What do Margaret Thatcher & Prince Andrew have in common?

...They both shafted miners!

Prince

What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”

“A Prince...”

“...That’s not very scary.”

“...Andrew”

“Oh”

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew and Donald Trump?

Murdered in your prison cell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

A Nigerian Prince has offered to hand over control of his mines to me.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace and finds his girlfriend crying and packing all her stuff.

When he asks her what’s wrong, she sobs that she is leaving him because people are calling him paedophile.

With a look of disbelief, he steps back and says, “Whoa! That’s a big wo...

Prince Andrew

I'm so sad, I've just heard the news:
’Prince Andrew’s fatal car crash accident in Paris tunnel’...

Next month.

"Prince Andrew, did you manage to handle that interview well?"

"Yeah, no sweat"

Snow White was texting the prince...

when a horse and carriage came out of no where and hit her. Unfortunately, she died on the spot.

The driver of the horse and carriage cried, “It wasn’t my fault. She was distracted by her cell phone!”

Within hours, the entire kingdom learned of Snow White’s death. When the prince event...

I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Prince Andrew, Manchester United & the black eyed peas have in Comon?

It all went to shit when fergie left.

The truth was that Rapunzel didn’t want a prince to save her

She was just kinky and wanted someone to pull her hair

Meghan and Prince Harry have announced the name of their new baby boy.

They're going to call him Seatbelt.



It's what his mother would have wanted.

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her…

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?"

"You mus...

what's the difference between a ball and a prince?

one is thrown in the air and the other is heir to the throne.

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

Murdered in a tunnel in Paris.

Once there was a prince who, through no fault of his own was placed under a curse by a witch.

The curse dictated that he was only allowed to speak one word a year. However, he could build up credits if he had not spoken for a year.

One day, a beautiful princess came to his kingdom, and he decided to refrain from speaking for two years so that he could say "My darling."

However,...

Saudi Arabian Prince goes to Europe to study.

In a few months he writes a letter to his father:

"Hello, father. My studies proceed well. I like everything here. People are friendly, and student life is abundant. However, one thing worries me very much. Every time I come to school by my Lamborghini, I feel really uncomfortable, because a...

I remember paying $20 once to see Prince

.. but I partied like it was $19.99

How do you keep a prince cool?

Use an heir conditioner.

If Prince Zuko worries about about where the avatar is

Does he have Aangxiety?

Prince Philip turns up to a political event 20 minutes before everyone else

and the doorman says

“Blimey Phil, you’re early”

And Philip replies “Actually Bob, I think I’m more dukey”

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

A Prince is Cursed by a Witch.

He can only say one word a year. But, he can decline to say one word a year and say two words the next year and so on and so forth. One day, he sees a beautiful princess. He wants to ask her to marry him. So, he decides to wait four years to ask her to marry him. But on the second year, he decided t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Prince's guitar and Donald Trump?

One's a sexy Fender.

When I die I'm going to entrust my money to a Nigerian prince

...on the condition that he can find a valid US bank account to transfer it to.

Donald Trump was challenged by the police over his recent Twitter gaffe about meeting the Prince of Whales

He was let off with a cetacean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Snow White and Prince Charming are on a date.

They kick the 7 dwarves out so they can have the cottage to themselves to do what they're gonna do. The dwarves decide to spy on the couple, and peek in the window by making a ladder and standing on each other's shoulders.
Prince Charming kisses Snow White, and the dwarves start telling each oth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

you look for fresh prince.

Frog wife "have you been cheating on me?"

Human prince: "No"

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry Heimlich, the creator of the Heimlich maneuver, was getting frustrated.

Everywhere he went, people pretended they were choking to see what he would do. One day, he visited England. During a banquet with the royal family, the Queen grabbed her throat and bent over. Heimlich ignored her, and she confessed that she was faking. Later, he passed a prince on the street, and t...

Why can you not break Prince Rupert's Drops Monday thru Friday?

Because you have to hit them on the weak end.

A long time ago, a young prince was married to a young princess, ending the feud between two warring kingdoms.

On their wedding night, the princess says to the prince, "I offer you my honor."
The prince replies, "I'm honored by your offer".

That's how it went all night- honor and offer, honor and offer...

You have to give Prince Phillip credit for his driving record....

He hasn’t been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99.

It will be the bill that was formerly known as a Twenty.

Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to Hell...

Given his cruel, sadistic streak, the demons really like this guy and start giving him some say in how the day-to-day life of Hell can be made more Hellish for the other souls. He introduces bizarre new forms of torture on an almost daily basis.



One day, the man comes up with his dar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince in a distant and very rich kingdom decided it was time to get married.

After announcing his intentions, three beautiful noble women showed up as candidates.

Not knowing which one he should marry, the prince had the idea of proposing a contest. He gave 1000 golden coins to each woman and told them: "You have 5 days to spend all of this coins, then come back to me...

