An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.”

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out...

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

If kissing a raw fish gives you salmonella, what did Prince Charming get after kissing Cindy?

Cinderella

Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?

He was next in line to be Coronated.

My son wrote a short fairy tale about a prince who became a princess

He named it Once Upon a Wiener

(True story)

What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip?

killed in a tunnel


Jimmy Carr

A prince under a spell

A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darli...

An American, a German and an Arabian prince brag about who has the largest family.

The American says: "I got 5 kids. Only one more and I have an complete ice hockey team."

The German replies: "You amateur. I got 10 kids. Only one more and I can send a complete foootball (soccer) team onto the filed."

The Arabian prince then replies: "That's nothing... I've got 17 wiv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince charming wants to get married.

Prince charming want to get married, finds Snow White and asks:

Will you marry me?

"Of course, Majesty."

Prince charming shows his penis and asks:

Do you know what this is?

"Your beautiful penis, Prince.

I'm leaving. I want an innocent woman.

The Prin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is riding through the woods on his horse.

Suddenly he hears someone screaming for help near the path. He immediately jumps off his horse and hurries in the direction from which the screams seemed to come. Behind a bush he discovers a dwarf trapped under a small tree.

"Help! Please help me, I'm stuck here," the dwarf screams in pain....

A prince visited a famous Yogi

When the Prince walked up to the Yogi, He was meditating in a handstand pose. The prince felt that it was extremely rude that the man would not stand up and great him properly.

The prince said, “Sir, stand up greet me properly!”



“Namaste upside down” said the Yogi

Once, a prince..

..decided to disguise himself and mingle with people to see their hardships by himself. There, he encountered a farmer who looked exactly like him. Curious, the prince approached the farmer and asked him "By any chance, did your mother work in the palace?"


The farmer replied, "No, bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout. "No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided t...

Just got an email from a Nigerian prince, he says he'll give me all of his wealth for free.

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger.

Is Prince Andrew worried about his current situation?

No, he isn’t sweating it at all.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Prince Albert is when you pierce the head, what title does Albert get when the balls are pierced?

Baron

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Seven Dwarfs are spying on Snow White in a room with her Prince.

They fight a little bit who's going to be spying on them through the keyhole but after a while, they settle that it'll be a job of the tallest dwarf.

So he's looking through the keyhole and suddenly he tells the second dwarf next to him: "He's kissing her.", the second tells the third dwarf: ...

What do Margaret Thatcher & Prince Andrew have in common?

...They both shafted miners!

Just saw a couple of Arab princes having a fight.

They were having a Sheik up

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

I have no doubt Prince Andrew will walk away from all of the accusations alleged toward him without any consequences

No sweat

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

Four frogs are playing poker behind a bar in New Orleans. One frog said: "You know I used to be a pet to a prince that came here one time." The other frogs roll their eyes, "You know what happend next? I was suddenly down their toilet and in the gutter" the frogs ignore and place their final bets.

Without skipping a beat the frog says: "I guess you can say, it was a..." throws cards down "a royal flush".

I’m not prince barstool tired...

I’m not Queen deck chair tired

I’m sofa king tired

What do you call a prince rabbit?

The "hare" to the throne

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman finds a Genie lamp and brings it home...

She decides to polish it and rubs it with a cloth.

*POOF!* a Genie appears

Genie: "Thank you for freeing me, I grant you three wishes. What will they be?"

Old woman, shocked: "Eh...Um.. Err. I GOT IT! Make me a young and rich queen!"

Genie snaps his fingers and she turns...

Uh oh. Prince Charles has coronavirus.

Does that mean he might Di? (Too soon?)

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

Prince Charles is in isolation with Covid - 19

His brother Andrew is in isolation with Bethany - 14

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taxi driver

A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and he started singing "if my father was a King my mother will be a Queen and I'll be a Prince"

the taxi driver silenced the kid but the kid continued "if my father was the President my mother will be the First Lady and I'll be the Firs...

Here's a joke for English and irish

So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English ...

A Prince was visiting a small, unknown village wearing a fancy hat made from the hair of a fox...

The villagers asked the Prince, "That is a magnificent hat you have, what made you decide to wear it?"

"Well", said the Prince, "I was telling the Queen about my plan to visit your small village and she replied, 'Wear the fox hat?' And that's why I'm wearing it today"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich maneuver, was getting frustrated.

Everywhere he went, people pretended they were choking to see what he would do. One day, he visited England. During a banquet with the royal family, the Queen grabbed her throat and bent over. Heimlich ignored her, and she confessed that she was faking. Later, he passed a prince on the street, and t...

What do you call an Arabian Prince that owns a herd of cows?

A 'Milk Sheik'.

When a Cardinal died...

When a Cardinal died and reached the pearly gate, he was told to wait because St Peter was busy admitting a taxi driver. The Cardinal became angry. How could this common Christian take precedence over a prince of the Church?

Finally, St Peter appeared and apologised to the Cardinal saying,” Y...

Finally Prince Charles has been coronated

by a virus

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19.

Now he doesn't have to worry if he will experience coronation.

Prince Andrew has said he's had some ups and downs in the past year.

Wouldn't that have something to do with being the Duke of York?

Why was Prince Andrew hoping to contract Corona-virus?

He wanted to spend more time inside quaran-teens.

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew and Donald Trump?

Murdered in your prison cell.

Prince

What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”

“A Prince...”

