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Roller Jokes

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A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

Woman are a lot like roller coasters

They mess with your heart, and most have a height limit to ride on.

Kid tragically fell under a steam roller

The poor child was squashed to death as a steam roller ran over him. Fortunately some one knew who he was and where he lived. A police officer said he would drive to the child’s address to break the bad news. Sadly there was no reply so the police officer did the next best thing. He slid the kid und...

Why did the big rock ride the roller coaster but the small rock didn't?

The big rock was Boulder.

What do you call a crocodile on roller blades?

An alliskator.

Caiman, it's not that bad a joke. I think it's gharial potential.

What do Spanish speakers scream on a roller-coaster?

Nosotros...

I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller...

...she got fired too.

What vegetable loves roller coasters?

Celerweeeeeeeeeeeee!

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The hardest part about roller blading?

Telling your parents you're gay

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Three inmates on the way to prison…

Three inmates were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended t...

2 blondes are on a roller coaster...

One says to the other, "If we turn upside down, will we fall out?"

The other says, "Of course not !! We will still be friends. "

Anxiety is like a roller coaster

*Makes a decision.
Think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Say it out loud.

Did you hear about Six Flags new roller coaster?

They are calling it 2020.

Women are like roller coasters.

##

I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and I'll never go on a big one.

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3 men die and go to Heaven

3 men die and go to Heaven. St Peter meets them and starts reviewing their files.

He starts talking to the first guy: “I see that you lived a good life, but you cheated on your wife 30 times. That’s not very good, but not bad enough to send you to hell. So you can stay in heaven, but you’ll h...

The US news cycle is like a bad roller coaster ride...

Usually it just makes me scared and nauseous, but this is a surprising twist.

Roman Rollers

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game.

The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coas...

I recently got ran over by a steam roller

people said i should be offended, but i was flattered.

Women are like roller coasters

Women are like roller coasters, they have their ups and downs but in the end you always finish riding way to early.

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Note: Never piss off a musician with a steam roller

Unless you want to B♭

Love is like a roller-coaster

It'll seem scary at first, it's happens fast, it has its ups, it has its downs, but what's most important is that you meet it's size restrictions.

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The woman next to me on the roller coaster wouldn’t stop screaming.

It’s like she has never seen a penis before.

The person who invented the Lint-Roller

Really helped to get me out of some hairy situations.

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs on a roller coaster?

>!Jocelyn!<

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

Did you know Helen Keller had a roller coaster?

You didn’t? Neither did she

Him: why ride a roller coaster when you can ride me?

Her: because roller coasters actually make me scream

Life with me is like a roller coaster.

There's a weight limit.

I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate

But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this weirdo in the river can't swim.

What do you call Batman and Robin after the get run over by a steam roller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

What type of roller coaster goes through the Bronx?

The type where people scream in the flat parts.

-Jerry Seinfeld

Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...

But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day.

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman.

She decides that she really needs a haircut. She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser and says, "I need a haircut....

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Having sex with me is a lot like riding a roller coaster

It's over in about a minute and makes you want to vomit

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Every time I have sex with a girl, it’s like being on a roller coaster.

It usually last a few minutes, and she vomits after.

What did the Frenchman yell on the roller coaster?

Yes!

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What do you call a Homosexual on roller skates?

Rolaids

eye roller of a dog joke

Mrs Young was walking to the grocery store when her neighbor came up to her and said "Hello Debra, How’s your dog? I saw her yesterday chasing an old man on a bike."

"Oh" said Mrs Young "That could NOT have been my dog"

"Oh, why not?" replied her neighbor "I’m pretty sure it was her"...

The Farmer and his Daughters

Now once there was a farmer, and daughters he had five,
And each of them was waiting for their first date to arrive.
Their boyfriends all would tell him how they would have their fun.
If the farmer didn't like it, he'd shoot them with his gun.

So the first guy knocked on the do...

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

A Rabbi, a priest, and a holy roller

walk onto a car lot. After much searching, they all find the car of their dreams. Perfect color, size, gas mileage, and price. They tell the salesman what they want, but he informs them that there is only one of these cars on the lot, and they have no idea when they will get another shipment.
...

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Roller coasters are like your first time having sex.

for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer.

Why did the old woman put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Because she wanted to rock and roll.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme par...

