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What’s the best Chuck Norris joke you’ve ever heard?

My personal favorite is: Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 men.

It exploded and killed 20 more. Then he threw the pin and killed 10 more men.

What's your favourite Chuck Norris joke?

Let's start with one of my favs:
"Chuck Norris’ password is the last 9 digits of pi."

Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return….

…..and returned.

Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim t...

Chuck Norris actually died four years ago

Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

What is your best Chuck Norris joke(I’ll start)

Chuck Norris doesn’t pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris

They were going to name a street after Chuck Norris…

Then they realized nobody can cross Chuck Norris and live.

Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris goes to a pride parade, everyone goes straight home..

Did you hear about the fight between Chuck Norris and Superman?

The loser had to wear their underwear on the outside

Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...

...and it looked away.

Chuck Norris walked into a bar.

The bar apologized and got out of his way.

I never quite understood why the shortened version of ‘Charles’ is ‘Chuck’.

What the farles is that about?

Chuck Norris has farted only once in his life.

It was during a vacation to the Sahara forest.

Do you know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke.

Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.

The Bartender looks up, "Were were just about to start a new drinking game I've been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the t...

What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?

**Chuck Norris is so tough he counted to infinity. Twice.**

What does Chuck Norris eat in the morning?

Breakfist.

When Chuck Norris went to his first driving lesson

He got in the car and said “Ok. This is lesson number 1.”

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Chuck Norris once

-injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
They are now known as King Kong, Moby Dick, and Godzilla.

The farmer and his daughters.

There is a farmer with three, beautiful daughters. He was always wary of them dating horrible guys so he forbid them to date their entire teenage lives.

But when they turned eighteen the daughters told their father he couldn’t stop them from dating anymore and the farmer, so, instead of fig...

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At what age did Chuck Norris lose his virginity?

Trick question, Chick Norris never loses!

Did you know Chuck Norris has a Grizzly Bear rug in his home?

The bear is not dead it is just too scared to move

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Fuck Chuck Norris ..

If he is as strong and powerful as everyone states, I dare him to come to my house and bash my head in the keyboarddfrljkl;kjtpog496yasdfjknxirhsmfsjfigdjsyebxhsueyxbxjdobdbzhcvhsivdbdindgdyhdbisbdbdhbshhshsudjshgsidbbdhdydhdbksjdbdyyshdbuendheibdjdidn

When chuck norris

Tells a joke about will smiths wife, will smith smacks himself

Chuck Norris’ wife accidentally kneed him in the groin while dancing

He asked her if her knee was ok

I've just spent the last 20 minutes talking to someone about size 15 Chuck Taylor shoes.

It was a lengthy Converse-ation

Before Chuck Norris goes sleep, he checks under his bed for Volodymyr Zelensky.

Tornadoes don't exist, Volodymyr Zelensky just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris jokes but instead of Chuck Norris it's Volodymyr Zelensky.

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Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity.

He got it back.

A snake bit Chuck Norris

After many hours of excruciating pain, the snake died

What's the difference between Chuck E. Cheese and Russia?

One is a dark, dank hole, lead by a flea infested disease carrying incontinent rodent giving cheap prizes for worthless tokens.

The other sells pizza to children

There was a farmer who had three daughters.....

and all of his daughters were going on their first dates at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, decided to meet their suitors at the front door with his shot gun.

Some time went by, the first suitor arrived and the farmer answered the door: "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for...

The other night I drank so much I was on my knees puking. I should know better than to hang out with my best friends

Neal and Chuck

Why doesn’t Chuck Norris go on dates?

Nobody can take him out.

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on Christmas Day.

It wasn't his actual birthday, but he wasn't going to tell Chuck Norris that.

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.

The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.


The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.


The next date sho...

I just saw that Chuck Yeager has died

...and then I heard it a few seconds later

Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

 
 
 
 

It hurt to send my woodchucks off to the convent

But when they come back, I'll have a badass pair of nun chucks

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Chuck Norris is always on top during sex

Because Chuck Norris never fucks up

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Chuck Norris . . .

