One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry

My friend asked if I had one superpower what it would be

Apparently Russia is not what he was looking for .

I have a superpower

I can use the heat generated from cellular respiration to make the muscles in my arms contract
Not to flex or anything...

I just realized I have a superpower

I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them.

It takes a while though.

What is your superpower?

-what is your superpower?
•"Hindsight"
-That wouldn't help much
•"yes, I see that now"

Professor X: What’s your superpower?Me: Hindsight Professor X: That’s not going to help us

Me: Yes, I see that now.

Guys I think I have a superpower

I'm invisible to girls

If your superpower is to shapeshift, do not transform into an Indian garment

Or you'll be Sari

What is Green Arrow's superpower?

He can turn left whenever he wants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.

I just discovered another one of my superpowers:

I can put a song in someone's head during casual conversation, because that's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call transsexuals with mutant superpowers?

Ex-Men.

I have a superpower.... I can stop a bullet....

... once...

If you had to choose one superpower to have forever

please legalize weed if it's Russia. Thanks in advance.

Superpowers....

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
-
“No”, she replies sleepily.
-
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me havin...

Courtesy of The Legendary Ken M; The ideal superpower is invisibility...

Because it allows you to keep an unseen lookout for perverts in the women's locker room.

"With my sonic superpowers I shall call myself....

...TINNITUS!"

"Tinnitus?"

"Yeah! Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?"

What would be the most useless superpower?

How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you're playing a trumpet.

A man with electric superpowers beat up an innocent woman...

He was charged with battery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a team of superpowered coyotes, raccoons, and vultures?

The Scavengers.

My superpower is being able to talk to dead people...

they can't talk back, though.

If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...

Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear

A good Russian joke about Russians :)

It goes smth like this (I may have modified some parts slightly so that it would sound better in English).

For their new research, several sociologists have designed a device that registers every expletive used in the immediate vicinity to determine how often swearing words are used by differ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

Applying for jobs like...

**ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:**

Hiring recent college grads

**REQUIREMENTS:**

5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

A man went to the wishing well.

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a...

There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.



The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman was flying around metropolis one day...(NSFW)

...Minding his own business when all of a sudden he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on a roof. Wonder Woman appeared to be pretty amarous, as she was squirming around, moaning, and rubbing herself.

Superman:"Man, that's pretty damn hot. I know what I'll do. I'll fly down and use my supe...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman.

He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath.

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