What do Mars and Oklahoma have in common?

A lotta red dirt and no signs of intelligent life.

A garbage man was doing the rounds one morning in Oklahoma

He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a guy sitting on the porch.

The garbage man called out. ‘Hey! Where’s ’ya bin?’

The guy replies ‘I’ve been in Florida’.

The garbage man says ‘No. No. Where’s ‘ya wheely bin?’

The guys says ‘I’ve really bee...

You ever been to Oklahoma?

Yeah, it's OK.

What is the difference between a Tornado in Oklahoma and a divorce in Mississippi?

I don’t know but someone is losing a trailer.

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

Divorced after 45 years.

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,

"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't ...

My friend asked me how I was enjoying my visit in Oklahoma's state capital

I said, "It's an OK city."

Southwest Kansas and the panhandles of Oklahoma and Texas have decided to secede from the United States.

They’re calling their new country Kotex.

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry"

"...but you can't count Missouri twice."

Who lives on the streets in Oklahoma?

The oklahomeless

How ironic, a tornado tore through Miss Oklahoma's vegetable patch the day after she was crowned Miss America.

She actually got whirled peas.

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"?

Because they can't spell "mediocre".

An Oklahoma State Trooper pulls over a circus clown for speeding

The trooper asks the clown "Why were you driving so fast?" The clown says "I'm headed to Tulsa for a circus show and I don't want to be late." The trooper asks the clown "What do you do in the show?" "I'm a juggler" says the clown.

"Alright" says the trooper, "If you juggle for me here, I won...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Texas got its name (If you are from Texas you may not want to read it)

These three cowboys were traveling south and finally crossed the border from Oklahoma into a new territory that was still owned by Mexico. As they sat down to make camp that night one of them looked around as the sun set over the horizon and asked his companions "what should we name this place? I am...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy from Oklahoma and a guy from Texas are in the restroom of a road house having a piss.

The guy from Oklahoma finishes up first, zips up, and makes for the door. The Texan says over his shoulder "In Texas they teach us to wash up after going to the toilet." The Okie replies "That's funny, in Oklahoma they teach us not to piss all over our hands."

What do you call a handicap sticker in Oklahoma?

A high school diploma.

I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but having second thoughts...

I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.

What do you call an explosives specialist from Oklahoma?

OK boomer

A friend bought two tickets to the Alabama-Oklahoma Orange Bowl game but can't go.

He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize that the game is on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...



It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3:00 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too........

Why is Oklahoma so windy?

Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows

My friend says Oklahoma is a terrible state.

I think they’re OK.

Why did all the Indians leave Oklahoma?

Broken Arrow, Broken Bow, and Nowata.

(These are names of cities in Oklahoma)

Praying hands

In Tulsa, OK, on the campus of Oral Roberts University (Oral Roberts was one of those famous money hungry televangelists) there is a giant statue of a set of praying hands. It was discovered one day that they had broken apart and separated. They had construction engineers, all kinds of equipment, ex...

Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently.

California said "It's not our fault."

My daughter asked, "What was your favorite thing to do in your 20's in Oklahoma?"

"Leave."

A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods

when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help...

What do you say to an old professor at the University of Oklahoma?

OK sooner.

Have you ever been to Oklahoma?

It might be worth going, the state is OK.

I have two friends who are both from Oklahoma.

They’re my Oklahomies.

Three new corpses are delivered to the morge one day, each with a smile on their face.

The mortician examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death.

"First body- Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face.

Second body- Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of ...

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is the state of Oklahoma gay?

Not if you say no Oklahomo

So today my six year old daughter ask me where she came from.

Now, I’ve always said, when she asks, it means she’s ready to hear the truth, and I will explain the truth as best I can and it’s appropriate for her age.

So, I explain to my six-year-old daughter, the facts of life. To which she replies, “wow my friend Debbie said she came from Oklahoma.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Oklahoma police officer explain the black man who had been shot 10 times?

The worst suicide case he had ever seen

People keep asking what I thought of my Oklahoma trip

It was OK

Did you hear about the Aggie that moved to Oklahoma?

