Why are mathematicians always so happy?

Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy

So Happy got out.

So I hit another vehicles bumper the other day, so we both pulled over to the side of the road. The driver got out. I noticed he was a dwarf, he shouted, "I'm not happy!"

I replied, "then which one are you?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) A cowboy walks into a bar, looking as happy as can be. Another man sitting down asks him,

“What on Earth could you be so happy for?”

The cowboy promptly answers with “I just untied a woman from the train tracks and proceeded to have sex with her”

The other man, astonished, asks for more details.

The cowboy proceeds to tell the other man all the positions they did i...

My boyfriend wasn't very happy when I told him that I'm not actually a woman

But I just had to be Frank about it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two dwarfs Grumpy and Happy went to Vatican and meet the pope.

Grumpy, seems a little worried and he keeps asking the pontiff questions about the church, and in particular, nuns.

"Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?"

"No, my son, all our nuns are at least five feet tall."

"Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't have any nuns that...

Me at age 10: "I wish I was a dog. They're always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!"

Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A husband said to his wife, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time"

His wife replied, "Well, you have the biggest penis out of all of your friends."

Happy Easter Weekend ...

It is the day of Christ's crucifixion, and Jesus is being nailed in as his followers gather at the base of Golgotha to weep and mourn.

As they pray, they hear Jesus call out in a soft voice: "Peter ... Peter ..."

"Our Lord calls to you, Peter!" Thomas says.

Emboldened, Peter t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Frank was happy in the old folks home with Charlotte always holding his member under the blanket on his wheelchair as they watched TV.

Then one day, Charlotte noticed that Frank wasn't around. When this happened, Charlotte went looking for Frank, fearing the worst had happened to him. After a bit of searching, Charlotte came across Frank, in his wheelchair, watching TV with another woman. Charlotte noticed the blanket vibrating vig...

Why are dead dogs so happy?

Because they finally got all their bones buried.

How do you make a glow worm happy?

Cut off its tail, it'll be de-lighted.

"so is that a gun in your trousers or are you just happy to see me ?"

"Both , now get inside the van !! "

If you’re single, happy alentine’s ay

You get no V or D

I came home drunk from the bar last night, and the wife wasn't happy.

"How much have you had to drink?" she demanded. "Not much" I slurred. "Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the bar, which one is it?" I paused for a second and said "It's you, I can tell by the voice."

I took an online quiz to grade how un happy I am.

My unhappiness grade:D

Why does killing people in GTA make me happy?

It’s the only time I’m ever wanted

Why was the newly born egg so happy?

He just got laid!

Happy frogs

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat what ever bugs them.

A nice Jewish girl asked for my number. I of course was happy to tell her...

“Oh! We use names here, sorry.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happy Thanksgiving kiddo

So two days before Thanksgiving little Jimmy is out playing in the yard. He hears his parents arguing and they call each other “bitch” and bastard”. Little Jimmy, ever the curious little bugger goes inside to ask his parents what those words mean. His parents tell him they mean “lady” and “gentleman...

This girl asked me If I won a million what will I do with it? I told her: I'm gonna give it to you. She seemed happy and hugged me

the poor thing thought I'm talking about the million.

Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?

It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife will not be happy...

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my car and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone told me "do what makes you happy"...

So I fucked my antidepressants.

Maccas will give you a free happy meal and $134.50 if you go through the drive through dressed as a clown...

With a gun

Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa

.... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!

Happy Valentine's Day

Or to most reddit users, happy Thursday...

Al the Irish jokes I've heard - Irish this sub a happy St. Patrick's Day!:

* What do you get when you cross a 4 leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
* What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
* Why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover? You'd be pressing your luck.
* What instrument did the diva musician play on St. Patrick's day? Brag-pipes....

What does a vampire drink for happy hour?

B-Positive

what do you call a happy frog?

hoppy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Being happy is like pissing your pants

Haven’t experienced it since I was 8.

I’ve never been so happy to hear a girl say she loves me as a brother

She’s from Alabama

I just had a cheap plastic surgery and I'm not happy with it.

Next time I'll pay for real metal scalpels.

I'm not happy with the quote to insure my colon...

I'm gonna be paying out the ass.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

An Irishman walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders t...

You should feel happy if someone tells you are a nobody...

Becasuse nobody is perfect

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happy V-Day, Reddit

May your day be filled with joy and love,

Candy hearts and turtle doves.

Don't let yourself get all bummed out,

And don't despair if you're without.

Be kind to who you're thinking of,

In the meantime, free premium at Pornhub.

A depressed person and a happy person walk into a hardware store, how can you tell the two apart?

The depressed one goes straight for the ropes while the happy one follows them with a camera and is wearing a green hat with three eyes on it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dads of Reddit: Happy Father's Day...

YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Happy balentines day

Roses are black
Violets are black
Fuck im blind

Bob Ross famously said that "we don't make mistakes, just happy accidents"...

Clearly he never played Tetris.

I was really happy when I discovered a word with all five vowels.

It was euphoria.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man tells his wife, 'I bet you can't say something that would make me happy and sad at the same time'

She tells him, 'You have the biggest dick out of all your friends'

When to stop saying happy new year

My manager asked me when he should stop saying happy new year. My immediate response was, "Probably after the next mass shooting."

Once upon a time, there was a happy family with 3 kids: Snowflake, Sandgrain, and Brick

One day, Snowflake went up to his mother and asked:

“Mommy! Why is my name Snowflake?”

“Well you see, when you were born, a little snowflake landed on your head. So we decided to name you after it.” She replied.

A couple days later, Sandgrain went up to his mother and asked:
...

I bet I can make you temporarily happy.

See? Now you’re disappointed.