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Indian student in USA(NSFW)

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

It's a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore....

Just bought a T.V. and it said, "Built in Antenna".

I don't even know where that is!!

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved...

To Non-USA Redditor’s

You all thought trying to enjoy Reddit without enduring US politics was hard?

Welcome to 2021 where we introduce you to our stock market!

When I was young, I brought a pie to the USA, a pie to Russia, and a pie to North Korea.

All because my maths teacher told me to carry pie to 3 dismal places.

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The president of the USA is meeting with the president of Russia at Moscow

The USA president sees a red button next to his chair, hr presses it once and a ice water bucket falls on his face, he press it second time and the chair gives him a punch, he presses third time and the chair kicks him out.
Few months later the Russian President comes to Washington, he sees a red...

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

What do Michael Jackson and USA have in common?

They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.

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A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt thes...

In Russia its called corruption, in USA

we don't talk about it.

2 foreign immigrants have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other,

''"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she s...

Two black guys are in prison in the USA

\- How long are you in for?
\- 20 years
\- What did you do?
\- Nothing.
\- That's ridiculous, usually nothing only gets you 10 years.

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

Is it true that there is freedom of speech in the Soviet Union the same as there is the USA?

In principle, yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the Washington Monument in Washington, DC, and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished. In the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square in Moscow and yell, ´Down with Reagan!´, and you will not be punished.

What's the difference between North Korea and the USA?

In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.

In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

A Russian, went to USA for an eye check up

The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Russian: Read ??? I even know this guy, he’s my cousin.

The USA proudly declares they're "exporting democracy" whenever they invade a country

I understand why they have to do it at gunpoint. It's generally tough to sell the junk you have no use for yourself anymore.

A man goes on vacation to Israel with his wife and his stepmother.

While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.


The people there told him:


"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free. ...

Where was the flag of USA first hoisted?

On the pole.

So it turns out Trump can no longer screw the USA over

As he seems to have an electoral dysfunction.

The Pope visits the USA.

When he arrives at the airport, there is a group of people chanting "Elvis, Elvis, Elvis!" The Pope is a little confused, then says: "I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. God bless you and your families."

Later, when he arrives at his hotel, there is a bunch of people welcoming him there as well....

What is the country close to USA?

USB.

I have two really good Spanish friends in the south of the USA that I want to visit some day

They're called Louise y Anna

The presidents of USA, Canada and Mexico got together...

...to discuss on who has the most loyal citizens.

The Canadian president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Canadian to jump off a roof. He doesnt want to.

The Mexican president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Mexican to jump off a roof. H...

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam...

In the USA, a driver gets stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Standing column.

Suddenly someone knocks on the side window. He lets down the window and asks: "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped President Trump. They are demanding a ransom of $ 100 million or they will pour...

All the foreigners know the USA is still number 1...

when you dial from overseas.

An American, a Brasilian and an Argentinian go take a test together

In it, they all have to get in a plane, take off, go to random location, and just by putting their hand out of the window mid flight, they have to guess if they are in their countries or not and why.

First goes the american, who says:
- We are in the USA, i can feel the freedom of democrac...

I don't get the reasoning behind switching to Daylight Savings Time in the USA

I guess I'm still in the dark.

What is Fozzie Bear’s favorite place to visit in Indiana (USA)?

Misha-waka waka

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The Memory Man

An Englishman was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the mountains of Nevada. He was chatting to the barman when he spotted an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” asked the man.
“That’s the Memory Man.” said...

If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?

Dead.

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If the USA was a TV show...

...it's now in those later seasons where it really starts to turn to shit.

What do you call a brain eating parasite in The USA?

Malnourished.

Since the Covid outbreak began, I own the quietest bar in the USA...

Bar none.

Ques.) Do you know what comes after USA?

Ans.) USB

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A world champion in grizzly bear hunting wanted to shoot a polar one

He's got yet another prize in USA for hunting grizzlies, proving he's the best there is. Doesn't matter how hard it would be to hunt one, he would track them and hunt them.

One day he wanted the challenge, and thought he would step up his game and hunt for polar bears. He's no expert in polar...

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "ho...

What’s the difference between USA and Middle Earth?

Two Towers

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An American, a Chinese and an Indian went on a world tour by Air.

The American proudly declared "we have reached my homeland USA" pointing at the Statue of Liberty.

After some hours, the Chinese pointed at the Great Wall of China and exclaimed "friends, we have reached China".

More hours went by and all eyes were on the Indian. He calmly opened the w...

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My favorite sex position is called the USA.

It's where I get fucked by a bunch of rich folks and then left to rot afterwards.

Congratulations USA

Zero school shootings so far this year.

In which regard is the USA better than Canada?

The USA has nicer neighbors.

Timezones are so cool

Australia is in 2021


USA is in 2020


North Korea is in 1963

If Russia interfered in USA elections, that proves the system works just a little

At least someone's vote counts

The Soviet army is marching in Finland

They hear a voice from the other side of a hill, "one Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers."

The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, "one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers."
...

