A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

“Hey dad, why is my sisters name Teresa?”

“Your mother named her after her love for Easter, and when you rearrange the letters you get Easter.”

“Alright, thanks dad..”

“No problem Alan!”

Every Friday a guy would walk into a bar and order 3 beers.

Then he'd sit at a table, drinks each one by himself and leaves.

He does this every Friday for a few weeks, until the bartender becomes so curious he has to ask the guy about this routine.

"Well, you see I have two buddies and we always would have a beer with each other when we were t...

Mum loves Easter

Dad why is my baby sister called Teresa?
Well son it's an anagram of Easter, and we know how much your mum loves Easter.
Gee thanks dad.
Your welcome Alan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does the Easter Bunny hide its eggs?

It doesn't want anyone to know it's fucking a chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Easter Joke

This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a ...

How do you make easter easier?

You uncross the t and dot it instead.

My parents named me and my sister after anagrams of things they love most...

So my sister is Teresa because they love Easter, still not worked out why I'm called Alan.

What do they celebrate instead of Easter in California?

Wester.

Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients?

They hid their own eggs.

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after.

Easter falls on a different day every year.

I think we ought to finally nail it down.

What do you call someone who isn't sure if the Easter Bunny is real?

An Eggnostic.

What did the cactus say on Easter?

"Suck you, Lent!!"

I wasn't going to visit my family this Easter, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

The Easter Bunny joined the Olympics

He heard first place gets 24 carrots.

My seven year old figured out Easter this year

He said “The Easter Bunny isn’t real dad. It’s really a man dressed as a bunny that hides eggs in your house”

Easter

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any ...

What does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?

Hip hop.

What’s a catholic priests favorite Easter treat...

Lil’ Peeps

Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t get any eggs for Easter.

His wife asked, **”Does this mean you hate Easter now?”**

Arnold replies, in his signature accent, **”No, I still love Easter, baby.”**

The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "I suppose you want a White Rabbit." The Easter Bunny says,

"I don't care, just give me something hoppy."

This Easter, the catholic church is sourcing all of it's bread and wine from a factory in China.

It's called mass production.

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?

A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!

Easter is canceled

They found the body

It's Easter Sunday!

Just saying that if he came back on a Monday we could have had a long weekend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a casual-catholic scientist collectively refer to Christmas and Easter church services?

Critical Mass.

{Ba-Dum-Tss}

Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?

It was an egg shell lent idea

There are three advantages alzheimer's...

1. You can hide your own easter eggs.

2. You get to meet new people everyday.

3. You can hide your own easter eggs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two beggars

It is Easter Sunday in front of Saint Sophia’s Cathedral in Constantinople sometime during the Crusades.

Two beggars are sitting in front of the cathedral.

One is wearing a tattered suit of armor and is covered in bandages. In front of him is a sign: “Give Alms to a poor Crusader who ...

Three blondes

Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces "ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you've done some...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is like a dick

I don’t mind if you have one, but I don’t want you shoving it down my throat. Unless it’s Easter.

wait..

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

Do to covid-19 the format of this year's Easter egg hunt has changed.

Instead of trying to find eggs in a garden, everyone will be trying to find eggs in a grocery store.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Easter Sunday; Jesus comes back to Earth...

*Coughs through a hole in his hand*

Jesus: “Holy shit...My bad....”

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Three Asian men die in a car accident on Easter Sunday.

They find themselves at the pearly gates, where Peter is at his receptionist desk awaiting them.

“Now, here’s the deal,” Peter says to them. “You three were not believers, so you are not allowed in here.” The men glance at each other, beginning to grow pale. “However, since it’s Easter, I’m w...

Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for Easter.

When he returns to California his friend says to him, “Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?”

To which Arnie replies: “Oh it was terrible! My father he ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite g...

What do you guys think of my idea to abstain from working with spreadsheets for 40 days before Easter?

Because personally, I think it's Excel Lent.

Easter Joke

So three brothers die together, on Easter Sunday. All three then arrive at the pearly gates and meet Saint Peter.

"Well, none of you have been that good. But none of you have been that bad either," Saint Peter says, looking over the story and deeds of their lives. "I'll tell you what. Seeing...

