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What's Your Name Jokes

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

asked the Killer



Lily: M-My name is Lily..

Killer: Okay, you've the same name as my mom, I'll let you live. How about you ?!

Marshall: I'm Marshall but my friends call me Lily!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your name?

A guy sitting at the bar is making small talk with the cute barmaid
He asks her what her name is, and she replies "Carmen"

"That's a pretty name" he says, "did your mother give it to you?"

"No, I picked it myself", she says.

"Interesting... so how did you come up with Carmen?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student.

The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who filled out by Birth Certificate was an asshole."

What's your name?

A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.

The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."

"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.

"Mr. Kret," the driver says.

"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Good morning Sir, what's your name?"

"M...M...M...Michael..."

"Oh, i see, you are a stammerer, i am sorry for that!"

"Well no, actually my father was... but the registry office guy was a son of a bitch"...

2 Russians are robbing a bank...

2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"

Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike."

Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike”.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats your name?

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myse...

What's your name

Dude 1: Hey, my name is John Jacob Jinglehimer schmidt, what's your name?



Dude 2: Ok, look, you're not gonna believe this...

This guy walks into a quiet bar.

He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They...

Policeman: What's your name?

Man: The Wizard of Oz

Policeman: What is your FULL name?

Man: (mumbled) The Wizard of Ounces...

A sergeant major is inspecting his troops one morning when he sees a new soldier he doesn't recognize

"Hey, you! Soldier! Get over here! What's your name?"

"John."

"John?! What the hell kind of army do you think this is? John! I never call my soldiers by their first names. It breeds familiarity and leads to a breakdown in discipline. I only ever call my soldiers by their last names: Sm...

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you're only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?"

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says "Sir, if you don't get up, I will need to get my manager involved"

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What's your name?"

"Colin Fucking Wilson."

"Have you got Tourrettes?"

"No, but the Vicar at my Christening did."

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

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Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party

Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's your name?

A man was at a bar when a beautiful woman walked up to him to say hello. He asks her name to which she says Jane. She asked his name, he said, Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Fa fa fa fa fa el el el el el el. "Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't aware you had a speech impediment!" she says to him. "Oh my no, I speak just fine. M...

An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"

"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the Master Chief scowled.

"It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only...

I was in Starbucks today and when I gave my order to the guy behind the counter, he said "What's your name?"

...I replied "No it isn't!"

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Met a homeless man with a sign that said "One Dollar for a Dirty Joke"

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.


Homeless man: "All right sir, what's your name?"
Me: "John."


Homeless man: "So John, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have?"
Me: "Two?"


Homeless man: ...

During an airplane hijacking

Terrorist: "Everyone be quiet or I'll kill you! You there, what's your name?"


She: "My name is Susan."


Terrorist: "Susan, you stay alive. My mother's name is Susan, too. And you there? What's your name?"


Him: "My name is Peter, but my friends call me Susan."

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye...

A drunk guy walks out of a bar

There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jes...

3 frogs get arrested

The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was...

I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.

I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"

He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked a...

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