UPJOKE
callrememberknowmemoryrecollectrecollectionwithdrawthinkreturnretrieveechocall upcallbackcome backcall back

Recalled Jokes

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays

BMW Recall

In an unprecedent move and after many complaints from non BMW owners, BMW has recalled their entire fleet of vehicles to assess the electrical fault that prevents indicators from flashing...

Fitbit has recalled its Ionic smart watch, after finding out the battery can dangerously overheat

They admitted, this isn't what you're after when you're told to feel the burn.

Did you hear Pantene recalled all of their women’s shampoo?

Biden said if elected he will personally sniff out this situation.



PS, before spamming my inbox I’m a Democrat that just likes a good joke.

My math text book got recalled

We were told it had too many problems

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Tickle me Elmo was recalled

They forgot to give him two test tickles.

When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.

He remembered to add the sea.

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

We have one of the recalled Samsung washers. But, don't feel sorry for us...

We're going to have a blast!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about all the butterball turkeys that got recalled?

The balls weren't buttered.

Thanks to my grandpa for that one. It's his annual thanksgiving joke.

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's boy's night and Ronnie comes up with a plan....

for them to get free beers all night long and it worked too. Ronnie and Matt get so hammered that the next day Matt hardly recalled the night before. Ronnie reminded him that the plan was to go to each bar, drink all they could and then Ronnie would whip out a hotdog from his pant zipper and Matt wo...

A cowboy walks into a livery stable and asks for a horse...

"I need a horse, but I'm short on cash. What can I get for $25?" the cowboy asks the owner.

"Well, for fifteen I can give you 'ol Bill. He's seen a few years but he's still a fast horse" replies the owner.

"Why so cheap then?"

"Well, he ain't so good at listening. You see, he ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

RIP Barry Cryer - a true comedy great

From his obituary:
> Cryer, the master of the comedy sketch and the instant one-liner, was once asked by the Yorkshire Post for his favourite joke. He recalled one he had told in a student revue in 1955.

>"A man drives down a country lane and runs over a cockerel. He knocks at ...

I always wanted to visit Ireland one day

So I took a vacation there. I did all the stereotypical tourist things like drank in the pubs, saw the beautiful natural wonders, watched a game of football, visited the Blarney Stone, and so on.

Before I left, I figured I would buy a nice souvenir. And what better to take home from the Eme...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

A father and son are watching a documentary about evolution...

...the boy had already watched this episode and was viewing it again carefully as he found it a bit confusing as to what the different prehistoric animals were evolving into. He recalled this episode ended with an ant-like insect becoming a crustacean-like animal. By the end he said 'Ep seen, did an...

How can an American be certain that the car he's just bought is actually new?

When it's recalled by the factory.

Shamus Murphy was enjoying a pint at the bar, when he saw someone who looked very familiar

Aye! You look familiar, what is your name?

Me name is Angus Murphy.

You don't say? M'name is Shamus Murphy!

You don' say? Did you grow up in the town of Derry?

I did! Did you go to Saint Anthony's?

I did! Did you have an Aunt named Mildred?

I did! Did your f...

A supervisor at a Tickle-Me-Elmo factory...

...instructed an employee to give the dolls 'test tickles'. The dolls were recalled for being anatomically correct.

A madhouse was to be demolished.

All the interns were to be transported to a new mental asylum. So they loaded a truck with all the patients that reside there, as well as some of the psychiatric staff to maintain the order, but in the middle of the way to the madmen's new home, there was a violent accident that resulted in the cras...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ex-lax

Did you know that all boxes of Ex-lax have been recalled? You can't buy Ex-lax anywhere. Really..I'm not shittin'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[long] A plane did an emergency landing on the water.

The stewardess wanna let the passengers slide down to the lifeboats but the passengers refused.

The stewardess seek help from the captain The very knowledgeable captain said..

'You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
Tell the British this is an HONOUR,
Tell the French this i...

Love Letters

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying
Grandpa. She was in her 2os, and the man she was dating
left for war. "We were in love, " she recalled, "and wrote to
each other every week. It was during that time that I
discovered how wonderful your grandfather was."
Did you marry Gr...

Bubba Joe is a down to earth farm boy from East Texas and falls in love with a girl

After some time, they decide to get married, but before that can happen his fiance tells him that he must become christian. Now Bubba Joe was never really religious but he really loves this girl and heads off to the local catholic church and asks the priest if he can become a parishioner. The priest...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.