New car factory in USA

As I understand it the Audi car company are opening a new factory in Texas to produce a new SUV to be called the Audi Neighbour.

Why didn’t USA switch from pounds to grams?

Because of mass outrage.

IN USA we have a type of joke called

Donald Trump.

What's the best country in the world?

The USA

What's the Muslims' favorite state in the USA?

Alahbama.

USA

The land of the free

What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane ? (Substitute 'litre' for 'gallon' if reading outside of USA)

Water because butane is a lighter fluid

Coronavirus arrives in the USA.

Mexico: So, about that wall......

Why is the legal drinking age 21 in the USA?

So the liquor can age properly

What's the difference between USA and North Korea

North korea cant tell if their leader is seriously dead and USA cant tell if their leader is dead serious.

USA: Home of the free*

*some terms may apply.

What starts with Co-, ends with -s, and has been a real scourge to the USA lately?

Congress.

Fortnite is like the USA

It used to be good and free, now it's neither.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about the USA?

Because Freedom rings

An old man's dream

"I dream to be the president of USA just like my school friend." an old man said.

"Who is your friend , Biden or Trump ?"

"Neither. His name is Kanye West"

"But he is not the president of USA"

"Correct, he dreams to become the president."

Police in USA

They do breathtaking work

What’s the difference between the USA and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

The USA may still have a beauty pageant. The current projected winner?

Miss Information

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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, ...

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Pro Tip: Make sure it says "Made in the USA" on your bottle of Viagra...

If it says "Made in Moscow", you will run the risk of the Russians meddling in your erections.

What’s a question you can ask a fat hooker in both the USA and UK?

“How many pounds are you?”

What was so wrong with USA...

...that they had to go and make USB?

In the USA you can bear arms

In mother Russia we arm bears

I used to be elite back in my country, but then I moved to the USA

Now I'm just 1:37 PM

A Muslim man came to the USA many years ago.

He found love, got married and had a son.

The son eventually graduated University, found a wife, got married and moved away for job reasons.

Unfortunately, one day the old man's wife passes away, leaving him alone in his house with a huge garden.

After a lot of grief, the man ...

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of
America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter....

An Australian gets off the boat in 1930's dust bowl USA and wanders around the land a while.

The harbor master meets him at the shore and asked him...why are you here now?
Did you come here to die??
Naw mate... I came here yesterdie.

This is actually a true story, when I was 17 I had a choice to study in Canada or the USA. I chose Canada because it was less expensive

In retrospect I dodged a bullet, maybe multiple bullets

New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so?

New Jersey had first choice.

A Pinoy dies and goes to hell...

A Pinoy (Filipino) dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the...

What is both legal and cool, pleasant and healthy, free and highly profitable, securing and freeing - all in one, and is available only today?

Voting in USA

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

The USA’s greatest achievement wasn’t putting a man on the moon

It was putting a man on the moon and doing all the calculations in imperial units

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Two Italian men are on a bus tour of the USA...

...and an American woman sitting behind them overhears their conversation. "Mi go first, then two asses, then I cum, then two asses again, then I pee pee pie." "What the hell?!" gasps the woman. "We don't discuss our sex lives in public here let alone a sex life as weird as that!" "Hey, ista ok," sa...

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Three Surgeons meet in a bar...

Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was...

What did the back-then USA president commented about the USSR during a press conference at the mere start of the Cold War?

"If those reds wanna be commies, then **SO BE IT**"



My first actual english joke-pun, please don't be harsh xD

How can you tell the uzi wasn't made in the usa

If it was it would've been a BigMac

Brazil has half the number of guns in comparison to the USA but twice the number of deaths by gunshot, you know what that means?

That Brazilians have a great aim.

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, take...

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies,

You'd almost think the whole country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

Why is it impossible to find decent poutine in the USA?

Because they left the curds to rot.

Nobody knew about Soleimani in USA before he was killed.

You could say he blew up overnight.

Did you hear silicon valley is seceding from the USA?

Theyre forming the USB

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Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

When it comes to measurement

The USA has a foot fetish.

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A black man from the USA, 200 cm tall, enters a coffee shop in Ukraine.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. An Ukrainian, 210 cm tall, enters the tavern, sits across the American and orders vodka.

The American, wanting to look superior, takes his whiskey and drinks it all at once.

So then the Ukrainian wanted to show that he can do it too, so he takes his v...

In the USA, before walking in the bathroom you’re an American, and when you walk out of the bathroom you’re an American. What are you when you’re inside?

European.

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A luxury airplane is flying over Europe, carrying five passengers: representatives from England, Japan, USA, Canada, and Russia.

The pilot emerges from the cockpit, interrupting their conversation. "Slowly but surely, we are falling. I will attempt to crash-land as smoothly as possible, but I urge you to jump out with a parachute."

After briefly explaining how to use the parachutes, the pilot goes back to the controls....

While the pope was visiting the USA,

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the ...

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War - Canada vs. USA

Newfoundland, Canada, declares war on the U.S.A!!!

President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh?
I am callin' to ...

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