What do you call Nicholas Cage after a double mastectomy?

Nipple-less Cage

What was Nicholas the second's favorite bread?

A Tsardough.

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

What grades did Nicholas Cage get in school?

The Bs! Not the Bs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm sitting at home watching a movie and Nicholas Cage says "something bad is about to happen" at that moment my power goes out for a second.

I'm freaking out thinking why the fuck is Nicholas cage in my lounge room!!!

What do you call a group of Russian people named Nicholas

Nikolai

Where did Nicholas II get his coffee?

Tsarbucks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop pulls a guy over..

Goes up to the drivers window, says “license and registration please.”

Guy says “here is my registration, I’m sorry but I don’t have my license on me.”

The officer, in a good mood replies, “that’s okay, what’s your name I can look you up in our system”

“Nick”

“Nick... wha...

Did you see Nicholas Sparks released a cookbook?

A Wok to Remember

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

I found a nickel in the driveway but my sister kicked it away.

I'm Nicholas.

What was one thing Nicholas the 2nd of Russia not good at?

Czarcasm.

What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common?

Nicholas Cage

Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.

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Challenge: Change one letter in a move title to create a whole new blockbuster

Examples:

Pooper: BRUCE WILLIS finds out the hard way just how dangerous time travel can be.

Tar Trek: WILLIAM SHATNER's quest to go where no man has gone before to make Canada a major oil producer.

Gone with the Wine: Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death in the old south.
<...

Russian political joke from time of the Russian Empire

A man in the street shouts: "Nicholas is a moron!" (Nicholas is a common Russian given name, it's also the name of two Russian emperors). He is naturally arrested by the police and charged with insulting the emperor. He tells the officer: "I meant another Nicholas". The officer answers: Do no be sil...

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

Three men and a phone

there are three men in a bar who are all just a bit drunk but in their senses. Their names are Billy, Nicholas, and Josh. A phone rings and Nicholas picks up. it was his girlfriend. she asks Nicholas if she can buy a brand new TV set with his money and he says why not, go ahead. she then asked if sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who knew everyone

There once was a man named Tom and one day he was bragging to his coworkers that he knew everyone who was anyone and everyone knew him. After a couple of weeks of hearing this, Tom's boss, Fred, decided to show that this was all a bunch of bullshit. Fred takes Tom to Hollywood and asks him to get Ni...

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