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Mickey Jokes

Why is Mickey Mouse’s helicopter no use in Scotland?

Disneyland

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

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"Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because

she was extremely silly?????"

"No, I said, she was fucking Goofy!"

Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I...

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"

"Erm, I don't know" I replied

"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing

"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"

"Donald Duck" I replied

"No, all ducks you idiot"

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A lawyer calls Mickey mouse and tells him

"Mickey, you can't divorce Minney because you say she is crazy"

Mickey," I didn't say she is crazy, I said she is fucking goofy".

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Mickey Mouse goes to see a divorce lawyer.

The lawyer says, "So you're divorcing Minnie because she's totally crazy?"

Mickey huffs and says, "No! I'm divorcing her because she's fucking Goofy!"

A lone sniper was just about to assassinate Donald Trump.

Just at the last moment, one of the President's bodyguards spotted him.
He immediately shouted "Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse"
A shot rang out and Trump fell dead.
As his aides gathered round the body, one of them asked the bodyguard why he had shouted "Mickey Mouse"
'I'm sorry" he said "I ...

Password audit

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

What do you call Mickey mouse with a lisp?

Mickey mouth

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

An assassin is running towards Trump

His personal bodyguard sees him and shouts “Mickey Mouse”. This startles the assassin and he runs off in the other direction.

Trump turns to his bodyguard and says “ Thank you, but why did you yell Mickey Mouse” The bodyguard replies “Sorry Sir, I meant to say Donald, Duck.”

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie go to see a marriage guidance counsellor.

He talks to them both briefly and then starts one to one sessions. He talks to Minnie first in private. He comes out and approaches Mickey and says "I cannot see any evidence of your wifes insanity" to which Mickey replies "I didn't say she was insane, I said she was fucking Goofy"

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

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Mickey Mouse goes to see a psychologist.

Mickey Mouse goes to see a psychologist once a week about his wife Minnie. This session Mickey starts to talk about his relationship and after about 5 minutes, the psychologist says “yes, Mickey, I get it. Minnie is fucking crazy!” Mickey, aggravated, says “you don’t get it, doc. I’m not saying Minn...

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse divorce

In the courtroom the judge says to Mickey, “Mr Mouse, I don’t see any evidence to support your charge that Mrs Mouse has become insane”. Mickey gets a confused look on his face and says, “Judge, I never complained that she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy”.

Mickey and Patrick are on their way home from the pub one evening, when Mickey finds a mirror on the ground...

Looking into the mirror he calls over to Patrick:

"Paddy, come and have a look.... this fella seems oh so familiar.."

Patrick grabs hold of the mirror and peers in:

"Ohhhh you stupid git" he says, "It's me!"

Totally failed to make a Mickey Mouse pancake…

I could only get the two ears done. I think this one is a bust !

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I'm just back from Walt Disney world so....

Micky Mouse wants a divorce.

Judge: Look here Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mick...

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Mickey Mouse finds out his wife is cheating, and files for divorce.

He comes home from work one day and says: "Honey, I'm hooooome!"
Thereafter no response. That's weird. He thinks to himself.
He goes about his business, and begins putting his things away when he hears a sound. It's his bead creaking coming from upstairs in his bedroom.
Someone is in my ro...

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Mickey at the lawyer's office

The lawyer goes - "So let me get this straight, you wanna divorce your wife because she's very silly?

"No! Its because she's fucking Goofy!"

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Mickey Mouse went to his lawyer

He walked in the door, sat down, and sighed.

“I want to divorce Minnie, haha” he said.

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that Mr. Mouse,” the lawyer said. “You’ve been a famous couple for decades — it’s really a shame to see you break up.”

“Yes, it’s bad,” Mickey said, “but this is t...

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Mickey wakes up on February 6th.

Looking out his castle window, he sees that it has snowed during the night. But as he looks down right under the window in huge yellow letters is the words " Mickey sucks dick." in the snow. So being offend he call the police, they take samples of the yellow snow and leave.

Two days later the...

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Mickey Mouse and His Lawyer

Mickey Mouse calls his lawyer, he doesn’t answer and leaves a message.

A few hours later the lawyer listens to the message and calls back Mickey

“Hey Mick listen I understand you want to divorce Minnie but in the state of California insanity is not grounds for a divorce.”

Mick...

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How is your wife's vagina like the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?

It's fun inside to come inside.

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter?

It Disney land.

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

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Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

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Donald Trump is exiting the White House and heading into his limo...

...when someone pulls out a gun and aims it at him.

A newbie secret service agent, spotting it first yells:"MICKEY MOUSE!".

The would be assassin stops in confusion, giving the other agents time to pin down and arrest him.

When the press reports were over, the newbies supervisor...

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Mickey Mouse is talking to his divorce lawyer

The law contemplates for a while, then leans forward and says, “Let me get this straight. You say want to divorce your wife because she is acting really silly?”

“No, sir, I said she is fucking Goofy”

What did Mickey Mouse yell when the president was about to be shot?

Donald!! Duck!!!

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Mickey Mouse finds himself in front of a divorce hearing..

Judge " Mr. Mouse I can't see on these grounds to grant the divorce on the fact Miney Mouse is fucking silly"

Mickey Mouse " Your honor I never said she was fucking silly I said she was fucking Goofy"

One my dad loves to tell from time to time.

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Mickey Mouse is divorcing Minnie Mouse...

