How much did Walter White charge Skyler for the pizza?

Nothing. It was on the house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter is interviewing a 102-year-old Walter Cunningham:

"What is your secret?"

"Well, I once sucked a dick and got twenty bucks for it."

Walter took Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, "Ethel, you know that I'd love to go for a ride in that helicopter."

But Ethel would always reply, "I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, "Ethel, you know I'm 87 years old now. If I don't ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance."...

Why did Walter White take off his pants?

He was worried they'd get methy.

Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.

It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling like his old self.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman took her husband to the doctor. The doctor checked the husband's pulse, then told the woman, "I'm sorry, your husband is dead."

The woman was shocked. "I don't believe it. Are you sure? I want to be absolutely sure, are there any other tests you can do?"

The doctor responded, "I'm quite sure, but if you'd like we do have some alternative tests that we can perform."

"YES! I have to be absolutely certain."
...

Went to the Olympic games today

I met a man carrying a long pole.


I asked him
"are you pole vaulter?"

He replied
"no, I'm German, and how did you know my name was Walter?"

What do Walter Reed and Trump National have in common?

Both are places where Trump doesn't count his strokes accurately.

My friend Walter...

... he's about 85% Water.

Heisenberg weighs 145 pounds.

He's a welterweight Walter White.

So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the...

Driving into the SunSet...

The couple drives silently in a car along the country road. She suddenly says,"Walter, I'm getting a divorce!"
He doesn't say anything, just accelerates slightly.
She says,"I've had a relationship with your best friend for a long time, and he's a better lover than you." He doesn't say anything...

A joke I heard from Walter Matthau

Three old men are talking and the first old man goes “if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I’d be happy with myself”

The second goes “if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I’d be satisfied”

The third guy goes “well I do an awesome n...

Walter and Agnes have been married for 50 years.

They’ve had a beautiful life together, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become more forgetful. Walter even went to play a round of golf the other day and forgot his clubs!

Agnes decided it was time to go to the doctor and see if anything could be done about their memory problems. The doct...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Barbara Walters is interviewing Neil Armstrong in 2010 about him being the first man on the moon.

Barbara Walters (BW) says to Neil Armstrong (NA) "It's a great honor to interview you Mr. Armstrong. (NA) replies, "Happy to be here". Then (BW) asks him "As a young journalist hearing you speak those famous words for the first time". "One small step for man, one giant leap for Mankind", "I had to a...

What's the difference between Walter White and Kool Aid man when it comes to children's privacy?

One of them knocks

What does walter white order at a mexican restraunt?

Rice n' beans

Walter White invites Hank over one night.

Walt: I got you a pizza.
Hank: Thanks, how much do I owe you.
Walt: It's on the house

Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son

Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.

Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?

Walter: It's on the house.

If Walter White made weed instead of meth...

It would be called Breaking Bud.

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

How does Walter White make a stir fry?

With Ricin

A teacher asked Jamaal what his father did...

Jamaal: My father is a doctor.
Teacher: Susie what about your father?
Susie: He is a lawyer.
Teacher: William?
William: My father...he’s passed.
Teacher: I’m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?
William: He clutched his chest and collapsed.

Adap...

Walter.

I was in the park the other day and saw a guy practising his athletic trials, with a long metal stick for the Olympics. I asked if he was a pole vaulter, and he replied "Nein, I'm German. How did you know my name was Walter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walter the chicken

Walter and his wife go to bed at night. When Walter wakes up a few hours later, there is an Angel standing in front of him. „What happend?“, he asks a little confused. „I‘m sorry Walter. You died while you were asleep.“, the Angel answers.

Walter is really sad to hear this. He still had so ma...

Why was Walter able to commit so much crime for so long on Breaking Bad without getting caught?

White privilege.

Why did Skyler cheat on Walter?

The chemistry between them was dying.

Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals.

He was braking bad.

There once was a woman that was married to a man who would make extremely foul and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up.

Every time he did, the woman got angry and told him, “One of these days, Walter, you’re going to fart your guts out!”

One morning, the woman woke up early to cook a turkey for a dinner they were hosting that evening. As she removed the turkey’s entrails, she had an idea to teach her husband a...

What is Walter White's favourite band?

Well it's not Saving Jane, that's for sure.

What do you call it when Walter White rear-ends the car in front of him?

Braking Bad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians.

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in his headdress, "Why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His
reply was, "Me have only one sqaw, me have only one feathe...

There is a family of potatoes, and one day...

There is a family of potatoes, and one day the eldest daughter walks in the front door, and exclaims "Daddy, Daddy, I'm getting married!" The father asks who she is marrying and she tells him she is getting married to a Yukon Gold. They father gets a big smile on his face and says "That is a amazing...

A man named Walter is running in a race

and he's first. He's miles in front, and he's ran 3/4 of the race so he decides that now would be a good time to take a breather. Whilst he's taking his breather, he starts reflecting on all the races he's ran in. "I love the crowds at the end of races but most of the time, they're awful" he thought...

What did Walter White teach?

Advanced methematics.

Walter struggled with stopping his car in driving school...

You might say he was breaking bad.

In an interview Barbara Walters asks OJ Simpson if he thinks he will ever be married again...

He says, "I don't know... One of these days, I might take another stab at it."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was on my phone reading the news waiting in the supermarket checkout line. A dude came up and asked me, “what’s in the news tonight?”

Me: “Man who pays no taxes returns to government provided housing after receiving free medical treatment from taxpayer funded healthcare.”

Dude: “sounds like some libtard bullshit.”

Me: “Yeah, here is another - Husband of immigrant woman ignores government health guidelines and possibl...

Why does Walter get to keep more of the drug money than Jessie?

White privilege

I hope you're all getting your Walter Cronkite jokes in order. He's next.

Here's mine.

Ed McMahon, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, and Walter Cronkite walk into a bar.

And die.

Your turn.

How do you know when a moron has contracted the Coronavirus?

When he stopped tweeting and went to Walter Reed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.

"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" ...

I hate baby’s with old adult names.

“No I don’t want to hold Walter.”

A guy walks through the Olympic Village

And comes across an athlete with a big stick on his shoulder.

The first guy asks "Are you a pole vaulter?"

The athlete says "No, I am a German and don't call me Walter!"

Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No,
actually I'm from Germany
and how did you know my name was Walter?'

Breaking Bad Joke

Walter: Hi Skyler, got us some breadsticks and pizza

Skyler: How much do I owe you.

Walter: It’s on the house.

Dont post another knock knock jokes

Walter: because I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!

Sugar Shorts . . .

A group of Tennessee bikers were riding east on Highway 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

Walter Hawk, their leader, a man of 63, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down of...

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine shut off and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I g...

Confusion reigns at the Olympics

A young journalist walked up to a track and field athlete who was warming up for his event to get an interview.

Not entirely sure of the athlete's discipline he asks, "Are you a polevaulter?"

The athlete replied, "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving in his truck

It is winter and the road is coverd in snow. Suddenly the car behind pulls beside him and tells him to stop. A guy gets out and knocks on his window:

"Hello Sir, my name is Henry Brians
I speak only in rhymes,
I have to tell you I'm afraid,
your truck is losing freight."

The m...

Knock Knock

"Who's there?"

"Walter White." Of course.

Knock knock

"Hey Walter, wanna hear a joke?"
"Sure"
"Knock kno- "

"I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!!!"

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