sleep?

On the heir mattresses

-Repost because of spelling-

During the Middle Ages, a young prince is relaxing in his palace waiting for a love letter from a princess in the next kingdom.

A pigeon flies in holding a letter in its beak. The prince takes the letter, opens it and reads:

"Limited time special: Get your sword polished for only 5 gold coins."

My 3 year old daughter as a pink fairy princes

To my wife: “I’ll make you a queen!”
To me: “I’ll make you a cookie monster!”

Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?

He was next in line to be Coronated.

What do princes wear on their feet?

Heir Jordans

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A prince is riding through the woods on his horse.

Suddenly he hears someone screaming for help near the path. He immediately jumps off his horse and hurries in the direction from which the screams seemed to come. Behind a bush he discovers a dwarf trapped under a small tree.

"Help! Please help me, I'm stuck here," the dwarf screams in pain....

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some h...

Livid, just found out that Prince Phillip died in the Queen's Arms.

I thought they weren't open till Monday!

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Why was Prince Charles’s dick multicoloured?

He kept dipping it in Di

Good job to whoever named it a 'Prince Albert'.

It has a nice ring to it.

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Prince charming wants to get married.

Prince charming want to get married, finds Snow White and asks:

Will you marry me?

"Of course, Majesty."

Prince charming shows his penis and asks:

Do you know what this is?

"Your beautiful penis, Prince.

I'm leaving. I want an innocent woman.

The Prin...

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

A prince visited a famous Yogi

When the Prince walked up to the Yogi, He was meditating in a handstand pose. The prince felt that it was extremely rude that the man would not stand up and great him properly.

The prince said, “Sir, stand up greet me properly!”



“Namaste upside down” said the Yogi

What's the real reason Prince Harry loves America?

When he goes to a strip bar, he doesn't have to tuck a picture of his grandmother in the girl's G-strings.

A prince under a spell

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darli...

Rick Astley and James Blunt are in a bar having a pint

And they are talking about all the celebrities they knew :-

Rick Astley said "I met Yoko Ono in Soho once" but James had never met her before

James mentioned he was good friends with Carrie Fisher, unfortunately Rick had never met her

Rick Mentioned once going to dinner with ...

Why were the Artist Formerly Known as Prince's anecdotes so boring?

Because of the name dropping

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

You all have heard about Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime.

But have you heard about his father who was Joking.

Mother Theresa goes to Heaven

Mother Theresa walks through the pearly gates and sees princes Diana. She asks the angel Gabriel..."Hey...I spent my whole life working to help others...why does Diana have a halo and I dont?" Gabriel answers..."That's not a halo...that's a steering wheel"

Too soon?

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

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If Prince Albert is when you pierce the head, what title does Albert get when the balls are pierced?

Baron

Just saw a couple of Arab princes having a fight.

They were having a Sheik up

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

I’m not prince barstool tired...

I’m not Queen deck chair tired

I’m sofa king tired

Why was Prince Andrew hoping to contract Corona-virus?

He wanted to spend more time inside quaran-teens.

I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

An American, a German and an Arabian prince brag about who has the largest family.

The American says: "I got 5 kids. Only one more and I have an complete ice hockey team."

The German replies: "You amateur. I got 10 kids. Only one more and I can send a complete foootball (soccer) team onto the filed."

The Arabian prince then replies: "That's nothing... I've got 17 wiv...

Once, a prince..

..decided to disguise himself and mingle with people to see their hardships by himself. There, he encountered a farmer who looked exactly like him. Curious, the prince approached the farmer and asked him "By any chance, did your mother work in the palace?"


The farmer replied, "No, bu...

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Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided t...

My son wrote a short fairy tale about a prince who became a princess

He named it Once Upon a Wiener

(True story)

Just got an email from a Nigerian prince, he says he'll give me all of his wealth for free.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger.

email

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria. I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh. Turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

One night I paid £20 pounds to see the Prince

But I partied like it was £19.99

Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid - 19

His brother Andrew is in isolation with Bethany - 14

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

Prince Andrew has said he's had some ups and downs in the past year.

Wouldn't that have something to do with being the Duke of York?

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew and Donald Trump?

Murdered in your prison cell.

