A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the th...

Give a Brit some tea and you'll make him happy for a day...

Teach him how to grow tea...

And he'll colonize your country.

How do you make a candle really happy?

Blow it out, it’ll be delighted.

Bob Ross said "We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents."

So, either he lied and my parents made a mistake or I'm an accident.

My wife and i were happy for 20 years

Then we met.

My last girlfriend became a cop and ended up pulling me over and writing me a ticket. She asked why I seemed so happy about it.

I told her I was just ex-cited.

Jack was feeling happy

Happy felt disgusted and ran away

I called a dwarf by the wrong name.

He wasn't Happy.

Why was Chewbacca so happy after his son's first baseball season?

He got Wookie of the year.

I went to McDonald's today and ordered a Happy Meal.

The guy asked me if I wanted a "boy toy"?
I smiled and said "Honey, you're too young to apply for that job"

A wife asks her hard working husband how she can make him happy in bed...

He replies “A few more hours of sleep would be nice.”

Child: Dad, I'm so happy, I got a B in reading!

Dad: That's a D you idiot!

Yesterday I donated my phone and wallet to a poor guy and you can't imagine how happy I felt..

when I saw him put his gun back in his pocket.

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My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt



He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

- Happy birthday Jimmy !!

\-Thank you a lot Emily, I can't wait to see what's my gift.

\-Well, since you're 18 now, I wanted to give you something special, it starts with an "F" and ends with "uck"!

\-OMG!! I'm getting a firetruck!

Happy Labor Day

Aka:

Mother's day 2.0

Mother's Day: The Sequel

I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it - day

Mother's Day: With Vengeance

"So is that a gun in your trousers or you are just happy to see me?"

"Both,now get in the van."

Happy Palindrome Day.

9 1 1 9

In spite of all our political and religious disagreements here on Reddit, I’m happy about one thing.

Most people reading this are on the same page.

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A man says to his wife "honey, I bet you can't tell me something that makes me both happy, and sad, at the same time..."

Without almost no hesitation "you have the biggest penis, out of all of your friends."

Obstacles Preventing A Happy Ever After

Tom: "When are you and your girlfriend getting married?"

Harry: "I would have a long time ago if it wasn't for her family!!"

Tom: "Her family?"

Harry: "Yes, her husband and three children."

Why are frogs always happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

Happy little accident

Bob Ross would be a great mafia member because he’s just make everything look like a happy little accident

What do you call a happy cannibal in an arena?

Glad he ate her

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

Me: Dad when was the last happy moment you had?

Dad: How old are you?

I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me inside a tyre and roll me down a hill.....

......They were Goodyears.

Why are microbiologists always so happy?

Because they look at the little things in life

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Guy walks up to his wife and tells her to say something that makes him both happy and sad.

She thought about it for a minute and replied, “out of all your friends you have the biggest dick”

A wise man once gave 2 secrets to a happy life...

A wise man once gave 2 secrets to a happy life...

1. Never give out the full information.

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

I don't know why people are so happy about Robert Mugabe's death...

I mean, didn't he turn all of his countrymen into billionaires?

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Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?
I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:
Add edit to first comment.
Also he...

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; righ...

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I want to go down on you and make you happy. Then I want come back up slowly and fuck you hard...

Sincerely,

Gas prices

My girlfriend sounded happy while she was breaking up with me over the phone, but I could barely hear her because of the bad reception.

I guess you could say she was ex-static.

I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

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So happy to read that they've finally found a cure for dyslexia.

It's like music to my arse.

One bird can't make you happy

But toucan

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs..

Not Happy

Six dwarfs were in a hot tub feeling happy...

So happy got out.

How can you tell if a motorcyclist is happy?

By the bugs in his teeth.

What happened after Snow White sat in the bath, feeling happy?

Happy got out, so she felt Grumpy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I challenged my girlfriend to make me feel sad and happy at the same time

Then she said: "you have the best dick among all of your friends"

Whenever I give my seat on the bus to an elderly person, they're as happy as a kid in a candy store...

I do the same in the men's bathroom and they hobble away as fast as they can.

Why was King Arthur always happy?

He Camelot.

I am a happy father of 5 unvaccinated children...

Edit: 4 unvaccinated children*

Edit: 3 unvaccinated children*

Edit: 2 unvaccinated children*

Why is the horse so happy?

Because he lives in a stable environment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad is 88 today. Here is one he used to tell all the time. Happy Birthday dad!

A farmer needed to castrate his bull.

After a search of many options including the local veternarians he decides to go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks ...

I told my girlfriend she needed to lose a bunch of weight if she wanted to be happy.

She agreed and lost almost 200 pounds by breaking up with me.

I got mugged by six dwarves last night...

Not Happy.

Me at age 10: "I wish I was a dog. They're always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!"

Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."

Why were the pirates happy when they washed up on shore and saw cakes, pies, and ice cream?

It was a desserted island.

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