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Today is a day we celebrate motherfuckers.

Happy Father's Day!

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So happy to read that they've finally found a cure for dyslexia.

It's like music to my arse.

I was driving the other day, accidentally hit this guy in the back. Guy gets out. I see that he’s a dwarf. He starts surveying the damage, shakes his head, and says, “Well, I’m not Happy!”

I said, “Well, which one are you?!” And that’s when the fight began.

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I challenged my girlfriend to make me feel sad and happy at the same time

Then she said: "you have the best dick among all of your friends"

I am a happy father of 5 unvaccinated children...

Edit: 4 unvaccinated children*

Edit: 3 unvaccinated children*

Edit: 2 unvaccinated children*

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I want to go down on you and make you happy. Then I want come back up slowly and fuck you hard...

Sincerely,

Gas prices

Six dwarfs were in a hot tub feeling happy...

So happy got out.

Why is the horse so happy?

Because he lives in a stable environment.

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My dad is 88 today. Here is one he used to tell all the time. Happy Birthday dad!

A farmer needed to castrate his bull.

After a search of many options including the local veternarians he decides to go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks ...

“Dad, I’m so happy. I got a B in reading!”

Dad: That’s a D, idiot.

Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

Bob looked at his wife Mary and said ”I can’t believe today makes 2 happy years of marriage”

Mary: Bob, we have been married for 15 years...

Bob: I SAID HAPPY

Every week, I'm happy to say that a recycling truck takes my garbage.

But I prefer /r/jokes where trash gets recycled almost every single day.

I was sad, So I drank two bottles of Whiskey and smoked twnty Joints and immediately felt happy..

I was in High Spirits!

Got into a car accident today

I was driving along and ended up rear ending someone. The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!

He looked up at me and said, 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?’

Why are tall trees so happy?

They are high.

America: Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!

England: Where’s the T?

America: Threw it in the harbor.

What do you get when you have a room full of happy people toasting shot glasses to stoned ghosts?

High Spirits

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I just want to be fucking Happy again...

Forget the other 6 dwarfs. I don't like their attitudes.

I’m really happy after my prostate exam...

....My doctor gave me the thumbs up!

Son:Mommy tell me something that would make me both happy and sad at the same time

Mom:The whole Avengers cast is coming to visit you next week

Me at age 10: "I wish I was a dog. They're always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!"

Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."

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A man asks his wife to make him happy and sad at the same time...

She thinks for a minute and says..


You have the biggest dick out of all of your friends.

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I just wanna wish a happy father's day...

To all you mother fuckers out there.

Happy Father's Day

Today is the day that you should thank your dad for not spraying you all over your moms face.

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Pissing your pants is like being happy

I haven’t done it since I was 6

You tell people God is looking over them they get happy

But when I do the same I get a restraining order? Pff

Me and my wife know the secret to a happy Marriage...

Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant.

She goes Mondays I go Fridays.

Guy goes to get a massage for the first time. What is he happy about?

All the things he didn't know he kneaded.




Edit: Thought about it more. Initial phrasing was to bait out "happy ending" responses, but I feel like this would probably be better:

Guy goes to get a massage for the first time. What was he surprised by?

How much was knead...

They key to being successful and happy is in two steps.

1) Don't tell everyone everything you know.


2)

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Two dwarfs Grumpy and Happy went to Vatican and meet the pope.

Grumpy, seems a little worried and he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.

"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that...

7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy

So Happy got out.

Give a homeless guy a meal he is happy for a day. Give a reddit user a joke.

They are happy for 4 years re-posting.

There are 70 ways to keep a man happy, first Is alcohol

Second is 69

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Dad: "Happy 18th son! All these presents are just for you!"

After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these boxes are empty..."

"I know. Use them to pack your things and get the fuck out!"

Only 2 things in our life makes us happy.

Dopamine and serotonin

Maria went home happy.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Mom - Happy Birthday Sweetheart...

Daughter - Thanks Mom, And I need to tell you something..

Mom - What is it darling. You can tell me anything...

Daughter - Since It’s my 17th Birthday, Tonight I’m going to sleep with my boyfriend Jacob.

Mom - Ohh darling. If that’s makes you happy then I don’t mind at a...

Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters!

This month, lunch is on me :)

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A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband. "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?!"

She laughed, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

How do you know a person from Chernobyl is happy?

They wag their tail.

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