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What's The Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a yogurt and The USA ?

If you leave the yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture



Edit : didn't think i'd have to do this but here we go.

This is a Joke subreddit, this is a joke.

What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians?

Ukrainians defend their Capitol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Putin and Hitler?

Hitler knew when to kill himself

what's the difference between a large pizza and an American?

The pizza can feed a family of 4

What's the difference between Elon Musk and God?

God doesn't think he's Elon Musk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between having sex with a hooker, your girlfriend and your wife?

Hooker says, "are you done yet?"

Your girlfriend says, "you're done already?"

And your wife says, "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

What's the difference between grey and gray?

One is a color, and the other is a colour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Disney+ and Pornhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What's the difference between a wife and a job?

After 2 years the job still sucks

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

One's an elephant.

What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, you know it's been fired.

What's the difference between Thailand and America?

Thailand reunites boys with their families.

What's the difference between a G spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball

What's the difference between Greta Thunberg and Andrew Tate

Greta was nominated for the Nobel Prize, and awarded Tate the No-balls prize.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

Can't milk a cow for 21 years.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

A feather vs the whole chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?

One goes *ba dum tiss*, the other is da bum kiss.

What's the difference between a hooker and jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

What's the difference between a Taliban training facility and a children's hospital?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig.

The F

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between EA and my uncle?

My uncle didn't take my money when he fucked me.

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through a Jimmy Fallon sketch without laughing.

What's the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a joke and a dick?

You're not good at taking a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between England and Viagra?

Viagra can get you past a semi

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can tweet.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What's the difference between Yo Momma and a water buffalo?

About 25 pounds.


How do you change that?


Force-feed the buffalo or shave yo momma.


(I almost feel bad for trotting out a joke older than most Redditors but I can't.)

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are always over a dollar, deer nuts are always under a buck.

Goofy, I know, but still makes me laugh 20 years after I first heard it!

ETA: GUYS! Thanks so much for the upvotes, I've never had so many! Y'all made my night!

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

What's the difference between everybody and bullets?

Everybody misses Harambe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between model trains and titties?

Nothing, both are intended for children but it's the dads who are playing with them.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?

Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen

Snowballs

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

What's the difference between a circus and a brothel?

A circus is a cunning array of stunts....

What's the difference between Ukraine and Russia?

Ukraine's president is a comedian.

Russia's president is a clown.

What's the difference between "light" and "hard"?

You can go to sleep with a light on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness

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NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of is paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

What's the difference between a teabag and the German national team?

The teabag stays in the cup longer

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a pinto bean?

I never had a pinto bean on my face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!

What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

what's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White?

Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.

Son: "Dad, what's the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?" Dad: "I don't know."

Son: "So it was you."

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What's the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?

The shitty golfer goes, \-WHAM!\- "FUCK!"

The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" \-WHAM!\-

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?

The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

What's the difference between Like, Love, and Showing Off?

Spit, Swallow, Gargling.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Santa doesn't jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

(A new addition) What's the difference between an American and a computer?

A computer has troubleshooting.

Also,

it can abort.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between America and Canada?

The Americans have really nice neighbors.

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop sucking when I smack her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Amsterdam and Saudi Arabia?

In Amsterdam, you get stoned before you have sex.

What's the difference between Trump becoming president and a soldier dying in combat?

The soldier knew what he signed up for.

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road, and a dead lawyer in the road?

There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between weed and a vagina?

If you can smell the weed from across the room, you know it's good

What's the difference between a US Dollar and a Russian Ruble?

Roughly 1 USD

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?

The position of the dirtbag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between 3 cocks and a joke?

Your mum can't take a joke.

What's the difference between Daredevil and Scarlet Witch?

One knows how to cope without Vision.

What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

What's the difference between a toddler and a Capitol Rioter?

Toddlers have more teeth, smell better, and have thrown tantrums for more justified reasons.

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon?

Chanukah is always eight nights.

A dragon sometimes ate knights.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute washes her crack and sells it again

What's the difference between prostitution and constitution?

Well, one has its pros and the other has its cons.

what's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

There's one less drunk at the funeral.

( I love my Irish friends, don't kill me)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between EA and North Korea?

North Korea didn't fuck up as many launches as EA

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there's always at least one person at the top who's completely crazy, or who knows it's all a scam...

In a religion, that guy's dead!

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1.50 a pound. Deer Nuts are under a Buck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between red and green?

Fuck all apparently if you’re on a bike

What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

You come in one and leave in the other, but you need to be stiff to go in both

What's the difference between a grandfather clock and grandmother clock?

The dong.

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida?

About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

What's the difference between a regular thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the Difference Between Golf and Skydiving?

In golf, it's \*whack\*....."Aw shit!" and in skydiving, it's the other way around.

What's the difference between an Immortal Goddess and a Hooker?

The letter 't'

What's the difference between a condom and a car?

There's a big market for used cars.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'


EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fairy tale and a redneck tale?

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...", while redneck tales begin with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck?

I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a small fencing sword?

One's a little rapier...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain can finish a race

What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer?

An engineer and a physicist are roommates. One day a fire starts in the kitchen. The engineer is the only one home. He hears the alarm jumps out of bed grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and puts out the fire and goes back to bed.

The next night a fire starts in the kitchen again. ...

What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One is a Coronavirus, the other is a Verona Crisis.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

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