What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

Who lives on the streets in Oklahoma?

The oklahomeless

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

I asked my friend what it was like living in Oklahoma

He said it's OK

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry”

“... but you can’t count Missouri twice.”

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding

The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" "I'm a juggler" says the clown.

"Alright" says the trooper, "If you juggle for me here, I won...

I don’t care where states are located

If Oklahoma was right next to Maine that would be ok by me.

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on th...

So today my six year old daughter ask me where she came from.

Now, I’ve always said, when she asks, it means she’s ready to hear the truth, and I will explain the truth as best I can and it’s appropriate for her age.

So, I explain to my six-year-old daughter, the facts of life. To which she replies, “wow my friend Debbie said she came from Oklahoma.”

Pickup line

Are you from oklahoma? Cus you’re just ok

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?

Because they can't spell "mediocre".

What do you call a handicap sticker in Oklahoma?

A high school diploma.

What do you call an explosives specialist from Oklahoma?

OK boomer

What do you say to an old professor at the University of Oklahoma?

OK sooner.

What's the difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombings?

Once again, foreigners can do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently.

Why did all the Indians leave Oklahoma?

Broken Arrow, Broken Bow, and Nowata.

(These are names of cities in Oklahoma)

the story of jimmy the dumb student

there once was a boy named jimmy who studied in an elementary school in a small town in oklahoma,

this kid was so stupid he didn't understand anything at all, no one liked him, his teacher ms. dorothy always yelled at him: "jimmy you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

one day his mom c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Oklahoma and a guy from Texas are in the restroom of a road house having a piss.

The guy from Oklahoma finishes up first, zips up, and makes for the door. The Texan says over his shoulder "In Texas they teach us to wash up after going to the toilet." The Okie replies "That's funny, in Oklahoma they teach us not to piss all over our hands."

Why is Oklahoma so windy?

Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows

My friend says Oklahoma is a terrible state.

I think they’re OK.

Have you ever been to Oklahoma?

It might be worth going, the state is OK.

It's sad really, Texas has two professional football teams,

But Oklahoma doesn't have any.

I vote we move the Redskins there.

A friend bought two tickets to the Alabama-Oklahoma Orange Bowl game but can't go.

He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize that the game is on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...



It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3:00 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too........

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Oklahoma police officer explain the black man who had been shot 10 times?

The worst suicide case he had ever seen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is the state of Oklahoma gay?

Not if you say no Oklahomo

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods

when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help...

I have two friends who are both from Oklahoma.

They’re my Oklahomies.

Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently.

California said "It's not our fault."

People keep asking what I thought of my Oklahoma trip

It was OK

My daughter asked, "What was your favorite thing to do in your 20's in Oklahoma?"

"Leave."

Did you hear about the Aggie that moved to Oklahoma?

Raised the I.Q. of both states.

What do a Texas tornado and an Oklahoma divorce have in common?

Either way someone's losing a trailer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Texas Game Warden rolls up on a hunter...

One day a hunter was out duck hunting when a Texas Game Warden rolls up on him.

Game Warden: “What’s going on buddy? Looks like you hunting some ducks, huh? Looking down at the dead duck pile near him

Hunter: Nervous “Yes Sir.”

Game Warden: Picks up one of the ducks and sticks h...

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

Can't argue with that

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other " Which do you think is further away ... Florida or the moon the other blonde says HELOOOOOOO can you see Florida

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW She's Probably Right

A professor at the University of Oklahoma was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man drives his father casket back to mexico...

Man puts the casket in his truck and hauls his father from oklahoma back and gets pulled over in texas.

State trooper pulls him over. He asked the man for his license and registration with proof of insurance.

Man pulls out his credentials and hands it to the state trooper.

Troop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys (nsfw)

Three cowboys are sitting around a fire boasting about how tough they are.

The cowboy from Oklahoma says, "I was driving cattle last year, and was bit on the ass by a rattler. Finished the cattle drive. Took three days before I got the doc to look at me. Didn't shed a tear."

The cowbo...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Where are you from?" the bartender asks.

"Oklahoma," the guy replies. "Oh yeah?" the bartender asks. "Which part?" "All of me I guess," the guy says.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NYC Ad Exec has had enough...

So he buys five acres in Oklahoma to get away from it all and starts the ranch and farming life. He's been living there alone with no other human contact for seven months. One day, this mountain of a dude comes ambling up. He says, "I'm your next door neighbor, five miles down the road. There's goi...

Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo.

He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.

Southern University Psychology Joke

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he ...

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts reading the news on his Iphone.

"Wow, 'Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma!" the guy says. "They take that game very seriously there," the bartender replies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

Divorce

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.
"We can't stand the si...

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

A newly assigned DEA officer is out to make a good impression.

He pulls up to a ranch in Oklahoma, and gets out to find the rancher. He says to the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there...", as he pointed out the location.

The officer calmly replied, "Si...

Two Native Americans walk into a restaurant...

The concierge asks, "Do you have reservations?" One of the guys replies, "Yes; mine is in Oklahoma and his is in Arizona."

An Oil Baron wanted to do something for his three sons

A farmer from Oklahoma struck oil on his gigantic farm and thus became an oil baron. After amassing a Hugh fortune he decided he wanted to do something special for each of his sons.

He asked his oldest son, what he would like. The oldest son thought for a bit and said “ Im interested in airpl...

The man, the Curator, and the Wax Museum.

A man walks into a wax museum. Inside finds a display of little wick people on a giant map of the United States. However, one of the people, a cowboy is placed in New York City. He calls the curator and asks why that one isn’t over in a place like Texas or Oklahoma.

“Oh, Ed doesn’t fit in ...

I.T. auditor and a Blonde

At this point in time in the company, the periodical security audit came around. Everyone's passwords were purged and new ones needed to be implemented. As a bonus to help employees with the grumbling there was an award for the strongest password that was used without problem since the last audit. T...

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Correct Grammar

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where yall from?" The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is going away for a business trip and is afraid that his young beautiful wife will stray.

He goes into a sex shop hoping to buy a toy that will keep her occupied until he returns and after explaining his situation to the lady behind the till she shows him the shops best toy.

'This is a magic dildo' she says 'all you have to do is say 'magic dildo' followed by the name of what you ...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.