Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

Chuck Norris Caught CoronaVirus

The CoronaVirus is now hospitalized on ventilator support.

Chuck Norris never had a dream...

Because no one fools Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane!

He pointed his finger at it and yelled “bang!”

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I chucked my phone into a very deep lake

Fucken thing's still synching.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus

Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

Does this sub take requests? Please share your favorite Chuck Norris joke!

They once named a street after Chuck Norris, but they had to change it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

Chuck Norris and Superman fought once and placed a bet on the outcome. The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside!

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

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Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.

He's used the same napkin since 1974.
He just scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house

Cold and wind don't dare to come in

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

Why are there more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee jokes?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke

Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast...

...at ate a glock every morning.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed ten Communists...

...and then the grenade went off.

Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.

Too bad he doesn’t cry.

When Chuck Norris was a baby, his mother called him Chuckie.

Once.

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Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the shit out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

Chuck Norris has died aged 79

But Death is too scared to let him know.

Chuck Norris got shot

The bullet suffered fatal injuries.

Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...

It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'

A farmer had three daughters.

All three daughters were going on their first date tonight. The farmer, being over protective of them, decided to greet each suitor at the door with a shotgun. The first boy comes up and introduces himself.

"Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to take Flo to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer...

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

Chuck Norris read Finnegans Wake

Not only did he finished it in one sitting, but he also understood it all, without any help.

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat. They had to get to land, but had no oars.

Jesus starts walking across the water, and finally makes it safely to the other side.

Chuck joins Jesus, and walks safely across too.

The Irishman thought, if they can d...

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

This morning Chuck Norris was shot

Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child

Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki

When Chuck Norris moved out

his dad became the man of the house.

Three chinese friends moved to America

Their names were Bu, Chu and Fu. When they arrived, they decided to take american names. Bu changed his name to Buck, Chu changed his name to Chuck but Fu decided to move back to China.

While learning CPR

Chuck Norris brought the practice dummy to life.

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A father has three daughters of dating age

One Saturday night, he hears a knock on the door. He answers to see a young man, who says, "Hi I'm Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?"

The father nods and calls her down. After a while he hears another knock on the door. The young man says, "Hi I'm Joe. I'...

So Chuck Norris is going to Area 51

We’re now 1.2 million infantrymen and 1 chuck norris strong. Our plan of attack is to send 400,000 from the east, 400,000 from the west, 400,000 from the south and Chuck Norris from the North.

Chuck Norris once skipped a pebble from Texas to Florida.

Once it landed that pebble became The Rock.

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

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What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?

Hammer explodes because it is not worthy.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, assuming for purposes of argument that it is within the power of a woodchuck to chuck wood?

You woodn't believe it, but the woodchuck axeually started his own branch. Experts suggest he took the wrong root to success, however, sapping all growth from the market.

Tried to get video of Chuck Norris kicking a cap off a bottle.

But the cap fled in terror before it happened.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room..

It's not dead, It's just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once passed 6 kidney stones.

They were then subsequently collected by Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the universe.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

“You’re the man of the house now”

What do you call two quadriplegics that are both named Charles?

A pair of numb Chucks.

Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.

After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.

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Ultimate frisbee guys only want one thing...

And it’s fucking disc chucking

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing what to dress up as for the 80's Action Hero Costume Ball.

"I know", says Stallone, "Lets all go as famous composers. "I'll be Beethoven".

"I'll go as Mozart", says Chuck.

Schwarzenegger gets up and walks swiftly to the door. At the last second, he looks back and says,

"I'll be Bach"

What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?

"you, you and you, get out,"

So an English man, an American, an Asian, a blonde, Chuck Norris and Yo momma walk into a bar...

The barman asks...




Is this some kind of joke?

Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty

And killed someone in Battlefield

“How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

That’s what my friend, who is a renowned woodchuck expert, said when I asked him what most people ask him when they find out that he is a renowned woodchuck expert.

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When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity,

he got it back!

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250.

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
...

