UPJOKE
questionwondermentmarveladmirationcuriosityastonishmentamazementenquireinquisitivenessaweinquirequerypondercontemplateimagine

Wonder Jokes

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman had a huge crush on Wonder Woman...

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around,...

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa.

Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa

I often wonder if the guy who came up with the term "One Hit Wonder"...

Came up with any other phrases.

Donald Trump was walking through Manhattan and saw a long queue. Wondering what is was for, he joined it.

People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front.
As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Wonder Woman.

She said "I'm on my period and Wonder Woman is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I always wondered why my gf brings cake and confetti when we have sex....

Turns out she likes to celebrate the little things.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis has a wonderful life.....for the optimists!

His two closest friends hang around and constantly update him on the weather.

His best friend is a pussy.

He never has to comb his hair.

He can quadruple in size and stand up if he really wants to see something.

He can take over all his hosts functions and thoughts whenev...

Shout out to people wondering...

what the opposite of in is

Why couldn’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?

He was married.

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder

They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been bo...

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats

"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised ...

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

Ever wonder why Ariel wears seashells?

Because she outgrew the B-shells

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either

“Wonder Woman” earned $300 million worldwide in first week.

"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I was wondering why some people felt sexually attracted to animals, and decided to investigate.

During my research I went down quite a few rabbit holes.

If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together

would they call it Amazon Web Services?

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

I wonder if Kevin Spacey's trial will be postponed.

I mean with the SAG strike, he can't act innocent.

For those of you wondering what it’s like to be married

I just found out this morning I’m on day 3 of an argument I didn’t know I was having.

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?

Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

I used to wonder how lightning worked.

Then it struck me.

My wife was wondering why she was so itchy

I asked why she pronounced it with a silent "B"

Early Man used to wonder where the sun went at night.

Then it dawned on him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when Wonder Woman [nsfw]

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?
.
.
.

.

Amazon Prime

Stevie Wonder was doing a concert, and towards the end decided to play some requests.

A man called out, "Play a jazz chord." So Stevie played a short riff, but the man insisted: "No, no, play a jazz chord."

So Stevie played a longer riff: "No, no," said the man, "play a jazz chord."

Stevie tried again and again, until he was playing chords he'd never played in his life,...

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like

So I told him, "C4 yourself"

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a ...

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,

you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.

I wonder

Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Wonder bread

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our...

Did you hear about the guy who dated Supergirl and Wonder Woman?

Turns out, he was a heroine addict

I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks.

Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.

She said "If we had kids I wonder what they would look like?"

I said "If we have kids, they'll be wondering what I look like."

Stevie Wonder wasn’t just a great musician.

He was outa sight!!

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room

look at the floor and think, "Id tap that"

Stevie Wonder walks into a bar

And a table, and a chair, and a window

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was no wonder there was a toilet paper shortage.

Given the number of assholes in the country.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wonder Woman is laying on the beach naked.

Superman flys over and sees Wonder Woman speed eagle and naked with her eyes closed. Superman says to himself, "I bet I can fly down there and bust a nut in her before she even realizes what happened.

He decides to go for it. He flys down and super bangs her faster than a speeding bullet an...

After learning about Roman Numerals, no wonder they had so many orgies:

...the sixty-nine position took 4 people!

At first, when I found the skull in the woods, I wondered...

Who was this man, and how did he come to die out here in the forest, so far from help? When did it happen and were there still people hoping that one day he'd come home?

But also ... how come he had such big antlers? That's like weird, right?

Robin turned and shouted, "The Batmobile won’t start!" Batman growled, "Check the battery!" Puzzled, Robin wondered...

"What’s a tery?"

I wonder if colorblind people

Read colorado as just "ado"

I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is.

Maybe Alaska.

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

Little John wonders...

Little John, 8 years old, looks down his pants and asks his dad: 'Dad, how much does my soldier weigh?'. His dad, a medical docter replies: 'about 150 grams I think.'

A bit later, John asks his dad: 'Dad, how much does your soldier weigh?'. He replies: 'hmm, must be 350 grams I think.'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Wonder Woman's boyfriend's penis?

Amazon Fulfillment Center

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are having beans, stir it in,...

People wonder why I call my toilet “the Jim” instead of “the John.”

