Nato Jokes

No Action, Talk Only

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied “first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets”.

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

“We are civiliz... read more

NATO has more than just Turkey and Greece

'Oh, Crimea river.'

It’s good to know their application is Finnish.

A russian general goes into a coma in December 2021 ans wakes up in March 2022. His assistant is updating him on the latest development:
- General, tov. Putin ordered a special operation against Ukraine, which is actually a war against NATO to establish world dominance in the next 100 years. So f... read more

A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:

"We are at war with NATO!"

"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"

"Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand art... read more

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice.

Just thought of this.

They need protection from Ukraine.

“Hi, what is going on ?:”

“Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.”

“And how does it look like ?”

“Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.”

“And NATO ?”

“Did not arrive yet.”

A BAOR^* captain goes into a brothel and wishes the madam a good evening, and asks "How much would you charge for the pleasure of my company?"

"One hundred and twenty-five Deutschmarks, if you please," she answers. The captain nods agreement, takes out his wallet and hands over a few notes,... read more

... and asks for the news.

"Well, we're fighting in Ukraine - defending our motherland from NATO, and deciding the future of the world"

"How is it going?"

"Well, we lost over 15.000 soldiers, hundreds of tanks, hundreds of aircraft, it's a grinder"

"And NATO?"

"NAT... read more

Two men talking at the bar:

\- So, whats new?

\- NATO is at war with Russia

\- Oh, so how it's going?

\- Russia lost couple thousands of their soldiers including their elite squads, over hundred helicopters and planes, couple hundreds of armored vehicles and tanks, three ... read more

also austria is not part of nato

Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO!

"What's the difference between a Russian tank and a Hoover vacuum cleaner? "

"The Russian tank has 4 dirt-bags in it."


Apparently this joke comes from an OLD soviet-era General who apparently liked to tell it almost any time he gave a speeches to his NATO counterparts.

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"... read more

Spoken by a NATO general it means his soldiers are too tired and would not be able to attack without heavy losses.

Spoken by a Russian general it means his supply of men has been exhausted i. e., there are no alive men left to send.

One type joke from back in the Soviet Union was a Radio Yerevan Joke, in which Radio Yerevan would make a witty subversive reply to various queries. Anyway, here's a new one I saw about the present war:


"This is Radio Yerevan. Our listeners ask us: 'According to Putin, what is going on ... read more

While working a NATO conference at the Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe, Private Jones, of the US Army had some free time. So he found his way to the closest pub, and finding all the bar stools taken, he asks to sit down at a table filled with 3 older gentleman wearing uniforms.

A b... read more

Russia says it will begin patrolling with nuclear submarines again for the first time in 20 years. Nuclear subs that are 20 years old? I didn’t know Russia had Subway.

In Texas, a husband and wife are blaming one another for sending ricin-laced letters to public officials. As the saying goes,... read more

NATO

Border security stops him for questioning.

Security: "Name??"

Putin: " Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin"

Security: "Occupation?"

Putin: "Da!"

Security: "End date?"

Putin: "NATO"