The 104+ Best Cause Jokes

Whats the leading cause of dry skin?

Towels

They just discovered the cause of the implosion

OceanGate was purchasing materials for the vessel and misunderstood the term "substandard".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

what does smoking marijuana do?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've read that excessive sex causes memory loss:

It was in the British Medical Journal in May last year, page 12, paragraph 3. A nice sunny day I was reading in the park ...

Why do vampires never cause unwanted pregnancies?

Because they need permission to come inside.

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, "I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you."

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read it in one book on page 37, on the 8th line, it was 16:23, Monday, January 4, 2016.

I told my dad my neck hurt cause I slept wrong

He said the only thing you do, you can’t do right?

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

What caused The Black Death?

The police.

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

My Wife wore a "Vaccines cause autism" shirt

She was insulted, punched and spit on

Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob felt tired all the time, so he decided to go to a doctor to check what causes it.

"Okay Bob, could you describe to me how a normal day looks for you?" asked the doctor.

"Well, the first thing I do when I wake up is fuck my wife.

Then I take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and fuck my wife. Then I brush my teeth and fuck my wife before going to work.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my doctor whether masturbation causes poor eyesight.

He said: “you’re in Walmart Sir”

The other day I learned about the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon, which is when increased awareness of something causes you to create the illusion of it happening more frequently

I’ve been seeing a lot more examples of it lately

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

adults

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex.

Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.

Scientists finally located the gene that causes shyness

It was hiding behind two other genes.

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub. The apparent cause of death was starvation.

Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.

The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the rela...

Just had a mini freak out cause I realized I lost all sense of taste.

I was browsing the front page and chuckled at an /r/jokes post.

My girlfriend got mad at me cause I only lasted 2 minutes...

Including the walk back to her car

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

Oh and also, I can't remember if I told you guys this but having too much sex can actually lead to memory loss!

Everyone tells you that smoking causes cancer…

What they don’t tell you is that it cures salmon!

What's the number one cause of divorce?

Marriage.

I constantly have to remind my wife to not breast feed our son for so long. She always seems to forget that it causes bleeding…

… she has a tearable mammary.

(Sorry just a random dad joke I thought of today while in the shower. Not a true story)

What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems?

A mirror

The reason why many Americans don't eat healthy, is because eating healthy would cause you to lose weight.

And America never loses

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. His mother took up the cause and within minutes found the lens.

“How did you do it?” he asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she explained. “You were looking for a piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My local sex shop has caused controversy.

They announced they are going to start selling Beer flavoured Lube that is 6.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their privates in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex.

Campaigners have condemned the move because of fears it will

lead to 24 hour minge drinking.

How do you cause a panic at a Hollywood party?

You say "Hey, isn't that Chris Hansen?"

Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion

yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel

I think the Russian invasion of Ukraine was caused by a translation error.

The Russian military invading Ukraine all have Z's, and the Ukrainians fighting back are the "Not Z's".

My Dr said the prostate exam can cause erections in some men

Turns out he wasn't talking about the patient.

The #1 cause for accidents in Georgia is deer.

Which is crazy to me since they can’t drive.

I went to a website about causes of obesity.

A window popped up that said ‘accept all cookies’. It all made sense.

People in cars cause accidents.

Accidents in cars cause people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Neighbors pissed cause I wanted to surprise them with a clean yard before they woke up.

Hauled my leaf blower over there for no reason.

Hordes of foreigners who speak a different language are pouring into our country through the porous and badly defended border in the wilderness and they are going to cause our society to collapse.

I’m starting to think Rome should do something about those Germans.

I found out how vaccines cause autism,

Vaccinated kids live long enough to be diagnosed with autism.

My girlfriend left me cause I couldn’t stop quoting linkin park songs

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

Children left alone in the backseat can cause accidents,

which is ironic considering that accidents in the backseat can cause children.

A study into the impact of minimum unit pricing of alcohol in Scotland found it did not cause major bulk buying across the border in England.

Mainly because the off-licenses wouldn't take Scottish notes.

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it’s been eaten.

It’s called a wedding cake!

Alcohol can cause memory loss.

But, it can also cause memory loss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Immigrants are good cause they do jobs no American wants to do

Like fucking the president.

\-Jeff Ross

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to the doctor cause he keeps shitting lettuce.

Doctor takes a look and sure enough, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out his asshole.

Doctor is so disgusted, he can't but help tell dude how disgusting it is.

To which the guy replies....

...."Doc, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a big buff bearded man once told me when I was 13 that masturbation caused hair to grow on my hand

I asked him how did you get your beard then

Took my chameleon to the vet cause he stopped changing colors.

Doctor says he has a reptile disfunction.

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he a...

