A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

God is talking to one of his angels and says

“Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?”

The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”

God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

What do angels use to make music?

Soundclouds

Two angels were assigned to giving names to the lengths of time

After creating the names for the year, the month, the week and the hour, they still needed a name for the 24 hour period, but since they had done so much already, they decided to pack their things up and call it a day

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A young couple that tragically died in a car crash before they could get married meets up in heaven.

As they are walking one day silently discussing something, God happens to be walking by and overhears their whispers.

God: My children, why do I hear two young people in love quarreling, what could be the problem?

Guy: Well we were actually just on our way to you and we were arguing ab...

A politician who did absolutely nothing good or bad in his life died...

God and Satan are discussing what to do with him.
God says "He's done nothing great in his life, so he cant possibly go to heaven."
Satan responds "Well, he did nothing to deserve eternal damnnation either."
So they let the man spend one day in each heaven and hell to decide where he wanted...

Two great football fanatics, Andy and Stevie, were discussing the chances of football being played in Heaven.

They couldn't see how any self-respecting Heaven would not have football - but yet, they weren't quite sure. Finally they agreed that the one who died first would come back and tell the other if they played football in Heaven or not.

Not long afterwards, Andy was run over by a bus and killed...

A well known rule of three

Long ago, on a different geometric planet, there were many perfectly triangular lakes. On each lake were three kingdoms, each presided over by a trio of higher beings. One particular lake has an interesting story. Though the kingdoms on it started out peacefully, each settling their dispute with ano...

Anti-Vaxxer moms are the true unsung angels.

They are the key for solving overpopulation.

A joke my friend told me when we were in Grade 5.

100 of the ugliest people on a bus, they crash and are all sent to heaven. The angel there felt very sorry for all of them and decides to send them back all with one wish each. The first victim steps up.

“I wish to be the most beautiful person in the world.”

And with a wave of the ange...

A 15 year old boy saves the world.

A 15 year old boy makes a fresh new campaign to save the world from global warming. The movement is a huge success, with almost 100% of rubbish removed from the oceans, and succeeding in righting lumberjacks' and factory owners' ways, cutting down greenhouse gas emmision and forest cutting by around...

Why their are Angels on top of the Xmas Tree

Have you ever wondered how the tradition of putting an angel on the tree started? It may not be as magical as you might think,

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

T...

What's the difference between the Hells Angel's and a pack of (bi)cyclists?

One is a lawless gang of thugs, and the other's the Hells Angels

Sister: Did my brother come from heaven?

Mother: Yes.

Sister: Well, I don't blame the angels for chucking him out

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident.

3 Nuns were involved in a motor accident. They died and went to heaven. At st. Peters gate, they were told it wasn't their time to die, so they will be sent back to earth. As a reward for their good earthly deeds they will allowed to go back to earth as whom they want regardless of timeline.
1st ...

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
They stopped.
George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Stat...

A woman came up to me the other day

A woman came up to me the other day complaining about her kids.

Woman: My kids are so terrible!

Me: My kids are angels.

Woman: So they're well behaved?

Me: No, they're dead.

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God woke up with a hangover.

He held His temples as one of His angels knocked gently on the door. He grumbled them inward.

"Sorry to disturb You, Sir," the angel said hesitantly. "But I wanted to congratulate you on yesterday's creations. For the most part, they were spectacular!"

"Wha...?" God mumbled. The angel ...

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At the beginning of COVID 19, there was a man.

He was told to wash his hands for 20 seconds at a time. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
He was told he should be wearing a mask to protect others. He chose not to and said God would protect him and the believers.
He was told he should socially distance. He w...

Three women with borderline morality died and are now face to face with St. Peter.

He read about their lives and he said, "Well you didn't really live a pious life, but you never really did anything reprehensible. So one by one, I will ask you one biblical question and if you get it right, you get to go into heaven".

The women agreed.

The first was Andrea. St. Pet...

Two angels run out of weed...

One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. "Fear not," he says and he points to Jesus. "For he has resin."

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There’s a knock on the door of the Hells Angels clubhouse

Big hairy biker goes to answer and there’s a little grey haired old lady standing there.

Old lady: I’d like to join the Hells Angels

Biker (a bit flabbergasted): Jeez, I dunno, what about a hog?

Old lady: Oh, that’s no problem, I just bought a brand new Harley.

Biker: Wel...

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then he took a
seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the
counter.
The third walked up to the old man and turned ...

My dad was watches every Angels games. He's been a fan since way back...

...back when they were still humans.

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A Bar needs a new pianist.

A bar needs a new pianist, so the owner puts up a sign in the window.
“Pianist wanted, apply within”.

A couple of hours later, a young man walks in, and says he is there to apply. The owner sits him down at the piano, and the man breaks out into the most beautiful song ever heard.
...

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

Angels came down and gave me a new pair of Levi’s

I guess I’m blessed with good jeans

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God was talking to one of his angels

God: how many animals do we have left?

Angel: 2

God: and how many legs do we have left?

Angel: 100

Centipede: DIBS!

Snake: Fuck you, asshole

God was showing off the mountains he made to his angels...

He showed them the Alps, the Himalayas, and the Pyrenees.

Impressed, the first angel said "that's nice, got any more?"

God replied, "oh yeah, Andes."

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:

"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign,
stopped them and told them
they'd either have to remove the sign
or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you do...

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F**ck cheesy chat-up lines, we need better break-up lines:

Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back.

Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?

I didn't know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that's because this angel's gained a little weight since we started goin...

In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.

Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

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