UPJOKE
monarchprincesskingdukecrown princeruleremperorqueenprincelingnobilityedwardarchdukegrand dukearistocratroyal family

Prince Jokes

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.

And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

Poor Prince Phillip...

99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.

What's the difference between a stud animal and a Nigerian prince?

One rides a bunch of females, the other writes a bunch of emails

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

"I've a downloaded copy of Prince Harry's book 'Spare'. Do you wish to read it?"

"Is it a pdf file?"



"Nope, thats his uncle. A totally different Prince"

I bought Prince's greatest hits the other day for £20.

But I partied like it was £19.99

Did you hear about Prince?

Well I mean the artist formerly known as Prince.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a prince fucking a princess ?

Princest



Yeah i'll leave

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My little brother wanted to be treated like a prince...

...So I slit his throat while he was sleeping to ensure he didn't lay claim to my crown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snow White and the Prince decided to buy the Seven Dwarfs a hot tub.

They all got in and started feeling Happy. So he got out and left, now they're all fucking Grumpy.

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her… As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions."First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees."What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.

Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, l...

Prince Andrew is going to inherit The Queen's Corgis.

Makes sense with his experience in grooming.

Did you hear about the new Ceremony the Royal Palace Guards preform when Prince Harry is in town?

It's called, "The Changing of the Locks".

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

the cursed prince

there was once a prince who had been cursed by a witch. the curse was that he could only say one word each year

well one day, by the stream, he meets a beautiful princess. he decides that he loves her, and doesn't speak for 3 years so that he can save up the words to tell her " I love you"....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf Player and Saudi Prince

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber's head, knocking him unconscious.

"You probably saved my life," says the grateful Arab. "I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family...

You all have heard about Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime.

But have you heard about his father who was Joking.

One morning Snow White said to her prince, "I haven't visited the seven dwarves in ages. I think I'll visit them for a week."

The next day, Snow white came back to the castle in a huff.

"Why are you back so early?" asked the prince.

"Grumpy harassed me," replied Snow White.

"What happened?"

"Well, as soon as I entered the cottage, he told me my hair smelled nice."

"That doesn't sound like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles decided to take up walking and everyday, at the same street corner, he would pass a hooker .

**He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.**
**“One hundred and fifty pounds!” she’d shout. “No! Five pounds!” he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.**
**This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. She’d...

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.”

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just bought the vinyl of Prince's greatest hits

Cost me twenty quid!

But fuck it, I'm gonna party like it was £19.99

You have to give Prince Phillip credit for his driving record....

He hasn’t been involved in any other accidents since 1997.

Not only is King Charles formerly known as Prince...

He also spent about 9 months in Queen.

Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family. Please share.

Sincerely,

William, Prince of Wales

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich arab prince falls in love with a gipsy woman...

A rich arab falls in love with a gipsy woman. He tells her he loves her, but she says she can only marry him if her father aproves. The arab goes to the father and tells him he would do anything for the hamd of his daughter. The gipsy wasn't that eager to give her away, so he tried to find reasons n...

Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?

He was next in line to be Coronated.

Why couldn’t Prince Andrew be a cherry farmer?

He kept picking them before they were ripe.

Prince

What have you come dressed as, Charlie?”

“A Prince...”

“...That’s not very scary.”

“...Andrew”

“Oh”

They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality

Is there anything this guy doesn't find arousing?

What did Cinderella do when she got to the prince's ball?

Gag

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

DmX meets Prince Phillip at the pearly gates

DMX meets Prince Phillip at the Pearly Gates after DMX dies at 50 years old.

Prince Phillip scoffs at him. "50?!".

DMX says "Nah man, you got me confused with that other rapper."

What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip?

You die in a car accident in Paris.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is out walking in his garden

He hears a sound and sees a frog.

The frog says, "I am a beautiful princess, if you kiss me I'll turn back and fuck you for the rest of your life."

The prince picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.

The frog says again, "I said, I'm a princess, if you kiss me I'll change...

Girls reading Cinderella only get to the part where it says "Cinderella married the Prince" and stop. They don't read what it says next.

It says "End of fairytale".

