UPJOKE
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What did they call the Wright brothers after they flew away?

The left brothers

Two wrongs may make a right, but two Wrights don't make a wrong,

They make airplanes.

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Mr Wright (Slightly NSFW)

Read this a while ago, still probably my favourite joke, and felt I should share it for those who haven't seen it before.
A lawyer gets home after a long trial in which it was decided his client-Mr Wright-would be hanged later that night. He is greeted at the door by his wife.
"You're home lat...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.

His last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it."...

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FACT: 24 astronauts AND the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.

Something about that crappy state makes people want to flee the Earth.

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What would you call Phoenix Wright if he were asexual?

An Ace Attorney.

The Wright brothers.

The Wright brothers must have been vectors, because two of them made a plane.

The Wright Way

"I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."
-Steven Wright

The Wright Brothers were partially responsible for 9/11,

so I guess two Wrights made a Wrong...

I used to date a girl named Miranda Wrights.

It seemed like everything I said to her, she would use it against me!

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Orville Wright: "Dick cave."

Wilbur Wright: Definitely not.

Orville: Weiner hole

Wilbur: Dude **no**.

Orville: Cockpit

Wilbur: (sighs) Okay *fine*.

Who was the skeptical man who dressed up as a woman to spy on the Wright Brothers initial flight test?

Mrs. Doubtflyer

What's the difference between Wright and Rong?

Wright yells, "Objection!'


Rong is your typical Chinese man.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America C...

Made this up. Feels like a Steven Wright joke...

My teacher asked me to use the word "bucolic" in a sentence.

I said, "You want me to use the word 'bucolic' in a sentence?"

She replied, "Yes."

I said, "I just did."

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Hey Reddit - What's are some of your favorite one liners? I'll start...

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I fucked up!

-Mitch Hedberg

A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently it wasn't first place.

-Steven Wright

Why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the ...

Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...

What do u call a woman with only one leg (left) ?

Eileen Wright

The people who made that early version of a plane had the...

Wright idea.

My doctor scheduled me for a MRI.

He wants to see if I have claustrophobia.

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Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit?

because three Wrights make a left.

24 Hour Market

Throwback to my favorite Steven Wright line:

Realized late one night I needed something from the store and remembered there was a 24 hour market down the street.

I went down there and arrived as the shop keeper was closing up the store.

I said, " I thought you were open 24 hour...

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

Credit Steven Wright

A man sits down next to a woman on a bus

The man starts flirting with her, and in the course of their conversation she admits that she's a nymphomaniac.

"Oh really," says the man, instantly more engaged in their conversation.

"Yeah", she confirms, "but I'm only attracted to Jewish cowboys. Anyway, my name is Mary-Beth, what's...

Do you know what Miles Davis is called in Europe?

1.60934 Kilometers Davis



joke courtesy of Stephen Wright

I saw an ad for Ultra Light beer...

You gotta tie the bottles down otherwise they float away.

(Steven Wright inspired this one)

You know how you feel when you're leaning back in a chair and you almost fall over backwards but at the last instant you catch yourself?

I feel like that all the time.

*Credit Steven Wright*

The worst part about working at the fire hydrant factory...

is that you couldn't park anywhere near the place.



(Credit: Steven Wright.)

A Chinese couple emegrated to America...

When Mr. & Mrs. Wong had twin boys they wanted to name them after two great Americans and since Mr. Wong had always been fascinated with aviation he decided to name them Oreville and Wilbur Wright. When told them that they couldn't give them a surname other than their own, they took the case to ...

I bought a new phone, the first thing I did was push redial...

The phone started having a nervous breakdown.

(The legendary Steven Wright)

I'm addicted to placebos

I could quit, but it wouldn't make a difference

-Steven Wright

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts,"

But, “you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

Credit Steven Wright

A man's best friend is sentenced to death by hanging

The day James Wright is set to be executed his best friend waddled home and told his wife

"I don't want to hear about it, Wright was my best bud but I just want to go take a bath and have one night without the news or any senseless nagging"

His wife understads and says she'll put his...

A book never written.

Equality
By: Sibil Wrights.

Why couldn't the Wong brothers get their prototype plane to fly?

Because two Wongs don't make a Wright.

Driving down a highway,I saw a sign that said "rest area 25 miles."

I thought to myself "wow,that's pretty big"

( Stolen from Steven Wright)

I called the wrong number today.

A woman answered and I said, “Hello, is Tommy there?”

“Yes he is,” she said.

And I said, “Can I speak with him please?”

She said, “No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only 4 months old.”

I said, “Alright... I’ll wait.”


[Steven Wright]

”I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord.

I kept almost dying.”-Steven Wright

When I was growing up, we didn't have a sandbox, we had a quicksand box.

I was an only child....eventually.

(From my favorite comedian: Steven Wright)

Humans were never able to fly

until we got it Wright.

How the airplane was actually invented

Everyone thinks the airplane was invented by two brothers in America, but it turns out that they really just outsourced everything to four Chinese brothers!

I guess four Wongs do make two Wrights.

Every day I like to take a little bit of time,put it away, and just forget about it.

This way,by the end of the year, I'll have a few days to myself.

(Steven Wright)

I got a papercut writing my suicide note.

It's a start.

-Steven Wright

A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service.

I walked in and hired myself.



credit: Steven Wright

I finally got around to reading the dictionary...

turns out the zebra did it


- Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"...

So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

-Stephen Wright

New DNA tests have revealed that Orville and Wilbur’s parents were actually Chinese.

So I guess that means two Wongs make a Wright.

I poured spot remover on my dog

Now he's gone.

(My favorite Steven Wright joke).

When I have a kid one day...

...I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.

-- Stephen Wright

When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first?

Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

What if a dog flew the first airplane?

Well it just wouldn't be Wright.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the early days of aircraft, China was copying some American designs.

They bought one of the earliest gliders from the States and carefully took it apart. Measured dimensions of the wings and body, weighed every single part and even did some careful studies to determine the exact materials.

They put some of their best engineers on it to ensure all the maths che...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights

I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Credit to Steven Wright.

A British man and a Chinese man were arguing

One of them is Wright and the other is Wong.

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