Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Becaus...

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Frank goes to the Doctor

And tells him: "Doc, no matter how hard I try, I simply cannot make my wife orgasm. I've tried everything. And it's really starting to put a strain on our marriage."

The Doctor says, "Well maybe she's getting overheated, and that could cause her to not be able to climax. I suggest you put a f...

To be frank

I need to change my name.

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The adventures of Bob and Frank... (real horrible OC)

Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they run into a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing o...

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself...

my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"

Frank and the blonde.

Frank walked into his favorite bar that hasn't been shut down by Covid. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the television.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

Everyone knows Frank. [Long]

One day, Frank and Fred were chatting and Frank said ”Oh ya, I know everyone.” And Fred failed to believe him, so Fred replied “I don’t believe that you know EVERYONE. I’ll bet $100 you don’t know Mayor Marabell.” Upon hearing this, frank replied “Oh ya! We went to highschool together!“ Fred decided...

Frank is relaxing in a bar.

The bartender comes up to him and asks, "Why do you have such big coins?" for in Frank's pocket, there are some pretty big-sized coins.

"Well these are 10-inch pennies," he replies.

A woman nearby asks, "how did you get them?"

Frank then proceeds to tell the story of how he was ...

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Old Mary and Frank have been having some matrimonial issues...

No matter how hard he tries, Frank just can't bring Mary to orgasm anymore.

They decide to visit the doctor for help, because they love each other, in all the ways, and this lack of intimacy is bringing them both down emotionally.

Thankfully the doctor has the answer. He advises Fran...

Anne Frank, Michael Jackson, and Helen Keller walk into a bar...

Just kidding they're all dead.

Quite frankly its the stores fault for all this looting..

..they essentially painted a large Target on their forehead

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Frank takes his hot blind date, Heather, to an amusement park.

Frank and Heather agree that Heather should decide on the first thing to do, then Frank, then Heather, then Frank and so on.

"What do you want to do first?" asks Frank. "I want to get weighed," replies Heather.

So Frank takes Heather to the weight guesser. "Let me guess," says the weig...

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

What did Vito Corleone's brother Frank say when rival fishermen sabotaged his gear?

"Look how they massacred my buoy!"

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

Frank’s Donkey

Frank the farmer had a nagging wife. She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.

One day while in the field, Frank’s wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining...

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Me: Dad, can I be frank?... And if you say, “Hi Frank, I’m Dad”, I’m gonna be real pissed!

Dad: That seems fair, gonnaberealpissed.

I'm getting sick of all these terrible jokes, and to be frank.....

I'd have to change my name

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Giving praise is important.

The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful but understandable story as told by a loving wife.
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I hav...

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Many people ask, “Was Anne Frank gay?”

Yeah, she was in the closet.

My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken.

"The Diary of Anne Frank"

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Do you have any to speak of?

So, there was once a man named Frank who lived in South Florida, and his life was virtually ideal. He had a beautiful wife and two kids, lived in a very nice home on the intracoastal waterway, and had a very successful yacht sales business. However, he had one problem that had plagued him his whole ...

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I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding

I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.

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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.....

....He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear and shoots it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or w...

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Best friends???

Frank and Jim, are walking down the street when Jim turns to Frank and says, "Frank, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?"

Frank says, "Jim, how long do we go back? ...

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A punk youngling and an old man on a bus (REALLY NSFW)

The old man sat next to the punk, then looked at him curiously, specially his mohawk hair.

After some seconds, the punk got irritated and confronted him with a glare "What? What's with people nowdays thinking i am crazy just because of my haircut and livestyle?" he growled "Haven't you made a...

Happy birthday to Frank Zamboni

A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years, his name still resurfaces.

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3 Jamaicans go to a dress up party

The theme is 'emotions' with a strict entry policy. No costume, no entry.

The first guy knocks on the door dressed as a giant pear. The host says "this is an emotions party, what are you supposed to be?"

He replies "I'm in dis pear" and walks in.

The 2nd guy doesnt have a costu...

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Lawyers should never ask a Virginia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big d...

Two whales are sitting at a bar...

Two whales are sitting at a bar. The first leans closer to the second and says: "Wooooooo-ahhhhhh-oooo-ahhhh-ahn-ahn-ahn-woooooooo"

The second whale pushes him back, setting him upright on his stool and grumbles: "Shut up, Frank, you're drunk!

The Coronavirus is somewhat like The Diary of Anne Frank...

... but she had to stay inside to avoid Germans.

I don't know why everyone had such a hard time finding Anne Frank.

When I went to Amsterdam, there was literally signs all over the place telling me where her house is.

911: what's your emergency?

**pig:** a wolf just blew my house down!

**911:** HOLY SHI—

**pig:** I know right?

**911 [covering phone]:** Frank, theres a talking pig on the other line

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

I've been coughing and sneezing all day and now I can't stop singing old Frank Sinatra songs.