My favorite Easter joke

Three blondes die in a car crash and find themselves at the Pearly Gates talking to St. Peter. "Before I let you into Heaven you have to answer one question. What is Easter?"
"Oh" says the first blonde. "That's that time in the fall when you go door to door collecting candy." "No" says Peter...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was in the city one day

On the way home, he rang his son to make sure he had all the groceries they needed at home. He told him all they needed was some coffee, so Arnold went in to his local store to get some.

On the way to the checkout tills, he passed all the Easter eggs the store had, and it brought back memori...

How can the Easter bunny afford so much candy?

It's so rich that all of its meals are 24 karat

Why do we color Easter eggs?

Because Jesus dyed for your sins.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter 2020

Jesus called and said he isn't leaving the tomb until COVID 19 has passed.

Not sure where I’ll go for Easter this year. Somewhere different...

maybe the laundry.

What did the Easter Egg say to the Boiling Water?

It’s gonna take me awhile to get hard. I just got laid by some chick.

Great Easter joke I heard today

**Wife:** "What are your plans for Easter?"

**Husband**: "Same as Jesus."

**Wife**: "What do you mean?"

**Husband**: "I will disappear on Friday and and reappear on Monday."

**Wife**: "AWESOME, if you do that I'll do the same as Mary."

**Husband**: "What do you m...

Hey Jesus, what you're gonna do this Easter?

Dunno. Probably just hanging 'round.

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Easter] How do you say “Robert and Richard had intercourse with the rabbit” without any Rs?

Bob and Dick fucked the bunny

[Easter Joke] Q: What kind of exercise did Jesus do to get such good abs?

A: Crossfit

Hard to really appreciate the joy of Easter when I’ve already been eating chocolate for 27 days straight

Happy Easter!

This is the story of Easter

While travelling throughout Jerusalem, President Trump suddenly gets a heart attack and subsequently dies. De undertaker tells the american diplomats and bodyguards that accompanied him this: "You could have him sent home for $50000 or you could bury him here in the holy land, after currency exchang...

Today, I summarized the story of Easter for my 15 y/o son:

"... and then Jesus respawned."

Where do Easter farts come from?

The Easter Bummy

Why is Sunday afraid of Easter?

Because Easter falls on Sunday!

Courtesy of my eight year old daughter! Is this a joke anyone’s heard? She says she invented it but man... that’s very clever. I’m a proud papa.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

I think if women really got to know me they’d find my personality a lot like a chocolate Easter bunny.

On the outside sweet but Hollow and disappointing on the inside.

How do you make Easter easier in just one simple step?

Replace the T with an I.

Happy Easter

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh...

Why is Easter the most popular Klingon Holiday?

Because it is a good day to dye.

Where does Quentin Tarantino hide his Easter eggs?

In his movies



Alt. Punchline, Inglorious Baskets. Hoppy Easter yall!

I accidentally drank the water we used to color eggs for Easter.

I think I dyed a little inside.

Pope Francis has cancelled the Easter events this year due to COVID-19.

I guess he’s just gonna Passover it this year.

No jokes about Jesus on Easter weekend.

He's not the kind of guy you'd want to cross.

One day in April, three blondes died at the same time and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates.

"All three of you have sinned your whole lives," said St. Peter. "Normally, I would send you straight to hell. But since it's near Easter, if you can tell me what Easter is, I will let you into heaven."

"I know what Easter is!" said the first blonde. "Easter is when you dress up as something ...

Late Lent/Easter Joke

Eino, a Finn from Cook County in northern Minnesota, was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, all of Eino’s neighbors were Catholic…..and since it was Lent, they were forb...

So to celebrate Easter today,

I asked my parents to take us to Chick-Fil-A, since we hadn't eaten there in a long time.



Boy, were they in for a surprise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

I Was on an Egg Hunt Earlier.

I tried to find them by heading to the far West, but it turns out it was an Easter Egg hunt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need your eggs fertilized this Easter?

I've got a cock for that. Just needs grains 2x a day.

Rumour has it...

Rumour has it that Jesus got so hammered on Good Friday that he didn’t wake up for 3 days.

(Easter Joke... Nailed it.)

An Irish priest has a rat problem...

He tries everything to get rid of them. Traps, poison, setting cats loose in his church. Nothing works, and they are starting to deter some of his regular attendees because they see the rats during communion.


One day a Bishop is visiting and the priest tells him his woes.


"Hav...

What is Easter?

As told to me by a priest when I was little:

Three bad Catholics die and go to heaven. Saint Peter says to them "To get into heaven, you must pass a quiz first. What is Easter?"