My wife didn't speak to me for 3 days last week and I haven't got a clue what I did to cause it.

Which is a shame because I'd like to do it again next week.

Why do teenagers always travel in groups of 3, 5, or 7?

Because they can’t even.

The coroner has released Norm Macdonald's official cause of death

you guessed it, Frank Stallone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife says she’s leaving cause of my disgusting habits

I almost choked on my fucking toenail!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it true that dogs have bacteria in their mouths that can cause infections?

And on an unrelated note, does anyone know where i can buy peanutbutter flavoured condoms?

So six was afraid cause 7 8 9 right why was ten scared?

They were in the middle 9 11

What causes certain people to become furries ?

Furomones

I can't find a cause for your illness, the doctor told the patient, but I think it might be because of drinking.

In that case, replied the patient, I'll come back when you're sober.

The shrill of a woman can cause a glass to blow it's top.

But some glass is well tempered.

What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies?

Twobearculosis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sexy female TV reporter, with big boobs, interviews a farmer, asking the cause of Mad Cow disease.

Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?

The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a cow only once a year?"

Lady: (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece of valuable info, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow dis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By then end of my lifetime, I will have cause tens of thousands of ejaculations.

Single-handedly.

Got any cancer jokes for a good cause?

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is allowed here or not, but I didn't see any rule against it in the sidebar so here we go (Mods, if this isn't OK, sorry in advance).

My younger sister was diagnosed with cancer a few hours ago. Dark humor is a staple in our family, so we spent my visit in t...

Instagram models’ beauty is so intense, it causes

Reality to bend around them

What do you call it when pigs cause the end of the world?

The aporkalypse

I'm the woman who caused the Tour de France crash! AMA!

Oops, gotta run!

I called my mum and told her not to worry cause I was in the hospital

She said you're a goddamn doctor and it wasn't funny the first time!

You probably already know the one about pterodactyls not making noise going to the bathroom, cause the p is silent....

That just means urine on the joke.

Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of his life, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which caused him to be rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a:

Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

People say that vaccines cause autism. That's not true. It's caused by brown nosing.

Because brown nosing causes assbugers.

What's the leading cause of obesity in women?

Wedding rings

Instagram causes depression in teenage girls...

...just like everything else.

My son was crying cause his mother didn't let him buy a ps5

I spent the whole night consoling him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At school PE was my favorite class, probably cause I had the biggest cock. I used to stroll around the changing room naked, flicking kids with my towel, laughing at their little knobs...

Looking back I think that's probably why I had to leave teaching.

Man: He died of natural causes

Judge: You pushed him off a building

Man: Gravity is natural

What causes a pirate to have a heart attack?

Something clogged their arrrrrrteries

My dad handed down to me a hereditary disease that causes diarrhea all the time.

It runs in the jeans.

The person who caused the Tour de France crash should be arrested and charged with genocide.

She tried to take out an entire race.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

People keep claiming I caused a car accident

I don’t know what they’re talking about because I did it on purpose

Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a woman driver cause an accident today.

She indicated that she was turning right and then actually fucking turned right.

So a man becomes sick with a disease that causes him to turn multiple colors, and fall asleep for an indefinite amount of time.

His family takes him to a hospital after he has not woken up after a few days, with the hospital being absolutely confused on what condition this man is in. One day one of the head doctors come in to update the family on the unconscious, rainbow man's condition.

"Doctor, do you have any news ...

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

There's a new keyboard shortcut in GTA V which if you press it will cause your character to kill minorities.

Alt-right

Wanna cause a local drought

Tell your date your broke

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism...

My Douglas was vaccinated and is now nearly five years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.

Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life too.

Two factors that cause the spread of COVID-19

1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is

Guy says to a girl on tinder “You can call me the GOAT” “Why? Cause you’re the greatest of all time?”

“No, cause I’m gonna eat your bush”

What's the main cause of Climate Change?

Somebody lit the dinosaurs on fire.

My wife said she’s leaving me cause I’m addicted to drinking brake fluid

But I know I can stop any time I want

What is the leading cause of divorce in long term marriages?

A stalemate.

A recent study has shown that Marijuana smoking can cause hypersalivation in some people.

When asked what could be done about it, a doctor was quoted as saying “You can either spit, or get off the pot.”

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Leading cause of Cancers

Is having sex in October.

What's an anarchist's most likely cause of death?

Prostate cancer

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.” "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.” “What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and...

People say smoking can cause diseases

But then how does it cure salmon?

Two Bros, chillin' in a hot tub! 5 feet apart cause they're....

...following the guidelines of social distancing in regards of the recent coronavirus outbreak.

What's the name of a common garden plant, that if sat under for more than 5 minutes, would cause almost guaranteed death?

A Water Lilly.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.