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A guy asked me: Who is this Chuck Norris guy?

Well, in short: He build the house he was born in by his aunt because no one dared to screw his mom. In his youth he molested catholic priests after that he joined the army where He was a well known Kamikaze pilot for about 7 times. He made fire with a magnifying glass under water at night and coun...

A classic Canadian Joke.

A Mainlander is driving down the highway and runs over a rabbit. Wondering what noise was, he stops his car and gets out to look. While he's standing there a newfie pulls up and asks him what's going on.

The mainlander says, "I'm just here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed...

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The inmates of an asylum are playing a game called "ripe mango"

It consists of the inmates climbing a tree in the facility and yelling "ripe mango", before letting go and falling to the ground. The director of the asylum passes by and chuckes and one of the inmates calls him to play.

The director, just to indulge them, climbs the tree but yells "unripe m...

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch

HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris isn't that tough...

If he was he'd come here and mash my face into my keyboarfnfjdjfhnjdfyxydbdhxhdhd

Chip shop fight

I got into a fight with a chip shop owner, we were wrestling on the floor and one of his assistents chucked yellow gunk over us, as I got up the owner pushed me and I fell into the fryer and in that moment I knew i'd been battered.

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Why did Chuck Norris’ aunt give birth to him?

Because nobody dared fuck his mother

A woman is giving birth to her child

And finally, after much effort and pain, the doctor manages to help deliver the baby. The Doctor then proceeds to chuck the baby out of the window.

W: "Why? Why did you do that to my poor baby, you monster?"

The Doctor laughs maniacally and replies "April Fool's! He was already dead."

Just found out Chuck Norris had a cameo in Star Wars...

he played The Force

Chuck Norris actually died 6 years ago.

...But the Grim Reaper still hasn't gotten up the courage to tell him.

A hunter and his friend are walking down a path when they spot a deep hole in the ground.

The hunter says "how far do ya reckon that hole goes?" The friend replies with "i don't know, lets chuck something down there and find out." They both lug an old radiator from the nearby bushes over to it and let it fall in. They start to count and listen for the thud, but before they hear it land, ...

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris are sitting in a boat boat...

Arnold puts his finger in the air and states: “7,3km/h windspeed from 33° north-east“.
Stallone sticks out his tongue and says: “Exactly 20,87°C“.
Chuck Norris opens his trousers and sticks his dick in the water and says: “Exactly 12,609m deep“.

I like my jokes like I like my Chuck E Cheese pizza.

Recycled.

My wife said I am giving all of the clothes I no longer wear to charity, I said just chuck them, she replied there are a lot of starving people in the world that can benefit from them, I replied.

Anyone that fits your clothes are definitely not starving.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar

The bar breaks in half

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it started to fall apart...

A much older man married a sweet young girl. On their wedding night, he came strutting out of the hotel bathroom, swinging it.

He: Do you know what this is called, Honey?

She (giggling): That's a pee-pee.

He (chucking): Oh no, Honey, this is a cock.

She (giggling): O...

Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea

Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.

One more notch on his belt.

The Corona Virus wears a mask out of fear of Chuck Norris.

How many kids could a Jonchuck chuck if a Jonchuck could chuck kids?

1 and then he gets life without parole.

Swingers

I tell you how bad things are....I went to this swinger's party last night and we all chucked our car keys into a bowl of disinfectant.

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him

So he tracked down nothing and killed it

Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.

The black hole couldn't escape.

Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?

He's on a round house kick.

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Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mates son got chucked out of school today for letting a girl wank him off in class. That's the 3rd school this year.

Maybe teaching's not for him.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn

He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris kicked Earth once

It didn't stop spinning since then

Waldo once insulted chuck norris

And we all know how that's going

I don't believe Chuck Norris is that great

Cuz if he was, he would show up right now, and slam my head all over my keasdhjaiosdcnhq09w8hjkoldq0i9 wdhj09qw daU9 10Q9WDJ09W3Q21JD QWD

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