What is the difference between a baseball and Prince William?

One is thrown to the air.
The other is heir to the throne.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies, fuck Prince Charming.

Go for the wolf....

He can see you better. Hear you better and Eat you better.

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

The Queen always said her corgis were like children to her.

So it makes sense that they’ve been given to Prince Andrew.

I heard that Prince Charles tested positive for Covid-19

Looks like he got coronated at last!

what's prince Andrew's favorite cheese?

Babybel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young Elizabeth is soon about to be crowned Queen of England. However, there is still one important thing missing: a husband. Her family and court advisors are getting increasingly worried.

Every single day court advisors approach Elizabeth and ask:

"Ma'am, have you already decided on a husband?"

To which the young future queen always answers:

"No. Why do I need a husband? I'm modern, I'm independent, and I'm about to be the Queen of England! A man would surely onl...

I hope Prince Charles is okay

Ever since King Charles came into town, I haven’t heard from the Prince at all

Prince Charles decides to visit Perth

The future King has not been getting a great reception in the United Kingdom so decides to go somewhere more remote. Not long after his arrival in Perth, he is walking down the Hay Street Mall with an interesting choice of head wear. A Davy Crocket style hat, real fox fur with the tail at the back, ...

My wife brought home the new Prince Harry book

I prefer Cushelle or Andrex personally but times are hard I suppose

Why did prince Oxygen inherit the throne after the king died?

Because he was the rightful heir

Why did Prince Andrew stop grooming the Corgi's?

He found out they were 18 in dog years

What makes a bathroom fit for a Prince?

A raspberry bidet.

Where did Prince Charles go on his first honeymoon?

Indiana

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince charming wants to get married.

Prince charming want to get married, finds Snow White and asks:

Will you marry me?

"Of course, Majesty."

Prince charming shows his penis and asks:

Do you know what this is?

"Your beautiful penis, Prince.

I'm leaving. I want an innocent woman.

The Prin...

If Prince Zuko worries about about where the avatar is

Does he have Aangxiety?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Philip meets Diana in heaven

So Prince Philip enters the pearly gates and one of the first people he sees is Diana - whom he notoriously didn't like.

"Hello my dear, what a lovely halo you have," he says.

"Fuck off Philip, you know it's a steering wheel."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king was looking for a prince to marry his only daughter.

Naturally the king was very picky and decided to devise a set of tests only the bravest, storngest and most feirce would even dare.

Princes from all around the world showed up and the tests begun.
After a growling month where more then half didn't even survive, a clear winner came forward...

for all the ladies waiting for their prince on a white horse

Keep up your hopes. With price of fuel it could happen any day now

Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl

* Rated G - the prince gets the girl.
* Rated PG - the hero gets the girl.
* Rated R - the villain gets the girl.
* Rated X - everyone gets the girl!

I'm not sure why all the fuss about Prince Andrew

It seems to be a pretty minor affair...

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

A prince visited a famous Yogi

When the Prince walked up to the Yogi, He was meditating in a handstand pose. The prince felt that it was extremely rude that the man would not stand up and great him properly.

The prince said, “Sir, stand up greet me properly!”



“Namaste upside down” said the Yogi

Prince Andrew

I'm so sad, I've just heard the news:
’Prince Andrew’s fatal car crash accident in Paris tunnel’...

Next month.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

What the difference between a prince and Jada?

One’s an heir apparent, the other, no hair apparent

A wise Nigerian prince once said…

"I think, therefore I scam."

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

So Prince Andrew is missing the celebrations due to Covid

A spokeman has said he just had a minor tickle.

A street near Buckingham palace is being renamed to “Prince Andrew’s Close”

It’s not honorary, it’s a warning.

King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.

It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"



(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)

A Prince Under A Spell



A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An African prince falls in love with an American girl...

An African prince falls in love with an American girl and upon proclaiming his love and devotion he asks her to marry him. She- not wanting to hurt prince’s feelings - tells him she needed time to think about it. The girl asks her best friend what to do as she was not in love with him, but also didn...

Royal Union

In two kingdoms, one had a prince and the other had a princess, they decided to have the prince and the princess and forge a single kingdom.

