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Did my taxes on Valentines Day

It was the only way I was getting fucked today.

I have a joke about Valentines

Most of you wont get it.

Had me a Barack Obama valentines day.

Obama self.

"Do you have a date for Valentines Day?"

I said, "Yep!! It's February 14th."

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Nsfw My wife said we can do anal for Valentines Day

It made my day but made her hole weak!

Today I got 150 Valentines cards, I was totally shocked and breathless

The security guard at Hallmark gave quite a chase!

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There's love without sex and there's sex without love...

Then there's You, without either.

Happy Valentines

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

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The #1 thing a guy wants for Valentines Day is Sex...

... And #2 is for his wife to not find out.

Picked up two HOT girls on valentines day ...

First time i ever had two HOT GIRLS at the same time.

I love driving for UBER.

I’m not sure what this “Valentines Day” thing is...

Does it mean the day before “Half-Price-Chocolate Day?”

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

What's the best part of Valentines Day?

The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...

that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

I am really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day.

I mean, I’d hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing.

Are you still Dating?

Before marriage you are Dating,

After marriage, you are Acommo-Dating!

Happy Valentines Day!

Alright, guys. It's that time of year again: I'm planning on taking my girlfriend out for Valentines Day

Can anyone recommend me a good girlfriend?

I finally found a date for Valentines day!

I wish I could write this in another sub

I received a bunch of flowers for valentines day, with the heads cut off

I think I was being stalked

I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.

Eventually the post office fired me for it.

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.

So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

Valentines special! $500.00

We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.

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Just booked a table for me and the missus for Valentines Day knowing this is going to end in tears....

She’s shit at snooker

i want to buy my girlfriend a present within 200$ on valentines day any suggestions?

i also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 200$

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For Valentines Day, I’m getting anal.

My husband is going to clean the kitchen MY way, no matter how clean he thinks it is.

(My only Valentines day related joke) If the Swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love?

The Swallow.

19 minutes until Valentines

If I kill myself right now, I'll get flowers later.

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentines card from a secret admirer. I was sad I didn't get one this year!

First my gran dies, now this!

A brunette gets a bouquet of flowers for valentines day.

The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.

She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."

The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"

"My brother was telling me he received a Valentines day card today"

"Awe, he must've been thrilled. "

"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. "

A Valentines Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

Three wealthy men were sitting at a bar the day after valentines day

The first man declared: “I love my wife so much I got her something that goes from 0 to a 100 in 4 seconds!”

The other men were confused until he said: “I got her a white sports car!”

The other men smile and one of them responds: “Thats funny because I love her so much that I got her s...

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