The first Catholic steps up and says, "Easter is the holiday when a big fat man comes down your chimney an...

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Saturday before Easter is on 4/20 this year...

I guess it’s a High Holy Saturday.

How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter?

Tell her a joke at Christmas

Jesus is at the last supper

He looks as his apostles and says “my brothers, one of you will betray me.” Paul looks at him and says “is it me Jesus?”. Jesus responds “no paul, it is not you.” Peter looks at him and asks “is it me Jesus?”. Once again Jesus responds, “no Peter, it is not you”. Judas looks at Jesus, and asks “is i...

I gave my friend some cash yesterday, he says he'll return it at Easter...

I'm a bit out of pocket, but I'm glad I Lent him the money.

So this father and son go hunting for an Easter Goose for the family...

They're up early and in their favorite blind by sun up. Coffee, hot. Rifles, loaded. Air, crisp. It doesn't take long before a flock heads their way and they shoot down a fair sized bird and collect it, then bring it home to the Wife and Daughter for cleaning and preparation. All goes well and the G...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A parishioner who only attends church on holidays is leaving church after Easter mass.

The preacher is standing at the door to shake hands. He grabs the parishioner by the hand and pulls him aside. “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” the pastor tells the parishioner.

The parishioner replies, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, pastor.”

The pastor questions, “Then ...

I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter

It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale

Easter Joke

A Buddhist, Hindu, and atheist die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them and says, "Well I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you backed the wrong horse. Christianity is the true faith, but the good news is you can still get into heaven if you can correctly answer a question."

He...

Since it’s Easter, what do you call a group of rabbits hopping backward in sync?

A receding hareline.

Easter is on April 1st this year.

Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

My aunt: what is Easter gonna be like next year

Me: How should I know I don’t have 2020 vision

What is Easter?

Three men all die in an accident and met Saint Peter in front of the pearly gates.

"Welcome to heaven gentlemen. I would love to let you in but before I can do that I need to prove that you're devout Christians. If you can tell me what Easter is I can let you through."

The first man st...

I'm going to Rio de Janeiro over Easter to see if I can find Jesus.

Heard he's really big over there!

Happy Easter Weekend ...

It is the day of Christ's crucifixion, and Jesus is being nailed in as his followers gather at the base of Golgotha to weep and mourn.

As they pray, they hear Jesus call out in a soft voice: "Peter ... Peter ..."

"Our Lord calls to you, Peter!" Thomas says.

Emboldened, Peter t...

Why do we use buckets at Halloween and baskets for Easter?

Because baskets are more holey

My friend always takes a a bunch of molly during the weeks leading up to Easter

He’s a lent roller

What beer do you drink on Easter Sunday?

Rolling Rock

My brother isn’t celebrating Easter with us this year...

He’s Egg-Nostic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some big shots get together for a gentleman's night during Easter holidays.

Three CEO's of some big companies get together to smoke cigars and drink expensive whiskey.

They gathered at a chalet and brought a waiter with them to serve the drinks.

"Finally some alone time" says the first CEO. Sent my wife to an all inclusive spa in Austin. It cost me $10k but it...

The last time Easter fell on April Fool’s Day...

...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.

Easter mass

Easter was was very traditional this year the priests and bishops came, the altar boys didn’t say anything, and when the service was over the priests went to a different church.

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

Greek Easter is a week later to give them time to prepare all the food.

Most people consider it a crucifixion, to Greeks it’s just another hummus side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to church on Easter Sunday and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife asks him how he got the black eyes.

Man: Old Ms. Johnson was sitting in front of me during mass, when she stood up I noticed her dress was stuck in butt crack, so I reached out and gently tugged it out. She spun around, was really mad and punched me in the eye.

Wife: that exp...

If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday?

Sales at K-Mart

Easter Joke

Do you think Jesus hates nail salons?

Why did Jesus rise from the dead?

He was buried with a packet of yeast.

( It's Lent. Time for Easter Jokes.)

An Easter Joke (a bit late)

So after Christ rose from the dead he was on a stroll with some of his disciples. One of them said, "Say Jesus, do you mind showing us how you walked on water?"

Jesus said, "Well, these were miracles, not exactly parlor tricks. But you know what, I don't mind."

^^^^Another ^^^^discipl...

Oh my good and fellow Christians! It has been foretold our Lord and savior will once again rise from the dead and bless us all this Easter!

April Fools!

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