I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

Is your body from McDonald's?

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because your loving it?"

Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.”

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

If McDonalds sold fancy steaks they’d call them Filet Mc’gnons

...also it’s my 5 year cake day so shower me in internet points or however this works I dunno. Thanks!

I saw a sign at McDonald's, it said,"We do not accept bills over $20."

Trust me, if I had more than $20, I wouldn't be eating at McDonald's.

What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?

A big mac

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There's a cheap prostitute in town who works the corner by McDonald's

Quarter? Pound her.

Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?

It was a Big Mcsteak

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today...

His mom got really angry with me...

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The New Yorker the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begi...

What is Ronald Mcdonalds favourite weed type?

A burger joint

How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops?

They use McAfee

What did McDonalds call their new disappearing sandwich?

The McCaan Burger

I got fired from McDonald's for constantly eating what was in front of me

And I got fired from the gynecologist for the same reason

Found a human hair in my McDonald’s burger. I was so surprised....

... I didn’t know that they use natural ingredients.

Why wasn't there any McDonald's in the Roman Empire

There was too much Greece

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16yo with a part time job at McDonald's comes home in a new Porsche Panamera Turbo S.

His mom screams at him, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU BUY THAT PORSCHE, WE KNOW WHAT IT COSTS."

The 16yo says, "I got it from that old lady over there, she gave me it for $1.

His mom, steaming: OMG SHE MIGHT BE A RAPIST AND A CHILD ABUSER! LET'S GO SEE HER!!"

His dad goes to the old lad...

Ol mcdonald had a stroke

I-E-O-I-AAAAAAAAAAAA

I bought a bunch of shares of Old McDonald's farm.

I'm now the
#C-I-E-I-O

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do McDonalds and pussy have in common?

It's generally frowned upon to eat in a Burger King.

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to McDonald's and ate a kid's meal

Boy, that kid's parents were pissed at me

McDonald's is planning on making a Shakespearen play

It's called McBeth

How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp?

He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

What types of large PC's do McDonalds workers use?

Big Macs

Why McDonald's will always be popular with the ladies.

It's got the big D.

There was this guy working at McDonald’s.

and it was his turn to cook the French fries. So he put the frozen fries in the metal basket and dipped it in the oil. You see this guy was a veteran chef and used to be able to sense when food was cooked by looking at it's color or by smelling it, he never needed a timer or a meat thermometer or an...

Why did Old McDonald win all the awards?

Because he is out standing in his field.

What did the frog order at McDonald’s?

The McRibbit.

What does Old McDonald's farm and an old Asian women's closet have in common?

There's a muumuu here, a muumuu there....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to my friend Jim when one of our mutual friends walks up with a giant pumpkin head….

We were both in awe so of coarse we asked what was up.

He responds “You won’t believe it, I found a genie, and I got 3 wishes!”

We both nodded skeptically and asked “For sure man. But your pumpkin hea….”

He cut us off to say “For my first wish I wished for a million dollars.”...

Jeffrey Dahmer and Armie Hammer are eating Ronald McDonald

Armie asks, "does this taste funny to you?" Jeffrey responds, "I think it's ginger."

"Old McDonald had some weed"

"He high, He high Hoe"

In the US, what's the difference between being unemployed and working at McDonald's?

Unemployed people got paid more in 2020.



Ps, please pay food workers extra for being stuck at work with no benefits this year.

What did Old McDonald call his farmhouse?

The McCrib

Some students notice an elderly couple in the McDonald's with only one meal on the table...

"Excuse me," says one of the students, "I noticed that you only have one meal between you. If you'd like we could get another for you, it's no trouble."

"That's very kind of you," replies the elderly woman, "but you see, in our marriage my husband and I share everything. This is enough food f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whips their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who ...

I ate a kids meal in McDonald’s this morning.

His mother was furious.

Today, Ronald McDonald put a quarter in my expired parking meter ...

what a kind jester!

I was with my wife at mcdonalds drive thru and after 3 mins when they gave her our order she began complaining how agonizingly long the wait was.

Turns out reminding her that last night she told me 3 mins was way to quick was not a good response

What did Albert Fish like to get from McDonalds?

The kids meal.

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a prostitute and McDonald's have in common?

More bang for your buck

The double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald’s holds a special place in my heart.

Mainly in the Coronary artery.

Old McDonald’s son joined the Army

G-I-G-I-Joe

Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived?

Someone ordered a McGregor

Applied pressure

Doctor: You're going to feel a bit of pressure, OK?

Patient: Ok

Doctor: Your younger sister is the founder of CEO of a multi-million dollar company and owns a house while you work as a cashier at McDonalds and live with your parents

I went to McDonald’s and asked if they had any deals. The lady said, “We have the Travis Scott special, it comes with fries and a drink.”

I asked, “does it include a burger or is it just the rapper?”

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*

Did you hear that McDonald’s is coming out with a McJackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's.

He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the ext...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy asks his mum...McDonalds for dinner?

Mum: ..only if you can spell it.

Boy: ...fuck it. KFC?!

What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ?

The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.

My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life

Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it

I remember when McDonald's switched from styrofoam to cardboard and paper.

I'm still wondering when they're going to start using actual meat.

How is working at McDonald’s like being an archaeologist in Athens?

Either way, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

So I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the lady behind me honked at me and flipped me off because I was taking to long to order. Wow. “Take the high road” I thought to myself.

So I paid for her food.

I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.

When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too!

During a hot summer, a man goes through a McDonald's drive through and orders several cold drinks...

