Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris and none about Clint Eastwood?

Because Clint Eastwood is no joke!

There was three guys and they decided to chuck something out of an aeroplane. The first guy dropped out a dagger. The second guy dropped out a boulder and the third guy dropped out a bomb. The first guy went home and he saw his dad crying in the yard and he asked his dad “what’s wrong?”

The dad says “a dagger fell out of the sky and hit my wife on the head and now she’s dead.

The second guy went home and it’s the same story, he asks his dad “what’s wrong?”

“A boulder fell out of the sky and hit my wife in the head and now she’s dead”

The third guy got home, a...

The Ugly Girl

Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl.

**Akpos:** Hello!

**Ugly girl:** Hi!!

**Akpos:** Wanna dance?

**Ugly Girl:** Yes (excited)

**Akpos:** OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to...

Two men in the woods

These 2 guys are out walking through the woods, they come upon a clearing with a big hole in the middle of it. The first guy says to the second "I wonder how deep this hole is" "I don't know, let's find something to toss in here and see if we can hear it hit the bottom", says the second. So they go ...

Chuck Norris is a coward!

If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my keybakwue hr<awjd <akreu<an<awlkuhnc<a kjdqw;eoim

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So apparently Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands for Vacation.

When he left it was just called the Islands.

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat

Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris and an Irishman were on a boat. They had to get to land, but had no oars.

Jesus starts walking across the water, and finally makes it safely to the other side.

Chuck joins Jesus, and walks safely across too.

The Irishman thought, if they can d...

Chuck Norris once skipped a pebble from Texas to Florida.

Once it landed that pebble became The Rock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris does not flush the toilet

Hes just scares the shit out of it.

Long, but worth it.(?)

Two hunters were walking around a farmer's property looking for game when they came across a very large, seemingly bottomless hole in the ground.
'How deep you think it is?'
'I dunno, let's chuck something in'
They look around for some big enough to make a decent sound when it hit the botto...

I haven't seen a Chuck Norris joke in a long while so I created one...

Chuck Norris can decide which sound a music instrument makes

A farmer has four beautiful daughters

He’s a bit overprotective of them, so when Friday date night rolls around, he greets the gentlemen callers at the door with a shotgun over his shoulder.

Friday night rolls around, and the doorbell rings, so he walks to it, shotgun in hand, and opens it to a young man who says:

“Hi, I’...

What does the TV do in free time?

It watches Chuck Norris!

What’s the most most dangerous bridge in the world

The bridge named chuck Norris because nobody crosses it and lives

What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?

Hammer explodes because it is not worthy.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, assuming for purposes of argument that it is within the power of a woodchuck to chuck wood?

You woodn't believe it, but the woodchuck axeually started his own branch. Experts suggest he took the wrong root to success, however, sapping all growth from the market.

3 Chinese Immigrants

Lee Bu, Chan Chu and Fred Fu immigrated to the USA. They decided in order to become Americans, they need to americanize their last names.

Lee Bu changed his last name to Bucks.

Chan Chu changed his last name to Chucks.

Fred Fu left the USA to Canada after becoming the laughing...

What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?

"you, you and you, get out,"

So Chuck Norris is going to Area 51

We’re now 1.2 million infantrymen and 1 chuck norris strong. Our plan of attack is to send 400,000 from the east, 400,000 from the west, 400,000 from the south and Chuck Norris from the North.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people...

... then it exploded.

Tried to get video of Chuck Norris kicking a cap off a bottle.

But the cap fled in terror before it happened.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon to one who can complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!


So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Al...

Chuck Norris & Superman once fought each other as a bet.

The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Jimmy's teacher asks the class to come up with a moral and come to school the next day and share it.

So the next day little Suzie go's up first and says, "We had 5 eggs on my farm and only 1 hatched."
The teacher says, "Very good now what's the moral?" Little Suzie says, "Don't count your chicks before they hatch." Next the teacher calls Little Jimmy up and he says, "My uncle was a soldier in Vi...

A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates...

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly afte...

Chuck Norris once challenged Keanu Reeves to a fight.

Before Chuck could land a punch, Keanu put Chuck to sleep by treating him out to a nice dinner, a couple glasses of wine, and read him a bedtime story.

What fashionable shoes do ninjas wear to the anesthesiologist?

Numb Chucks.

A man walks into a bar with his dog and sees another man sitting with his turtle

The man with the turtle is sitting with piles of cash in front of him.

The man with the dog is curious so he asks, "What's the deal with all the cash?"

The man with the turtle responds, "Well this here turtle is the fastest pet in the state. Ain't nobody else's pet faster than my turt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keanu Reeves jokes

I feel like we should start making 'Keanu Reeves' jokes like 'Chuck Noris' jokes!
Keanu Reeves can gargle peanutbutter.
Some kids wear Superman PJs, Superman wears Keanu Reeves PJs
Keanu Reeves had a staring contest with the sun, and won
Why did the chicken cross the road, it was follo...

I got caught up in a religious protest for vegetarianism before. It was weird enough to start with but it got surreal when I saw a nun throw a huge fish into the village pond and then a monk trying to get it out again only to end up being a large slab of beef instead.

Still not sure what was weirder, seeing the nun chuck fish or the monk fish chuck.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch

HE decides what time it is.

Three Chinese brothers decided that they move to US.

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu and Fu decided that they move to the US. To fit in better, they decided to change their names. Bu changed his name to Buck, Chu changes his name to Chuck and Fu stayed in China.

“How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

That’s what my friend, who is a renowned woodchuck expert, said when I asked him what most people ask him when they find out that he is a renowned woodchuck expert.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 guys are hanging out together. Larry gets up and says “hey did you know 1 in 4 guys are gay”

John gets up and says, “I hope it’s chuck, he’s really cute”

So I was at a gas station bathroom

And i dropped a five dollar bill in the toilet by accident. I ask myself would i stick my hand in that disgusting toilet for a mere $5? I said no.
So i took out another five dollars and chucked them in the toilet. I'll definitely stick my hand in that toilet for ten dollars.

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones...

Thanos used them in his Infinity Gauntlet.

Kids look under the bed before going to sleep to check there is no monster.

Monsters check there's no Chuck Norris

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar.

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher said to her class, "Let's review some American history..."

"...Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:

"Patrick Henry, 1775," he answered.

"Very good! Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for t...

When Chuck Norris moved out

his dad became the man of the house.

Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.

After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.

This morning Chuck Norris was shot

Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

We know them today as Nagasaki and Hiroshima.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 guys are lost in the woods

They've been walking for a couple days with no food left and no water to drink. The 3 men are persistent in their search for some help and hike day and night until until they come across a small cabin in the woods. They see smoke drifting from chimney and what looks like a candle burning in the wind...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.