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What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?

What do you get when you cross a raccoon, and a steam roller?


Rascal Flatts.

What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team?

The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What do you call a paraplegic who self medicates with drugs and gambling?

A High Roller

I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.

I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I didn't think anything of it and was about to shoot when the frog says "Ribbit. 9- Iron".

I looked around and didn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9-Iron."

I looked at the frog and it just stared back at me. So...

Pupil: My neighbour, Mr Chang, got run over and killed by a steam roller. Teacher: Johnny! That’s awful and has nothing to do with the homework I set you. Sit down immediately!

Pupil: But Miss, you said we had to talk about crushed Asians.

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.

One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller’s path…

He sadly died that day, but the most important thing ...

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What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain?

A) High roller
B) Virgin mobile
C) Nun of the above

What do English speakers yell when they're on a rollercoaster?

Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!


What do Spanish speakers yell when they're on a roller coaster?


Nosotros!!!!!

A pastors wife goes to the fish market

She’s looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.

“I’d recommend this right here, ma’am. It’s new to the market.”

“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.

“It’s dam fish, ma’am.”

The pastors wife abruptly says. “How dare you use th...

I enjoy painting wildlife.

But the rabbits leave hair on my paint rollers.

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I gotcha 3 wishes...

Into my pub one evening, strolled the craziest sight to behold for a Saturday night. This classy looking rolled/player walked to my counter with a gorgeous lady on his right arm, a younger looking woman on his left arm and a leprechaun on his shoulder.

Roller: Barkeep, bring a martini for ea...

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

A holy roller

Three men die and go to heaven…

St Peter to 1st man: Have you ever cheated on your wife?

1st man: Certainly not! I loved my wife and was never unfaithful!”

St Peter to 1st man: Excellent, you get a Cadillac to drive around for all of eternity.

St Peter to 2nd man: Have you ever cheated on your wife?

2...

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A woman's birthday was in just a few days...

Her husband asked her if she could have anything she wanted on her birthday, no matter how impossible, what would it be?

The wife told him "It's kind of silly, but I'd really like to be six again."

That gave the husband a great idea for a big surprise. On the morning of her birthday, h...

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Hitler and Stalin go straight to hell after their death. There, they meet God.

God asks Hitler how many women he had relations with ?

Hitler replies ,” one ,only one.”

God gives him the keys to a brand new Mercedes for his loyalty.

God asks the same question to Stalin and is met with the answer of 7-8 women. The good not happy with this answer gives Stalin...

3 guys die and go to heaven...

St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and ...

What do you call a disabled man when he’s smoking pot at a casino?

A high roller.

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Mice go to heaven

Three mice die and go to heaven. At Peter meets them at the gates and ask “Have you been good little mice?”

Mice: “Yeah, yeah! We’ve been good little mice! Eating cheese and doing all the things good little mice do!”

St. Peter: “Ok, go on in.”

A week later, St. Peter checks in w...

What's the fastest ride at the carnival?

You would think it would be the roller coaster.

But really the carousel has the most horse power.

The Lord Promised 3 things

Pslam 147:3, he won’t leave you broken hearted.

John 6:37, he won’t reject you.

Hebrew 13:5, he won’t leave you nor forsake you.

Basically, he will never give you up, let you down, run around and desert you, never gonna let you cry, or say goodbye, he will never tell a lie and h...

Misplaced stuff

After nearly breaking my neck on a pair of bright pink roller skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!"

He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine."

"Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.

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The old man and the elevator.

An old man from the country takes his family to town for the first time. They're at the mall and the mall has an elevator. Him and his son are watching this thing in amazement as they never saw one before and was not sure what it was. An older lady at least 80 with Gray hair in rollers and a walkin...

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Imagine if they made an amusement park called Sex Flags

It would be a fucking roller-coaster

My friend always takes a a bunch of molly during the weeks leading up to Easter

He’s a lent roller

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How do you know if a lightbulb is a prostitute?

Its been screwed in and out by teams of scientists, skateboarders, narcissists, every one of the human races, Vietnam vets, Grateful Dead fans, computer scientists, Army Rangers, stoners, Yankee fans, dead babies, roaming hippies, alchoholics, cops, Comcast employees, Jedis, Dragonball-Z characters,...

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I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling meth head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't...

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