After the ceremony and the reception, the new couple retired to the princess’ quarters. Her father wanted to know if the new couple were compatible, so...

Following the death of Queen Elizabeth, Prince Andrew has been given the role of looking after the corgis.

At least they will be well groomed.

Prince Andrew is to star as the villain in a new episode of Scooby Doo

He would have gotten away with it too if he hadn’t have been meddling with those kids

What do princes wear on their feet?

Heir Jordans

I’m not prince barstool tired...

I’m not Queen deck chair tired

I’m sofa king tired

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is riding through the woods on his horse.

Suddenly he hears someone screaming for help near the path. He immediately jumps off his horse and hurries in the direction from which the screams seemed to come. Behind a bush he discovers a dwarf trapped under a small tree.

"Help! Please help me, I'm stuck here," the dwarf screams in pain....

Now that I’ve gone back and listened to the 90s Fresh Prince theme song…

That track really slaps.

What's the real reason Prince Harry loves America?

When he goes to a strip bar, he doesn't have to tuck a picture of his grandmother in the girl's G-strings.

The Royal Family are going to send Prince Andrew to see what public opinion is like

Just putting the feeler out

Three young princes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare mar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Prince Charles’s dick multicoloured?

He kept dipping it in Di

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Prince Andrew, Manchester United, & The Black Eyed Peas all have in common?

It all went to shit when Fergie left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the chances that the sister of His Royal Highness Prince Archie of Sussex becomes Queen?

A Lilibet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

What do you call a prince who made a mistake?

A heirror

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The ugly frog

A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog.
Picking the frog up, she comments on the creatures rather hideous appearance.
Princess:
\- "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog:
\- "I know, I know, I got a rea...

My 3 year old daughter as a pink fairy princes

To my wife: “I’ll make you a queen!”
To me: “I’ll make you a cookie monster!”

Prince Charles diagnosed with COVID-19

The queen will have a receding heir line

Prince Andrew was asked if he is worried about being held accountable for what he did...

"No sweat"

An Egyptian prince bathes in a nearby river to avoid the reality of his father's recent death...

He's a Pharoah in deNile.

How come the Fresh Prince was able to craft a sword?

He's a black Smith.

What is it called when the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air tells a lie?

Will's myth.

Good job to whoever named it a 'Prince Albert'.

It has a nice ring to it.

Prince Charles is Isolating at Balmoral

Prince's Charles is Isolating at Balmoral Castle with Covid-19

Prince Andrew is Isolating at Windsor with Jenny - 14

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

If there is a king and queen size mattress, where does the prince sleep?

On the heir mattresses

-Repost because of spelling-

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

How do you keep a prince cool?

Use an heir conditioner.

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

What happens when a prince get coronavirus?

A coronation

A young Saudi prince studying abroad...

A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand y...

Why were the Artist Formerly Known as Prince's anecdotes so boring?

Because of the name dropping

Livid, just found out that Prince Phillip died in the Queen's Arms.

I thought they weren't open till Monday!

Prince Charles diagnosed with Covid-19. Camilla has been cleared

Apparently horses can’t get the virus

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

An American, a German and an Arabian prince brag about who has the largest family.

The American says: "I got 5 kids. Only one more and I have an complete ice hockey team."

The German replies: "You amateur. I got 10 kids. Only one more and I can send a complete foootball (soccer) team onto the filed."

The Arabian prince then replies: "That's nothing... I've got 17 wiv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prince is hanging out with his best friend

Friend: So you want to break up with her?

Prince: Yeah, I have to.

Friend: Just because she is really shy, moody, dumb, has allergies, and has narcolepsy?

Prince: That is not what I said. I said she is fucking Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, and Sleepy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace

Prince Andrew comes home to Buckingham Palace and finds his girlfriend crying and packing all her stuff.

When he asks her what’s wrong, she sobs that she is leaving him because people are calling him paedophile.

With a look of disbelief, he steps back and says, “Whoa! That’s a big wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The little mermaid asked the prince: “what so you like more-handjob, or vaginal sex?” to which the prince replied:

“Darling it’s better

Down where it’s wetter

Take it from me”

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.