He repeats this process several times a day for a few days.
After the 4th day, a McDonald's manager decides to investigate why this man is buying so many drinks. He asks the man "why do you keep buying so many drinks when you could just go to a grocery store and get them cheaper?"

The man...

What’s something that often comes in a McDonald’s happy meal?

Me. It’s me.

Old McDonald had a farm...

2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)

A young boys and his mother are waiting in the line in McDonald.

Suddenly the boy shouts:

\- "Mom, I want to pee."

The mother takes him to the toilet and tells him:

\- "You are a grown up boy. Don't say you want to pee, again! Instead, tell me that you want to whistle then I will take you to the toilet".

Now, it's night and the moth...

What do you call someone who steals from McDonalds?

A Hamburglar

Just got the job at the old McDonald farm...

I'm now the CIEIO

I finally got a job handling finances for a multi billion company!

So excited for my first day as a McDonald's cashier :)

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

"Old McDonald had a farm..."

sang the cheery repossession man.

There was a scotsman called Reginald Mcdonald

He was called that because if you reached up his kilt, he had 2 quater pounders. With cheese.

I went to an Old McDonald's the other day, and they aren't promoting Monopoly anymore.

Now it's B.I.N.G.O.

Me: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your McOrder?

**McDonalds Boss:** Again *(rubs temples)* you don't need to put Mc in front of words.

**Me:** Oh ok *(...to customer)* welcome to Donalds.

I went to McDonalds the other day.

I asked for two large fries but the idiot behind the counter just gave me a bunch of little ones.

McDonald's just came out with a new energy drink

They called it McSquared

Are you a McDonalds?

"Why?"

Because you make my heart stop.

Why does McDonalds like to hire altar boys?

Because if you can turn on a priest, you can turn on a fryer.

A bear walks into McDonald’s

and goes to order at the cash register.

“What can I get for you, sir?” Asked the employee.

“I would like a Big Mac... ... ... ... ... ... and fries.”

“What’s with the big pause there, sir?”

The bear looks down, “Oh these? I was born with them.”

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat in seven year old buns.

I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon.

I need some fast food

TIL: America has more museums than McDonald's

McDonald's only has a few museums

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi walk into a McDonald's

One day, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi walk into a McDonald's. The priest decides that he will order their meals while the Rabbi looks for a table. When the priest returns he hands the Rabbi a bacon cheeseburger. The next day the duo decide to go to McDonald's again but this time the Rabbi would ord...

TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

With the success of BK's Impossible Whopper, McDonald's decided they needed a non-meat option too.

So they brought back the McRib.

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

So McDonalds now have ‘The Alabama Chicken’

Even the chicken is inbred

One day - a woman decides to save up money and get a facelift for herself

On her way home she stopped at a shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," he replied.

"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for...

When McDonald’s reopens

They can run an advertising campaign based on the return of the mac

Saint McDonald’s church of the holy

They have some of the best fryers is the world

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Oh to be 6 again

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he...

What would be Trump's rapper name?

McDonalds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Job Application for McDonalds

NAME: Kicky Pie   

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a yea...

To celebrate Shakespeare's birthday this year, McDonalds are launching a new burger...

...called the McBeth.

A man walks into McDonalds

The cashier says, “Hello sir! May I take your order? By the way sir, we don’t have any-”

The man interrupts, “Yes, can I get a, uh, Big Mac with large fries?”

“Sir, we don’t have any fries, would you like-“

“Oh, then can I get some small fries?”

The cashier sighs and roll...

What’s the slogan for the mediocre McDonald’s that werewolves eat at?

I’m lycan it

Three graduates are stood in McDonalds.

The economics graduate asks how the business became so successful and made so much money?

The engineering graduate asks how the kitchens were built to maximise production efficiency.

The fine arts graduate asks, "Do you want fries with that?".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The two founders of the McDonald’s restaurant were Mac and Dick McDonald. Their most famous burger is named after one of them.

I’m really glad they went with Big Mac.

People say it couldnt be done, but I have worked at McDonald's for 20 years and I have enough saved to live off of for the rest of my life.

If I die before before next month.

The Genie offered me one wish. I asked for a McDonald's ice cream. When he told me the machine was broken and he couldn't do the impossible I got to pick another wish. I asked him for an original joke on reddit. He agreed to grant my wish but had one last question...

Would you like that in a cone or a cup?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into ...

A homeless man passed out while walking in front of a McDonald's.

Everyone around surrounded the man to see what could be done to help him.

A woman from the crowd yelled: " Bring him water and splash some of it on his face!"

The man opened his eyes immediately and said: "Hey! If I needed water I would've passed out in front of Aquafina.

What did Kris Kross order at McDonald's?

A Biggity, Biggity, Biggity Mac.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have the body of an athlete

and a dentist, a mcdonalds cashier, a businessman

yeah my basement is a bit crowded

McDonalds will soon be offering your choice of fillet steaks...

Big McStake

An old couple walks into mcdonalds

An old couple walk into MacDonald. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....

Should have gone to Burka king.

While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud.

Running in I found her dead on the floor.

In a panic, I had no idea what to do.Then I remembered.

McDonald's do an all-day breakfast.

How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?

You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to order and says, “One vodka, please.”

The woman at the register looks and says, “Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don’t serve vodka.”

The KGB agent looks surprised and says, “Excuse my mistake, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Moth joke (Norm McDonald)

So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "what's the problem?"

The moth says, "what's the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinovich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, i don't even know what i do there anymore. I don't even know if Gregory...

How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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