Arnold Jokes

I’ll return

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ... read more

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste... read more

Aisle B, back

Someone has made a grave mistake.

A Cameron Diaz.

A surname/last name

I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.”

He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”

Now he just says, "Ow! My back!"

He’s an exterminator

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.

What is it?

>!A last name.!<

...I knocked up the maid.

He said "Aisle B Back"

When Arnold Chegwin was a young man, he decided that he wanted to be a pub.
He loved the pub after spending time in his local, "The Queen's Arms". 'I'd love to be a pub', he would think.
With a roaring fire and everybody inside me laughing away...

As time passed and he grew older, he se... read more

On the way home, he rang his son to make sure he had all the groceries they needed at home. He told him all they needed was some coffee, so Arnold went in to his local store to get some.

On the way to the checkout tills, he passed all the Easter eggs the store had, and it brought back memorie... read more

With his own restaurant, so i managed to get hired in the kitchen to be near the awesomeness. But every time i ask him what he wants me to do he always says the same thing: get to da choppah!

Sly: “I wanna show the world that we’re more than just action movie stars. I wanna make a movie about classical music and classical composers. I know you guys love that stuff too. What do you think? Will you help me make a movie about it and show the world how cultured we are?”

Bruce: “I cou... read more

You have been germinated.

Benedict Arnold once fought for America.

Toto recall

That's when I got upset and right before I walked out of the room, I turned to her with his impression and said.
I'll be returning.

“Live with me if you want to come.”

He said, "I still love Vista, baby!"

He is an ex-Terminator, after all.

He's an ex-terminator.

He's working as an exterminator.


(Hi u/govschwarzenegger!)

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

I'm talking about their last names, you pervert!

To get to the chopper.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t... read more

An Ahnold Palmer

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol... read more

However, when he found out that someone was already dressed as Tchaikovsky, he said "i'll be Bach".

He’s an ex-terminator.

When he returns to California his friend says to him, “Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?”

To which Arnie replies: “Oh it was terrible! My father he ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite g... read more

"Hey. Nice tuba."

"IT'S NOT A TUBA!"

the kid ran up to Arnold and said, "Whoa, you're a terminator! Do you really kill people?"

Arnold says, "Actually I'm retired so I only kill bugs now. I'm an ex-terminator."

He's six under for the first time in years...

Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let’s Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he’ll be Bach

Arnold Schwarznegger owned a sporting good store. He was never good with numbers so instead of numbering the aisles, he used a letter system.

One day a customer came in and asked Mr. Schwarznegger where they keep their firearms. Arnold is a smart business man and is concerned for safety. He d... read more

Journo. "You have been so successful as an actor...."

Arnold ,"yes i was the Terminator"

Journo. "and as a governor!"

Arnold ,"yes i was the Governator!!"

Journo. "well, the Europeans need a leader like you, how about it?

Arnold ,""No , then I will be known as the ... read more

He's an exterminator.

(I just thought of this on my way to work. Probs been done before though}

She can leave me all she likes but I'll be back

I'm not worried. She'll be back.

I mean, why would he Uber when he could Lyft?

I'll be Bach

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Muscle. Tough.

It will be called *Total Repost*.

It's for Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism. Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."

"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'... read more

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

Jesus and Moses are playing a round of golf. They come to a tee where the hole is on an island.

Moses says, "You gonna use a wood?"

Jesus says," No, Arnold Palmer would use a 9 iron."

Jesus does so, and his ball goes in the water. So he starts walking across the water to get his... read more

If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.

He replies "I'll be Bach."

The only difference is the catch phrase, which has been changed to...."Aaaaarrhh my back."

I heard that he will be half buried and half cremated.

The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.<... read more

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day.

This course had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.

"Watch this, Moses, I think I can do it," exclaimed Jesus. "I've seen Arnold Palmer make this shot,  and if Arnold Pal... read more

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," ... read more

"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"

"I know.... Danny DeVito."

The costume consists of two parts. The front part and the rear.

So the kid says: "Ok Arnold, I'll be the front."

So Arnold agrees and says: "I'll be back."

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".

Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

Traitor Joe's

Because he knows how toboggan.

People are saying he just rolled over.

I’ll be black

Pasta or pizza, baby?

To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.

... It's slogan is ...

'Run with me if you want to give'