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Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

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What does the L stand for in Samuel L. Jackson?

Lmotherfucker. The L is silent

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Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

I really do wish Marvel would re-release The Avengers with Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson swapping roles...

Black Coulson, wontcha come...

I applaud Samuel Miller, the man who invented the jackhammer.

He had a groundbreaking idea.

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I wonder if Samuel L Jackson has sent his father...

...a 'Happy Motherfuckers Day' card today.

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Samuel Jackson applies for the lead role in a play

All he's told is that it's the Greek tragedy, Oedipus, and after 4 gruelling rounds of auditions, he doesn't get the part.

He initially thinks it's because he's black.

He's later told it's because he's a bad motherfucker.

Actor Hugh Laurie was so fond of the works of Samuel Beckett that he once devoured an entire anthology of his poetry.

Hugh felt that he deserved to be a poet Laurie ate.

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When Samuel L. Jackson had a kid, he was asked in an interview how it felt to be a father.

All he said was “motherfucker”

What do they call Samuel L. Jackson in Mexico?

“Samuel El Jackson”




I’m sorry

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

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How does Samuel L Jackson count?

One muthafucka, two muthafuckas, three muthafuckas...

Samuel L. Jackson is obsessed with the SI unit of power.

He keeps telling me to say watt again.

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What did Samuel L Jackson Say When He Was Asked To Name the First Greek Myth He Was Taught in School.

Oedipus Was the First Motherfucker!

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

I keep hearing everyone talk about "Endgame"

When did everyone get so into Samuel Beckett?

Fast one.

One day, a new worker named Mitz Johnson got into trouble for slacking in work. As a result, he had to immediately report to the Chief Administrative Officer Joe Keller. Unfortunately, Joe had a twin brother, Samuel, who was also in the business. Mitz accidentally reported to Samuel's office instead...

An elderly priest dies and goes to heaven.

He soon finds himself in a line of souls going to St. Peter to enter heaven. In no time at all there's only one person in tront of him.

St Peter tells the man "ah yes, state your name and occupation"
The man replies " Will Snikket, taxi driver in New York City"
St Peter looks at his lis...

The IRS call a rabbi.

The IRS call a rabbi:
"Excuse me, did Samuel Kohn really donate $10000 for the reconstruction of your synagogue?"
"He will..."

Foot Heads Arms Body

The army was deciding on how much weaponry should be provided to each unit and each soldier. For this, they set up a committee and the veteran General Samuel Foot was chosen to be the head of it.

The newspapers got wind of this and published it on the front page.
The headline was "Foot He...

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

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Sam died...

And found himself in hell. Greeted by Satan, he started crying.
Confused, Satan asks him what's wrong?

Well, I'm in literal Hell! Answered Samuel.

Oh, it's not as bad here as you think. Tell me, do you drink?

Well, can't say I've ever spat in a glass, Samuel answered.
...

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A teacher asked for 3 volunteers to each take home $1 and spend it in the most economicall way they could think of.

The three students chosen were Betty, Samuel and Adam.

The next morning the teacher asked them to stand up and tell the class how they spent their $1.

Betty: "I went to the shop and bought a bag of lollies. I took them home and I had some, I gave some to my Brother, some to my Mother,...

The telegraph must be the most heartless invention...

...because Samuel had no remorse.

Why you shouldn't take your husband shopping

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from t...

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