Why did Clark Kent never have a babysitter?

Because he had super vision.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man from Kent

whose dick was so long that it bent.

So to save him some trouble,

he tucked it in double,

and so instead of coming, he went.



Do limericks count as jokes?

A joke my late grandad used to tell me

2 men, Mr. Kent and Mr. Olsen are on the roof of a 20 story building. Mr. Kent turns to Mr. Olsen and says "The great thing about this building is that they've rigged it to prevent suicides". Mr. Olsen asks how and Mr. Kent says "If anyone jumps off the roof, something in the building pulls you in t...

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

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In Kent a business man was con

In Kent a business man was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Essex and I need some help. If I were to give you £20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take o...

Times were tough at the Daily Planet and Perry White was forced to fire a star reporter. Either Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

He struggled making a decision for days until he went to the grocery store and saw a sign. The next day he called both of them into his office where fired Lois Lane. After she left, Clark Kent asked him, "Perry, how did you decide which of us to fire?" He replied, "I couldn't make a decision until I...

Super table

Clark Kent: *puts glasses on table*

Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understa...

Three vampires enter a dim bar in Kent.

The barmaid asks "What'll you have gentlemen?"

Flashing his best spooky grin, the first vampire says "I'll have a glass of blood"  When she asks second vampire, he says,"Glass of blood please"  She looks at the third vampire and he smirks and says, "I'll take a glass of plasma"

She shr...

I hear Clark Kent is quite the overprotective father.

His children are under constant supervision.

How does Clark Kent’s mom stop him from fighting crime all night?

She makes him sleep in his crib-tonight.

Aussies believe Trump is Superman.

After leaving the Whitehouse, Donald Trump goes to Australia for vacation. When asked how it’s going he replies “It’s wonderful here. Everyone thinks I’m Superman. Everywhere I go I hear people shout “Oi, Kent!!””

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Timbuktu

The teacher told the class to make up a poem about Timbuktu, to recite in front of the class.

The first child recited hers:

"When I was lying in my bed

I dreamt of a ship with funnels red

A beautiful ship, its hull was blue

I think it was going to Timbuktu."
...

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Sex after death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion .... ...

SuperClark.

Clark kent: i'm looking for a classical game for my Nintendo Switch

Gamestop employee: You can't go wrong with Super Mario.

Clark Kent: [looking around] Haha, don't you have a regular mario?

Gamestop employee: wha-

Clark Kent: [loudly] because i'm just a regular man.

How do you reveal Supermans identity?

You Kent

New glasses

"New glasses? They look super, man!"
Clark Kent begins to sweat.

The phone rings...

...and the lady of the house answers.

"Hello."

"May I speak with Mrs. Smith please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs. Smith, this is Doctor Kent at Metro Labs.

When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, we also received a biopsy from another Mr. Smith as w...

Do you know what the African Superman is called?

*"tongue click"* Kent

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A woman takes an elevator...

up to a bar.
At the bar she sees a man drinking a beer alone.
The woman walks over to the man and asks him what he’s drinking,
And he responds saying I’m drinking a magic beer.
The woman, a little confused thinks the man is crazy and walks away to talk to other patrons.
After a whil...

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How to break bad news like a boss

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor Kent? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Kent, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that w...

What is Superchicken's secret identity?

Cluck Kent

^(My eight year old told me he made that up.)

What's the difference between spider man and superman?

peter parker can shoot webs. clark kent.

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