Elvis Jokes - 63 Hilarious Elvis Jokes

If Elvis only wrote sad songs

He would be known as Elvis Depressly

Did you know Elvis was a big fan of Chicken Strips?

He even wrote a song about them called “Love Me Tender”.

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That’s..

Yeah, we just found him dea...

what was Elvis assigned to do when he joined the army?

To look for Suspicious Mines.

An Elvis Presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date repli...

The Pope visits the USA.

When he arrives at the airport, there is a group of people chanting "Elvis, Elvis, Elvis!" The Pope is a little confused, then says: "I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. God bless you and your families."

Later, when he arrives at his hotel, there is a bunch of people welcoming him there as well....

My pet mouse Elvis died last night.

He got caught in a trap.

What do the Queen and Elvis have in common?

They both died on the throne.

Just saw Elvis at the hardware store...

Returned a sander!

What does Elvis wear on his feet when he can't find his Blue Suede Shoes?

His Jailhouse Crocs

I heard they are making an erotic movie about Elvis

It’s going to be called 50 shades of Blue Suede.

A bus full of Elvis enthusiasts has crashed on their way to an Elvis convention.

Witnesses say no one was injured but they're all shook up.

When I asked her why she was still dating that scruffy Elvis impersonator

She said, "I'm courting a tramp. I can't walk out!"

What would Elvis be doing if he was alive today?

Probably banging on the lid of his coffin

Why can’t Elvis drive his car in reverse?

He’s dead

A friend told me that there is a place the celebrities go after they fake their deaths. Michael Jackson is there. Elvis. Tupac.

I thanked him for telling me about this

He replied "No Biggie."

What is a carnivore's favorite Elvis song?

Love Meat Tender

What's the difference between Elvis and a millennial's spirit?

Some people still think Elvis is alive

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Elvis tattoo

Women walks into tattoo shop and asks artist if he could do a portrait tattoo of Elvis Presley on her inner thigh. He says of course and they negotiate a price $500 and he gets to work.

After a few hours the artist says it’s done. Women looks at the tattoo and was not satisfied. “That’s an e...

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Teacher: Your son is just like Elvis

Parents: Oh really? How?

Teacher: We found him dead on the crapper.

Saw a guy in the power tool department at Home Depot who looked a lot like Elvis.

Returned a sander.

I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses.

It will be for people who love meat tender.

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I cou...

Elvis climbs out of his swimming pool..

..watched by his wife Priscilla. As soon as he climbs out he falls back in again. This happens over and over until finally Priscilla asks him what's going on.

"I just can't help falling in, love."

I don't understand how Elvis got so fat

He ate nothing but a hound dog

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I can't believe no one liked my Elvis impersonation

Personally, I think that having a drug overdose on the crapper was spot on.

My wife just left me, screaming, "ALL YOU EVER DO IS QUOTE ELVIS PRESLEY LYRICS TO ME!"

I'm all shook up…

I never understood why people are surprised to hear Elvis died on the toilet.

Historically it's rare for a King to leave the throne alive.

Elvis tattoo

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and asks the tattoo artist to do a tattoo of Elvis's face on her left leg right near her crotch. So the guy does it. She gets up to look at it and screams "that looks aweful! That doesn't look anything like Elvis!" The guy says I think your wrong but to make you feel ...

I have decided to call my new mouse Elvis

Don’t you know it’s caught in a trap and can’t walk out..

What did Elvis say about Russia?

Only fools Russian.

To celebrate the launch of the new website we are offering one lucky winner $50 in cash or a meal for 2 at an Elvis Presley tribute.

Just comment '1' for the money or '2' for the show.

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Elvis

What did Elvis say in the middle of his orgasm?

The king is coming!

My response to a church Easter sign that said, “the king is coming.”
I made this joke up on the spot, however, I am sure somebody else has come up with it before.

What do you call an Arab Elvis impersonator?

Amal Shookup

I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band...

I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!

John Denver, Michael Jackson, and Elvis are waiting at the pearly gates.

Michael asks Elvis "how did you die?" Elvis says "overdosed on sleeping medications." Michael says "same here. How about you John?" To which John Denver replies "I was leaving on a jet plane."

My music teacher called me that my son is like Elvis Presley I was so proud

Then the teacher said: Yeah we found him dead on the toilets

Elvis was driving down the highway when he got into an accident.

