Paradox Jokes

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are under qualified to work here.'

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that,

“In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the ... read more

Swiss cheese has lots of holes. The more holes you have,the less cheese you have. The more cheese you have,the more holes you have. Thus,the more cheese you have,the less cheese you have.

If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.

However, in doing so, he lets you down.

Thus creating the Astley Paradox.

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo... read more

If you come in last in a procrastination contest because you procrastinated, does that make you the best or worst at procrastinating...???

Actually this is Oxymoron Club.

"Ok, same difference."

*looks at group*

Oh, this guy is good.

made out with a guy dressed as a chicken. A lifelong paradox of the humankind was answered that day.

It was the chicken.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are at a bar and see a beautiful woman across the room. They're all too nervous to talk to her so the physicist devises a plan to work up the necessary courage. Walk half the distance from them to her, then half the remaining distance, and again, and aga... read more

By thinking outside the box

is not the first rule of Paradox Club.

Ask the Swiss to stand for the flag and kneel for the cross

A pair of nurses

And I am already half way there.

I didn't know if I could contain myself!

What do they say about men who try to hard?

The same thing they say about women who don’t try hard enough.

You bring a Karen who refuses to leave the room

Have you heard of the pen paradox?


It doesn't matter how fast it's moving it'll still be stationery.

A Stormtrooper shooting at a red shirt. One can't hit anything, and the other won't dodge.

I hate redundancy and repetition.

* Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often

You sit next to him and start talking

Eventually, the conversation leads to talk of your favorite Pixar movies

Rick tells you that his favorite of all time is Up, he even owns a physical copy of the movie with bonus features

You say that you've always wanted to see it but never ... read more

Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers

This.

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H... read more

which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.

Hey, did you hear about the guy stuck in a time paradox?

We’ll never know, it’s a paradox.

A Paradox!

The bartender say’s, what can I get for you paradox?

A paradox

it's a bit of a paradox. THINK!

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ... read more

To be pro life and for the death penalty at the same time

Stalin, because he's Russian.

I'm not quite halfway through it.

It takes a paradox.

Quite the paradox.

What do you call two paralyzed doctors with good *standing* in the scientific community.

A *paradox*.

A paradox

A paradox.

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and... read more

Dad: "When there's two doctors in a room."

Well that's the thing, it's a paradox

It's a paradox.

A *paradox.*

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu... read more