Easter Jokes - 88 Hilarious Easter Jokes

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A dirty Easter Joke,,,

A rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, ta...

Easter

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each ...

Late Lent/Easter Joke

Eino, a Finn from Cook County in northern Minnesota, was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, all of Eino’s neighbors were Catholic…..and since it was Lent, they were forb...

Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday and rose on Easter.

What are the odds?!?!

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One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one bl...

An Easter joke.

A priest was arguing with a rabbi.

"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"

The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he bec...

"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"

"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"

"Thanks dad !"

"No problem Alan"

Why We Celebrate Easter

A teacher asks the Easter Sunday School "Why do we celebrate Easter?" Hands go up. "Emily!"
"Easter is when the three wise men came to give baby Jesus gifts" "No, Emily, that is Christmas."
"Who else knows? Bobby! " "Easter is when Jesus gave the loafs n fishes to feed the big crowd." ...

Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday school on Easter

The Sunday school teacher said "Today is all about the resurrection, does anyone know what that is?"

Little Johnny raises his hand....

"I do! And if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to call a doctor!"

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?

Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.

Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.

Husband: What do you mean?

Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

My favorite Easter Joke

St Peter meets three new potential Heaven Members and says, “Ok, tonight we’re going to have a quiz. Just a simple question: What is Easter?”

The first guy says, “oh, that’s easy. It’s when the family gets together and have turkey and mashed potatoes and…”

“No, no. That’s Thanksgiving!...

Since it's Easter...

A Christian university student was working on his thesis late one night, praying that Jesus would watch over him and make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. Around 2:00 AM, he got really tired, so he immediately powered off his computer and went to bed. When he woke up in the morning, he thought ...

An Easter laugh

Moses & Jesus were walking along the shore of the sea.

Moses asked, “You ever wonder if you can still do “it”?”

Jesus replied, “Sometimes. How about you?”

“Yeah. Let’s see if we can!”

Moses turned to the sea, raised his hands and spread them apart. The sea parted and ...

How do you make easter easier?

You uncross the t and dot it instead.

One time I saw my baby brother SCREAMING at his Easter candy.

I was like what’s going on? And he says,

“I’m giving shout-outs to my Peeps!”

Why is Sunday afraid of Easter?

Because Easter falls on Sunday!

Courtesy of my eight year old daughter! Is this a joke anyone’s heard? She says she invented it but man... that’s very clever. I’m a proud papa.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

Ok guys. No jokes about Jesus on Easter...

**He's not the kind of guy you'd want to cross.**

Why do we color eggs for Easter?

Because Jesus DYED for our sins.

Happy Easter!

Did you know that the original Easter took place on April 1st?

That Jesus sure knew how to pull off a prank!

Did you hear about KFC's Easter promo, a free baby bird with purchase?

A moist owlet with every meal!

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My mom's favorite Easter joke: Why does the Easter bunny hide Easter eggs?

Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a chicken.

I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter.

I think I dyed a little inside.

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What’s the difference between a prostitute and Jesus?

The sound they make when you’re nailing them.

Happy Easter you filthy degenerates.

It's Easter Sunday!

Just saying that if he came back on a Monday we could have had a long weekend.

The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "I suppose you want a White Rabbit." The Easter Bunny says,

"I don't care, just give me something hoppy."

I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter

It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale

Happy Easter 2020

Jesus called and said he isn't leaving the tomb until COVID 19 has passed.

Three Buddhist monks die in a car crash…

They arrive in a beautiful clouded world and begin to walk towards a man. He is standing in front of the golden gates of heaven.

“Hello! I am Peter. Behind me, is Heaven. Unfortunately, I can’t let you in since you three weren’t Christians… But! if you can tell me what the meaning of Easter ...

The Easter Bunny joined the Olympics

He heard first place gets 24 carrots.

Easter falls on a different day every year.

I think we ought to finally nail it down.

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?

A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after.

In honor of Easter.. I present to you a small joke.

Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

"See here, old fellow," said Jes...

Why did the Easter kangaroo turn on the light?

Because it was so dark. (Original joke by my 3 year old. I'm dying)

An Easter Joke (a bit late)

So after Christ rose from the dead he was on a stroll with some of his disciples. One of them said, "Say Jesus, do you mind showing us how you walked on water?"

Jesus said, "Well, these were miracles, not exactly parlor tricks. But you know what, I don't mind."

^^^^Another ^^^^discipl...

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Chickens react to Easter Eggs

Some farmer's kids are painting eggs for Easter. One looks up and says, "Hey, how do you think the chickens would act around these?"

"I don't know," says the other. "Let's find out!"

They go into the chicken coop, steal the fresh eggs and replace them with the colorful eggs. The kids s...

Easter Joke

A Buddhist, Hindu, and atheist die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them and says, "Well I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you backed the wrong horse. Christianity is the true faith, but the good news is you can still get into heaven if you can correctly answer a question."

He...

So to celebrate Easter today,

I asked my parents to take us to Chick-Fil-A, since we hadn't eaten there in a long time.

Boy, were they in for a surprise.

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"

He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

What does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?

Hip hop.

What do you call someone who isn't sure if the Easter Bunny is real?

An Eggnostic.

What is Easter?