“...That’s not very scary.”

“...Andrew”

“Oh”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reactions to the half time show are pretty mixed. I've seen some people say it was the best since Prince and some people say it's the worst since Coldplay. Others have said it was complete ass.

It’s hard to tell what they think.

I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

Prince Charles has been waiting 70 years

And now he got the wrong Corona

A guy dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives, St. Peter greets him and shows him around. Off in the distance, he hears the sickest drum solo he's ever heard, and asks St Peter, "Is that Neil Peart?!"

"Yes, he plays for us all day long!" St Peter replied.

Then, they hear the unmistakable melody of Purple Rain, an...

Prince Harry is leaving the royal family to become a painter

He's going to be the artist formerly known as Prince.....

What do Prince Andrew and Tide Pods have in common?



They should always kept away from children

If Prince Zuko worries about about where the avatar is

Does he have Aangxiety?

Prince Andrew

I'm so sad, I've just heard the news:
’Prince Andrew’s fatal car crash accident in Paris tunnel’...

Next month.

I saw a little person at a Halloween party. He was dressed as Prince Andrew but hauling around a small compressor with him.

I approached him and asked what the deal was and he told me he was "compressed heir."

The kingdom was in shock to find out that the prince's mother was also his aunt

He was an ingrown heir

Of all the Disney Princesses, Cinderella is the most experienced and competent at deep-throat

She is most well-known for struggling -- and ultimately **succeeding** -- in her desperate quest to reach the ball!

The truth was that Rapunzel didn’t want a prince to save her

She was just kinky and wanted someone to pull her hair

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Prince Andrew, Manchester United & the black eyed peas have in Comon?

It all went to shit when fergie left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace and finds his girlfriend crying and packing all her stuff.

When he asks her what’s wrong, she sobs that she is leaving him because people are calling him paedophile.

With a look of disbelief, he steps back and says, “Whoa! That’s a big wo...

I remember paying $20 once to see Prince

.. but I partied like it was $19.99

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

"Prince Andrew, did you manage to handle that interview well?"

"Yeah, no sweat"

Meghan and Prince Harry have announced the name of their new baby boy.

They're going to call him Seatbelt.



It's what his mother would have wanted.

what's the difference between a ball and a prince?

one is thrown in the air and the other is heir to the throne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

What did Cinderella do when she got to the prince's ball?

Gag

A man arrives in heaven laughing

A man approaches St. Peter in a fit of laughter.

St. Peter: whats so funny
Man: some jam band thats playing tonight is looking for an easy Eddie Van Halen song to play to honor me.
St. Peter: Well go see god right away, prince just quit as his guitar tutor.

Rip to a legend

How do you keep a prince cool?

Use an heir conditioner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

In light of the recent debates on whether Splash Mountain should remain the same or be remodeled after "The Princess and the Frog", let me give you some hints on which Disney movie I think it should be based on.

1. It's far from the most popular Disney film, but it definitely isn't without its fans.
2. It is notable for taking place in the Americas and featuring a mostly non-white cast.
3. One of the main characters of the movie is a selfish and lazy teenage prince who likes to party.
4. This princ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-one year olds?

You get to hangout with Prince Andrew!

“Balls!” Said the Queen.

“If I had two I’d be king!”

“Nuts!” Said the Prince. “I’ve got them and I’m not.”

When I die I'm going to entrust my money to a Nigerian prince

...on the condition that he can find a valid US bank account to transfer it to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The British are very strange people.

They call pants ‘trousers’, shopping carts ‘trolleys’ and 6.7 raccoons in a human suit ‘Prince Phillip’.

At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a murder.

The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the murder, the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness...

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

Prince Philip turns up to a political event 20 minutes before everyone else

and the doorman says

“Blimey Phil, you’re early”

And Philip replies “Actually Bob, I think I’m more dukey”

A man finds a magic lamp...

...so of course, as the deal goes, he gets his three wishes from the Genie inside the lamp.

"For my first wish, I want to be a prince", the man says.

The Genie nods. "Yes, yes. That can easily be arranged."

"For my second wish, I want to live in luxury, the most beautiful cas...

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for Fresh Prince.

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince in a distant and very rich kingdom decided it was time to get married.

After announcing his intentions, three beautiful noble women showed up as candidates.

Not knowing which one he should marry, the prince had the idea of proposing a contest. He gave 1000 golden coins to each woman and told them: "You have 5 days to spend all of this coins, then come back to me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Prince's guitar and Donald Trump?

One's a sexy Fender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

You have to give Prince Phillip credit for his driving record....

He hasn’t been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump phones the Queen to ask for advice.

Donald Trump phones The Queen, and he says to her:

“Since we are living through such troubled times I thought it might be good to give the country a point to rally and unite behind. So, as I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it sho...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess..."Will you marry me?"

The Princess said "No!" and the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. THE END

COVID-19 Pick-Up Lines

If COVID-19 doesn't take you out... Can I?

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.

You can't spell virus without U and I.

Baby, do you need toilet pape...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and got lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives.

The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'...

1978: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2005: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2018: UK's prince marries, Liverpool is in the Champions League final, and the Pope is cheering for Real Madrid like a madman.

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

Three young princes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare mar...

Jasmine tried to attend a "Disney Prince Only" gathering

She wasn't Aladdin.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

A wise Nigerian prince once said…

"I think, therefore I scam."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.