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Superpower Jokes

Professor X asks: What's your superpower?

Mutant: Hindsight.

Professor X: That's not going to help us at all!

Mutant: Yes, I see that now...
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Superpowers

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took about an hour longer than I thought it would though.
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I have the superpower of stopping a speeding bullet!

But just once.
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What is Green Arrow's superpower?

He can turn left whenever he wants.
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One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world

Then you'll all be sorry
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New superpower

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his superpower is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".
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Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...
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I have the superpower of invisibility

... at least that's how they treat me.
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Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...
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Pick a super power

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and starts chatting the bartender up. "If you could have any superpower which one would you want?" he asks the bartender. "Cold war Russia, I guess," the bartender replies.
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You can tell that Wolverine is a Canadian character written by an American

His superpower is healthcare
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TIL that Drax recently discovered a new superpower… The ability to speak to others telepathically.

“Now”, he says… “I just have to figure out how to hear them back.”
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Being Vegan gives you a superpower

The power to annoy all of your friends.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a superpowered stripper?

The Flash

Did you hear about the two Nuclear superpowers that got into an argument?

No? Well, they had a Fallout.
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Superpowers....

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
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“No”, she replies sleepily.
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“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me havin...
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As an American looking at the situation in Afghanistan

It's good to see that, even decades later, the freedom fighters we trained can still drive out a superpower.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man goes to a tent that houses a machine that's labeled "Name a superpower you want and I'll tell you what negative effect it will have"...

He inserts the superpower of "waterbreathing" because it had been his dream since he was a kid to swim really deep.



The machine whirrs for a minute and then dispenses a slip.



He flips over the slip and it reads: "Your penis would become so small, it'd be almost non-exis...

Women gain a superpower when they hit 30

Invisibility
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What would be the most useless superpower?

How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you're playing a trumpet.
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I have a superpower

I can use the heat generated from cellular respiration to make the muscles in my arms contract
Not to flex or anything...
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What do you call a group of drug dealers with superpowers?

The Powder Rangers.
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I have a superpower....

...Being invisible to girls
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When a surveyor on the street asked me what superpower I'd like to have...

...apparently, the last answer they were expecting was 'China'.
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I just discovered another one of my superpowers:

I can put a song in someone's head during casual conversation, because that's the way, uh huh uh huh I like it, uh huh uh huh...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had any superpower in the world...

Nobody better say shit about the ghost in the girls locker room!

"With my sonic superpowers I shall call myself....

...TINNITUS!"

"Tinnitus?"

"Yeah! Doesn't it have a nice ring to it?"
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a team of superpowered coyotes, raccoons, and vultures?

The Scavengers.

Courtesy of The Legendary Ken M; The ideal superpower is invisibility...

Because it allows you to keep an unseen lookout for perverts in the women's locker room.
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If your superpower is to shapeshift, do not transform into an Indian garment

Or you'll be Sari
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If I could have 2 superpowers..

I would have Russia and USA
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If you had to choose one superpower to have forever

please legalize weed if it's Russia. Thanks in advance.
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My superpower is being able to talk to dead people...

they can't talk back, though.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.

To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.

"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.

"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.

Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit car...

If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man...

My superpower would be foiling crime...
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My friend asked if I had one superpower what it would be

Apparently Russia is not what he was looking for .
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If I could have a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.

If I have one fault, it's never seeing things through.
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I'm half Spiderman, half Batman

Half without superpower, half without money
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

If you're an X-Men fan, then every Kirby game is a Rogue-like

You run around stealing superpowers, after all.
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We used to call my grandad 'Spiderman.'

He didn't have any superpower or anything like that...He just struggled to get out of the bath.
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A man and his son were talking.

'Dad, what's your favourite superpower?' - Son

'Hindsight' - Man

'But dad, that's not even a power' - Son

'Yes, I see that now' - Man

Overheard this in a restaurant today and it cracked me up.
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Boy says goodbye instead of goodnight

So a boy and his family are praying, and after they finished praying, it’s their tradition to say goodnight, and go to sleep.

So the boy says, goodnight mama, goodnight papa, goodnight grandpa, goodbye grandma.

At the time, they didn’t really think much of it, and the boy didn’t even ...
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The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.

So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.

"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."

The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who wil...
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Applying for jobs like...

**ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:**

Hiring recent college grads

**REQUIREMENTS:**

5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.
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There was a movie about a Mexican girl that was bitten by a radioactive salmon..

and of course she gained superpowers and became Salmon Ella.



The movie did great in Mexico, but unfortunately just made American audiences sick.
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A man went to the wishing well.

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman was flying around metropolis one day...(NSFW)

...Minding his own business when all of a sudden he noticed Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on a roof. Wonder Woman appeared to be pretty amarous, as she was squirming around, moaning, and rubbing herself.

Superman:"Man, that's pretty damn hot. I know what I'll do. I'll fly down and use my supe...

future*

I recently discovered I have a mediocre superpower, and I didn't know where else to share it. I can see into the futuer, but only to correct my own typos.
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I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman.

He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

About an inch

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.

The US says "we have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."

Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and t...

A good Russian joke about Russians :)

It goes smth like this (I may have modified some parts slightly so that it would sound better in English).

For their new research, several sociologists have designed a device that registers every expletive used in the immediate vicinity to determine how often swearing words are used by differ...
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Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...
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Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear
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Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...
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