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Roger Jokes

What did Kenny Rogers say when his tire came off?

“You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel”

TIL that 50% of Roger Federer's......

....name is "er"

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned
that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the
entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares her...

Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar

So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.

‘What are you doing out here at three o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.

‘I’m on my way to a lecture,’ answered Roger.

‘And who on earth, in their right...

I went to the temporary tattoo parlor yesterday and got a tattoo of my favorite cartoon character, Roger the Alien, but when I tried to wash it off later that night, it wouldn't come off!!

So I went back to the parlor to complain, and it was gone.

Why did Uncle Roger broadcast on YouTube?

To act on a Haiyaa calling.

Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning, when they come across a mosque.

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You'll be Hassan, and I'll be Muhammed", said Roger.

"No way, man. ...

What did Roger Stone say when he bumped into Donald Trump?

Pardon me.

Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean



He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks.

What has two of every animal and flies the Jolly Roger proudly?

Noah's arrrrrrrrrrrr.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

What time does Roger Federer go to bed?

Tennish

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

What is the name of the drug that Roger Federer uses in secret ?

Tennis Enlarger.

What did Robert Plant?

...I don't know, but Roger Waters it.

Kenny Rogers

Is it too early to say that Kenny Rogers took this whole social distancing thing too far?

I have a few questions about the Buck Rogers TV series from 1979.

Never mind. I'll check Twikipedia.

Kenny Rogers has died at the age of 81

In a statement to confused reporters, Kenny Loggins was quoted as saying “I’m alright, Don’t nobody worry bout me”

(It’s a Caddyshack joke)

What did Pete Townsend say when Roger Daltrey told him that he'd lost his favorite old lime-colored belt?

"Relax. It's only a green, aged, waistband."

So Sir Roger Moore has sadly died.

You could say he is in Double 0 Heaven now

One thing we can say about Kenny Rogers...

He certainly knew when to fold ‘em.

What is Roger Federer's favorite phone

The IPhone 10 s

With Nixon tattooed on Roger Stone's back...

Inmates will soon get to see a criminal and a liar no matter which side of him they're facing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

22-05-2017: Roger Moore

23-05-2017: Roger NoMoore

Roger Stone has been found guilty on all counts

He faces minutes, maybe an hour, in prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Rogers the biology teacher called on Mary

"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions expands upto 6 times it's normal size?"

Mary gasped and said in a huff, " Mr. Rogers! That is a very inappropriate question. The principal will be hearing of this. " She sat down red faced.

"Susan, can you tell me t...

OMG I just saw THE Roger Daltrey!!

The Who?

What do you call Roger Stone's newest tattoo?

A Trump stamp.

Dedicated to /u/RogerSimon10 (RIP)

A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “OK, I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger the Living Head [Story Joke]

So there's this newly married couple, and they love each other quite a bit. So they decide they're going to have a child. Nine months goes by and it's time for the child to be delivered, but when the doctors pull the baby out, it is only a head. It's still crying and healthy, but it has no body besi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Free man

A woman goes to prison to visit her husband who has just been sentenced to 40 years in jail.

As soon as she enters the visiting room, she hugs him and exclaims with tears in her eyes: - "Oh! Roger, 40 years, Roger.?"

And the husband replies:
"Well, my love, what are you going to...

Roger the wingless eagle didn't let the ridicule coming from other able-bodied birds get him down

He was unflappable

So Roger Federer retired from his tennis career

He got bored so he started working as a waiter at a restaurant for fun. When he had to bring his first meal to a customer, he suddenly grabbed his tennis racket, threw the meal in the air and smacked it with his racket, against the wall. The customer freaked out. 'WHAT THE HELL!? I'M CALLING THE MAN...

Sean Connery passed away peacefully in his sleep at age 90, he and Roger Moore were good friends...

They shared a Bond.

The Knight and the chastity belt

Once upon a time a king was going off to war with his army. But he was worried about his wife's safety while he was away

"Sir Roger, you are my most trusted knight. I'm going to ask you to protect the Queen while I'm away. Here's the key to her chastity belt. It's only to be opened in case I ...

What does Roger Federer call his backup racket?

The Federer Reserve

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

Guy: "Come over"

Girl: "Roger, I'm coming over"

Guy: "We should stop using walkie-talkies in bed, over."

(non-spoiler) Why could't Team Avengers sign Steve Rogers?

They didn't have enough cap space.

A wife complains to her husband...

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”

“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

Golden toilets

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited: “Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t be...

An American on holiday wished to tour rural Ireland.

While in a pub he witnessed an old man at a table by a window weeping quietly with his pint untouched. Moved by the sight of the old man the American approached him and asked if he may sit with him. Without taking his gaze away from the window the old man absently gestures for him to have a seat. Th...

I had a picture of my favorite cartoon rabbit, but when I came home one day, someone encased it in glass and hung it up.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

What did Iron man say to Captain America on the walkie talkie?

Steve, Roger that?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Chinese neighbour told me...

...she was desperate for a Roger But she started to scream the moment I got my cock out, Turns out she just wanted to let the spare room out

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