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A porn enthusiast, a carpenter, and Alexander the Great walk into a bar.

They came, they saw, they conquered.

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

What did they call the conflict between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr?

The Ham-Burr-Grrr.

I'm not even sorry.

8 women broke up with Alexander of Macedonia

I guess he was Alexander-The-Fine at best.

Alexander Graham Bell is always given a huge amount of praise for inventing the first telephone

The credit should really go to whomever invented the SECOND telephone.

What did Alexander Hamilton say before he got his COVID vaccine?

I am not throwing away my shot.

George Washington and Alexander Hamilton go to the bar with their troops after a day of battle.

The troops are having fun and telling stories to each other. The generals are planning new strategies to continue their victorious ways. Washington and Hamilton order a few drinks and are discussing how to continue to fund the war against the British.

The night progresses on and the troops ar...

Upon arriving in hell, you’re surprised to find a clerk asking you “In which military would you like to serve?” Turns out Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Otto Von Bismarck overthrew Satan centuries ago and have been fighting each other ever since.

“Oh, that’s an easy one.”

The clerk looked at me, skeptical.
“You don’t even want to talk to a recruiter? They can tell you all about the perks of each side.”

“No thank you. I know Napoleon will never lose.”

“Well, that’s a pretty strong allegiance... sure you don’t want to ...

On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call.

Moments later, he learned his auto warranty had expired.

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True facts....

\*\*\*\*True Facts\*\*\*\*

1. IN the 1400s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Fo...

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They have the same middle name.



*I know you're rolling your eyes, but c'mon—that was at least a little bit funny, right? Right?!?*

Nikolia, Sergei, and Alexander are in a Soviet era Gulag together when Sergei asks

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here...

Following the UK entry's "nul points" in last night's Eurovision song contest

Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman have announced that they are adding £250 to the jackpot.

Ever heard of Alexander Hamilton?

Heard he makes bank

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Stalin and the Marshals.

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts. When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking assh...

Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name...

Hmmmm

Now that there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton, I'm going to make a Musical about the founding of the Webster's English Dictionary

It's going to be a play on words

We all remember Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone...

But no one ever remembers Alexander Graham Kowalczyk, the first telephone pole.

What do you call a party featuring John Adams, Alexander Hamilton and co as guests?

A feds era list party.

TIL that immediately after Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he learned that

he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

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A man comes into the courthouse and says...

"Hello, my name is Alexander Dickwank."
"That's... unfortunate", replies the clerk, "are you here for a name change?"
"Indeed, I would like to change my first name to Edward."

A winter storm blew in from the east during the Revolution

General Washington decided he needed to find a place to stay for him and his 43 men. The first place they found was a farm. The farmer, seeing just how many men the General had knew he couldn’t keep almost most of them on the farm, but was wanted to help the cause so in compromise he agreed to let j...

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

History class in Russia

During a history lesson, the teacher asks her students, “OK class, who knows what event, consequential for the history and culture of the Russian people, took place in 1799?”

From the back of the class, a student raises his hand and answers, “Our greatest poet Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin was...

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Alexander Bell didn't give a shit

Not a graham

People say nothing is impossible

But i do nothing every day.

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

“I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” Said my neighbor Mike.

Mike: “For example, do you know who Euclid is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the father of geometry. If you take night courses you would know this.”

The next day the same discussion took place:

Mike: “Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the...

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

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Some facts of Zlatan Ibrahimovic:

1 - When he was 10 years old, Zlatan decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.

2 - Zlatan lost his virginity even before his parents.

3 - One day Zlatan did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.

Arsenal - When Zlatan ...

Interesting Title Here

Pun time!!

Q: What do you call dental x-rays? A: Tooth pics.

Q: What do you call a group of babies? A: An infantry.

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? A: He pasta away.

Q: Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? A: Because they lactose.

Q: What do yo...

I broke up with my girlfriend by text last night, it went pretty ugly...

She got up from the couch, started beating me with her phone...

(credit to a Russian stand up comedian Alexander Sobolevsky, he does these neat one liners)

Chuck Norris Compilation

Chuck Norris can lift up a chair with one hand... While he's sitting on it...

Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because n...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

A brief history of Ancient Greek culture

Greece before Alexander the Great: Kinda nistic.

Greece after Alexander the Great: Hella nistic.

I was talking to my friend about nicknames...

Like how “Maddie” is short for “Madeline” or “Alex” for “Alexander”

-“But wait, how do you get ‘Dick’ from ‘Richard?’”

You ask nicely

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A talmudist goes to Moscow...

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist
from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow.

He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop,
a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young
man and he thought: This f...

Another Soviet Joke

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.

"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to he...

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