What did Cinderella do when she got to the prince's ball?

Gag

A Saudi prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

Looks like Prince Philip's been in another accident.

They shouldn’t let him drive..........The Dukes a Hazzard.

My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

Prince Phillip has finally apologised to the crash victim saying he’s deeply sorry...

Only took him 21 years

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

Prince Harry takes Meghan on a date. Who pays?

The taxpayers.

Did you hear about Prince?

Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

Trump, Putin, Xi Jinping, and Prince Muhammad Bin Salman are all on AF-1.

Trump- You know, I could throw a billion dollars out the window and many would like it.


Putin- I could throw a nation's wealth out the window and millions would like it.


Xi- I could throw America's wealth out the window and billions would like it.


MBS- I could throw ...

A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.

Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

Once upon a time, a frog told a princess that if she kissed him he'd become a handsome prince.

Turns out, he was just full of flies.

Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a strip club

Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra

1978: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2005: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2018: UK's prince marries, Liverpool is in the Champions League final, and the Pope is cheering for Real Madrid like a madman.

What did the Queen say when she heard about Prince Harry's plans to marry a bourgeois?

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"

Where did Prince Charles go on his honeymoon?

indiana

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If kings are in charge of kingdoms, emperors are in charge of empires, and princes are in charge of principalities....

....then who is in charge of a country?

Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering

She wasn't Aladdin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

Prince Harry’s bachelor party had to be pretty awkward.

He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The princess wouldn't let prince make love to her

Ages ago there was a kingdom where a royal wedding took place.

Prince and a princess had a feast and then went to their chambers to consume their marriage, but there was a problem - the princess wouldn't let prince make love to her.

The prince waited and tried every day for next couple...

Three young princes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare mar...

Prince Harry and Megan are having a baby!

The first royal jaffa!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I said to my wife, "Our relationship is a lot like a Disney movie."

"Aww... That's cute," she giggled, "I'm your princess and you are my charming prince?"


"Not exactly" I said. "I've fucked seven dwarfs."

I've just been scammed by a Nigerian Prince

His version of Purple Rain was abysmal.

Following the events of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, how did the Hogwarts payroll department satisfy the sudden termination of Albus Dumbledore?

Severus Package

What's the Queen's favorite Prince song?

Purple Reign.

I found a bar that only plays songs by Prince, but you can drink as much as you like, all night, for $20.

I'm gonna party like it's $19.99

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

A Nigerian prince secretly orders a 2nd wife over the internet from Thailand.

The wedding was a black-tie affair

There was once an ambitious prince...

Born the youngest out of 4 brothers.

There was a heated discussion when all four princes were at an appropriate age for being candidates to the throne. But alas, how unfair fate is as our little prince was bested by his brothers.

At an early age he found himself planting seeds of envy ...

I almost fell for the Nigerian Prince Scam

Jokes on them I already know Nigeria doesn't exist

Just received an email from a wealthy Nigerian Prince.

He told me that he doesn’t have any fortune to share with me at the moment but he would appreciate if I could let him know before May 25th if I wish to continue receiving emails.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince charming wants to get married.

Prince charming want to get married, finds Snow White and asks:

Will you marry me?

"Of course, Majesty."

Prince charming shows his penis and asks:

Do you know what this is?

"Your beautiful penis, Prince.

I'm leaving. I want an innocent woman.

The Prin...

Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says “Have you seen Dad”?

William replies “He wasn’t invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla”.

Did you hear about what happened to the Austrian prince?

He got serbed

A wise Nigerian prince once said…

"I think, therefore I scam."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

Why isn't anyone falling for my new Vietnamese prince email scam?

Maybe I didn't offer enough dong?

If Prince is dead then...

Is his music now "royalty-free"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that the Black Prince, Edward of Woodstock, died of dysentery.

That's a shitty way to die.

Princess Jasmine used the carpet to get into America

She was deported after 2 days because, obviously, she wasn't Aladdin the country

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

Ouch! Meghan slapped Prince Harry in public.

He says that if she does it again, the Empire strikes back.

What was Prince’s favorite dessert?

Raspberry Sorbet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Prince Charles has a multi coloured penis?

He used to dip it in Di every night

The Princess and the Frog [long]

A beautiful princess had a shiny gold ball that was her prize possession. She would take it with her wherever she would go, gently throwing it in the air while she sang. One day she dropped the ball and it rolled down a hill and into a large pond. The princess ran to the pond and started to cry w...

What do you call a Saudi prince smoking a joint?

Sheikh n' bake.

I asked a emo girl out yesterday but got turned down.

She's probably just waiting for her prince harming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

Why doesn’t Snow White have any children?

She’s still waiting for her prince to cum

A Saudi prince has come forward saying that they should end the ban placed on women driving in the kingdom.

Interesting, just in time when all global tech giants are in the final stage of trials of their self-driving cars.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.