I think I've got crooner virus.

A new teacher trying to get to know his students.

He asked one of them "what do you do after school"
Student 1: I go home, watch TV then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher felt awkward and decided to ask another student.
Student 2 "me, I play football then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher was really disappointed but didn't want...

A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...

As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.

"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"

"Linda," the wife replies meekl...

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It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

I’m always frank and earnest with women

In Philadelphia I’m Frank and in Chicago I’m Earnest

A group of bricklayers a fixing up a nunnery

The abbess tells the sister cook to to cook up a meal for the hard working men, but before she gives it to them she should test their knowlege of the Bible. So she cooks lunch and carries it out to the workers. She spots one of them and asks him

"Good man, do you know Pontius Pilate?"

...

I would post a cheesy joke in reference to Gone With the Wind...

But frankly, my dear, I don’t give Edam

A new wardrobe from IKEA

A woman buys a new wardrobe and puts it together. She is pretty proud of it, but since they're living right next to a highway, as soon as the bus rattles by, the vibrations cause the wardrobe to collapse. She builds it again, but the next bus makes it come back down again.

She goes and gets t...

To be frank

I'd have to get a new ID card.

Frank is in the locker room at a gym when his buddy Howard walks in.He begins to undress when suddenly Frank notices he's wearing a girdle.

"How long you been wearing that thing?"Frank asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in the glovebox."Howard smugley replied.

what does your dog and anne frank have in common?

an average lifespan of 15 years

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Bob and Frank are standing by the water cooler...

(A quick note: my Dad's health has severely declined the past year. Over those months this sub has been my go-to source for something that would bring at least some glimmer of amusement and mirth to what have been some terrible days for him. He died a few days ago and I wanted to say thank you for...

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.

The young deer asked his mother, “Why is the beaver building a dam?”

His mother responded, “Not for long. Watch and learn, son.”

The mother then proceeded to destroy and wr...

Frank went to the gym

As he wants to loose weight to get a girlfriend.

The receptionist gave him some promotion pack options of “lose 1kg guaranteed”, “lose 3 kg guaranteed”, “lose 5kg guaranteed” and “lose 10kg guaranteed”. However you must do 1 then 3 then 5 then 10.

He accepted the offer and the receptio...

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

I've decided to quit wearing my glasses for the rest of the year,

frankly I've seen enough.

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

A grasshopper goes in a bar..

A grasshopper goes in a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper looks up with confusion and replies, “Why would you have a drink named Frank?”

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Monday morning, Joe, the court clerk, finds a note on his desk.

Memo: Attn: Joe, Court Clerk...

From: Judge Frank...

Today's tasks:

1) Contact hysterical woman who you emailed Friday about her being sentenced to go to the rapist because her actions contributed to mans laughter.

2) Fix your keyboard. The spacebar sticks.

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A flavor explosion

To spice up Fajitas with flavor on top.

I picked up a bottle of Frank's Extra Hot.

My payment for daring this flavourful ocean.

Is me on a throne with an anal explosion.

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A drunk man is at a bar and says that he can fart the Star Spangled Banner... (Nsfw)

The bartender says "go ahead!"

The man stands on the bar completely naked and proceeds to shit all over the bar.

The bartender says "What the hell did you do that for?"

The drunk then says "C'mon! Even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before a performance!"

A weiner is talking to his girlfriend...

She says, "Why is it that when we're around my friends you say you're a sausage, and around your friends you act like a hot dog?"

He replies, "Well, I'll have to be frank with you."

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Nurse doing rounds at an insane asylum

A nurse is doing her rounds at an insane asylum. She passes room one and sees a man talking to the wall. "what are you doing in here John?" the nurse asks. "I'm yelling at the manager for messing up my order!"


She continues to the second room and sees Terry walking around the room holdi...

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Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could respond, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a little smile, Sally's mother asked, "Really small was it?"

Sally replied, "No...salty."

“I have a split personality”

Said Tom, being frank

My wife wanted to dress up as sausages for Halloween

I first tried to talk her out of it by lying, but I had to be frank further down the conversation.

A young man was a lifeguard and a swim instructor

All summer the young man would go to the neighborhood pool. In the mornings he would teach children of all ages pool safety and how to swim. In the afternoons he sat up in the big chair and watched swimmers.

Soon summer led to fall. The pool closed. The young man returned to school in the cit...

What is Anne Franks favourite Anime?

Death Note

Which ancient Egyptian chancellor spoke his mind most frankly when in court?

IMHOtep

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

Frank Zappa's children met at a restaurant

the waiter asks them what they'd like to drink.

"A beer", says Moon.

"Wine", adds Ahmet.

"Water", asks Diva.

"Pop", goes Dweezil.

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I'm always frank with my sexual partners.

I wouldn't want them to know my real name.

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Can I be frank with you??

Yes, I like role playing. Sexually

Frank goes hunting in the woods by himself.

He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear.

