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Walt Jokes

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I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mick...

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?

'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Walt Disney's body wasn't frozen after he died.

Contrary to popular legend, it was only his head that was cryogenically frozen after he succumbed to lung cancer, having been a heavy smoker.

Years later a friend requested that Walt be thawed out so that he could see how he was doing. Apparently old habits die hard, because the first thing ...

The Haunted mansion opened three years after Walt Disney died.

It's what Walt would have haunted

How can people claim Walt Disney was anti-Semitic...

...when one of the most famous Disney songs is "When Jewish Upon a Star?"

Walt Disney was naughty as a child.

He was always taking the mickey.

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Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

I killed an extraordinarily large mouse with a bat

Needless to say I’m no longer allowed at Walt Disney resorts no more

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.

“Which knee is hurting you, Walt?”

The famous film producer points to his left knee.

“Disney.”

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Why was the head of MGM pissed at Walt Disney when the head of MGM was arrested?

You'd think he'd know to warn a brother.

Kanye West compares himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney, and Steve Jobs.

Apparently none of them could sing, either.

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

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A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

Why did Walt and Skyler get divorced?

There was no chemistry.

Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn…

… but Walt Disney.

Walter White invites Hank over one night.

Walt: I got you a pizza.
Hank: Thanks, how much do I owe you.
Walt: It's on the house

What is a drill's favorite dance?

The Twist, but they also like de walts on occasion

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Bing sings but Walt Disney

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A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it.

A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

Little Johnny yells from the back o...

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Robert Johnson, a CEO for a large corporation, is arrested and sentenced to 25 years in prison for white collar crimes.

On his first day behind bars, Robert nervously walks into the Chow Hall at lunch time and starts taking in the scenery. Realizing that he’s going to spend the next 25 years surrounded by murderers, rapists, and other violent criminals, he uncomfortably gets his tray of food and starts looking for a ...

How did Walter White crash the car?

Because he was Braking Bad

In a recent interview about the state of the Disney empire...

... Walt Disney responded with no comment.

A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works

It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.

English version of Breaking bad in progress

It will last one season with only one episode where Walt will be diagnosed with Cancer but will get treated by NHS and wil end up living on benefits.

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For All You Disney Fans, here’s a little Story about the time I rode the Monorail at Disneyland

One time while riding the monorail at Disneyland, I let out the loudest, wettest, deepest and almost foul smelling fart I have ever ripped in my life. There are no words in the English language that can describe the absolute rancidity of this fart. It was so putrid that actual green gas was visible ...

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