If smoking Marijuana causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking Marijuana do?

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I dipped my balls in some 1000 island dressing

because I have depression

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I've come up with a new capital punishment method: A meal that, once eaten, causes fatal diarrhea.

That way the offenders can eat, shit, and die.

What is the number one cause of dry skin?

Towels.

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss

I read it on page 37 in a medical journal

In november 2006 at 4:19 pm

Shoutout to my grandpa

Cause that's the only way he can hear.

What causes the Dog to groan?

A dog-gone afternoon

What disease is the leading cause of death among potatoes?

Tuber culosis

Sorry for the potato quality

All causes of death are...

...liver failure

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant

Their legs

What causes some boats to become party boats?

Pier pressure

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What's the #1 cause of premature babies?

Premature ejaculation

Drinking can cause memory loss.

Or even worse, memory loss.

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What causes arthritis

A man smelling of booze and cigarettes sat down on a subway next to a priest. His tie was stained, there was red lipstick on his collar and face and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turn...

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My Therapist: Get rid of all the people in your life that cause you trouble.

Me: Last time I tried that y'all put me on suicide watch!

Male cheetahs have a specific bark that causes female cheetahs to ovulate 'on-demand.'

Because you still can't trust them. They're cheetahs.

My Wife wore a "Vaccines cause autism" shirt

She was insulted, punched and spit on

Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

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If video games cause violence, what games were the Nazis playing?

Meincraft

What drug causes the most proposals?

Marry-Wanna?

Excessive consumption of heavy metal causes cancer and is ruining society

Especially lead. Lead in the water pipes is a big problem.

Games doesn't cause violence because...

...everyone are too busy to sleep with each other's mothers.

Obesity causes a major public health concern.

There’s a growing body of literature on that.

If you ever want to cause an ant to have a psychedelic trip, feed it Tums

Because it’s antacid.

Which blood type causes the most mistakes in hospital?

Type-O

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At school PE was my favorite class, probably cause I had the biggest cock. I used to stroll around the changing room naked, flicking kids with my towel, laughing at their little knobs...

Looking back I think that's probably why I had to leave teaching.

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket?

Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.

Suspect: I’m innocent! He died of natural causes.

Police: There was clear evidence that you pushed him off the roof.

Suspect: Well, gravity is natural.

Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel.

Your mom slipped over it.

Vaccines are a disgusting evil to society that cause mental and physical deformities. That’s why I’m the proud anti-vaxx mother of 5 beautiful children.

Edit 1: 4 beautiful children

Edit 2: 3 beautiful children

Edit 3: 2 beautiful children

I named my printer Bob Marley...

Because it's always jammin'...

:D

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

Scientists recently discovered something in the air that causes women to become pregnant -

Their legs

Girl, are you a 3D movie?

Because you're too expensive and giving me a headache.

Children in the backseat can cause accidents...

but accidents in the backseat can cause children.

What was the cause of the musicians death? (don't know if it's been posted before)

Organ failure

I raise chickens humanely, and I only eat the ones that die from natural causes.

Rocks are natural, right?

Son : Why's my sister called Teresa?

Dad : Cause your mom and I love Easter, it's an anagram

Son : Oh wow that's pretty cool

Dad : I know Alan

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Chronic masturbation can cause memory attacks and loss of ire.

Or something like that, why don't you go fuck yourself?

If you get an email that says canned ham can cause swine flu..

Just delete it because it's Spam

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Learned today what causes high tides.

Sea weed.

Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:

Bedtime.

What's an anarchist's most likely cause of death?

Prostate cancer

You know about that rumor, that vaccines cause autism?

Don't worry, it'll die down in around three years or so.

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Apparently taking too much Viagra can affect your IQ and cause aggressive behavior.

But the fuck I care about some crappy Apple products anyways

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

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Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do

Like fucking the president.



\-Jeff Ross

What kind of food causes you to breathe fire when you're sleepy?

A filet mignon

Which vegetable causes cars to die quickly?

*Car***rot**

**Haha!**

Authorities don't know the cause of the Notre Dame fire

but Quasimoda has a hunch

heard from a friend this am. not mine

What causes black-belt heart attacks?

