The double negative paradox...

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that,

“In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the ...

The paradox of a job...

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'

Swiss Cheese Paradox

Swiss cheese has lots of holes. The more holes you have,the less cheese you have. The more cheese you have,the more holes you have. Thus,the more cheese you have,the less cheese you have.

Today I learned about the Astley paradox!

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Atheist paradox

An Atheist and a Christian both die and much to the atheists surprise they both find themselves at the pearly gates. They had both lived equally immoral lives; eating animals, judging people and living selfishly. St peter says "right Atheist come on in. Christian you're off to hell."
"But why?" b...

I went to a costume party dressed as an egg and

made out with a guy dressed as a chicken. A lifelong paradox of the humankind was answered that day.

It was the chicken.

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

What is an example of a Facebook paradox?

Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers

I have 11 New Year Resolutions...

* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often

Procrastination Paradox...

If you come in last in a procrastination contest because you procrastinated, does that make you the best or worst at procrastinating...???

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

You walk into a bar and see Rick Astley sitting alone

You sit next to him and start talking

Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies

Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical copy of the movie with bonus features

You say that you've always wanted to see it but never ...

Zeno's paradox

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are at a bar and see a beautiful woman across the room. They're all too nervous to talk to her so the physicist devises a plan to work up the necessary courage. Walk half the distance from them to her, then half the remaining distance, and again, and aga...

Have you heard of the pen paradox?

Have you heard of the pen paradox?


It doesn't matter how fast it's moving it'll still be stationery.

"Hi, I'm here for Paradox Club."

Actually this is Oxymoron Club.

"Ok, same difference."

*looks at group*

Oh, this guy is good.

What's better than a paradox?

A pair of nurses

Paradox

To be pro life and for the death penalty at the same time

What is not very funny, self referencing and paradoxical?

This.

What is the best paradox?

A Stormtrooper shooting at a red shirt. One can't hit anything, and the other won't dodge.

How do you find out if the cat is dead or alive in the Schrodinger's cat paradox?

By thinking outside the box

I’m paradoxical and contradictory,

I hate redundancy and repetition.

A Liar Paradox walks into a bar.

This joke practically tells itself.

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

Trump is in a paradox

He needs construction workers to build the wall, but he's trying to deport all the construction workers

I thought of this on the spot that's why it's bad sorry

How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.

A wise man advised a pediatrician and a physician not to follow his advice.

This became a paradox for a pair of docs.

No? Huh, you must be out of the loop.

Hey, did you hear about the guy stuck in a time paradox?

What dictator is a paradox?

Stalin, because he's Russian.

I'm reading a book about Zeno's Paradox.

I'm not quite halfway through it.

Why is it so hard to get two doctors to work together?

It’s a paradox!

(Its a phonetic joke ;)

A time traveling surgeon walks into a bar with the younger version of himself.

The bartender say’s, what can I get for you paradox?

Son: "Dad whats a paradox?"

Dad: "When there's two doctors in a room."

Where do you moor two boats that contradict each other?

A paradox

How many physicians do you need to interrupt the space time continuum?

It takes a paradox.

The camping story

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and...

I never misused the word ironic, ironic right?

it's a bit of a paradox. THINK!

There is a pier with two docks. An empty boat pulls up, which dock do the passengers unboard onto?

Well that's the thing, it's a paradox

What do you call two doctors

What do you call two paralyzed doctors with good *standing* in the scientific community.

A *paradox*.

Both of my doctors told me I have dark days ahead.

Quite the paradox.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prisoner is sentenced to be executed.

The execution shall take place at noon some day next week. The exact day, however, will come as a surprise.

Saturday eve before that week, the prisoner discovers a paradox. If he isn't executed by Friday, then he must be executed on Saturday. This will no lot be a surprise, however, so he kno...

What do you get when you remove the center board from a wood bridge?

A paradox.

You can't keep two ducks alone together

It's a paradox.

What has four legs and quacks?

A paradox

What were the 2 doctors who worked with Schrödinger called?

A *paradox.*

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