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Definition Jokes

What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals having a 69.

What's the definition of a reverse exorcism?

It's when you ask the Devil to get the priest out of your little boy

What's the definition of a politician?

A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

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The Definition of Politics

A Russian Jew successfully secured relocation to Israel.

At the Moscow airport, when conducting a search of his belongings, the customs official found a statue in his case.

He asked the traveler:

‘What is this?’

The traveler replied:

‘That is the wrong question, co...

Want to know what the definition of insanity is?

The definition of insanity is mindlessly repeating a quote that Einstein never said.

Dictionary definition; 'lackadaisical'

*noun* 'A bicycle built for one'.

I'd like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of 'many'

it really means a lot

What's the definition of a will?

Come on guys it's a dead giveaway

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Dad? What's the definition of 'kinky'?

Dunno son, now help me lift your granny off this doorknob

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Panda Definition

A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a
sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating,
the waiter comes over to bring him the check.
When the waiter arrives at the table, he just
starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the
Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gu...

What is the definition of macho?

Jogging home after a vasectomy.

what's the difference in definition of complete vs. finished

When you marry the right woman you are complete.

When you marry the wrong woman you are finished.

When the right woman finds you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished.

And questions?

What's the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it.

I love these definitions!

\-- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.



\-- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.



\-- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.



\-- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. ...

What's the proper definition of a Freudian slip?

It's where you say one thing but you mean your mother.

What is the definition of politics?

Poly meaning many.

And ticks meaning blood sucking parasites.

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Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition ...

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What's the definition of relative humidity?

The sweat that accumulates under your balls when you're fucking you're sister.

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What is the definition of "indefinitely"?

When your balls slap your girlfriend's ass, you know you're in definitely.

Definition of laziness

The art of taking rest before getting tired. Because prevention is better than cure.

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What is the definition of torque?

When you have to piss with morning wood, you push your dick down so hard that your feet fly out from under you. That's torque.

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You know who gives no fucks by definition?

Virgins

Definition of a Million

A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wo...

What’s the definition of suspicious?

Two nuns bobbing up and down in a corn field.

The definition of chutzpah:

Is the man who killed his parents who asks for mercy from the court.
The judge asks “On what grounds should we grant you mercy?”
Man “On the account of I’m an orphan!”

This is a very old one.
#yiddish is fun

Definition

DEBATE — What goes on de hook to catch de fish.

What’s the proper definition of the word ‘propaganda’ ?

When an Australian person takes a good look at something.

Teacher: Please provide the ethical definition of copying.

Student:

From one person it's cheating.

From many people it's research.

what's a four word definition for short?

Is it in yet?

Do you know the definition of ignorance?

Two guys digging a ditch were doing their ditch digging thing, when one of them looks over at the supervisor sitting under a tree in the shade. The one guy says to the other, "Man, it isn't fair for us to be working so hard in the hot sun, while Mr. Supervisor is sitting doing nothing on the shade....

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The definition of tragedy

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a 4th grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr.Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious POTUS asked the class for an...

What is the definition of eternity?

It’s the length of time between when you come and when she leaves.

What's the definition of a Yankee?

It's like a quickie, but you do it to yourself.

Whats the definition of Specimen ?

An Italian Astronaut

What is the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

What would high definition be called if invented in Paris?

The French resolution!

I recently taught my daughter the definition of bargain

She said “thanks dad that means a great deal”

Definition of Disappointment.....

Running into a wall with a hard-on.... and breaking your nose.

What's the definition of a misogynist?

A man who hates every bone in a woman's body except his.

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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo

When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.

When the guns are empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, “Hey! What th...

What's the definition of Necrophilia?

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Do you know the definition of"perfect pitch?"

When you toss a banjo into a dumpster & it hits an accordion!

1950's definitions

A conference is a group of men who individually can do nothing, but as a group can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

A statistician is a man who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.

A professor is a man whose job it is to ...

Definition: Mistress

It's what goes between the mister and the mattress.

The definition of "coprophile"

is someone who gets off through a process of elimination

What is the definition of mixed feelings?

When your mother-in-law is driving your new Tesla towards a cliff.

What's the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?

A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a trip to the USA.

What is the definition of pain?

A one armed man hanging off a cliff with an itchy bum.

The definition of a consultant is..

..someone who can tell you on your watch what time it is

What's the definition of endless love?

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder in a tennis match.

Definition of Evil intent.....

Satan living in a wigwam.

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[NSFW] What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking eight oysters up your Grandma's vagina, and sucking nine out.

What's the definition of irony?

To not know the difference between a definition and an example.

The definition of a perfectionist

Someone who wants to go from point A to point A+

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What's the definition of "relative humidity"?

That's when the sweat off your balls runs down the crack of your sister-in-law's ass.



(Too rude?)

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[NSFW] High definition

Have you seen the recent high definition 4K porn? The image is so crisp, you can see the dads disappointment.

What is the definition of diplomacy?

The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

The definition of an oxymoron

/r/Productivity

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What is the definition of desperate?

A vampire sucking on a used tampon

What is the definition of stalking?

When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it

They must have updated the definition of WAP.

I no longer see Wireless Access Points on Google...

Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of ‘many’.

It means a lot!

The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

What is the definition of parallel lines?

You just described your love life..

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitut...

Definition: Coffin

What they carry you offin.

The true definition of "savoir faire"

Three French gentleman are discussing the true definition of "savoir faire"

"Mes amis, let me tell you the meaning of 'savoir faire': a husband comes home early, walks into the bedroom and discovers his wife in bed with another man - Pierre - in the middle of ze act. He does not react, but wi...

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NSFW? - Definition of a Period

A period is a bloody waste of fucking time! (works in Australia, and probably England)

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What's the definition of a "sadist"?

A proctologist who keeps their thermometer in the freezer.

What is the definition of the jewish dilemma?

Free pork

The definition of stupidity is When you have a Land Rover, a Land Cruiser....

But still have a Landlord.....

I'm not sure of the definition of Occam's Razor

but I'm sure it's a simple one.

What's the definition of a farmer?

Someone who is Outstanding in their Field!

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What's the definition of safe sex in Alabama ?

Locking your car door before humping your cousins

Definitions in construction

*Tender submission* - A game of poker in which the losing hand wins
*Tender sum* - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places
*Successful Tenderer* - A contractor wondering what they left out.
*Architect* - A person who knows very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and le...

Don't be ashamed of you don't know the definition of the word 'esoteric'

Only a small number of people are likely to understand.

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

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One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One little boy in the class goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she...

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What's the definition of a proctologist?

One asshole looking at another.

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The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 ye...

Do you know the definition of incorrectly?

If it goes in smooth and feels good then it's incorrectly!

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