The Princess and the Frog

One day a Princess was walking in her private garden when she spotted a large frog sitting by the side of the pond, staring at her intensely. Having heard all the magical fairy stories, she approached the frog and asked: "Oh magical frog! Is it true that you will turn into a handsome prince if I kis...

If Prince Zuko worries about about where the avatar is

Does he have Aangxiety?

Did you hear about Prince?

Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.

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My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

Where did Prince Charles spend his honeymoon?

Indiana

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The reactions to the half time show are pretty mixed. I've seen some people say it was the best since Prince and some people say it's the worst since Coldplay. Others have said it was complete ass.

It’s hard to tell what they think.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

Prince

What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”

“A Prince...”

“...That’s not very scary.”

“...Andrew”

“Oh”

What did Cinderella do when she got to the prince's ball?

Gag

Four frogs are playing poker behind a bar in New Orleans. One frog said: "You know I used to be a pet to a prince that came here one time." The other frogs roll their eyes, "You know what happend next? I was suddenly down their toilet and in the gutter" the frogs ignore and place their final bets.

Without skipping a beat the frog says: "I guess you can say, it was a..." throws cards down "a royal flush".

A Prince was visiting a small, unknown village wearing a fancy hat made from the hair of a fox...

The villagers asked the Prince, "That is a magnificent hat you have, what made you decide to wear it?"

"Well", said the Prince, "I was telling the Queen about my plan to visit your small village and she replied, 'Wear the fox hat?' And that's why I'm wearing it today"

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Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

Finally Prince Charles has been coronated

by a virus

Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19.

Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

What do Prince Andrew and Tide Pods have in common?



They should always kept away from children

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A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

Prince Charles has been waiting 70 years

And now he got the wrong Corona

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

The truth was that Rapunzel didn’t want a prince to save her

She was just kinky and wanted someone to pull her hair

How do you keep a prince cool?

Use an heir conditioner.

Prince Harry is leaving the royal family to become a painter

He's going to be the artist formerly known as Prince.....

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What does Prince Andrew, Manchester United & the black eyed peas have in Comon?

It all went to shit when fergie left.

Prince Andrew

I'm so sad, I've just heard the news:
’Prince Andrew’s fatal car crash accident in Paris tunnel’...

Next month.

"Prince Andrew, did you manage to handle that interview well?"

"Yeah, no sweat"

The kingdom was in shock to find out that the prince's mother was also his aunt

He was an ingrown heir

Meghan and Prince Harry have announced the name of their new baby boy.

They're going to call him Seatbelt.



It's what his mother would have wanted.

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Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace and finds his girlfriend crying and packing all her stuff.

When he asks her what’s wrong, she sobs that she is leaving him because people are calling him paedophile.

With a look of disbelief, he steps back and says, “Whoa! That’s a big wo...

When I die I'm going to entrust my money to a Nigerian prince

...on the condition that he can find a valid US bank account to transfer it to.

I received an email from a teenage prince from the Middle East.

The email said that I could stay at his palace if I wanted to.

I then asked him “where in the Middle East are you from?”

He said he was Palace-teen-ian

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A prince in a distant and very rich kingdom decided it was time to get married.

After announcing his intentions, three beautiful noble women showed up as candidates.

Not knowing which one he should marry, the prince had the idea of proposing a contest. He gave 1000 golden coins to each woman and told them: "You have 5 days to spend all of this coins, then come back to me...

I saw a little person at a Halloween party. He was dressed as Prince Andrew but hauling around a small compressor with him.

I approached him and asked what the deal was and he told me he was "compressed heir."

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

A wise Nigerian prince once said…

"I think, therefore I scam."

Once there was a prince who, through no fault of his own was placed under a curse by a witch.

The curse dictated that he was only allowed to speak one word a year. However, he could build up credits if he had not spoken for a year.

One day, a beautiful princess came to his kingdom, and he decided to refrain from speaking for two years so that he could say "My darling."

However,...

You have to give Prince Phillip credit for his driving record....

He hasn’t been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

1978: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2005: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2018: UK's prince marries, Liverpool is in the Champions League final, and the Pope is cheering for Real Madrid like a madman.

Three young princes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare mar...

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