The paramedics found him and realised he was in shock and so they told him, "Mr. Presley, we need you to step out of the vehicle, you're all shook up."

"Uhuh huh"

What gets all shook up and comes on your salad?

Elvis Parsley.

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A drunk guy is in a bar.......

A drunk guy is in a bar when he suddenly says "Hey everyone! I bet I can fart the national anthem!" People start coming wondering if he'd really do it. The man then takes off his pants,kneels on the bare counter and takes a shit. The angry bartender then asks him what the fuck he was doing and the d...

Anyone got any good Elvis jokes?

I'm the master of ceremony (as Elvis) for a Vegas-themed casino night. Thanks Reddit!

A woman got a tattoo of Elvis Presley on her inner thigh

A woman got a tattoo of Elvis Presley on her inner thigh, but she didn’t think it looked like Elvis at all. She complained to the artist who reluctantly agreed to try to redo the tattoo in the same spot on the other leg, which the woman agreed to.

After the artist was done, the woman realize...

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Father O’Mally has been preaching

at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Veg...

Howdy this is Elvis and I have a joke for you fine people today. How come my hair has turned grey?

Because I never dyed.

How many Elvis impersonators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One for the money, two for the show.

A lady decides to get a tattoo

A lady who is a huge Elvis fan decides on his birthday to get a tattoo of the King to commemorate his life.

She goes to a well-known tattoo artist in town and asks that he put the ink on the inside of her thigh. The artist draws it out and asked her, “Do you like the design, and is right her...

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The Pope Goes to America

The Pope leaves Vatican City for an official trip to America.

After his flight lands, he is ushered off the plane by the pilot, who says to him "Welcome to America, Elvis. I bet you're glad to be home". To which the Pope replies, "Oh, my son, I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. I am the Holy One."...

Just received a text message...

Just received a text message telling me I've won a competition! The prizes are £500 cash or front row tickets to see an Elvis tribute act. I don't know if its a scam though?
It says to press 1 for the money and 2 for the show.

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My take on a shaggy dog story

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint and sees a sign pinned up above the till - “talking cat, going cheap.”

He calls the barman over and asks him what the deal with the cat is and can he have a look at it. The man shrugs, goes into the back and returns with a mangy old Tom cat.

“Here ...

They said Elvis was the King of rock and roll, but do you know who the Queen is?

Elizabeth II

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In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know.

It's 1969.

China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day.

Well, so thinks Richard Nixon.

See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he...

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I just met a guy in the supermarket who really reminded me of Elvis.

He walked up to me and said ‘don’t you fucking DARE forget about Elvis’.

Elvis Presley reportedly sent back shoes because they said "Made In China".

He always wanted a little less Converse Asian

A lady goes into a tattoo palor...

to get a tat of Elvis on the inside of her thigh.

Her and the artist pick out an Elvis she likes and he goes to work.

When he's finished, she looks down and flips out! "That doesn't look anything thing like Elvis"!

They argue back and forth for a bit, and he tells her he'll do o...

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At a party, I went to get a fruit cocktail and had to queue behind Elvis, Sasquatch and a Pterodactyl, and I thought to myself…

This is a really weird punchline.

Mum and dad take little Johnny for a singing lesson...

They come back an hour later to pick him up and when the teacher answers the door he says “I think we’ve found the next Elvis!”

“Really?” asked the mum, “Is his voice that good?”
“No, it’s terrible. I mean he just died on the toilet”

Beware of a new scam message going around

I just got a text message saying "Congratulations you are the winner of the Elvis tribute competition.

You have a choice of two prizes you can take,
Option 1 is £50.00
Option 2 is for 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute concert

To make your choice
text
1 for the money or 2 for t...

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I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

Any glue experts who can help me?

I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer d...

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John was starting to worry about his 12 year old son Jack.

Jack was a D student, and only because John helped complete all of Jack's homework. Jack wasn't good at sports. He didn't have many friends. And it seemed like once a week he was getting called into the principal's office for some sort of misbehavior. So John told Jack, in a last ditch effort to get...

STILL THE KING

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and ...

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The Shit List (from the office fax machine 30 or so years ago)

**THE SHIT LIST**

GHOST SHIT:

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT:

Comes out so slick, clean & easy you didn't even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toile...

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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