As told to me by a priest when I was little:

Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?"

The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney an...

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

Easter Joke

So three brothers die together, on Easter Sunday. All three then arrive at the pearly gates and meet Saint Peter.

"Well, none of you have been that good. But none of you have been that bad either," Saint Peter says, looking over the story and deeds of their lives. "I'll tell you what. Seeing...

My seven year old figured out Easter this year

He said “The Easter Bunny isn’t real dad. It’s really a man dressed as a bunny that hides eggs in your house”

Why is Greek Easter always a Week after Normal Easter?

Because the Easter eggs are always on special

What is Easter?

Three men all die in an accident and met Saint Peter in front of the pearly gates.

"Welcome to heaven gentlemen. I would love to let you in but before I can do that I need to prove that you're devout Christians. If you can tell me what Easter is I can let you through."

The first man st...

Who is the Easter bunny’s favorite philosopher?

Heidegger

Easter - Shout out to Judas for the long weekend!

I hadn’t heard this before - a punchline 2000 years in the making…

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Easter Sunday; Jesus comes back to Earth...

*Coughs through a hole in his hand*

Jesus: “Holy shit...My bad....”

What do they celebrate instead of Easter in California?

Wester.

Easter mass

Easter was was very traditional this year the priests and bishops came, the altar boys didn’t say anything, and when the service was over the priests went to a different church.

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?

They hid their own eggs.

Where do Easter farts come from?

The Easter Bummy

This is the story of Easter

While travelling throughout Jerusalem, President Trump suddenly gets a heart attack and subsequently dies. De undertaker tells the american diplomats and bodyguards that accompanied him this: "You could have him sent home for $50000 or you could bury him here in the holy land, after currency exchang...

Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for Easter.

When he returns to California his friend says to him, “Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?”

To which Arnie replies: “Oh it was terrible! My father he ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite g...

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Need your eggs fertilized this Easter?

I've got a cock for that. Just needs grains 2x a day.

What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water?

It’s going to take a while to get me hard, I just got laid by some chick.

How can the Easter bunny afford so much candy?

It's so rich that all of its meals are 24 karat

Why do Spanish people eat rice on Easter?

Cause Jesus Arroz from the dead.

Why did kids get more easter egg chocolates than usual this year?

It was due to the rabbit eggonomic growth.

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I feel like such a failure. This weekend I promised my boys an Easter egg hunt

But the prostitute made me wear a condom.

On Easter morning a man and his son run over the Easter bunny...

They hop out of the car and the son immediately says "Daddy! You killed the Easter bunny!"

The man thinks to himself and then says "Don't worry, I know exactly what to do."

He goes to the trunk of the car and produces a spray can. He shakes it up and sprays the dead Easter bunny with i...

My 9 year old son asked "Daddy... why is mummy called Teresa?"

Me: "Oh, well that's easy! You see, your mummy really really, REALLY loves Easter... Teresa is an anagram of Easter, see?"

Using a pen and paper I showed him once more - Easter....Teresa.

Him: "Wow dad that's SO cool! Thanks dad!!"

Me: "Hey, no problem Alan"

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It's Easter Sunday morning...

... and chubby Chuck has been chomping on Easter eggs all night. He decides that he simply can't eat one more Easter egg. So he plays a prank. He goes into the chicken coop and replaces every single egg the hens have laid with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later, the rooster walks in, sees a...

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

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Happy Easter!

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has becom...

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

Where does Quentin Tarantino hide his Easter eggs?

In his movies

Alt. Punchline, Inglorious Baskets. Hoppy Easter yall!

Easter Kids' Joke

Why can't you sniff out Easter Eggs?

(In a tone like you have no idea) "No bunny nose"

-Made up this morning in bed to a very dissatisfied girlfriend

Dad, why did you name the new baby Teresa?

Well son, Teresa is an anagram. If you rearrange the letters, it spells “Easter”.

-Oh, so you named her that on account of how much you and mom love Easter.

Yes, that’s right, Alan.

-Thanks, Dad!

I wasn't going to visit my family this Easter, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

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Happy Easter

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane., After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you...

What beer do you drink on Easter Sunday?

Rolling Rock

Why does the Easter Bunny drink IPAs?

He loves the hops.

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How does a casual-catholic scientist collectively refer to Christmas and Easter church services?

Critical Mass.

{Ba-Dum-Tss}

Easter is canceled

They found the body

What’s a catholic priests favorite Easter treat...

Lil’ Peeps

Hey Jesus, what you're gonna do this Easter?

Dunno. Probably just hanging 'round.

[Easter Joke] Q: What kind of exercise did Jesus do to get such good abs?

A: Crossfit

I gave my friend some cash yesterday, he says he'll return it at Easter...

I'm a bit out of pocket, but I'm glad I Lent him the money.

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Did you know that the Earth’s gravity increases a bit on Easter Sunday?

It’s cuz there’s a lot more mass.

Happy Easter Weekend ...

It is the day of Christ's crucifixion, and Jesus is being nailed in as his followers gather at the base of Golgotha to weep and mourn.

As they pray, they hear Jesus call out in a soft voice: "Peter ... Peter ..."

"Our Lord calls to you, Peter!" Thomas says.

Emboldened, Peter t...

A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

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