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Did my taxes on Valentines Day

It was the only way I was getting fucked today.

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Nsfw My wife said we can do anal for Valentines Day

It made my day but made her hole weak!

Had me a Barack Obama valentines day.

Obama self.

Valentines day word

Q. Whats the most used word on Valentines day?

A. No

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.

February 14th.

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

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The #1 thing a guy wants for Valentines Day is Sex...

... And #2 is for his wife to not find out.

Picked up two HOT girls on valentines day ...

First time i ever had two HOT GIRLS at the same time.

I love driving for UBER.

If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...

that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

I’m not sure what this “Valentines Day” thing is...

Does it mean the day before “Half-Price-Chocolate Day?”

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake...

Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

What's the best part of Valentines Day?

The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

Alright, guys. It's that time of year again: I'm planning on taking my girlfriend out for Valentines Day

Can anyone recommend me a good girlfriend?

I am really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day.

I mean, I’d hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing.

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.

So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

I received a bunch of flowers for valentines day, with the heads cut off

I think I was being stalked

I finally found a date for Valentines day!

I wish I could write this in another sub

I used to open so many cards on Valentines Day.

Eventually the post office fired me for it.

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Just booked a table for me and the missus for Valentines Day knowing this is going to end in tears....

She’s shit at snooker

i want to buy my girlfriend a present within 200$ on valentines day any suggestions?

i also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 200$

(My only Valentines day related joke) If the Swan symbolizes happiness, what bird symbolizes true love?

The Swallow.

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For Valentines Day, I’m getting anal.

My husband is going to clean the kitchen MY way, no matter how clean he thinks it is.

I bought my girlfriend a pink vibrator for valentines day.

She told me as long as she has me she won't need it. I told her "actually that's what I'm here to talk about"

A brunette gets a bouquet of flowers for valentines day.

The other office women are admiring the flowers as they are delivered to her.

She then smirks and says to the crowd of women gathered around "I guess this means I will be spending the night with my legs in the air."

The blonde then says "Don't you have a vase?"

Three wealthy men were sitting at a bar the day after valentines day

The first man declared: “I love my wife so much I got her something that goes from 0 to a 100 in 4 seconds!”

The other men were confused until he said: “I got her a white sports car!”

The other men smile and one of them responds: “Thats funny because I love her so much that I got her s...

Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.

By taking down the Christmas tree.

"My brother was telling me he received a Valentines day card today"

"Awe, he must've been thrilled. "

"No, not really, it was from his cell mate. "

I'm going to spend Valentines day with my ex

Box one 😭

Remember proper protection this valentines day

Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits

Me and girlfriend don't usually do anything for valentines day, thought I'd surprise her so I booked a table for us, she was so excited when I told her

Never realised she liked snooker so much.

I made sure I got my wife exactly what she asked for this valentines day.

Hopefully she'll bake something nice with the assortment of flours I bought her.

Valentines day is here....

But i have nothing to be happy about ... things are so bad even my fantasies wanna be just friends.

Ill be spending this Valentines day like Han.

Solo.

How do you kiss a girl on valentines day?

You use tulips.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentines Day...

...the side chick is you.

Something on Valentines Day I just don't get...

Laid.

I want to create a VR girl/boyfriend simulator for those alone on Valentines Day...

I shall call it, E-Bae

what's the worst thing you could get your special someone on valentines day?

a divorce

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My girlfriend told me that on valentines day she wants to get treated like a princess

So I got her assassinated in a French underpass.

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