If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking Marijuana do?

My Wife wore a "Vaccines cause autism" shirt

She was insulted, punched and spit on

Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

I raise chickens humanely, and I only eat the ones that die from natural causes.

Rocks are natural, right?

Shoutout to my grandpa

Cause that's the only way he can hear.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

A New research shows us that the main cause of dry skin is....

Towels.

Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:

Bedtime.

What causes black-belt heart attacks?

Karated arteries

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apparently taking too much Viagra can affect your IQ and cause aggressive behavior.

But the fuck I care about some crappy Apple products anyways

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

Learned today what causes high tides.

Sea weed.

You know about that rumor, that vaccines cause autism?

Don't worry, it'll die down in around three years or so.

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket?

Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.

Stay away from the marijuanas it can cause memory loss

Or even worse, memory loss.

Studies say obesity is the main cause of erectile dysfunction

Time to get joggin’ ladies

What do you call when a Russian cause a delay?

Stalin for time.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had a girlfriend who thought certain tastes and smells could cause her to orgasm.

Then she came to her senses.

They say smoking causes cancer

But it cures salmon

I named my printer Bob Marley...

Because it's always jammin'...

:D

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do

Like fucking the president.

​

\-Jeff Ross

What kind of food causes you to breathe fire when you're sleepy?

A filet mignon

Son : Why's my sister called Teresa?

Dad : Cause your mom and I love Easter, it's an anagram

Son : Oh wow that's pretty cool

Dad : I know Alan

All of the parents who claim that vaccines cause autism have nothing to be afraid of.

You can't get autism twice.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting

"Can't swallow cause that's gay"

Why do fat people cause earthquakes

Because they’re always moving plates

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I told my Manager today I could not come in cause I have "Anal Blindness.”

He asked, "What is Anal Blindness?" I told him, "It is me not seeing my ass coming to work."

What causes menstruation?

Typically it's just an ovaryaction.

Baby Boomers grow up around a lot of lead paint. Lead paint causes long term mental effects like antisocial behavior, short attention span, and reduced brain development.

And there we have explained Donald Trump

Girl, are you a 3D movie?

Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.

My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.

Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

What causes Paul Walker and Microsoft Windows to crash?

Bad drivers

What is it called when starvation causes brain damage?

A hungry hungry hippocampus!

How do you cause a geopolitical crisis?

Add lemon juice to milk and the Kurds will separate

Medical accidents are now the third leading cause of death in America.

And as it happens accidents are also the leading cause of life worldwide.

A kiss from what would cause the end of the world?

Alpaca Lips

I went to an unpopular drug seller. He told me I couldn't have any drugs cause he was out of stock.

It wasn't a big deal.

I finally figured out what vaccines actually cause!

Adults

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dr. Watson is performing an autopsy. Holmes ask if he’s found the cause of death.

Watson: It would appear the decedent had a bowel obstruction. It caused a rupture in the intestinal wall, creating a septic condition and ultimately, death.

Holmes: Wait, John, are you saying he died of...

Watson: No Shit, Sherlock.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

By then end of my lifetime, I will have cause tens of thousands of ejaculations.

Single-handedly.

What was Captain Hook's cause of the death?

Itchy balls...

You know that urge to eat something just cause its there?

Well i lost my job as a gynecologist today.

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

How did the vaccine cause autism?

It didn't

Did you know there is a condition that causes ones hair to be soft and healthy

The condition is called "er," but most people call it conditioner

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

A man buys a pack of cigarettes, warning label on the pack says: Smoking causes impotence.

The man gives it back and says "WTF is this? Give me the one that causes lung cancer instead."

Research has shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

TIL HIV can cause hearing loss.

I guess the patients must have hearing aids.

Did you know that members of the KKK thought that being touched by a person of color would cause cysts?

They were called race cysts.

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind.

Something came up so I couldn’t see him today.

Children in the front cause accidents

Accidents in the back cause children

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

What's the main cause of emigration in Ethiopia?

The wind

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife sais she's leaving me cause I exaggerate too much

I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock!

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."

Patient: "That's ok. I will come back when you are sober."

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

Do you think the ocean is salty cause the land never waves back?

I'd be salty too

What swear words cause the most suffering?

"I do."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hope when I'm older that my cause of death will be constipation.

That way people will know that I didn't give a shit all the way to the end.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I read that heavy alcohol consumption causes severe liver damage. That scared the crap out of me.

So I've given up reading completely.

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

A guy told his neighbor "Close the window when you sleep with your wife cause I saw you yesterday"

His neighbor laughed and said " I wasn't even home yesterday dumbass!"

Some cause happiness wherever they go

Others whenever they go.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The true cause of the holocaust

Hitler was eating breakfast at a diner. When the server came, Hitler ordered scrambled eggs, pancakes, and a glass of juice. When his food came, he got his scrambled eggs, pancakes and glass of water. He asked the waiter," excuse me, where is my juice?" The waiter replied,"My apologies, your request...

A lady died and went to heaven, upon seeing God she says “there is one this I always wanted to know. “

“Ok, ask away” God said.

“Do vaccines cause autism?” She asked.

“the truth is no, vaccines have nothing to do with autism” God admitted.

The women shakes her head and says “They got to you too, this thing really goes high up.”

What is a common cause of vertigo?

Verticome

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a woman driver cause an accident today.

She indicated that she was turning right and then actually fucking turned right.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I ...

Cats don’t cause mental illness, new study finds

They’re just a symptom of it

The root cause of the problem

Patient : The problem is obesity runs in our family

Doc: No, the real problem is no one runs in your family

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia.

However, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After years of being plagued by extreme headaches,

*Disclaimer: English isn't my main language, there might be some mistakes here and there*

Jim finally went to see a doctor. After a lot of researching, the doctor said: "I have good news, but I also have bad news."

The good news is that I have found a cure for your extreme headac...

Crows aren’t so smart after all

The South Carolina Dept of Transportation found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was a concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appear...

Hugh Hefner Peacefully Passed Away From Natural Causes Today.

Playmate Natural Causes could not be reached for comment.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Research shows that masturbation is one of the main causes of acne.

Also, acne is the main cause of masturbation.

Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams throat?

Because she was eating Adam's apple.