"Hey", says the bear. "You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"

"Um....Frank", the hunter says nervously.

...

Two guys go for a job interview

Joey and Frank are good friends who had worked together for over 5 years, but are now between jobs. They decide to go to a hiring agency together. Joey is called in to see the recruiter first, and after about 10 minutes in the room, he comes out elated. "I got the job!". Frank congratulates him and ...

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Frank always looked on the bright side.

He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, It could have been worse. To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hop...

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My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.

Frankly, it's not her bismuth.

Frank Sinatra walks into the bar carrying a newborn and a slab of concrete

He goes up to the bar top and sits down.

Bartender: "Hey Frank what can I get for you?

Frank: "let me get a couple of whiskeys on the rocks"

Bartender: "yeah sure, but I have to ask, why do you need two?"

Frank: "oh, make it one for my baby, and one more for the road."

Students in a college final exam were nearing the end of the testing period...

"All pencils down, turn in your tests, put them in a stack on my desk" ordered the professor to the class of 200 students.

Almost every student put their pencil down except for one student who was adding to their last answer. When the other students had handed in their tests the late student ...

Holocaust jokes are not funny

Anne frankly, im getting quite sick of them

A good friend of mine, Frank, owns and operates a struggling Hot Dog business...

He recently turned to social media to help boost sales though, and is determined to make every post a weiner.

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I can't believe the city where I live. Drugs on every corner, prostitutes with needles in their arse...

Frankly, these are the only reasons why I stay.

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Frank the penguin is driving down the highway in his convertible, with the top down, enjoying the cool breeze on a hot summer day when he notices that his “check engine” light is on.

He pulls over into the nearest auto body shop, and after a few minutes of inspection, the mechanic tells him that there’s something up with the oil and it should only be about 30-35 minutes.

“You have some time to kill, why don’t you head into town for a few minutes?” the mechanic suggests. “...

I hope I never meet Frank

Every time someone tries to be Frank with me they tell me something I don’t want to hear. He must be pretty unpleasant.

Little billy lives in the country and gets home from school one day to see the family rooster dead on the ground laying on it's back, legs up in the air. He asks his dad "why did it die in such a position?" His dad being religious and quick thinking says

"it's so God can just grab him by his feet and lift him off into heaven." Billy thinks this is ok. A few days go by and billy runs up to his dad and says "DAD, DAD! MOM ALMOST DIED, MOM ALMOST DIED! I heard her screaming Jesus I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming. and when I went to check on her, she was on...

A politically-appointed medical research director had been busy pushing recruitment for round after round of hydroxychloroquine tests. After another poor result, a White House aide walked in. "Doctor, the President has demanded another HCQ test. Can you do it?"

The director sighs, rubs his temples, and sits back in his chair. "No. Quite frankly, I don't have the patients."

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Difference between a Frank and sausage?

A sausage doesn't show up in every goddamn joke in this motherfucking sub.

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Two Americans, Frank and Joe, are on vacation in Australia...

It's their last day there and they have a few hours to kill between checking out of the hotel and getting to the airport for their flight. Frank says, "Listen, Joe, I heard about this great new act at a strip club that's on the way to the airport. A really hot Korean girl, Augusta Kwon, she's visiti...

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Franks Death

One day Frank a 80yr old marine veteran working construction with his super strong body gets a call while lifting cinder blocks.

Frank “Hello whose this?”

His neighbor “hey Frank it’s your neighbor and I have bad news for ya, your wife is having an affair I can see it all from my 2nd f...

Too bad Anne Frank never watched Home Alone.

It could have been a real game changer.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber

My gf told me this joke, idk where she heard it

Catholic parrots.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,



"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."



"What do they say?" the priest inquired..



They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" ...

Missed meeting

I woke up a bit late this morning and missed an online meeting I didn't get an invite to until Friday, which was a vacation day in the states.

After the meeting was over I got a message from my boss asking me why I missed the meeting.

So I asked, "Well, can I be Frank?"

And he...

Reddit is a joke

I don't know what you people think of Reddit,but frankly speaking it's 67% of time just edit.

Yesterday, one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say, and quite frankly, it completely ruined our bath.

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Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...

When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"

The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"

"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock o...

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.

"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"

"Sure," replied the artist.

"Frankly, it's completely worthless."

"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and a Boy Scout?

A Boy Scout comes back from camp.

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After the war, Anne Frank went on to become a very successful farmer. She became famous for producing all sorts of goods including milk, cheese, and the most amazing butter.

It was the Dairy of Anne Frank.

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:

"Kris, Kris, can...

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Why isn’t Hitler invited to any BBQ’s?

Because he burns the Franks.

I normally don‘t like roleplaying...

Just wanted to be frank with you.

Me: Dad, to be frank your years of neglect towards us has left us scarred for life and incapable of developing sincere and loving relationships

Dad: ...

Me: ...

Dad: HI FRANK!!!

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