. . . can butt-dial a rotary phone.

Why doesn’t Chuck Norris tell jokes?

His punch lines are deadly.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar

Sylvester Stallone says, "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says, "Guys, I'm bored of doing action movies too and I've got some ideas but you may not like them."

Sylveste...

Chuck Norris

They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby.

Once in Hiroshima and once in Nagasaki...

Chuck Norris Joke

A priest, Jesus and Chuck Norris are on a sinking boat. Jesus starts to walk back to land. Chuck Norris does the same. The priest says "Lord, please let me walk on water", tries to walk but drowns. When Jesus and Chuck Norris got on land Jesus asked him "Shouldn't we have told him where the stones a...

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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.

These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.

Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Ha...

What is Jimmy McGill's favorite cut of meat?

Chuck roast.

To this day I still tell Chuck Norris jokes.

He’s a good friend of mine and enjoys a good joke.

Do you know where Chuck Norris stands on White Nationalists?

On their necks.

It's 1961 and Chuck knocks on his prom date's door.

Her dad opens it and invites him in.

"So, you're taking our Betty to her first prom?" he asks, sternly.

Chuck nervously stutters "y-yes sir."

"She'll be down in a sec. But let's have a chat while we wait."

Chuck slumps in the nearest chair, waiting for the inevitable tal...

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A farmer has three beautiful daughters...

and every weekend, they all go out on dates. Every weekend the farmer will stand at the door with a shotgun to assess the date. Well, on one particular Saturday, the farmer was waiting and hears a knock at the door. He opens it up and is greeted by a nice looking man. He goes, "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here ...

When Chuck Norris gets suncream on his skin...

The sun is protected from him

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper..

But it wouldn't take shit from anybody

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Four guys are hanging out. One of them says, “Hey did you know 1 out of every 4 guys is gay?”

Larry says, “I hope it’s Chuck because he’s really cute.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris once visited Virginia

Now it's called just "ia"

What did Chuck Norris say after calling 911?

What's your emergency?

When a group gather to make fun of the Walker Texas Ranger...

...It's a Chuck Roast

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A fucking Chuck Norris joke I made when I was 7

What happens when Chuck Norris kicks the bucket?

He breaks a couple floors

We know the sun turns around the earth

because Chuck Norris is on earth

How many nuns would a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

none

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,

he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris mines crypto currency

by hand.

This morning Chuck Norris was shot

Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition

Chuck Norris can cut a slice of bread

.. in just one half.

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy

Chuck Norris was signing an autograph for a little boy.

"How old are you little boy?"

"I'm 5 years old"

Chuck Norris said, "When I was your age I was 7."

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250.

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
...

Chuck Norris doesn't own a house.

He simply walks into random houses and people move.

Collateral damage

A guy flying a small aircraft starts finding random stuff under his seat and decides to chuck it all off the plane. First it was a knife, then a bag of potatoes, and lastly a jar of nitroglycerin. After finding nothing else under his seat, he carries on with his flight.

The next day, the ...

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

Chuck Norris once performed a table flip.

Ever since Atlantis is considered a myth.

Chuck Norris caught COVID.

But then he felt bad, so he let it go.

The last time Chuck Norris surfed the internet...

...he finished it.

Chuck Norris passed 6 kidney stones.

Thanos used them in the Infinity Gauntlet.

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19.

The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.

He's used the same napkin since 1974.
He just scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris Caught CoronaVirus

The CoronaVirus is now hospitalized on ventilator support.

What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?

The Three-Hole Punch...

What did Ryu and Ken find at Chuck-E-Cheese?

**HA TOKEN!**

**- - -**

(Street Fighter joke, but I know my fellow nerds lurk this sub)

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

What happens when you make a noise in Ninja Church?

The nun chucks you out.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

What did Chuck Norris tell his father before he went off to college?

"you're the man of the house now"

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