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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.

The barman asks, "Olive or twist?"

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Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.



It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes.

Dickens " A tale of two cities " was originally published in two local newspapers.

It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times...

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If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?

It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.

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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.

Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't k...

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What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack ?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes

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In honor of Charles Dickens...

I am also going to be poor this Christmas

Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts

**Publisher:** we need a christmas book

**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts

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Albert the village postman is retiring after 50 years on the job

So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.

He drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: "Here you are, Albert. We...

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So there's this teen called John Dickens

He was bullied a lot at school, and was therefore called by his lastname more often. One day, John Dickens went to a waterpark, which was just across the street from another waterpark, a rival waterpark, so to speak.

John Dickens was having tons of fun in one of the waterparks, sliding down ...

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TIL that the novel "A Tale of two cities " by Charles Dickens was first serialised in two black country papers....

The Bister Times and the Worcester Times

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Everyone knows Charles Dickens as a famous author of great classics. Lesser known is his short-lived Apple Cider business. He had to close it after complaints of unexpected pregnancies.

It may seem strange, but what do you expect when you have Dickens Cider?

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"Hello. I'd like a book by Dickens, please."



"Which one?"



"Charles."

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Charles Dickens was at his publisher's office.

CD: "I'm going to be honest with you, Howard. It's almost complete and I have most of the elements of the story figured out. Great characters, a terrific setting, some good conflict and a theme. But something's missing, and I can't figure out what it is"

Howard: "The plot, Dickens?"

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I was reading the book "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens.

It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be.

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The estate of Charles Dickens is too make alcoholic beverages from the apples on their land

The slogan is "All the girls love a Dickens Cider"

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Charles Dickens had writer's block…

He had a contract due for a new novel, but he hadn't even thought of a title yet. He went into the local pub and asked the barman for a Martini.

"Olive, or twist?"

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A new drink has become the latest craze.

Bars are now serving the Dickens Cider, a popular drink among many women.
It started gaining popularity when someone decided to serve it warm, greatly improving its taste, with posts all over social media about how good it is, one video in particular having a lady drink 2 whole pints in one go!...

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Last night I was reading "A Christmas Carol" to my kids when I dropped the book on my foot.

It hurt like the Dickens!

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On Christmas I was just minding my own business when I was visited by a few ghosts.

The plot Dickens.

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Oliver Twist

A copy of 'Oliver Twist' fell off the shelf and hit me on the head.

It hurts like the Dickens!

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Seagull poop (longish)

{From my childhood - no idea who to credit}



A man is sitting at the bar alone when suddenly, in walks a pirate.

The whole place goes quiet as the pirate walks to the counter.

He orders a drink and noticed the man is staring at him, eyes wide.

The pirate says, "Wha...

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A man that couldn't speak properly goes to run some errands [long]

His first stop, the bakery. The man fronts up to the counter, and asks the owner, "may I have a bum, please."
Perplexed, the owner asks, "a bum, sir? Sorry, we don't sell those, but we do have buns."
"Yes, that is what I meant, sorry."

After completing his first transaction, the man wal...

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What is a female necrophiliac's favorite drink? NSFW

An ice cold Dickens's Cider

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A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors

.... Dickens Cider is proving very popular

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