I do it so I can say “I go to the Jim first thing every morning.”

wonder what pencil Shakespeare used…

Was it 2B or not 2B

Does music make you wonder?

It certainly made Stevie Wonder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ...

Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too arrogant.

Then I think to myself “There’s no way. I’m too good for that.”

I wonder who's buried in the grave

of the guy who invented the ol' switcheroo

Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now."

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I ...

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bird wondered if he was gay...

so he tried a cockatoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...

Do I keep the letters?

What did my wondering eyes behold.

After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...

I wonder ...

what people who type "u" and "ur" do with all the extra time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medicine Wonders

An Israeli doctor says:
"In Israel, medicine is
so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles,
put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he
is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in
Germany we take part of a brain, put it in
another man, and in 4 weeks he ...

No wonder I threw up,

I had a belly full of puke.

Smoking is a scientific wonder!

It kills people, but cures salmon.

No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center

It is pretty hot

I’ve been wondering why no one gets the jokes I write

Then I looked down at my pencil and realized I didn’t really have a point.

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?

Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?

Its because one side has more geese.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No wonder New Zealand's population is so small

They manage to pull out last minute.

"I wonder what he's thinking... I wonder if he likes me... I wonder if he thinks I'm fat..."

- Wonder Woman

(- Katherine Ryan)

I wonder if old houseflies tell the younger ones stories like:

"Back in my day, it was Monday".

Wonderfully British…

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ...

I met a girl, very sweet, she said her name was Persephone. I said “that’s a wonderful name, you certainly don’t hear that everyday…..”.

She just said, ‘Actually, I do.’

Did you hear about Stevie Wonder getting a cheese grater for his birthday?

He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wonder woman

Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was g...

What did Wonder Woman say after Superman gave her his bottled city?

"I appreciate your Kandor"

Why did Wonder Woman get the Coronavirus?

Cause she ate some bat meat.

Did you ever wonder...

how many animals our ancestors had to sit on before they learned that horses were the most capable?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

Do you ever wonder why they call it heated seats?

Because rear defroster was already taken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One-trick wonder

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks...

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

I wonder what Jeff Bezos does before he goes go to bed

Probably puts his pajamazon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say people who drive big cars have a small penis and people who wear small shoes have a small penis

So it's no wonder why everyone is so afraid of clowns.

BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stevie Wonder is playing in Japan for the first time ever...

Sitting at the piano in a concert hall, keen to please his new audience, Stevie shouts "Before I start, does anyone have any requests?"

Some little old Japanese man at the very back of the hall stands up and shouts back "Do a jazz chord!"

So Stevie obliges, playing an Eb Minor diminish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wonder Woman

Superman and Flash are on the roof of a tall building, and they see Wonder Woman, naked, with her legs wide open, on the roof of the building next door.

Flash says to Superman, "I bet I could run over to her, have sex with her, and run off before she notices me." Superman agrees, and Flash r...

Whats Stevie Wonder doing on a boat?

Waiting for a cab.

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say

"Hey look! That one is shaped like an idiot!"

I just heard Stevie wonder is a Terrible father...

He never sees his kids

They always wonder if looks could could kill, well my looks sure did

They killed my chances of ever getting laid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flash was running and saw Wonder Woman lying naked in the beach (NSFW)

He thought this would be the best chance,he could go in, do his business and leave even before anyone notices. So he goes in, finishes his business and runs away!

Sensiting this commotion, Wonder Woman asks "What the fuck just happened? " and Invisible Man replies "I don't know, but my asshol...

Just wondering,

do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ? Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

I often wonder....

If I download a movie illegally in The Bahamas, does it make me Pirate Of The Caribbean.

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

I've always wondered why lemonade is made from artificial flavours....

.....and furniture polish is made from real lemons ?

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

I wonder

if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: "Thanks for coming."

Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants

Be a lot firmer, wooden tit?

Sometimes I wonder

Then I get lost in the park

It’s no wonder why anti-vaxxers hate needle injections…

They always miss the point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

You may wonder who watches the watchers, but I wonder...

...who pees on the paeons?

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.

His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
Af...

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3.

Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was

No wonder we’re shutting down.

Trump did say he was going to run the government like one of his businesses.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.