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What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

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What's the difference between Weed & a Vagina?

When you can smell weed from across the road, you know it good.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

what's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad never beat cancer

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

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What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added β€œwhole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

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NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball!

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What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?

Cowboy hats are for assholes.

What's the difference between your pregnant wife and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between a computer and an American?

The computer has troubleshooting.

What's the difference between a 17-year-old and an 18-year-old?

Five to seven years.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

What's the difference between red and blue thermometers?

The taste.

What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

At least a prostitute won't screw you when your dead.

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute washes her crack and sells it again

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What's the difference between a joke and 3 dicks?

Your mom can't take a joke.

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

Trump never paid to have a lentil in his face.

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and an Irish sheep herder?

Mick Jagger says "Hey you get off of my cloud" and the Irish sheepherder says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What's the difference between a politician and a crook?

No, seriously, I can't tell.

What's the difference between a hard smack and a gentle pat?

One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One weighs 3.500 pounds, the other is a little lighter.

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

What's the difference between an ISIS K bomb maker and an Afghani aid worker?

How should I know I just fly the drone

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never drop a bag of cocaine.

What's the difference between an incel and an egg?

At least the egg gets laid.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

What's the difference between a pencil and my life?

The pencil had a point.

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What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you stick the cucumber.

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What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.

What's the difference between British English and Australian English?

British English: bloody hell!


Australian English: Β‘llǝΙ₯ ʎpoolq

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What's the difference between Arsenal and a toothpick?

A toothpick has 2 points.

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What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

A woman in church has hope in her soul...

What's the difference between alcohol and weed?

Five drunk guys will start a fight. Five stoned guys will start a band.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

(\*cries in self pity\*)

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches watches...

What's the difference between a freshwater fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks around in fountains,

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob and the other is a form of sea life.

What's the Difference between pink and purple?

Depends on how hard you grip it.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes.

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What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

What's the difference between a cactus and some drivers

The pricks are on the outside

What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

What's the difference between Dubai and abu dhabi?

Dubai don't like flintstones but abu dhabi do.

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist says "It can't get any worse!"

An optimist says "Yes it can!"

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts??

Beer nuts are $1.25 and deer nuts are under a buck.

What's the difference between an idiot and a moron?

An idiot is someone who drives faster than you... a moron is someone who drives slower.

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What's the difference between the panties of today and the panties of the 1970s?

In the 70s, you had to pull down a girl's panties to see her ass. These days, you have to spread her ass to see her panties.

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What's the difference between a pianist and a penis?

A pianist tickles the ivories, a penis tickles the ovaries.

What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense.

In a religion that person is dead.

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finishe...

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

What's the difference between my horse and my gf ?

Fewer people have riden my horse

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four

What's the Difference Between Redditors and Normal People?

Normal people have friends that tell them jokes.

What's the difference between 50th floor and 2nd floor ?

One falls from 2nd Floor - Bang - Aaaaah !

One falls from 15th Floor - Aaaaah ! - Bang

What's the difference between Moe and Sideshow Bob?

Ones the bartender, the others the Bart ender.

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.



PS: It's a joke, women are awesome.

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What's the difference between a vagina and a fridge?

A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?

A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.

What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson?

One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.

What's the difference between Taxes and Texas?

Taxes can keep your electrical grid operational.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

For bird flu you need tweetment and swine flu you need oinkment.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

Ones a goodyear, ones a great year.

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What's the difference between a lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo...

What's the difference between a bra and a ambulance

An ambulance takes care of the wounded while the bra takes care of the fallen

What's the difference between a 20 year old hooker and a 70 year old hooker?

One uses Vaseline, the other Poligrip.

What's the difference between a mercenary and a missionary?

Not much, they both introduce people to God.

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

What's the difference between US and USSR fairy tales?

US fairy tales start with "Once upon a time there was"

USSR fairy tales start with "Really soon there will be"

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What's the difference between a job and a pussy?

Never mind you won't get it.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

[NSFW] What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

You can't jelly this dick in your ass!

What's the difference between a literalist and a thief?

A literalist takes things literally and a thief takes things, literally.

What's the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?

The location of the dirtbag.

What's the difference between the hentai I watch during auto-erotic asphyxiation and an artichoke?

Nothing.

One's an art I choke to, and the other's an artichoke too.

What's the difference between a kid in a time out, and some coffee?

One is naughty, the other is not tea.

What's the difference between a pipe fitter and a chemical engineer?

They way they pronounce unionized.

What's the difference between a polygamist and a cat?

A cat has 9 lives while a polygamist has 9 wives

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

(EDIT: my gf came back to me with "the type of meat you're putting in your mouth" which is way better.)

What's the difference between introverted and extroverted engineers?

The extroverted engineer looks at *your* shoes...

You know what's the difference between 2020s Eurocup and a bucket list from a suicidal person?

The bucket list has more goals.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between a casual dress party and a pirate having sex?

One, you come as you are..

The other, you ARRRR as you cum.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

A frog says "ribbit ribbit" while a horny toad says "rub it, rub it"

What's the difference between M. Night Shyamalan and Ozai?

M. Night Shyamalan successfully killed the Avatar.

What's the difference between Romeo & Juliet and Covid?

One is a Verona crisis. The other's a Corona virus.

What's the difference between a piano, a bucket of glue and a tuna fish?

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.

Oh the glue you ask. I knew you'd get stuck on that.

What's the difference between a liar and a lawyer?

Nothing, especially if you use an Australian accent.

What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage?

A bench can support a family.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

What's the difference between an American prostitute and a British prostitute?

You can have sex with 200 pounds.

What's the difference between a Coral Reef and Tienenman Square?

One's full of crustaceans and one's full of crushed Asians.

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