Mickey Mouse is in court filing for a divorce from Minnie. One day during the process, Mickey's lawyer comes up to him and says, "You know, you told me that your wife was crazy, but she seems perfectly sane to me."
"I didn't say she was crazy," Mickey replied, "I said she was fucking Goofy."

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Poor Mickey

Mickey Mouse is sitting at a bar crying his eyes out.

"Don't take it so hard" says the bartender. "So your wife is acting a little silly. So what? It's no big deal."

Mickey looks up angrily.

"I didn't say she was acting silly, I said she was FUCKING GOOFY!"

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Mickey and Donald were sitting in a bar(credit to u/KamehameHanSolo)

So Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck are sitting at a bar and Mickey sighs and says to Donald, "So Minnie finally decided to leave me."

"Good riddance, you're better off without her," Donald says, "Just last week you were telling me how crazy she is."

Mickey looks at him and says, "Donald, ...

Why did Minnie hang up the phone on Mickey?

She was feeling Goofy at the time

Mickey Donovan priest joke

What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits till you're 14 till it comes on your face.

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Mickey meets with his lawyer to discuss getting a divorce from Minnie

The lawyer looks over Mickey's requested divorce terms for the house no alimony.

"Mickey I just don't think you have a case you can't divorce Minnie just because she's a little odd"


Mickey turns to his lawyer and says "I didn't say she was odd I said she was fucking Goofy"*

...

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Mickey Mouse steps into lawyers office to review divorce with lawyer

Mickey: I need to get out of this marriage! Minnie ruined my life. I've paid you good money for you to get me back what's rightly mine. What do you have for me?

Lawyer: Mickey I've reviewed your case against Minnie and to be blunt you don't have a good case against her. The main reason for th...

Mickey and Minnie walked into a bar

Donald ducked

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

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Mickey Mouse wakes up one winter morning to find that someone has written "Fuck You Mickey" in the snow on his lawn with piss. It happens multiple times each with worse messages. Mickey calls the police who start investigating and after a few days...

...the detective comes to Mickey and says, "Well I have good news and bad news."

"What's the good news?" Mickey asks.

"We ran a bunch of tests and found that the urine belongs to Donald Duck!"

"Well that's great, but what's the bad news?"

"Forensics has confirmed that the...

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Mickey's Piss

Mickey was having a great day, enjoying the end of a snow storm when he decided it was time to go and shovel the driveway.

When he got outside, he noticed something that infuriated him.

Goofy's name was written in piss on his side walk.

Mickey went from angry to sad when he re...

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A judge is hearing Mickey Mouse's divorce petition.

After listening to his argument, the judge shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse. Your wife Minnie having an eccentric personality is not valid grounds for divorce, I'm afraid."

"Your honor," Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was eccentric, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

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Mickey's Divorce

Mickey Mouse is in his divorce lawyer's office.
Lawyer: I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse, but you cannot divorce your wife for being silly.
Mickey Mouse: I didn't say she was silly. I said she was FUCKING GOOFY!

Probably not the first time this has been posted, but I just found this subreddit and...

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Mickey Mouse comes home one day...

And says "Hunny I'm home." To his surprise he isn't met by a warm loving hug and kiss from his wife Minnie. He looks around the house and can't find her anywhere, this is until he hears noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes into the bedroom and finds his wife Minnie and his best friend Goofy hav...

Why was Mickey Mouse so upset that Goofy's name was written in the snow?

It was done in Minnie's handwriting.

Donald Trump is boarding Air Force One

When all of a sudden, an assassin jumps out and points the gun at Trump. A member of the secret service sees this and yells, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin so much that it gives the other agents time to apprehend him. While the agents interrogate the assassin, Donald Trump pulls...

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Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says “ Someone urinated in...

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says :

“ Someone urinated in the snow in front of your house and it reads ‘Fuck Mickey’. We ran test and we have some bad news, it’s Goofy’s urine.

..

..

..

Even worse it’s Minnie’s handwriting"



PS:- Found this gem am...

Mickey's Yellow Snow Dilemma...

Mickey was angry because somebody was writing "Mickey sucks" in yellow snow outside of his front door every time it snowed. He ended up going to his friend who was a cop to ask for help. The cop checked it out and took some photos and samples. A couple of days later the cop came back to Mickey:
"...

Mickey Mouse hangs himself...

He doesn't die though, it's just a case of suspended animation.

I got this really cool Mickey Mouse watch. It shows the time very clearly.

The dial is really really handy.

How do you tell if someone is Ron DeSantis?

Hates Mickey.



Looks Goofy.



Acts like Donald.

What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse?

The hell out of there.

I met a kid who loved everything black and white. He adored penguins, pandas, and Mickey mouse

I dont get why I'm not allowed to hang out with him anymore. All I asked is if he likes michael jackson.

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

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Mickey came home from a long day of work.

"Honey! I'm home!" he yelled. However, his wife, Minnie, didn't answer him. He supposed she was just upstairs in the bedroom, taking a nap. When Mickey opened the bedroom door, much to his dismay, he found Minnie having sex with Goofy. "Hey! What are you doing? Get outta here, you creep!"

Day...

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Mickey and Minnie were going through a rough patch in their relationship.

They felt as though their relationship was on the rocks so they go to marriage counseling.
After some time spent, the counselor asks,
“So you’re upset because Minnie is absurdly silly?”

Mickey: “NO, it’s because she’s fucking Goofy!”

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