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What's Up Jokes

Bartender: "hey, you look sad, what's up?"

Bartender: "hey, you look sad, what's up?"

Customer : "I just found out my wife's sleeping with another man, so I've decided to drink myself to death"

Bartender: "sorry, but I can't help you in killing yourself"

Customer: "then what would you have done in my situation?"

B...

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

**EDIT**: Okaaay, this is on the front page? It's a joke my friends 9 year old son told me that...

Talking to my X: Hey, what's up?

Talking to my Y:

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,

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Me: hey what's up

MC Escher: i really do not know

What's up with the american military?

I keep asking them what's the lowest rank and they keep telling me it's private.

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

As I helped my friend with some speaker equipment, he asked "Will this make a sound if I unplug it?" I smiled as a wave of nostalgia hit me square in the heart. "What's up?" my friend asked, noticing my change in demeanor.

"That's the last thing I said to my grandma."

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When people at work ask me, "What's up?!", I always reply naturally, with... "Same shit, different day!".

They always seem delighted, but I'm sittin' over here with one pair of underwear and a clothes washer that doesn't work!

Everyone asks "what's up", but do you wanna know what's down?

The bodies of unvaccinated children

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How do you say 'what's up dawg ' in Japanese

Konichihuahua

Angel: Hi God, what's up?

God: Angel, yeah, come in, come in...

Angel: What do you need?

God: Do you remember World War One?

Angel: Yeah

God: Well, it's been almost a hundred years, I think we're ready for World War Two

Angel: You mean World War Three???

God: World War Two.

A...

I saw my short friend yesterday, and I asked him "what's up?"

He turned to me with a sad look on his face and said "everything"

My crush asked me "What's Up?"

I told her to look down.

What's Up-Doots?

Not much, how bout you?





I'll see myself out.

What's up?

Some movie about an old guy and balloons.

What's up with Haikus?

They have no rhyme or reason.

Am I just stupid?

So a pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head; the bartender asks "what's up with the paper towel?"

The pirate replied with "Arghh there's a Bounty on me head"

Two blondes are sitting at a bar...

Two blondes are sitting at a bar, obviously celebrating something. They wave over the bartender, and tell him to pour two more shots. Once poured, the two blondes clink their glasses together and say "42! YEAH!! 42!".

"Bartender, another round!"

Same thing happens on this shot. They c...

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What's up with anal sex? I don't get it.

Thankfully.

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

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Bloke goes into a British pub on a hot summer’s day and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

..."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."

The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread your arse cheeks and lick all that sweat."

She says, ...

The Pope dies and stands in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks at him confused:" Who are you? I don't know you." The Pope says" I'm the Pope, the holy father". Peter scrolls through his holy book " Pope, Pope, holy father..... nope, not in here". Now the Pope is confused "But I'm God's representative on earth." Peter says " Pease wait a minute" ...

My girlfriend is so smart, she really surprises me!

I went golfing, and forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.

She answered: "What's up, honey?"

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to t...

I once worked with a very musically talented Jamaican who, after years of auditions for various instruments, got a gig in the local orchestra playing the triangle - not his first choice. One day he came in super stressed looking. I said "What's up? Can't handle the pressure of performing on stage?"

He says, "You have no idea mon, I be responsible for every ting."

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate...

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

What's up with peanut allergies?

Not that kid's blood pressure

What's up with that Rorschach guy?

Why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

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