Karated arteries

My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.

Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.

Why do fat people cause earthquakes

Because they’re always moving plates

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I had a girlfriend who thought certain tastes and smells could cause her to orgasm.

Then she came to her senses.

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I told my Manager today I could not come in cause I have "Anal Blindness.”

He asked, "What is Anal Blindness?" I told him, "It is me not seeing my ass coming to work."

Baby Boomers grow up around a lot of lead paint. Lead paint causes long term mental effects like antisocial behavior, short attention span, and reduced brain development.

And there we have explained Donald Trump

All of the parents who claim that vaccines cause autism have nothing to be afraid of.

You can't get autism twice.

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Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting

"Can't swallow cause that's gay"

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

I went to an unpopular drug seller. He told me I couldn't have any drugs cause he was out of stock.

It wasn't a big deal.

What causes Paul Walker and Microsoft Windows to crash?

Bad drivers

Everyone tells you that smoking causes disease

But do they tell you that it cures salmon?

What do you call when a Russian cause a delay?

Stalin for time.

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My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt



He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

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By then end of my lifetime, I will have cause tens of thousands of ejaculations.

Single-handedly.

What is it called when starvation causes brain damage?

A hungry hungry hippocampus!

How do you cause a geopolitical crisis?

Add lemon juice to milk and the Kurds will separate

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Dr. Watson is performing an autopsy. Holmes ask if he’s found the cause of death.

Watson: It would appear the decedent had a bowel obstruction. It caused a rupture in the intestinal wall, creating a septic condition and ultimately, death.

Holmes: Wait, John, are you saying he died of...

Watson: No Shit, Sherlock.

Medical accidents are now the third leading cause of death in America.

And as it happens accidents are also the leading cause of life worldwide.

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

You know that urge to eat something just cause its there?

Well i lost my job as a gynecologist today.

What was Captain Hook's cause of the death?

Itchy balls...

I finally figured out what vaccines actually cause!

Adults

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

How did the vaccine cause autism?

It didn't

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My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me

Did you know there is a condition that causes ones hair to be soft and healthy

The condition is called "er," but most people call it conditioner

A man buys a pack of cigarettes, warning label on the pack says: Smoking causes impotence.

The man gives it back and says "WTF is this? Give me the one that causes lung cancer instead."

When I was drinking my coffee, I heard on the radio that caffeine causes memory loss.

Yeah, right. Next time, they're probably gonna say that caffeine causes memory loss.

A man is driving along a country road and sees a sign; "$5 for talking dog, take next left."

Thinking this is some sort of joke, the man decides to check it out. So the man takes the left onto a a farm, and a farmer comes out.

F: You here about the dog?

M: Yeah, does the dog really talk?

F: Sure does, come here and I'll show ya.

The man and the farmer walk to the...

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash.

It was the left wing.

I have a fear of dying from unnatural causes.

I mean think about it like this, two guys are in heaven are talking about how they died.

Guy 2: How'd you die man?

Guy 1: Well after a strong 88 years, I decided I'd let myself succumb to the cancer I had been battling for 11 years. What about you?

Guy 2: Giant nuclear laser bla...

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

What swear words cause the most suffering?

"I do."

TIL HIV can cause hearing loss.

I guess the patients must have hearing aids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

Did you know that members of the KKK thought that being touched by a person of color would cause cysts?

They were called race cysts.

I've started wearing a bike helmet, cause I find safety important. Now people stare and make fun of me.

I'll never go to that spinning class again.

What's the main cause of emigration in Ethiopia?

The wind

Some people cause happiness wherever they go

while some, whenever they go

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

I Told my friends vaccines cause autism before they were going to vaccinate, and they proved me right!!

They don't talk to me anymore.

Do you think the ocean is salty cause the land never waves back?

I'd be salty too

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."

Doctor: "I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol."

Patient: "That's ok. I will come back when you are sober."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife sais she's leaving me cause I exaggerate too much

I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock!

What do you need to cause a railway accident in Mexico?

A loco-motive.

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