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What does Samuel L Jackson call Father's day as?

Motherfucker's Day

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Samuel L. Jackson doesn't call his parents Mom and Dad.

He calls them Mother and Motherfucker.

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Why didn't Samuel Jackson get the lead role in the upcoming Oedipus movie?

Because he's a bad motherfucker.

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What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite type of porn?

Mother fucking.

Samuel L. Jackson was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife and 10 month old son...

His toddler starts to make some noises then very clearly says, "mother".

Sam excitedly yells, "Oh my God, honey, he just said half a word!"

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Samuel L. Jackson is in a field surrounded by 100 rakes.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHER-FUCKING RAKES ON THIS MOTHER-FUCKING PLAIN!"

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How did the Samuel L. Jackson chicken get to the other side?

It crossed the MOTHER FUCKING road.

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

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Young Samuel Jackson (an old one, adapted)

Young Samuel Jackson got a toy train for Christmas one year. His parents set up the track for him, and he happily sat down to play while the parents went about their business.

Sam yelled, "All you motherfuckers gettin on the train, get on the train! All you motherfuckers gettin off the train...

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Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

I applaud Samuel Miller, the man who invented the jackhammer.

He had a groundbreaking idea.

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I wonder if Samuel L Jackson has sent his father...

...a 'Happy Motherfuckers Day' card today.

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Samuel Jackson applies for the lead role in a play

All he's told is that it's the Greek tragedy, Oedipus, and after 4 gruelling rounds of auditions, he doesn't get the part.

He initially thinks it's because he's black.

He's later told it's because he's a bad motherfucker.

Actor Hugh Laurie was so fond of the works of Samuel Beckett that he once devoured an entire anthology of his poetry.

Hugh felt that he deserved to be a poet Laurie ate.

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My mom caught me watching hentai.

My mom caught me watching hentai.

Mom: Watch something good, not this degenerate shit!

Me: Like what?

Mom: Like something your role model watches. Who is your role model?

Me: Samuel L Jackson.

Mom: Motherfucker!...

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When Samuel L. Jackson had a kid, he was asked in an interview how it felt to be a father.

All he said was “motherfucker”

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How does Samuel L Jackson count?

One muthafucka, two muthafuckas, three muthafuckas...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Samuel L. Jackson is obsessed with the SI unit of power.

He keeps telling me to say watt again.

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What did Samuel L Jackson Say When He Was Asked To Name the First Greek Myth He Was Taught in School.

Oedipus Was the First Motherfucker!

Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

When Dr. Samuel Johnson had finished his first English dictionary, he was visited by a delegation of "London's Respectable Womanhood" who came to his parlor at Fleet St. and said, "Doctor, we congratulate you on your decision to exclude all indecent words from your dictionary." And he said...

"Ladies, I congratulate you on your persistence in looking them up."

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Wife: we should role-play

**Me:** OK, I'll be Samuel L. Jackson

**Her:** what—

**Me:** SAY WHAT AGAIN. I DARE YOU. I DOUBLE DARE YOU MUTHAFUCKA. SAY WHAT ONE MORE GADDAMM TIME!

If J.R.R. Tolkien and Samuel Beckett collaborated...

Would we get waiting for Frodo?

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

I keep hearing everyone talk about "Endgame"

When did everyone get so into Samuel Beckett?

An elderly priest dies and goes to heaven.

He soon finds himself in a line of souls going to St. Peter to enter heaven. In no time at all there's only one person in tront of him.

St Peter tells the man "ah yes, state your name and occupation"
The man replies " Will Snikket, taxi driver in New York City"
St Peter looks at his lis...

The IRS call a rabbi.

The IRS call a rabbi:
"Excuse me, did Samuel Kohn really donate $10000 for the reconstruction of your synagogue?"
"He will..."

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

Foot Heads Arms Body

The army was deciding on how much weaponry should be provided to each unit and each soldier. For this, they set up a committee and the veteran General Samuel Foot was chosen to be the head of it.

The newspapers got wind of this and published it on the front page.
The headline was "Foot He...

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A teacher asked for 3 volunteers to each take home $1 and spend it in the most economicall way they could think of.

The three students chosen were Betty, Samuel and Adam.

The next morning the teacher asked them to stand up and tell the class how they spent their $1.

Betty: "I went to the shop and bought a bag of lollies. I took them home and I had some, I gave some to my Brother, some to my Mother,...

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Sam died...

And found himself in hell. Greeted by Satan, he started crying.
Confused, Satan asks him what's wrong?

Well, I'm in literal Hell! Answered Samuel.

Oh, it's not as bad here as you think. Tell me, do you drink?

Well, can't say I've ever spat in a glass, Samuel answered.
...

The telegraph must be the most heartless invention...

...because Samuel had no remorse.

Why you shouldn't take your husband shopping

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from t...

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