I heard they were going to put Frederick Douglass on the Fifty.

But they were worried it would only be worth $30.

A pastor and and an airline pilot meet St Nick at the Gates to Heaven. The airline pilot is first to approach the saint

Peter: Name and profession please

Pilot: John Williams, Ryanair pilot.

Peter: *riffles through a massive book* John Williams...John Williams... umm... ah yes!

Peter: clicks his fingers and a beautiful silk robe and ornate golden staff appear out of thin air.

Peter: please...

Frederick Fox, hatmaker for the British Royalty, died today.

He was one in a milliner.

Fredrick the train conductor

Frederick, a train conductor, was driving his train when he thought browsing Reddit at the controls was a good idea. The train suffered a terrible crash and only those in the front of the train survived. Frederick was put on trial for the negligent homicide of nearly a hundred people. He was found g...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

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