Raised the I.Q. of both states.

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

Last month, I asked my dad if I could get a tattoo.

He told me to get it somewhere that didn't matter, so I got it done in Oklahoma.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Where are you from?" the bartender asks.

"Oklahoma," the guy replies. "Oh yeah?" the bartender asks. "Which part?" "All of me I guess," the guy says.

I don’t care where states are located

If Oklahoma was right next to Maine that would be ok by me.

It's sad really, Texas has two professional football teams,

But Oklahoma doesn't have any.

I vote we move the Redskins there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys (nsfw)

Three cowboys are sitting around a fire boasting about how tough they are.

The cowboy from Oklahoma says, "I was driving cattle last year, and was bit on the ass by a rattler. Finished the cattle drive. Took three days before I got the doc to look at me. Didn't shed a tear."

The cowbo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW She's Probably Right

A professor at the University of Oklahoma was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do y...

Can't argue with that

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other " Which do you think is further away ... Florida or the moon the other blonde says HELOOOOOOO can you see Florida

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and starts reading the news on his Iphone.

"Wow, 'Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma!" the guy says. "They take that game very seriously there," the bartender replies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are never too old to learn something new

You are never too old to learn something new...

I LOVE YOU IN 10 LANGUAGES

English

I Love You

Spanish

Te Amo

French

Je T'aime

German

Ich Liebe Dich

Japanese

Ai Shite Imasu

Italian

Ti Amo

Chinese

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man drives his father casket back to mexico...

Man puts the casket in his truck and hauls his father from oklahoma back and gets pulled over in texas.

State trooper pulls him over. He asked the man for his license and registration with proof of insurance.

Man pulls out his credentials and hands it to the state trooper.

Troop...

the story of jimmy the dumb student

there once was a boy named jimmy who studied in an elementary school in a small town in oklahoma,

this kid was so stupid he didn't understand anything at all, no one liked him, his teacher ms. dorothy always yelled at him: "jimmy you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

one day his mom c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

Four strangers find themselves chatting on a bus ride away from New York City

They talk for a while about who they are and why they’re leaving the city. There’s a loud and charming man looking for a new start away from the big city, a contortionist tired of all the hustle and bustle, a quiet girl who gave no explanation on her past, and a woman pregnant with triplets trying t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NYC Ad Exec has had enough...

So he buys five acres in Oklahoma to get away from it all and starts the ranch and farming life. He's been living there alone with no other human contact for seven months. One day, this mountain of a dude comes ambling up. He says, "I'm your next door neighbor, five miles down the road. There's goi...

Southern University Psychology Joke

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he ...

A newly assigned DEA officer is out to make a good impression.

He pulls up to a ranch in Oklahoma, and gets out to find the rancher. He says to the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there...", as he pointed out the location.

The officer calmly replied, "Si...

Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas are all about to Outlaw Interstate Begging

These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.

Two Native Americans walk into a restaurant...

The concierge asks, "Do you have reservations?" One of the guys replies, "Yes; mine is in Oklahoma and his is in Arizona."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Correct Grammar

A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly and all said, "So, where yall from?" The Wisconsin girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from Oklahoma sat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is going away for a business trip and is afraid that his young beautiful wife will stray.

He goes into a sex shop hoping to buy a toy that will keep her occupied until he returns and after explaining his situation to the lady behind the till she shows him the shops best toy.

'This is a magic dildo' she says 'all you have to do is say 'magic dildo' followed by the name of what you ...

I.T. auditor and a Blonde

At this point in time in the company, the periodical security audit came around. Everyone's passwords were purged and new ones needed to be implemented. As a bonus to help employees with the grumbling there was an award for the strongest password that was used without problem since the last audit. T...

You may have heard on the news about a southern Californian man...

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive...

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

2016 has done the impossible

It claimed the life of Chuck Norris.

"Carlos Ray "Chuck" Norris (born March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter died this morning in his house in Oklahoma at the age of 76. He is feeling much better now and has fully recovered from this minor annoyan...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.